Fools And Their Money

‘A FOOL and his (or her) money are soon parted, or so the saying goes.

The 419ers hard at work

And it is very hard to feel sorry for the victims of what is known as the advance fee fraud …

Beyond A Joke

‘IF morale among American troops in Iraq wasn’t low enough after months fighting off ambushes and guerrilla attacks, they have just had to contend with a visit from Robin Williams.

Another Vietnam

No prizes for guessing the words with which …

The Lost Sheep

‘“THERE shall be more joy in Heaven over one sinner that repents than over 99 righteous persons who do not need to repent.” (Luke 15:7)

”I’ll be painting the town red”

Don’t worry – we haven’t had a Damascene conversion …

Staying Put

‘THE votes were counted and the results of the contest to find the FIFA World Player of the Year revealed that Zinedine Zidane is No.1.

A Real possibility?

The Mail ignores a picture of that Real Madrid star to lead …

A Dry Wit

‘IN some part of the world alcohol is seen as the Devil’s brew.

Given the prevalence of booze-fuelled crime, this might well be a valid point.

But some counter the claim – people like Mohammed Ali bin Hj Ibrahimn, a …

The Ring Cycle

‘LORD Of The Rings was to no-one’s surprise named the country’s most popular book in BBC’s The Big Read, despite the fact that we would wager a lot of money than many of its supporters had never read a page …

Posh Nosh

‘BEHIND you! Behind you! Behind YOU!!!!!

The face that launched a thousand products

Too late! Just as Natasha Hamilton has finished talking about how painful it is to talk about her weight, Posh is back.

This time, she’s in the …

Nice Tash

‘HAVING viewed the epitome of modern-day celebrity in all its gilded talent, we now take a gander at a pretender to Posh’s throne.

Natasha denied that her baby already had an eating disorder

And that means an interview with Natasha …

Picture This

‘THE celebrity body mass index dictates that there must be no fat on the star’s frame whatsoever.

Try out Anorak’s new ‘Scratch & Sing’ technology

To cover the noise of bone on bone grating, the celebrity needs to wear jewellery, …

It’s Gym Life

‘ARE mobile phones the new cigarettes?

”I can bench press nine lovers at the same time”

If current trends continue, smokers will soon only be allowed to practise their art in five designated areas in the whole country – three …

Reflected Glory

‘IT has long been acknowledged to be the case that celebrities go out in public wearing hats and sunglasses to ensure that members of the public recognise them.

”Know who I am yet?”

What could be more humiliating than walking …

Death Penalty Shoot-Out

‘IT’S only just over 48 hours since Saddam Hussein was captured, but already questions are being asked about what is next for the former Iraqi dictator.

”And this is the State Banqueting Hall”

And chief among the issues to be …

Lord Of The Pies

‘IT’S too early to say for sure but, looking at the detritus of last night’s supper, there might be a few flakes of liver and assorted organs that someone can make use of.

”Look, there’s someone I recognise”

Jeffrey Archer, …

Organ Peddle

‘AS you carve the seasonal bird, take care with those giblets. Today we launch our Anorak donor campaign and want you to help those less fortunate.

”Psst. Lend us a kidney, love. I’m nipping down the shops”

We want you …

Tony’s Little Helpers

‘WHY not get into the Christmas spirit of peace on earth and good will to all men by doing as the Sun invites us to do and hanging Saddam Hussein from your tree?

This happy brood…

”There are plenty who …

The Rumer Mill

‘NOW that Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow have managed to get married in secret, how do we know who else has got hitched without us knowing?

Bruce, Demi and their kids

The Enquirer suggests that Bruce Willis is secretly engaged …

Aniston – And On And Off

‘FRIENDS star Jennifer Aniston is said to be “heartbroken” after learning that her beloved dad John will soon become the victim of the serial killer who is terrorising Salem.

”It’s the Pitts”

As indeed she might be. It is always …

Julia Roberts: An Apology

‘WE would like to apologise to actress Julia Roberts if in the past we have in any way implied that she was responsible for the break-up of husband Danny Moder’s first marriage.

An old bike

We now recognise that Miss …

A Great Year?

‘IT has been a great year for British sport – or at least that’s what they told us last night prior to announcing the BBC Sports Personality Of The Year.

Wilkinson prepares to kick

But when two of the five …

Hard Time

‘IN Soccer’s Hard Men, Vinnie Jones was the eponymous hard man.

”Is that a weapon I see before me?”

In Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, Vinnie was a hard man. In Mean Machine, Vinnie Jones once more adopted the …

Edinburgh’s Rock

‘WHEN you peer though the phalanx of minders around Prince William, you soon realise that “he’s only human”.

William is no small geyser

The robotic eyes and ears are a myth born of jealousy and made up to hurt.

The …

Most Wanted

‘“ALL I want for Christmas are my two front teeth…”

”I hope the elves are alright”

Ah, the simple innocence of youthful desire. Time has moved on from such humble wishes and now, as junior wanders wide-eyed through Santa’s megastore, …

No Lee Way

‘THERE were three shepherds, three wise men, Baby Jesus (of course), the Virgin Mary, Joseph, an innkeeper and his wife and a couple of angels and archangels.

”And who let Jews in?”

But nowhere in the nativity play is there …

Say Hello, Wave Dubai

‘A FEW years ago, Middlesbrough mayor Ray “Robocop” Mallon might have visited Saddam Hussein’s Iraq to pick up a few ideas on zero tolerance policing.

The proposed new sands at Redcar

But, with Saddam gone, Mallon has gone instead to …

Saddam Busted

‘WE’VE been here before. Only a couple of months ago, Scotland Yard’s finest were supposed to have tracked down Lord Lucan, only to discover that the man in question was a heavy drinking Lancashire folk singer by the name of …