Politicans and world leaders making news and in the news, and spouting hot air
THE Story so far: John Prescott has written an autobiographical menu (surely book) and revels that he is a victim of an eating disorder.
In “My name is John Prescott and I do condensed milk,” Prescott says that stress of work caused him to “stuff my face with chips, crisps, trifle, chocs.” What with the biscuits and the secretary it’s a wonder he found room on his desk for any work.
Had that egg famously tossed at him been made of chocolate, Prezza would have opened his mouth and swallowed it whole. He’d then have sued the egg thrower for abusing his eating condition and causing him distress.
Now Prescott has had his say, the columnists are having theirs. Before we read of Prescott: My Addiction To Jags and Prezza: My Red Leather Trauma know:
FERGUS SHANAHAN (The Sun): “PREZZA STILL MAKES ME SICK”
“In a confession designed to flog his memoirs, the lardy old fraud says stress made him develop bulimia. He would stuff himself then nip down to the gents and stick his fingers down his throat. It must have been tricky when his trotters were up his mistress’s skirt.”
Readers versed in the Asda advertising oeuvre realise that Asda has less a face than an arse (no offence, Coleen), which is patted on the pocket to show how an hour a day running up the aisles looking for anything you’d want to eat keeps mums on a budget in shape.
The new arse of Asada is aid to be Carla Bruni, currently appearing as French president Nicola Sarkozy’s wife.
Being so much taller than her husband, these new ads could feature Bruni looking over the frozen curry croissants while Nicolas reaches up and with the aid of a baguette manages to tap her playfully on the backside.
AS we know, Chelsea Clinton is not being pimped out for her mother’s career.
Chelsea Clinton stopped traffic Friday night as she wandered the streets of Philadelphia on a gay bar crawl, winning rave reviews for both her politics and her appearance.
Led around the neighborhood by Gov. Ed Rendell, Chelsea was mobbed by local gays and lesbians, as she walked from one club to the next. They ran up to hug her, posed for pictures and certainly invaded her personal space.
What follows reads like a P-Town saucy seaside postcard:
“I grabbed her ass,” one young woman exclaimed to her friends after snapping a picture with her arm around the former first daughter.
“Are you going inside?” one woman asked.
“I don’t know,” Chelsea replied. “I’m mostly just following directions.”
KEN Livingstone or Boris Johnson? Newt or clown? Mirror or Sun.
The Sun’s Trevor Kavanagh says a vote for Tory mayoral candidate Boris will show Gordon Brown that the electorate have had enough of him and his party.
Over in the Mirror, Alastair Campbell says Boris (4-6 favourite) has a “silly name” and went to Eton. There’s a picture of Boris playing a charity game of football. “CHEAT,” says Campbell.
Boris, says Campbell, once described “blacks as ‘piccaninnies’ with ‘watermelon smiles’”. Boris apologised
Make your vote count…
NORTHERN Rock falls off a cliff taking a minimum £50 billion of public money with it. The 10p Tax Band to cushion poverty trap victims is abolished and 70 plus Labour MPs finally realise their jobs are up the creek unless they get off their well-fed rumps and do something?
The Royal Bank of Scotland is about to proffer the begging bowl to help pay for its unforced errors? Probably the first of many to do so…
So let’s get this right. Five and half million of the poorest and most disadvantaged people in Britain are being shafted by a Labour Chancellor in a reprise of the worst excesses of the robber Barons, meanwhile, failed and desperately seeking money, banks are still paying vast and obscene bonuses to the executives who have got it catastrophically wrong.
It MUST be me. I must be reading it all wrong. I think I’ll have a little lie down and maybe a mug of Ovaltine..with an Oxo cube chaser…maybe mum will put down the gin bottle long enough to read us all a Children’s’ Hour story. One about Muffin the Mule. That would be nice – AGW
News of John Prescott’ bulimia, brought to you by the John Prescott diaries, occupies the Mail, which has extracts from Prezza: My Story: Pulling No Punches.
As the Daily Sport puts it, this is the story of “SPEW JAGS!” the former Deputy Prime Minister.
Yes, we realise bulimia is no joking matter, and that it is not an eating disorder exclusive to females, it affecting one in ten males (Daily Mail fact.).
But when we hear that Prescott is about to speak in “his own words” it’s hard not to snort. We may even be one of the Mail’s cynics who “would say that his impressive girth makes him an unlikely candidate to be the victim of an eating disorder”.
We may ever wonder what overeating is if it’s not an eating disorder? We may even say that though it takes “vast quantities of condensed milk, digestive biscuits, Marks & Spencer trifles and junk food” to make Prescott sick, we only need a mental image of Prezza pulling down Tracey Temple’s leather trousers with his teeth as shards of sprayed biscuit get caught in the zipper.
