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Kennel Club Announces Amnesty For British Bulldog
FAREWELL the British bulldog, noble hounds with face like a British football hooligan swallowing defeat.
The Times says the bulldog embodies “defiance and pugnacity”. And it is to disappear.
New breeding standards instigated by the Kennel Club means the new Bulldog will have a “shrunken face, a sunken nose, longer legs and a leaner body”.
It’s new Bulldog for a new modern Britain.
Says Robin Searle, of the British Bulldog Breed Council:
“Snuffle, thrwwwwt, snort, pant, pant, thrwwwwwffff.”
Translation:
“What you’ll get is a completely different dog, not a British bulldog.”
The Kennel club says:
“The breed standards have been revised so they will not include anything that could in any way be interpreted as encouraging features that might prevent a dog breathing, walking and seeing freely.”
Such as chewing a wasp, biting the legs off a German stormtrooper or too much real ale.
There is to be a Bulldog Amnesty:
* All existing bulldogs will be placed on a rack and stretched.
* Bulldogs to be required to attend a “Dog Brothel” and couple with Afghan Hounds and Lurchers
* Anyone sporting a bulldog tattoo will be required to have the image altered to reflect the breed’s changes. Fat men are encouraged to get “long and lean”.
* British bulldog, favoured game of the school playground, will be rebranded “EU Dog Pile”. Doggers will be required to desist form slapping people in the head as they run to safety and instead be encouraged to photograph them and report all suspicius activities to the Spy In The Sky. CCTV will observe.
* There will be version for Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland.
* Images of Winston Churchill be photoshopped to give him added height, a longer nose and darker skin.
That is all.
Posted: 14th, January 2009 | In: Media, Photojournalism Comments (9) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink
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January 22nd, 2009 at 5:10 pm
Its about time. I work in a vets and see first hand the shocking state of these poor dogs and other breeds like them. Ive had to watch my own breed, the Stafford, become more and more warped by the show set. He is now a characature of the original 1935 registered breed. Thankfully for the Stafford there are breeders out there who do not give two figs for ribbons and cash, and breed them true to the old standard, allowing those of us that love our dogs to own fit healthy animals and not a pitopotomas.
Ill also throw into the mix, a little off topic, that the original taller rangier Stafford (bull and terrier) was in fact the true representative of the bulldog of old.
In American Pit Bull Terrier circles the breed has been referred to as “bulldogs” for well over 100 years.
The KC bulldog was a freakshow bred for showing and never function. a mix of working bull and terrier/bulldog and pug, much the same as teh poor Bull Terrier, with its rugby ball shaped head was also bred for fancy, resultign in todays deformed and mentally challanged dog.
American Bulldogs arose from the introduction of the show bulldog blood and other mastiffs, to large catchweight APBTs to produce a powerful boar hunting dog. It is highly unlikey it is directly decended from the bulldogge of old.
Another bulldog to be distorted from its true for, which is the APBT/ bull and terrier is teh boxer. Again an exaggeration of the original dog by way of infusing in the froggish show bulldog into the lines. There are very few Boxers out there with the physical and mental capabilities to do a days work in its original context.
January 17th, 2009 at 1:46 am
abou time too.. the “British bulldog” as we now know is not the traditional bulldog of britain-the current dog was crossed with pugs by the victorians following the ban on baiting. old paintings and even early photos of bulldogs clearly show that the wonston churchill type bulldog is nothing like the true bulldog. this altered breed was done by ppl to make a tenacious dog easier to handle for shows… the show ppl have ruined a great many breeds, its about time they were made to undo the damge.
For a good idea of what a real bulldog is lok at american bulldogs..they are closest o the real oldschool english bulldog that was used to catch escaped bulls, and drag cattle to slaughter-as well as the obvious bating.
January 15th, 2009 at 6:29 pm
People aren’t slating the breed, just the irresponsible breeders.
I have goldies, bred by caring people, but there are a lot out there who abuse the system.
I have also been involved with rescuing whelped bitches and puppies from farms who couldn’t give a shit about the dogs’ welfare, whatever their breed.
January 15th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
i have three bulldogs all have no health problems at all , my 2 girls have been mated naturally not by ai and have delivered healthy offspring , i find it very offencive that people slate this wonderful breed without knowing anything about it . leave our bullies alone !!
January 14th, 2009 at 9:31 pm
I have a bulldog and he is the best dog i have ever come across, yes they have health problems but to me my own bulldog is perfect and i wouldn’t change him for the world. Don’t comment on bulldogs if you have never had one caus you cant knock them till you have tried them. lol
January 14th, 2009 at 1:37 pm
Nothing wrong with the breed , they are nice dogs, but like all breeds fashion dictates some extremes of physical traits
January 14th, 2009 at 1:19 pm
different view if you own one, an amazing breed. would not change mine for the world. they are perfect in every way
January 14th, 2009 at 10:04 am
Oh yes! As Churchill would say
January 14th, 2009 at 9:59 am
Thats good news , poor buggers have to be artificially inseminated and whelp by c- section as their heads are so big they can’t be delivered by vaginal delivery, and the dam has problems breathing anyway.