Politicans and world leaders making news and in the news, and spouting hot air
Anorak Towers marked the televised leadership debate in much the same way we do the Super Bowl: we went out. What did the tabloids do? Did they feature the big showdown between Labour Party leader ‘Red’ Ed Miliband and Tory Prime Minister ‘Blue’ Dave Cameron? And why was Cameron sat by a skip?
Politics fans need to wait until page 6 for any news of the Channel 4 and Sky show. Over half a page, readers learn that Cameron says he’s “not Chairman Mao”, the dead Chinese leader. Cameron wasn’t refetting to his hairstyle or suit, rather his resolve not to go on and on and on as the country’s political supremo.
As for Miliband, all Sun readers learn is that he won the coin toss and chose to go second. Also, he “flew in a US PR guru to help him”.
Page 10: The Sun’s editorial says Ed Balls is “only the oil rag” to an” economic train crash” powered by “engine drive” Gordon Brown.
Ed Balls was not on the debate.
The review covers pages 6 and 7. Readers see three photos of “chicken” Cameron, one with his eyes closed. We learn that he is “clueless on food banks”. His chat with Jeremy Paxman was “humiliating”. He is a “lame duck”. It’s not until paragraph 11 that Ed Miliband appears. The Mirror only has one photo of him – and it’s an odd one of him pointing as if ordering the restaurant bill.
The Mirror mentions ‘Cameron’ by name 7 times; and ‘Ed’ just 4 times.
Page 8: David Cameron is “pitiful” and a “faintheart”. Ed gets no adjectives. He’s just ‘Ed’.
Wait for it… wait… News appears on Page 12 and 13.
We learn that Ed Miliband “came under pressure” on immigration.
The Mail cites a Guardian poll, saying 54% of people who respond to polls think he won the night.
Quentin Lett’s says Cameron “soaked up Paxman’s aggro, narrowed his eyes.. and refused to respond in kind. Miliband flared right back at the monster…”
But was it really that interesting?
Page 9: The news is all about immigration. There is one picture of Cameron. There is not a single photo of Miliband.
Number of mentions of ‘Cameron’ by name: 6
Number of mentions of Miliband by name: 1
The only front-page story on the debate. And the story is that “Paxo has stuffed Ed and Cam”. They both lost.
Page 2: It was a “snore draw”.
It was “drab”.
Verdict: the Daily Star nails it.
Note: The Guardian manages to conjure 11 stories from the debate. Does anyone read them?
Westminster paedophiles: a look at reporting on the story that children were abused and killed by above-the-law VIPs in the 1970s and 1980s.
Only the Daily Mail leads with the story on its front page. Readers hear news of “Another Cyril Smith Cover-Up”.
Smith is the former Labour and Liberal politican who died a knight of the realm but is now billed as a serial child abuser. Recent news is that he was twice arrested for alleged crimes against boys. He escaped prosecution because, as one retired copper says, police buried the files.
Westminster paedophiles: Cyril Smith, Sidney Cooke and official secrets in Coronation Buildings, Lambeth
Westmingter paedophiles: a daily look at allegations of a VIP sex ring cover-up.
Dead Liberal MP Cyril Smith did not only paddle boy’s bottoms. In the 1980s, he was arrested in London as part of an investigation into alleged sex parties with teenage males. It is further alleged the arrest was kept secret by police, who abused the Official Secrets Act to protect the alleged pervert.
The story was broken by BBC’s Newsnight. That’s the same TV show that spiked the story that Jimmy Savile – a knight of realm, like Smith – was a paedophile on BBC time.
Retired Lancashire detective Jack Tasker told Sky News:
“Other people were rather worried that if Cyril Smith went before a court, he would open his mouth.”
Don Hale was working for the Bury Messenger at the time. In 2014, he said Barbara Castle, the veteran Labour politician for Blackburn, Lancashire, handed him a dossier of VIP paedophiles. She has since died.
Hale told BBC Radio 5 live’s Nicky Campbell:
“In 1984, I started making enquiries to get a response from various MPs I’d spoken to a number of Liberal MPs named in the document. Cyril Smith came into to see me. He came storming in, said it was all rubbish, demanded that I hand everything over to him straight away and he was really aggressive. I mean he was quite a big guy anyway. He was about six foot tall and quite heavy and he was really poking his fingers at me, threatening, spitting at me, all sorts of things. He was a real horror. In the end I refused to give it. He walked out of the office, stormed out the office. And the very next day Special Branch arrived with three plain clothes officers and about a dozen police, you know, raided the place, pushed me against the wall, were very, very aggressive again, threatened to arrest me on the spot for perverting the course of justice if I didn’t hand over the documents to them. I agreed obviously to do that, showed them what the documents were and they took them and then disappeared.”
