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Breaking Media, Politicians & Celebrities Since 1995Tabloid news for broadsheet readers |
NICK Clegg, the LibDem leader says he will listen to “ordinary people”. And in listening to ordinary people, he and politicians like him will “act on what they hear”. Act… like what actors do.
So here’s the Lib Dem campaign video in which ordinary actors speaking from ordinary scripts tell us what they want…
NICK Clegg is calling.
So Nick Clegg plans to annoy the hell out of 250,000 people after his speech by cold calling homes in the Lib Dems 50 target seats.
Obviously this isn’t the same Nick Clegg who launched the ‘Faceless Britain’ campaign in February against the Government’s alleged reliance on call centres and the lack of “face-to-face contact.”
He said at the launch: “With every year that goes by, more and more services that used to offer face to face contact are being replaced by systems that are centralised, remote and inhuman. We are seeing the progression of an unaccountable state, creating increasingly remote systems that are divorced from the people they are supposed to serve.”
Obviously…
NICK Clegg believes in change. So does Barack Obama.
Joe Biden wants to be Neil Kinnock. Obama fancies himself as Clegg, the originator of change…
LEMBIT Opik. Call Lembit Opik.
After the Cheeky Girls, comes Indiggo, two Romanian identical twins who wear very little clothes, sound like a cat being backcombed by Anthea Turner’s teeth and want to be fay-mooose.
One’s called Gabriella and the other’s called Michaela.
Both are on America’s Got Talent.
Call Lembit Opik…
RISK:
Liberal Democrats : Flood insurance must cover those at most risk - Webb
Commenting on the announcement that insurers have agreed to cover households with a flood risk of up to one-in-75 years, Liberal Democrat Shadow Environment Secretary, Steve Webb said:
“It is all very well making insurance available, but it must be affordable to people living in the most vulnerable homes.
And how is that going to work? What he actually means is that he wants people to pay less than the risk demands, do you think the insurance companies are going to subsidize the bad risks?
No. And, er, no…
INSPIRED by Cheeky Girl Gabriela Irimia and Lembit Opik MP, Carla Bruni and Nicholas Sarkozy dated.
But whereas the French president and the Italian model married, the original pop-politics duo have, reportedly, gone their separate ways – she to the knicker section and he to Coventry.
LEMBIT Opik MP and his Cheeky Girl Gabi, Britain’s’ answer to Nicolas Sarkozy and Carla Bruni, are in Hello! talking about their engagement.
Says Lembit: “My fellow parliamentarians have always been very warm towards me and Gabriela. When she joined me in the Commons one evening, a queue of MPs formed to give her a hug and wish her well.”
You can picture the scene as John Prescott warms his hard on his tray of sweet and sour prawn balls and moves in for the interfratisulated clinch, asking her if there any more like her at ‘ome.
Hello! wants to know what the response has been like to the impending nuptials in Gabi’s native Romania?
“Everybody in Romania has followed every single step of our relationship,” says she,” and Lembit is popular there so the news has been well–received there too.”
Lembit Opik, Liberal Democrat MP for Montgomeryshire, is a hit in Romania? Anorak recalls how Norman Wisdom was big in communist Albania, and how David Hasselhoff achieved pop music success in irony free Germany. Is Opik the Tom Jones of the Carpathians?
IF the Asda job is going , then surely the supermarket’s marketing wonks should look beyond Carla Bruni’s backside and go for a patted arse we British can call our own, chiefly that of Cheeky Girl Gabriela Irimia.
And she is one of us, or very soon will be, as the Mail reports that Cheeky A is to marry Lembit Opik MP.
News is that the LibDem MP (Opik) proposed to his Cheeky Girl beside Rome’s Trevi Fountain.
NICK Clegg was a Tory?
THIS is an extract form Liberal DEmoctrat leader nick Clegg’s interview in GQ amgazine. It is beyond parody:
Piers Morgan: Was the invasion of Iraq illegal?
Nick Clegg: There’s a strong case to suggest it was in breach of UN resolutions, yes.PM: So, assuming it was illegal, would it be justified for Iraqis to exact revenge on Britain?
NC: I don’t think you remedy an act of violence like that.
PM: If Iraq had invaded Britain illegally, you would have said it was morally justified for us to attack them back, wouldn’t you?
NC: Yes, I probably would.PM: So why is it not morally justified for them to attack us back?
NC: I wish it was that simple.
LIBERAL YOUTH needs to be organised…
What do we want?
Whatever you want.
When do we want it?
Whenver…
TORY councillor John Ward has been musing on his blog about Shannon Matthews and social engineering.
Mr Ward, a 58-year- old bachelor, wrote:
“This is yet another example of ‘Breakdown Britain’… “Children become just a means toward that end, and are of themselves of little if any further significance in this new society.
