Politicans and world leaders making news and in the news, and spouting hot air
SAYS political nodding head Steve Richards Independet column on Labour’s drubbing in the local elections:
It can be summarised in three words: “Brown is a disaster”
There’s only one word for that: magic darts…
The Mail listens in and hears Carla mention her trip to Britain.
Says she: “It was like arriving on another planet. Never in my life did I think I would meet the Queen of England.”
And what of that meeting in the Windsors’ rarefied air? She recalls how at Windsor Castle, Her Majesty showed Carla around and opened a door with a cheery: “Here’s your bathroom.”
Says the Mirror’s deputy political editor, Jason Beattie one page on:
“Gordon Brown was yesterday warned by Cabinet colleagues his core voters were being won over by David Cameron.
“One senior minister said former Labour supporters were not just ‘flirting’ with the Tory leader but climbing into bed with him.”
NELSON Mandela is on America’s terrorist watch list:
Nobel Peace Prize winner and international symbol of freedom Nelson Mandela is flagged on U.S. terrorist watch lists and needs special permission to visit the USA. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice calls the situation “embarrassing,” and some members of Congress vow to fix it.
“I am really looking forward to meeting all the voters there and to showing them the power of beauty,” says the Beauties for Britain Party representative, who may care to add the caveat: “weather permitting.”
There’s Garrett in the Mail, her tiara-topped bust alongside a picture of Tamsin Dunwoody, daughter to Gwyneth Dunwoody, who held the contested seat until her recent death.
Belfast’s Miss Dunwoody is blonde, so stands comparison with Xanthus Miss Garrett, who went to school in London and lives in Wales.
Up against her is the Tory’s Edward Timpson (brunette), who, as the Mail says, lives 15 miles from Crewe.
The contest is already “dirty”, says the Mail, as accusations fly as to which candidate is the most local.
Anorak has plotted a graph of the agonists localness, taking into account each of their movements since birth and now delivers the mean distance from Town Hall for each contestant.
NEW Polish Prime Minister, Donald Tusk says of Poland:
We have no oil and gas. We don’t have high tech. Our centers of development, are far, far behind others. We will never be an extraordinary tourist attraction. Poland is quite a mediocre country in some regards. The only natural resource that we have, and with which we can compete, is freedom.
Perhaps you’ve forgotten us. We are the tax paying, voting people. Remember the folks who put the X in the box in 1997, and waited with you, fingers and toes crossed, for the results to come in? The ones who sang to D:REAM as Michael Portillo was slumping, shell shocked into the background. We are the ones you said you’d listen to, and would work for. The plan was that you’d go in there, make them behave. Take away the power ball, and give it back to us. We made sure you got the job.
It’s a decent pun on Gordon Brown’s tax on household waste. And the pay-as-you-throw tax will be dumped.
The Mail has the scoop.
Or as the BBC puts it:
Trials of a scheme to tax householders who throw away too much rubbish are to forge ahead, Downing Street has said.
The Mail, of course, didn’t say which rubbish tax Brown would dump, only that he will…
RICHARD Littlejohn versue “pet” Polly Tonybee on the BBC.
Is there a third way?
OPRAH Winfrey leaves Rev. Jeremiah Wright’s church becasue “There is the Church of Oprah now”…
The notion that the Amazing Obama might be just another politician doing what politicians do seems to have affronted the senator more than any of the stuff about America being no different from al-Qaida and the government inventing AIDS to kill black people. In his belated “disowning” of Wright, Obama said, “What I think particularly angered me was his suggestion somehow that my previous denunciation of his remarks were somehow political posturing. Anybody who knows me and anybody who knows what I’m about knows that – that I am about trying to bridge gaps and that I see the – the commonality in all people.”
Funny how tinny and generic the sonorous uplift rings when it’s suddenly juxtaposed against something real and messy and human. As he chugged on, the senator couldn’t find his groove and couldn’t prevent himself from returning to pick at the same old bone: “If what somebody says contradicts what you believe so fundamentally, and then he questions whether or not you believe it in front of the National Press Club, then that’s enough. That’s – that’s a show of disrespect to me.”
And we can’t have that, can we?
TONY and Cherie Blair have purchased the former home of the late actor Sir John Gielgud.
A Mr Mark Rimell, a director of country house sales for Strutt and Parker, which marketed the property after Sir John’s death there in May 2000, tells the Mail on Sunday:
“When I first viewed the property, Sir John Gielgud’s Oscar was still sitting on the windowsill in the bathroom.
“The house even had its own stage, but overall it was looking somewhat tired.”
It’s a fitting sixth home for the Blairs, especially since Mr Rimmell says the home suffers from a lack of privacy: “You can be standing in one of the public rooms of Wotton House and get a clear view of the whole garden and some of the interior of South Pavilion.”
What good a pile if the plebs can’t see the common man of the people standing in it? It’s what socialism is all about.
But what will the Blairs do with the house when they’re not in residence? Will it pay for itself?
The smart money is on Blair Towers, the New Labour theme park with:
John Prescott Croquet Lawn
John Prescott Merry Go Round – drive a peddle-powered jag around a desk and see if you can catch woman dressed as a leather KitKat
Cherie Blair Supermarket Sweep & Grabber
Jo Moore’s Burial Mound – a roller-coaster ride shaped like the Twin Towers…
* Gain free entry into the Blair holiday village by being Cliff Richard.
And many more…
SAYS the sire Arabella Weir, on Boris Johnson in The Guardian’s desperate chrestomathy of leftyluvviedom for Ken:
How do we trust a guy who says he knows about London, when he’s just taken three of his kids out of state school and put them into private schools?
