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News | Anorak - Part 673

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We don’t just report off-beat news, breaking news and digest the best and worst of the news media analysis and commentary. We give an original take on what happened and why. We add lols, satire, news photos and original content.

An Everyday Tale

‘IN days of yore, Lady Helen Windsor was a darling of the tabloids with a tabloid nickname to match – Lady Helen ”Melons” Windsor.

Lady H had a feeling she was being stalked by Superman

These days, however, the only …

Posted: 15th, May 2003 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Here’s Looking At You, Kidd

‘YOU have to hand it to the toffs – they can breed.

Auntie Jodie had ruined the dining room table

Norway’s Princess Martha Louise and husband Ari Behn show off their first born, Maud Angelica in this week’s edition of …

Posted: 15th, May 2003 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


A Swede And A Leak

‘HOW did the news that celebrity shagger Ulrika Jonsson and Lance Gerrard-Wright were engaged leak out?

Lancelot and Lanced-a-lot

Well, the news broke on a visit to her future in-laws’ house in Folkingham, Lincolnshire – and the culprit appears to …

Posted: 15th, May 2003 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Cover Girl

‘WHILE Neighbours brings us Natalie Imbruglia, Jason Donovan and, or course, Stefan Dennis, Brookside has also provided TV light entertainment with some faces.

Not-her-own material girl

Anna Friel has worn some decent outfits and had her picture taken, oh, dozens …

Posted: 13th, May 2003 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


If The Cake Fits…

‘LAST time we saw Tania Bryer she was up to her neck in the world’s tallest fairycake.

Tania shows off the style that made her Reader’s Wife Of The Year

It was the birthday of either Francesca or Melissa, her …

Posted: 13th, May 2003 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The White Stuff

‘RUNNING OK! magazine presents some real challenges. After all, do you put the story of Atomic Kitten going to the funfair ahead or behind the tale of how Victoria Beckham wore a dress?

Martine, Martine, give us a wave

Thankfully, …

Posted: 13th, May 2003 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Elvis Lives

‘THERE is sensation aplenty in Hello!ville as it is reported on the magazine’s front page that Elvis is alive.

‘Daddy’s shadow is awful big…’

To give full throat to the magazine’s headline story, the joyous news reads: ‘Lisa Marie Presley …

Posted: 9th, May 2003 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


So Solod Crew

‘XENIA Gorbachev has much to thank her dear old grandfather Mikhail for.

‘And then this pigeon…’

If it weren’t for him, her wedding to Kirill Solod would have been a date with pickled herring (both kinds), vodka that guarantees to …

Posted: 9th, May 2003 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Mumba One

‘FAME is a cruel mistress. How was Samantha Mumba to know that after meeting and talking about marriage and kids with boyfriend Mark Henderson (known later in the piece as Mark O’Connor) she would make it big?

‘Anyone remember my

Posted: 9th, May 2003 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


And Baby Makes Two

‘CELEBRITY decoding No.43: ‘My baby always comes first.’

Like father, like daughter-in-law

This has one of three meanings. It either means ‘My career’s on the skids and I’m stuck at home with nothing better to do’ or ‘I can’t get …

Posted: 9th, May 2003 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Lancaster Bombs

‘WHEN Penny Lancaster gave up modelling, she became Rod Stewart’s girlfriend. And a photographer.

Penny and her assistant

As the former, she has done an excellent job. Mind you, as the only qualifications are being blonde and leggy and as …

Posted: 9th, May 2003 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Bit Of An I Do

”WHEN you’re young, gorgeous, successful and in love, what better way is there to seal your devotion to one another than to organise a glamorous, star-studded wedding?’

The soon to be former Mrs Murphy

A fair question from OK! – …

Posted: 9th, May 2003 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


A Dog’s Life

‘BY our reckoning, Jennifer Lopez has at least two wedding dresses hanging up in one of her many walk-in wardrobes.

She’ll be all white on the night

But that’s not enough for the big-bottomed diva, who has apparently splashed out …

Posted: 9th, May 2003 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Flood Warning

‘WE’LL all be talking about Jennifer Lopez’s wedding dress for a long time to come, says someone has seen it – which means we’ll probably still be discussing it at her fourth wedding.

Staci denies copying Britney

We’ll probably also …

Posted: 9th, May 2003 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Livin’ Doll

‘HE’S got himself a cryin’, talkin’, sleepin’, walkin’, livin’ doll. He’s gotta do his best to please her, just cos she’s a livin’ doll.

”I’ll never lay my hands on another woman again”

He’s got a rovin’ eye and that …

Posted: 23rd, September 2002 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Fat Of The Land

‘IT’S a little known fact that in Australia all the best pineapples and lemons are exported, leaving the locals to feast on a misshapen mush of unappealing failures while we happy foreigners dine on perfection.

Jono tried in vain to

Posted: 23rd, September 2002 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Rock The Kass Bah

‘HANDS up all of you who went to the Elvis Does Vegas party at the Kass Bah? So that’s everyone.

”Know who I am yet?

But since you all went in costume it is hard to see who is under …

Posted: 23rd, September 2002 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Would You Adam ‘N’ Eve It?

‘WHO’S that giving Hello! a revealing interview ”about marriage, compromises and the dramas of shooting their film”?

”Lawks, me Brad Pitts are spillin’ out”

Why, if it isn’t Guy Ritchie and his trouble and strife, Madonna.

Cor blimey, guv’nor, it …

Posted: 19th, September 2002 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Trude Awakening

‘TO paraphrase Leo Tolstoy: All cute babies are alike; all ugly babies are ugly in their own way.

Dad

And they don’t come much uglier than the little bundle of joy that ”celebrity vet” Trude Mostue and fiancĂ© Howard Thomas …

Posted: 19th, September 2002 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Sting

‘HOW do you say ”I love you”? If you’re a hip and with it young thing, you say it in a text message: ”I LV U.”

”Ooooh! My ring!”

If you’ve just had a Botox injection, you will have enrolled …

Posted: 19th, September 2002 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Diamonds Are Forever

‘BUT the Enquirer has news to gladden Melanie’s heart as it unveils a seven stone diamond and gold eternity ring.

It says it all

This ring really is for keeps, and who wouldn’t want to stare in awe at the …

Posted: 19th, September 2002 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Maid For Pleasure

‘BUT what if your love knows no price? Well, then you look for other ways to show your love for your other half.

Cooks, cleans, irons. Maid’s uniform optional. $5/hr

You could do what Mike Myers did and wipe your …

Posted: 19th, September 2002 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Tara Gets It Off Her Chest

‘RANK the following three objects in order of usefulness: 1) A chocolate tea-pot; 2) An ashtray on a motorbike; 3) Tara Palmer-Tomkinson’s bikini top.

”See – nothing!”

A pat on the back for all those who came up with the …

Posted: 19th, September 2002 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Who would have Gest it?

‘WHEN Liza Minelli walked down the aisle with 113th husband David Gest in March, she looked (in the estimation of no lesser authority than the National Enquirer) ”radiant”. And the magazine has a picture of the diva with her mouth …

Posted: 17th, September 2002 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Green-Eyed Monster

‘IF only it were that easy for Brad Pitt to keep Jennifer Aniston happy. The Enquirer reports on the ”cheating secret” that is wrecking the Hollywood golden couple’s wedding.

Brad took to wearing a false beard to escape his wife

Posted: 17th, September 2002 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0