“I think there is an increasingly strong case for compulsory sterilisation of all those who have had a second (or third, or whatever) child while living off state handouts…
“With over-population being the root cause of so much that negatively impacts Planet Earth, the very last thing the world needs is to encourage excessive breeding.”
Mr Ward has backtracked a little. He says: “I’m half-blind and missed out a word, I should have written ‘consideration’. I’m sorry if it has caused any problems.”
And in any case, as the Mail notes, the whole idea was to get people to think about issues.
Mr Ward is not voicing an opinion, rather joining the debate. He may be saying something unpalatable, but his rhetoric owes more to New Labour than the Nazis.
Oh, yes, the Nazis.
IN “My relationship with oddball MP Lembit Opik, and why I’m glad it’s over”, Sian Lloyd tells the Mail on Sunday that she has move on.
Lembik Opik is now entwined with a Cheeky Girl.
Readers who want to know how Sian has moved on can read A Funny Kind Of Love, by Sian Lloyd.
In this extract, Sian recalls Opik telling her about a paragliding accident he’d been in. She recalls his words to her: “The wind just went flat and the chute had deflated into a rag. I dropped 80ft, fell like a rock. I broke my back in 12 places. Then my ribs, sternum, jaw, and I lost four teeth.”
Sian listens. She looks. “I wondered if that explained his slightly twisted but interesting face.”
The wind changed. And Lembit stayed like that. If only Opik had met Sian earlier, she could have warned him what weather lay in store. But this is not about looking back. This is about Sian moving on.
VINCE Cable, the Lib Dem treasury spokesman, says High Street banks “had become the financial equivalent of a Wetherspoons pub - but with even less of a sense of social responsibility”.
Vince Cable says: “Just as binge drinking has become one of Britain’s main recreational activities, binge lending has now become a mainstay of the economy.”
Drinking can make you impotent. No, not important. He-he. No, drinking can can make LibDembs and their leader Nick Clegg “become separated from their cojones“.
No, not cronies. (Wipes tear from eye). Cojones.
And - he-he- the Liberal Democrats have promised to increase taxes on strong booze in a bid to tackle binge drinking.
Bean counters. All - ho-ho-ho - Mr Bean counters…
STEVE Webb, the Liberal Democrat’s environment spokesman, is sat on the GMTV Sunday sofa talking of his boss, Nick Clegg.
Says he: “Nick is experimenting with some sort of low-carbon moped for getting around London, so I’m sure there is photograph coming out of that.”
And one that should be reproduced for years and years and years to come…
Picture: Poldraw
SAYS Liberal Democrat MP Nick Clegg: “If the Government seeks to make ID cards compulsory on every British citizen, I will lead a people’s campaign to thwart the programme.”
A campaign for anonymity from a leading Liberal Democrat MP who wants to be party leader…
He has every chance of success…
Pic: Beau Bo D’Or
(Clegg is the one on the right or left)
NICK Clegg’s chances of winning the Liberal Democrat leadership are 4-9. He is the favourite.
This might be to do with his policies, or the fact that he is the most recognisable leading Liberal Democrat, albeit one often recognised as David Cameron chubbier and more conservative brother.
Clegg for leader is the cry. And, as the Times reports, helping him shake the tin and rattle his placard is Justine McGuinness. She is Clegg’s new spin doctor.
That’s right, she is the woman who once operated as Kate and Gerry McCann’s media operative.
And look how well known they are…
WRITES Menzies Campbell in his resignation letter - with notes (and in big print):
“When I was elected Leader of the Party in March 2006 I had three objectives.
Live long and prosper
First, to restore stability and purpose in the party following my predecessor’s resignation and the leadership campaign itself, second to make the internal operations of the party more professional, and third to prepare the party for a General Election.
I may be old with a well-developed sense of fun but I am not a drunk
With the help of others, I believe that I have fulfilled these objectives, although I am convinced that the internal structures of the party need radical revision if we are to compete effectively against Labour and the Conservatives.
It’s not me it’s the party, and the loud music
But it has become clear that following the Prime Minister’s decision not to hold an election, questions about leadership are getting in the way of further progress by the party.
Gordon Brown stole my pension
Accordingly I now submit my resignation as Leader with immediate effect.
I shall be enjoying a glass of Asti Spumante and watching Strictly Come Dancing of a night
I do not intend to hold a press conference or to make any further comment.
I can’t trust myself to remember all your names nor my teeth
Yours sincerely,
Sincerely, yours
Menzies Campbell”
The Anorak Big Book Of Menzies Campbell Anecdotes will be out in 2021
Pic: Beau Bo D’Or
