Politicans and world leaders making news and in the news, and spouting hot air
You mean the Conservative candidate?
Answer: All we know about him is he waffles lots, wants to cut the funding going to our schools, has no idea how to tackle crime and lives in a BIG mansion house on the other side of Tarporley.
It’s class war, as declared by Tamsin Dunwoody. Is she related to Moyra Tamsin Dunwoody-Kneafsey, granddaughter to former government whip Baroness Phillips, daughter to Labour MP Gwyneth Dunwoody, whose death has brought about the by-election?
It would seem so. But she’s now plain old Tamsin Dunwoody, Moyra and the hyphen-Kneafsey lost on route from her Welsh home.
P.J. O’ROURKE ON THE ELECTIONS:
Two substantive political issues are the federal budget deficit and the war in Iraq. Now, if you’re electing Democrats to control government spending, then you’re marrying Angelina Jolie for her brains. This leaves the Democrats with one real issue: Iraq. And so far the best that any Democratic presidential candidate has been able to manage with Iraq is to make what I think of as the high school sex promise: I will pull out in time, honest dear.
And fire blanks…
JOHN McCain is:
“He’s older than his wife, a little younger than his mama,
He’s old enough to be one and a half Barack Obamas.”
THE London Evening Standard’s Paul Waugh asks Kate Hoey, the former Labour sports minister and still Labour member of parliament for Vauxhall, now operating as Boris Johnson’s Commissioner for Sport, how she voted in the London mayoral elections.
Boris or Ken?
“Er…when was the election…I can’t remember!”
GEMMA Garrett, Miss Great Britain and Beauties for Britain agonist in the Crew by-election, is considering the war on terror.
Expecting to hear that those fabled weapons of mass destruction were hidden by concealer, Miss Garrett instead reveals:
“I met a veteran of the Iraq war and was utterly sickened by the experiences he described.”
“Our boys are being forced to remove blood-soaked shirts, footwear and weapons from the corpses of their fallen enemies because the equipment this Government gives them isn’t good enough.”
HOW do you debate this, Barack Obama?
A young girl carrying explosives that killed her, an Iraqi captain and injured four soldiers was blown up by remote control, officials said today.
The incident happened as she approached an Iraqi command post in Youssifiyah, south Baghdad, earlier this morning.
Iraqi army Lieutenant Ahmed Ali confirmed that the girl, who had hidden explosives strapped to her, was the cause of the blast …
“The bomber was detonated by remote control, killing Captain Wassem al-Maamouri and injuring four soldiers,” Ali added.
Says George Bush, widely regarded as an idiot:
WRITES Devil’s Kitchen: “How to tell if your country is fucked…
Simple. You look around to see if there are state agencies using draconian legislation to spy on and otherwise harass civilians, while introducing ever more authoritarian laws. You check to see if, despite large amounts of job losses, your EU masters are preparing to fuck over the city in an act of pure jealousy. Noticing increasing inflation and unemployment, your government attempts to bribe the population ahead of a by-election.
You have an unelected leader…
KATE Hoey writes:
Dear Member of Vauxhall Labour Party,
The Members of this Party are its lifeblood and so I wanted you to be the first to know that I have now agreed to be the Mayor of London’s Commissioner for Sport.
I have been asked to develop the London legacy plan for sport arising from the unique opportunity that the 2012 Olympics gives us, and to help increase grass roots sport participation and access to sporting opportunities across London.
Read the rest of it here…
Salgado, 28, owner of the Ill Skillz (4948 N. 5th) tattoo parlor, Philadephia, has just got a portrait of Clinton inked on his leg at a tattoo convention in Baltimore.
Artist Buffalo Bill, of Sunbury, offered a free Hillary tattoo to any takers because his daughter Sarah Taby is a big Clinton supporter and thought the tattoo would give Clinton good exposure… “Hell, yeah,” Salgado says, when we asked if he voted for Clinton recently.
He likes “her experience, her motivation and the fact that she doesn’t bite her tongue.” We asked a Clinton spokesman for comment on whether the New York senator would respond in kind and get a tattoo of Salgado, but there has not yet been a reply.
Does Hillary really have that much stubble?
SAYS JACQUI Smith, the Home Secretary: “Under my own guidelines, had I been caught in possession over 18 I should have been charged.”
Although what with the schizophrenic properties of weed, she cannot be certain when it was exactly, and neither can she.
(Picture: Beau Bo D’Or Website)
Smith made a note of it somewhere, and passed over the file to a data management company for safe keeping, but they’ve mislaid it and now there is a lack of proof about whatever it was she was saying earlier.