The Bush episode features Capt. Joseph Kobes, as he attempts to win enough cash to pay off his parents’ home.
Kobes is an American hero, a Purple Heart and Bronze Star recipient who has served in Iraq three times – all three Gulf Wars wars, right George!.
Deal or No Deal is all about peering into the future, and guessology.
Four canvassers working for the Conservative Party are stood on the doorstep.
What ensues is a matter to be established, and of conjecture. Mr Richards is arrested and spends the night in the cells.
Says Mr Richards to a “pal” in the Sun: “One pushed me to the ground and hurt one of my fingers. I think I’ve broken it. I then got up and punched the canvasser.”
Vladimir Putin is the ferret-like 56-year-old Russian president. He has yet to official announce any separation from his 50-year-old wife, Ludmilla, says the Telegraph, which means he might not be with the lovely Polonium.
By way of background, readers learn that Ms Kabaeva has represented Russia at the Sydney and Athens Olympic Games. Ms Kabaeva is also a member of the Russian parliament.
And, according to the Moskovski Korrespondent newspaper, the couple are to marry in mid-June, little more than a month after he steps down as Russian president.
Might this be anew era for the secretive Putin, whose furtive eyes and narrow gaze mark him out as “one to watch” in Celebrity Big Brother 2009?
A LOOK at sexist comments made against Hillary Clinton…
The bitter battle to be London Mayor is not only a matter for the capital.
It could determine the course of politics across Britain for the next two years.
A win for Labour’s Ken Livingstone will be a devastating blow for Tory leader David Cameron.
The Mirror (“IT’S NOT BIG AND IT’S SNOT CLEVER”) sees Cardi wiping snot on the Tory leader’s back.
But did he do it?
The Mail says Cardi sneezed into his hand and wiped it deliberately in an up and down motion on Cameron’s suit jacket.
Cardi is issued with a caution for anti-social behaviour. The caution reads: “Anti-social behaviour towards David Cameron, namely sneezing in your hand and wiping snot down the back of his jacket.”
Says Cardi: “I sneezed in my hand and wiped it on him. It was just a joke.”
But was it a real sneeze?
At such times of uncertainty we turn to the BBC, which says: “A boy was cautioned by police after pretending to sneeze and then wiping his hand on David Cameron’s jacket as the Conservative leader visited Sussex”.
The sneeze was not real. Of course Cameron has been here before, chiefly when 17-year-old Ryan Florence fired a gun at him. On closer inspection, the firearm turned out to be imaginary, a thing made up only of Ryan’s fingers and a cocked thumb.
BARACK Obama says:
“You got into these small towns in Pennsylvania and, like a lot of small towns in the Midwest, the jobs have been gone now for 25 years and nothing’s replaced them. And they fell through the Clinton Administration, and the Bush Administration, and each successive administration has said that somehow these communities are gonna regenerate and they have not. And it’s not surprising then they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren’t like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations.”
For Clinton, the odds are the incident is too late to save her candidacy. But more Bittergates would increase her chances…
Will the Democrats nominate yet another out-of-touch elitist?
The Democrats are doing a fine job of helping McCain get to the White House.
It was said behind closed doors to the chablis-and-brie set of San Francisco, in response to a question as to why he was not doing better in that benighted and barbarous land they call Pennsylvania.
Barack Obama’s going to be the bitter one at the end of this.
By calling small-town Americans “bitter,” Obama has deepened a long-standing rift in the Democratic base. The party’s success in November depends on healing it.
Is Barack Obama’s small-town America really a land of bitter gun-toting, Bible-thumping racists? Or are they just God-fearing American patriots? Maybe we should ask his “typical white” grandmother.
Democrats—all but committed to this fresh, charismatic figure—are forced to deny or downplay the almost daily revelations about Obama that would have derailed less promising candidates already.
What’s a lot more interesting is the question of how Obama’s “bitter” comments made it into the public domain in the first place. As you may know, the Huffington Post blogger who broke the story was a paying guest at the $1,000-a-head fundraiser. Most conventional journalists would have treated the remarks as off-the-record and thus off-limitsBig Snob or Little Snob?
There are so many problems with Barack Obama’s comments about small-town America, it’s hard to know where to begin.
Barack Obama should be advised to meet as often as possible with skeptical, and even hostile, working people in Pennsylvania and elsewhere.
The secret story of how Obama’s gaffe made its way to the Huffington Post, of all places, and how it might affect campaign coverage from now on.