Are they still around?
Will more police talk?
… the threat of prosecution under the Official Secrets Act would have made the officers concerned fear for their careers.
In 2010GMP Assistant Chief Constable Steve Heywood said:
“This has been a very complex inquiry and I hope people understand why it has taken some time before we were in a position to comment publicly.
“It was very important that both ourselves and Lancashire Police examined all our records very carefully so we could be certain what involvement we had in investigating allegations of sexual and physical abuse made against such a high-profile figure as Smith.
“We are now in a position to say that on three separate occasions, files were passed to first the DPP and then the CPS containing details of abuse committed by Smith, but on each occasion no prosecution was pursued.
“Having now reviewed those decisions, we believe that if the same evidence was presented to the CPS today there would have been a very realistic prospect that Smith would have been charged with a number of indecent assaults, and that the case would have been brought to trial.
“Clearly that is a bold statement to make but it is absolutely important for those victims who were abused by Smith that we publicly acknowledge the suffering they endured.
“Although, Smith cannot be charged or convicted posthumously, from the overwhelming evidence we have it is right and proper we should publicly recognise that young boys were sexually and physically abused and we will offer them as much support as they need should they wish to speak to us.”
A former detective who worked on the original investigation into Cooke told the Sunday Mirror that the minister was among those alleged to have been photographed in a 1986 police surveillance on premises where boys had been dropped off. Others allegedly included Jimmy Savile, MP Cyril Smith and top judges – though none of them were ever arrested.
This week the English language welcomed the phrase “overfirm denials”.
Conservative Party chairman Michael Green, who has been working under the unlikely pseudonym ‘Grant Shapps’ (or vice versa), admits that he did hawk money-making schemes while working as a serving MP, something he had previously denied.
But it’s the phrase – over-firm denial – that sticks. It is a form of leptologia, an argument by quibbling. Harsh critics would argue that the rhetorical term for this denial is “lying”. But that would be utterly wrong.
Michael Green was unavailable for comment.
The bansturbators have a new target: your vagina. Keith Vaz MP, chairman of the select committee, wants to celebrate freedom and promote feminism by controlling what a woman can do with her vagina. They want to stop women getting a cosmetically honed “designer vagina”. It is beyond parody.
“We cannot tell communities in Sierra Leone and Somalia to stop a practice which is freely permitted on Harley Street.”
The Government is against enforced Female Genital Mutilation. It is exporting its drive to Africa. Why Africans should listen to the UK Government’s Vagina Tsar is a moot point. But whereas the UK once exported the missionary position, it’s now more interested in voyeurism.
As for Vaz, well, it takes a twat to really know one…
Are you a Young Conservative? I said, “ARE YOU A YOUNG CONSERVATIVE?”
Still the greatest ever TV caption.
UKIP leader Nigel Farage has been talking about immigrants, migrants and jobs. The Guardian leads with Farage’s views on Muslims in the UK who could form “a fifth column and kill us”.
The Independent also leds with Farage. It picks up on his views that laws banning discrimination on grounds of nationality or race are put of date.
“If I talked to my children… about the question of race, they wouldn’t know what I was talking about,” he was reported to say.
Farage has four children: Samuel (born 1989), Thomas (born 1991), Victoria (born 2000) and Isabelle (born 2005). Do none of them have a clue about race? If they don’t it’s because they are enlightened rather than ignorant. Isn’t it?
Farage adds that he wants employers to be able to select staff by their nationality.
UKIP leader Nigel Farage is not only about immigration and Europe. He also has a keen interest in education. He posted a question on twitter:
Can anyone name what’s behind me in this picture?
Answers come thick and fast to the first part of #Nigelasks:
Let’s here it for the patriarchty. For it they who will save feminism. That sound ridiculous, right. But to hereditary power speaker Chelsea Clinton, it makes perfect sense.
Ashe Chow writes in the Washington Examiner:
During an interview with Fortune, Chelsea Clinton (daughter of Bill and Hillary, interviewer of computer-animated geckos) claimed that around the world men must be the ones to lead the way to gender equality.
“We’ve seen some real cultural normative shifts — and candidly it often has to be men who lead the way,” Clinton said when asked specifically about gender equality in Japan. “In countries where we’ve seen real declining rates in child marriage, of female genital mutilation, it has always been the result of a real cross-sector coalition [with men leading].”
Glenn Reynolds notes how life is imitating The Onion:
After decades spent battling gender discrimination and inequality in the workplace, the feminist movement underwent a high-level shake-up last month, when 53-year-old management consultant Peter “Buck” McGowan took over as new chief of the worldwide initiative for women’s rights…
“You can’t waste time pussyfooting around with protests and getting all emotional about a bunch of irrelevant details,” McGowan said. “If you want to enjoy equal rights, you have to have a real man-to-man chat with the people in charge until you can hammer out some more equitable custody laws.”