CAN their handwriting teach us about the characters of the US Presidential candidates?
Obama is very much his writing — fluid, graceful. McCain’s is angular and intense; he’s a pit bull. And look at the perfectionism in Hillary’s — straight up, precise. She is persistent and is not going to give up until she absolutely has to,” said Imberman, a court-certified graphologist based in New York.
You are going on a journey…
GEORGE Bush has done an interview with Politico and Yahoo.
With a War on Terror raging, we all of us need to amke sacrifices. Bush has given up golf.
“I don’t want some mom whose son may have recently died to see the commander in chief playing golf,” he said. “I feel I owe it to the families to be in solidarity as best as I can with them. And I think playing golf during a war just sends the wrong signal.”
So what can you play, George? Croquet..?
SO enlightened are the Democrats that the party’s two stars – Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama – have managed to the campaign into a vote based on race. It’s more like the Socialist Workers’ Party over there, albeit with less women:
Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton won a lopsided victory on Tuesday over Senator Barack Obama in the West Virginia primary, where racial considerations emerged as an unusually salient factor. Mrs. Clinton drew strong support from white, working-class voters, who have spurned Mr. Obama in recent contests.
PRESIDENT Chávez has a weekly TV show on Sundays and on it he went for Germany’s Chancellor Merkel.
She is from the German right, the same that supported Hitler, that supported fascism, that’s the Chancellor of Germany today.
Calm down, Hugo, and stop lashing out because Ken Livingstone lost…
Who would have thunk it?
ALISTAIR Darling has a hole in his Budget – music video:
Indeed, the Mail says Hazel Blears, the shrill Communities Secretary, has been “told that the scheme would make the Prime Minister ‘more popular than Alan Sugar’”.
That’s the dream. Gordon has been learning to fold his arms “like he means it” and begins sentences with hard-faced observations such as “My motto is…”, “I’m a go getter…” and “If anyone stands in my way I will stomp on their throat”. But Brown’s Sugar Scowl makes him look just glum.
But it’s a ten-part plan, and the first target will be to make Brown more popular than David Cameron, or Andrew Lloyd Webber, the fidgety host of TV talent show I’d Do Anything.
HERE’S a blog dedicated to all things younger than John McCain, like Spam…
Speaking for Myself, her follow up to Speaking For My Husband, Speaking For Suicide and Bingo! is being read by the columnists.
Those Cherie Blair recommendations in full:
Fergus Shanahan (SUN): “Revenge of the grasping Mrs B”
(Picture: Beau Bo D’Or Website)
Daily Star phone poll: “IS CHERIE A MONEY GRABBING WITCH?”
BUMPER sticker of the year: “Alcohol, Tobacco, And Firearms Should Be The Name Of A Covenience Store, Not A Government Agency”
RON Paul for President. Not a chance. But he can still cause trouble:
But what’s been largely overlooked is Paul’s candidacy as a reflection of a powerful lingering dissatisfaction with the Arizona senator among the party’s most conservative conservatives. As anticipated in late March in The Ticket, that situation could be exacerbated by today’s expected announcement from former Republican Rep. Bob Barr of Georgia for the Libertarian Party’s presidential nod, a slot held by Paul in 1988.
Some say he has two heads and sleeps on matress stuffed with newborn white babies.
He’s that Muslim with that cray-zee Church preacher, the Muslim Church’s Jeremiah Al-Wright, a relative of Al-Sharpton and Jesse A(L) Jackson.
Obama’s campaign song – You Can Call Me Al – is not being played among the good folks of West Virginia.
As the FT says, Obama is 40 percentage points behind Hillary Clinton for Tuesday’s primary election.
This is Waltons’ country.
Goodnight Jim Crow…
Says Jacqui Smith, the Home Secretary: “I can envisage a day when they could be routinely issued to all police officers.”
Anorak can envisage the day when CCTVs cameras are all linked by invisible lasers, which when broken trigger a blast of debilitating heat.
The only way to avoid being burnt alive is to carry a deflector, a small chip embedded into every identity card.
And nine moths later baby Leo was born, the child with the wingnut ears, stuttering speech patterns and carefully arranged hair.
We journey back with Cherie, via the Sun, to 1999, and Cherie is packing for a trip to the royal house.
Says she: “This year I had not packed by contraceptive equipment, out of sheer embarrassment.”
Contraceptives are usually afforded the qualifier “device”, and Cherie’s use of “equipment” conjures images of a kit, one that possibly features a picture of Pope John Paul II, a Claire Short ringtone and a full length mirror.
Fast forward now to the eve of Cherie’s 45th birthday and there is one “shadow on my immediate horizon: My period. Where was it?”