-
26th, November 2003
Gunners’ Glory
‘THE debate here at Anorak Towers is intense. How long will Jonny Wilkinson occupy a spot on the back page? Watch out, watch out… Already, if the Telegraph is any guide, his name is on the slide. Today he is relegated to playing seconds string to the news that Arsenal have managed to transfer their [...] Read More »
Back pages -
26th, November 2003
Debs Do Paris
‘WITH the Paris Haute Couture Crillon Ball just moments away, Hello! takes a look at ‘seven of the world’s luckiest young women’ who will walk out that night. ‘Style, Costanza. You’ve either got it or you haven’t!’ Costanza della Gherardesca is looking nice and plump for her big day. As the daughter of Count Gaddo [...] Read More »
News -
26th, November 2003
Modest Ambition
‘SOMEONE else who could be having a Christmas turkey one day is Andy Scott-Lee. Andy Scott-Lee – where is he now? For those who don’t know, Andy is the brother of Lisa Scott-Lee and the boyfriend of Liberty X’s Michelle Heaton. It’s the kind of family tree that should guarantee Andy at least five minutes [...] Read More »
News -
26th, November 2003
Crowe’s Nest
‘DO you know what Russell Crowes greatest adventure is? Go on, have a guess. ‘Can I read my poem now?’ Russell might not like what you say and beat you to within an inch of your life, but thats just his muse getting the better of him. Nothing personal. Still dont fancy it, eh? Ok, [...] Read More »
News -
26th, November 2003
Down The Tuba
‘LIKE us you will have noticed that the tuba is not as prominent as it once was. So too the bassoon. A bunch of bassoons But with Estelle Morris, the arts minister, on the case, both instruments will rise once more. The Guardian says that Ms Morris intends to bring her insipid approach to politics [...] Read More »
Broadsheets -
26th, November 2003
The Riyadh Thing
‘HAVING just seen how it doesn’t do as it says on the collection tin, the Independent points its readers’ attention to a tin of another sort. ‘Do you want a Big Mec and Haj fries with that?’ This one is painted red with white writing on it. It contains a cola-based soft drink. Any guesses [...] Read More »
Broadsheets -
26th, November 2003
Beggars’ Belief
”HIYA! Any chance you can spare just a wee minute of your time to talk about social issues?’ (Smile.) ‘Do you think asylum seekers shoul be a) shot, b) hanged, c) made to play cricket?’ Hmmm, I’m in a hurry and… ‘That’s great! (Grin.) Now there are important choices for the future. Choices not just [...] Read More »
Broadsheets -
26th, November 2003
GI Janes
‘IF you have pounds, prepare to shed them now – there’s a new diet in town. ‘And it was then that I discovered the GI Diet’ Other fad diets – the high-protein, low-carb Atkins diet, the high-sex McCutcheon diet and the chop-your-left-ear-off Van Gogh diet – may come and go. But – like the American [...] Read More »
Tabloids -
26th, November 2003
Thong For Guy
‘IT’S not only Pop Idol contestants who have to take the brickbats with the bouquets; the judges don’t get off completely either. G-strung Durch Technik And this morning it is Simon Cowell, spotted on a beach in Bermuda, who gets a going over from the Mirror. The good news, it says, is that he has [...] Read More »
Tabloids -
26th, November 2003
True Idols
‘WHEN Englands 30 victorious rugby players returned to Britain early yesterday morning having won the World Cup, they were welcomed home a crowd of some 8,000 people. ‘And my next song is by The Wonder Stuff. It’s called The Size Of A Cow’ When Pop Idol wannabe Sam turned up at the Alhambra Shopping Centre [...] Read More »
Tabloids -
25th, November 2003
Back From The Dead
‘AS Christmas time approaches, its nice to see the producers doing so much to help struggling pensioners. ”I knew I should have turned myself in instead” Out of the kindness of their hearts (I cant see what other reason theyd have), theyve ensured that Bet Lynch and Liz McDonald wont go cold and hungry this [...] Read More »
Strange But True -
25th, November 2003
Great Dane
‘WHEN OK! asks Dane from D-Side whether he has any celebrity friends, it is rather like asking Leslie Ash if she’s got big lips. D-Side and their aptly named album Of course, Dane’s got celebrity friends. ”Liberty X headlines the first tour we were on and we’ve been on a few good nights out,” he [...] Read More »
News -
25th, November 2003
Taking The Pee Out Of Lisa Scott Lee
”’PEOPLE who make money from taking the pee out of people should be shot,” says Leslie Ash – a sentiment with which we heartily concur. ”I bet you can’t guess what colour my knickers are” But what does OK! make of this suggestion, given that its Hot Stars magazine exists precisely for that purpose. For [...] Read More »
News -
25th, November 2003
Lips Stick
