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News | Anorak - Part 673

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We don’t just report off-beat news, breaking news and digest the best and worst of the news media analysis and commentary. We give an original take on what happened and why. We add lols, satire, news photos and original content.

Bam Ham Slam – Thank You, Ma’am

‘BRAD should take a leaf out of Sly Stallone’s book – now there’s a guy who knows how to please a woman.

Sensitive, articulate, refined

When not beating his meat in an abattoir as Rocky or hiding behind bushes as …

Posted: 30th, August 2002 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Rooms For Rent

”’WANNA SLEEP IN MICK’S BED?” enquires the Enquirer, above a picture of the wrinkly rocker.

Man of mystique with a place on Mustique

Er… not really, no, but what is the relevance of this line of enquiry? It’s news because …

Posted: 30th, August 2002 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Lest We Forget

‘IT’S that time of the year again when, on the anniversary of her death, Hello! mourns the loss of its favourite cover girl and tries to boost circulation by publishing yet more tributes to Diana, Princess of Wales.

Di was

Posted: 28th, August 2002 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Her Light Shines On

‘ALTHOUGH she plagued her royal relations when she was alive, in death Diana is the biggest asset the Windsors have, and her influence is still being felt today.

Di’s friends remember her as she would have wanted

”Would the Golden …

Posted: 28th, August 2002 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Pain In The Arse

‘IT’S not every fairytale that ends happily ever after, even if your names aren’t Charles and Diana.

”Ouch! I felt a little prick”

And we should pity poor newlyweds Kym Marsh and Jack Ryder who, Hello! is sorry to tell …

Posted: 28th, August 2002 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Snapping Out Of It

‘THERE are many ways to approach Michael Jackson’s nose. Iconic object, medical curiosity, aesthetic statement…

Is his nose out of joint?

One thing we can all agree on, however, is that it is a delicate creation, and should be handled …

Posted: 23rd, August 2002 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Daddy’s Girl

‘THE KING of Pop was once married to Lisa Marie Presley, daughter of the King of Rock.

Nic battles pre-wedding jitters in his special wedding jumpsuit

Exactly what went on in that particular marriage is a secret that only Bubbles …

Posted: 23rd, August 2002 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Comfi-Slax King

‘THIS story is brought to you by the makers of Comfi-Slax, the adjustable trousers for men of stature.

Dad?

We are proud to announce our association with Peter ”Big Elvis” Vallee, the 550lb Elvis impersonator who has been treading – …

Posted: 23rd, August 2002 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Stepping Down The Aisle

‘WE’RE in familiar territory in this week’s Hello!, where an obscure singer has just got married in a ”fairytale wedding”. These are not the nuptials of Kym Marsh and Jack Ryder (see OK!), but of Faye Tozer and Jesper Irn.…

Posted: 21st, August 2002 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Love Me Tender

‘ALSO tying the knot in this week’s Hello! are Lisa Marie Presley and Nicolas Cage, daughter of the dead music legend and nephew of the star director respectively.

The groom also wore white

”Despite the couple’s Hollywood credentials, the top-secret …

Posted: 21st, August 2002 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Baby Talk

‘NOW that Nicolas and Lisa Marie have made it legal, it surely won’t be long before they hear the pitter-patter of little blue suede shoes around the house.

One of the lovely things Damian has taught Liz

But Liz Hurley …

Posted: 21st, August 2002 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Neverending Story

‘NO PRIZES for guessing the big story in this week’s OK! magazine. It’s the wedding of Jack Ryder and Kym Marsh, and OK! has the ”WORLD EXCLUSIVE” – which must have annoyed all those American magazines desperate to pay top …

Posted: 20th, August 2002 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Better Late Than Never

‘KATE LAWLER graces the pages of OK! this week, and the Big Brother winner’s chosen venue for the photo-shoot is Highbury, home of Arsenal Football Club, the great love of Kate’s life.

Arsene – just a minor figure at Highbury

Posted: 20th, August 2002 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Alex Cleans Up

‘ALEX from Big Brother is busy cleaning up as a result of his new-found fame, cashing in on his notorious fastidiousness with a new television ad.

Next in line to feel Alex’s wrath

In case you haven’t seen the ad, …

Posted: 20th, August 2002 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Historical Continuity

”’PRINCE Andrew is set to receive a multimillion-pound windfall from the sale of Sunninghill Park,” reports Hello!, after the Queen agreed to allow him to buy the place freehold from the crown.

”I love being a Windsor!”

She had originally …

Posted: 15th, August 2002 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Atherton Off The Mark

‘EVERYONE in Hello! seems to have a new baby – with the exception of Cherie Blair, whose miscarriage is unaccountably given two pages of coverage in the current issue – and thus the unlikely appearance of taciturn Michael Atherton in …

Posted: 15th, August 2002 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Hoffman In Chair Scare Shocker

‘POOR old Dustin Hoffman. As if his unscheduled appearance as a pundit on Big Brother wasn’t bad enough, he seems to be surrounded by misfortune.

The stuff of Dustin’s nightmares

First there was the heroic saga of the stranded marine …

Posted: 15th, August 2002 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Running Scared

‘BRITNEY is on the brink, according to this week’s big National Enquirer feature story. The booze and the heartache are all played out in minute detail, but the most shocking news comes on the gossip pages at the back of …

Posted: 15th, August 2002 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Holy Odd Couple!

‘AS Bruce Wayne and his youthful ward Dick Grayson, aka Batman and Robin, actors Adam West and Bruce Ward were a byword for teamwork. Some even suggested that their close on-screen relationship had undertones of homosexuality.

”Holy cow, Batman! Not

Posted: 15th, August 2002 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Sum Of All Fears

”’YIKES!” shrieks the Enquirer. ”Stars’ bizarre phobias turn Hollywood into Hollyweird.” And in the spirit of sympathy and compassion for which it is justly renowned, the magazine proceeds to list the foibles and fears of Tinseltown’s finest.

Woody wonders whether

Posted: 15th, August 2002 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

‘THE news on Jenna Jameson and Britney Spears has no doubt cheered men up considerably, but the Enquirer’s report on Pamela Anderson could bring them back down to earth again. ”Baywatch babe could go bald and may lose her bodacious …

Posted: 14th, August 2002 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Tarted Up

‘THE only good thing about Kate Lawler being in the Big Brother house was that she couldn’t talk to OK! magazine. But now the ”blonde, beautiful, confident, funny” Kate is on the outside once more, and she’s giving an interview …

Posted: 14th, August 2002 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Named And Shamed

‘IN another hymn to blondeness, OK! also interviews Kerry Katona this week. It wasn’t so long ago that Kerry was telling the magazine’s readers all about the heartbreak she suffered when a lapdancer told the tabloids about her stag-night fling …

Posted: 14th, August 2002 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Golden RULERs

‘OK! itself has come up with a clever nickname for ”the most desirable men on the planet”. ”They’re roguish, unattached, loaded, eligible romeos – or ‘R.U.L.E.Rs” and they are ”the charismatic cads who are impossible to tame”.

The new RULERS

Posted: 14th, August 2002 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Going The Gay Way

‘BRITNEY Spears might have an image so clean that it squeaks, but this week the Enquirer smears that image with whipped cream and encourages it to jelly-wrestle with one of America’s top porn stars.

More than a girl…

”Britney Spears …

Posted: 14th, August 2002 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0