BARACK Obama says: “It’s not surprising then they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren’t like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations.”
Barack Obama, speaking in San Francisco of small-town voters.
Figure of Speech: polysyndeton (polly-SIN-deh-ton), the conjunction repeater. From the Greek, meaning “multiple connectors.”
While Figaro hates the sin, he loves the polysyndeton. Obama’s use of it, figuratively speaking, is especially deft. By linking a whole set of examples with the conjunction “or,” he conjures an image of lost souls casting about for meaning.
Of course, he must be taking his lines right out of the Republicans’ Democrat Stereotyping Book. Arrogant? Patronizing? Dismissive of deeply held values? Check and check and check.
McCAIN, Obama or Clinton. Lick a finger and stick it up…
GORDON Brown is in the US. So too is the Pope, Tony Blair’s special envoy.
A coincidence? The Guardian says the Pope’s visit is “threatening to overshadow Brown’s trip.
There is a risk that Americans who didn’t know who Brown was before his visit will be none the wiser by the time he heads home.
In any case, Tony Blair’s the President of England, right? Roll the tape:
NICK Clegg was a Tory?
Says Mr Davis of the youthful Mr Obama: “That boy’s finger does not need to be on the button.”
As the LA Times notes, this is “racially-charged, unacceptable and reminiscent of a time in America that fortunately is slipping from the memory of most”. It is not a cheery East End “‘Right, boy”, nor is it a call to hang out with the boys.
Mark Ambinder wonders: “When was the last time you called someone three years younger than you a boy?”
Oliver Willis describes it as a “bigot eruption”.Anyway, Davis has apologised. He writes:
GLOBAL warming and environment news from the European ‘Parliament‘:
“Seriously damaging the environment should be made a criminal offence in all EU Member States, so as to ensure that EU legislation is properly enforced, says the Legal Affairs Committee in a co-decision report, approved on Tuesday, on a proposed EU directive on the protection of the environment through criminal law.
MEPs in committee agreed that in principle governments should apply criminal measures to punish any illegal behaviour likely to seriously injure people or damage air, soil, waters, plants and animals, when committed intentionally or with serious negligence.
“The report, by Hartmut Nassauer (EPP-ED, DE) was approved by a small majority, with 15 votes in favour, 11 against and 2 abstentions”.
Can Cristiano Ronaldo be jailed?
KEN Livingstone has five living breathing, polluting children:
And nobody mentioned the green issue. Now isn’t that strange? Ken Livingstone, the London Mayor, who is resolutely committed to his blueprint for a sustainable city with zero-carbon emissions on new developments and £25 taxes on fuel-inefficient cars, turns out to have five children by three different partners, and not a peep from Left or Right about overpopulation. Funny that.
A guy buys the wrong sort of vehicle, runs it for a few hours each week, most of the time it sits in his garage doing nothing, using nothing, consuming absolutely nothing, and he’s a monster. Ken introduces five people into the world, people being the single biggest factor in the consumption of resources, people that need water, energy, food and shelter, that overcrowd the cities and invade the countryside, that cause CO2 emissions and generally stuff the place up and will continue doing so for roughly the next 75 years, and not a murmur.
And they probably don’t even flush the toilet…
THE McCanns are campaiging for improved child safety. Their daughter Madeleine McCann is missing.
They have not been charged with committing any crime. Yet an Anorak reader sends us this missive from Struan Stevenson, MEP:
Here is my reply to a letter of complaint to Struan STEVENSON MEP
‘Thanks for your email. I have agreed to join a number of prominent Euro politicians in launching a written declaration which seeks to create an amber-alert system in the EU, similar to that which exists in the US. While such a system will not stop child abduction it may help with the speedy recovery of dozens of children before they are spirited across borders. This has been the experience in the US.
As far as the McCanns are concerned, they are simply a focus for the launch of our initiative. No one, least of all they themselves, denies their gross negligence in leaving their babies unattended, however briefly, while on holiday. However, they have paid a heavy price for their mistake and I can only hope that people will have sympathy with their on-going plight.
Struan STEVENSON MEP
Vice President of the EPP-ED Group
Conservative Member for Scotland
DIZZY nots that DirectGov have launched a aservice that allows you to watch Government campaigns videos on your mobile:
Text ‘VIDEO’ to 64746 to download and share Directgov videos on your mobile. Standard network rates apply
Apparently you will be able to get videos such as “DVLA – Car Tax Evasion Campaign”. Honestly, I’m deadly serious.
Now tell me this. What sort of person is going to pay to text the Government and then pay network rates on top to watch a video telling them that is naughty to evade paying road tax?