”’ELLE boude comme une truite.” ”Ha una faccia come un pesce.” ”Mein Gott! Ihre Lippen schauen, wie sie durch einen vollständigen Swarm der Bienen gestochen worden waren.” ”I’ve got to go to a court herring” Eager as ever to help, we at Anorak have quickly compiled our very own Leslie Ash phrase book to help [...] Read More »
News -
25th, November 2003
Running Of The Cows
‘THE Welsh town of Cowbridge is planning to mark its 750th anniversary with a replica of the famous Pamplona bull run except with heifers. Hundreds of young men gather in Pamplona in northern Spain on the first day of the festival of San Fermin every year and, traditionally dressed in white shirts and red [...] Read More »
Strange But True -
25th, November 2003
Beadle’s About
‘WED like to start by saying a hearty thank you to Jonny Wilkinson for his kind words. To play such a big part in your success needs no thanks. Your success is all the reward we need. The Jonny Wilkinson Memorial Hall That said, we hope that Arsene Wenger can be equally inspired when he [...] Read More »
Back pages -
25th, November 2003
Thanking God
‘LET me pray. Id like to thank God for giving me the buttocks to sit on this chair, the money to buy a computer to write on and the desire to sit up all night watching television. A divine Messenger Its good to thank the Divine one for things once in a while. Take celebrities [...] Read More »
Big Brother TV -
25th, November 2003
Online Dancing
‘HOW popular the new football laureate’s chants will prove to be is something that only time will tell. ”Roulez le baril” They might make it to the airwaves in a pub near you if, as the Independent reports, the jukebox goes the way of the snob screen and spitoon and is replaced by a new [...] Read More »
Broadsheets -
25th, November 2003
World In Motion
‘ENGLAND might be world champions in rugby, but rugby songs have never truly taken hold. Modern dance has been very popular in football Most care not a jot if your balls hang low and dangle to and fro, whether you can indeed f**k a Wallaby or if you get carried home in a chariot, the [...] Read More »
Broadsheets -
25th, November 2003
Entente Cordiale
‘AFTER the circus of George Bush’s mission, the arrival of another President appears as a mere sideshow. ”I favour the quick withdrawal approach” But already the visit of President Jacques Chirac of France has created a moment that will reverberate throughout history. The cover of the Times shows Tony Blair and the French president posing [...] Read More »
Broadsheets -
25th, November 2003
The Naked Truth
‘AS Kylie Minogue promises a new demure look and promptly flashes the flesh for Vogue, we learn about a new device that can turn all of us into pop starlets at the flick of a switch. Early trials weren’t always 100% successful The Millimetre Wave Camera is a security scanner that has been developed to [...] Read More »
Tabloids -
25th, November 2003
Chain Reaction
‘IF we locked people up to spare us from their publicity stunts, former S-Clubber Rachel Stevens would be another one looking at a spell in chokey right now. ”Do you want me to sing?” Her debut solo single Sweet Dreams My LA Ex may have all the excitement of a funeral dirge, but our Rachel [...] Read More »
Tabloids -
25th, November 2003
Bongo Bongo Land
‘FOR some the glass is half full, for others it’s half empty, and for the Express it’s in thousands of different pieces on the floor with the contents spilling out of it. Our cup overfloweth… The paper that makes the Mail look like a spring lamb on Prozac is determined to rain (bombs) on the [...] Read More »
Tabloids -
24th, November 2003
Kings Of The World
‘ONLY a few years ago, Clive Woodward was being ridiculed after his Judge us on the World Cup boast backfired on him, courtesy of Jannie De Beers record five drop goals. Guess who? Now, as a World Cup-winning coach, Woodward not only looks odds-on for a knighthood but is seemingly being lined up to rescue [...] Read More »
Back pages -
24th, November 2003
Choc Horror
‘ONE hundred staff at the Bank of Scotlands offices in Edinburgh were evacuated after a hold up by a chocolate Santa. The offending article was picked up by an X-ray machine in the post room and string on its wrappers mistaken for wires. The building was evacuated but luckily the sender of the chocolate [...] Read More »
Strange But True
Galleries
Most Read
Follow Anorak
Anorak Spots
Recent Comments
Anorak is an independent online sensation exposing prejudice, inhumanity, stuff shirts, misogyny, a biased news agenda, conformity, misanthropy, spin and the worst and best of human culture in words, pictures and video.
- Editor: Paul Sorene
- Tech editor: Ashley Norris
- Features Editor: Ed Barrett
- Viral Editor: Mike Kritharis
- Archivist: Rupert Youngman
- Lead moderator: Cartimandua
- Special reports: Alan White
- Video: Tom Mayhew
- Consumerism: Karen Strike
- Tech support: Sheldon Daniels
- Server/PHP support: Pale Purple
- Glam Media Advertising
- Contributors: David Burge, Burt Kearns, Victor Olliver
- Interns
- Advertising