Question asked, question answered…
“IF he does not have the gumption to put me in my place, when superdelegates are deserting me, money is drying up, he’s outspending me 2-to-1 on TV ads, my husband’s going crackers and party leaders are sick of me, how can he be trusted to totally obliterate Iran and stop Osama?” Maureen Dowd in the New York Times
Figure of Speech: dialogismus (dial-o-GIS-mus), the quoting figure.
It’s overtime again. Obama just can’t “close the deal,” as Clinton triumphantly puts it. Maureen Dowd, the feline columnist for the Times, sums up Hillary’s argument in a hyperbolic dialogismus, a figure that puts words in another person’s mouth — often in a way that the “quotee” wouldn’t exactly put herself.
Says Figaro: Do we have to totally obliterate Iran? Can’t we just, like, obliterate it?
Boris Johnson’s first few days as mayor of London...
NEW Labour is undone. Old Labour is undone.
Can you hear me Mr Hoon?
Labour in all its guises is undone. And Mr Geoff Hoon, the Labour Party’s Chief Whip, is talking with Mr Dimbleby of the BBC.
Can you hear me Mr Hoon?
Cue the sar-car-sm:
SERGEANT Mark Heinbaugh survived a meeting with Saddam Hussein, and he has the autograph to prove it.
Not only that but Saddam was good enough to sign the ace of spades playing card, the top trump on Iraq’s Most Wanted playing cards deck.
Says Heinbaugh: “A lot of detainees were happy to sign the cards. They said it made them look like celebrities.”
It’s good to know what drives the despot onwards is the thought of being recognised in his local bank and sharing a page on an autograph hunter’s book with Yasser Arafat, TV’s Mr Motivator and Anthe Turner.
PERPETUATING poor standards in education:
The danger of making school attendance compulsory up to the age of 18 is not simply the infringement of the rights of the individual involved, it is also the associated disadvantages for those at school who do actually want to be there.
It’s national service in a baggier uniform and better weapons…
TONY Blair is a…
Brother E-K used to be a security officer at the Palaces of Westminster… A little while back someone had etched the word “C*** !” on Tony Blair’s dispatch box. They didn’t find the culprit but little bro’ thinks it can only have been a security guard or police officer.
IN Islington, no-one can hear you scream:
The council staff operating the ballot were inexperienced (that is putting it politely). A voter ahead of me in the queue was querying what details they were writing where and was threatening to kick up a fuss. I am going to put my snob hat on and suggest that he was voting for one of the fringe parties… When I got to the front, the person taking down voter details didn’t know what he was supposed to be doing. The lady in front in the queue didn’t have a polling card, but the official didn’t know that she didn’t need one. He needed to be assisted by the supervisor. I handed my polling card over and he still wanted to know my name and address – was that supposed to prevent voting fraud?
It is Islington, right – by Clerkenwell Green?
IT’S Ken Livingtone and George Galloway…
The Mail says you can. And in “MILKING THE MOTORIST”, the paper says that one in three motorists is caught each year by parking wardens or speed cameras.
David Ruffley, the Tory police spokesman, says: “This is another staggering statistic that tells us a lot about the surveillance society.”
The Mail says it’s all about raising money from “soft targets”, those people in metal cars. It is an “outrageous abuse of power”.
Better still, it’s a chance for the Sun to use the pun “GRAND THEFT AUTO”.
Having made mention of terrorists, cancer and global warming, the paper’s Tim Spanton says Government sees the motorist as Public Enemy No.1. (Picture: Beau Bo D’Or Website)
The Government takes 67.8p in ever £1.10 litre of petrol.
And on top of the road taxes, congestion charge, parking fines (“£20 for every man, woman and child in Britain”) and speed cameras there’s the “SPY IN THE HAT”.
Her name’s Raj Kumaria, pictured in the Mail holding a huge “STOP” sign on a stick – a stick that also features the shadowy form of two children and a built in camera.
Thankfully, this menace can be easily identified on account of her huge yellow coat, yellow gloves and black baseball cap.
But she is not alone. These people work in gangs. The Mirror spots one called Val wearing dark glasses and taking film of drivers near a school. It is feared that some drivers have children in their cars.
It’s nothing short of sick.
And it’s high time this Government spared the motorist and went after the real criminals…
For those of you not up with Americanisms, those of you who like your Sport to focus on association football and not soccer, “laid” is explained as: “Don’t bother voting! Get our leg over instead!”
Today Britons go to the polls and select which retired dentists, overgrown schoolboys and patty canvassers they want to sit on the 4,023 council seats up for grabs. Or not.
The Sun’s George Pasco-Watson prefers voting to sex and thinks Gordon Brown “faces a beating”, a “hammering”. This is “Judgement Day”. (Picture: Beau Bo D’Or Website)
The Mirror’s Bob Roberts hears Sunder Katwala, general secretary of the Fabian Society, a “key Labour thinktank”, accuse Brown of “neurotic under-confidence”.
But he is famous. He has his own porn film – at least one inspired by his antics. Eliot Splitz-Her:
HILLARY Clinton blasts Bush for not stopping a project her husband approved:
It’s a story Hillary Clinton loves to tell, about how the Chinese government bought a good American company in Indiana, laid off all its workers and moved its critical defense technology work to China.
And it’s a story with a dramatic, political ending. Republican President George W. Bush could have stopped it, but didn’t.
If she were president, she says, she’d fight to protect those jobs. It’s just the kind of talk that’s helping her win support from working-class Democrats worried about jobs and paychecks, not to mention their country’s security.
What Clinton never tells in the oft-repeated tale is the role prominent Democrats played in selling the company and its technology to the Chinese. She never mentions that big-time Democratic contributor George Soros helped put together the deal to sell the company, or that the sale was approved by the administration of her husband.
She’s her own woman…