Bill Clinton was President of the USA. Hilary Clinton worked for a male President who told Sarah Palin her views were “like putting lipstik on a pig”. That man was Barack Obama. And he’s seen as the epitome of equal opportunies…
Mandy Boylett, UKIP PPC for Stockton North, sings her version of Chiquitita. The song is performed in the Abba musical Mamma Mia!, about a group of randy, middle-aged, wine-soaked ex-pats living in Europe.
Westminster paedophiles: a look at reporting on allegations that VIPs operated a murderous child abuse ‘ring’ in London’s Westminster.
Today we hail the return of Harvey Proctor, the former Essex MP who in 1987 admitted “spanking sessions” with male prostitites. Proctor was MP for Basildon in Essex from 1979 to 1983 and Billericay from 1983 to 1987. He was popular.
The Press feasted off the story:
So. Harvey Proctor is back on the news cycle.
His name resurfaced in a 2014 story in the Daily Mirror:
Two senior ministers in the Thatcher government exposed by the Sunday Mirror last week for indulging in sex parties with underage rent boys were named in a damning paedophile dossier compiled in the 1980s.
Sir Keith Joseph and Sir Rhodes Boyson were cited in the “VIP” paedophile document drawn up by Labour’s Barbara Castle. Other MPs, senior policemen, head teachers and clergy were also named.
Joseph: died in 1984. Boyson: died in 2012.
And today we can also reveal disgraced former Tory MP Harvey Proctor has been named by witnesses in connection with sex parties and faces being questioned by a Government inquiry.
Special branch officers seized Baroness Castle’s file in 1984.
The Daily Mail looks at the latest news:
The investigation into claims of a VIP paedophile sex ring widened dramatically yesterday after police raided the home of a disgraced Tory MP. Harvey Proctor, 68, had been named on a list of politicians passed to police by campaigning Labour MP John Mann. Scotland Yard officers spent two days searching his grace-and-favour home at Belvoir Castle in Leicestershire after a police team arrived on the estate on Wednesday.
The Times: “I’m in a Kafkaesque trap, says ex-MP over child sex claims”
Writes David Brown:
A former Conservative MP has described being trapped in a “Kafkaesque fantasy” after his home was searched by police investigating claims that a Westminster paedophile ring killed children. Harvey Proctor, who left parliament in 1987 after being charged with gross indecency with male prostitutes, denied being part of a “rent-boy ring” or attending sex parties with prominent figures.
A “rent-boy ring”? Is that a pun?
The Scotland Yard investigation centres on claims that politicians and others in the Establishment abused children at the Dolphin Square apartment complex near parliament in the 1970s and 1980s. One witness has claimed that a paedophile ring murdered three children.
But we have seen no evidence to back the claims up. All those column inches and appeals for witnesses but still no evidence. To be linked to vile crimes so publicly. To have your home searched. Those are no easy, small matters. They create a stink. But when the cloud of obvious police action has passed, what’s left is a merely a stain on the target. He’s not been arrested, let along charged.
Mr Proctor, 68, was prosecuted after a newspaper revealed that he had taken part in the spanking of male prostitutes aged between 17 and 21 at his London flat. He was fined £1,450. He now works for the Duke and Duchess of Rutland and lives with his partner in a house within the 16,000 acre grounds of their home, Belvoir Castle, in Leicestershire.
Mr Proctor told BBC Radio 4:
“I find myself in a very Kafkaesque fantasy situation. The police have said basically that they are investigating historical sex abuse allegations going back to the 1970s and 1980s. I have never attended sex parties at Dolphin Square or anywhere else. I have not been part of any rent-boy ring with cabinet ministers, other members of parliament or generals or the military… The last thing I would have dreamt of doing was talking to other MPs or ministers or anyone else about my private life. It wasn’t that I was ashamed of being a homosexual, it was that I didn’t think it mattered a damn to the work I did on behalf of my constituents.”
It a story high on impact but low on fact. The ‘rent boy ring’ gave us one sticky-fingered adolsescent snigger and now comes another:
Mr Proctor, who ran a shirt shop after resigning as an MP…
On October 30 1994, the Independent’s Peter Victor profiled the shop:
SENIOR Tory politicians including Michael Heseltine, President of the Board of Trade, and Lord Archer have invested more than pounds 100,000 in a loss-making shirt shop owned by the disgraced former Tory MP, Harvey Proctor, perusal of the register of members’ interests reveals to the curious inquirer.
The register discloses the fascinating fact that no fewer than 11 current MPs have shareholdings in a little-known clothes retailer, Cottonrose Ltd…
Lots of former chums chipped in. Besides multimillionaires such as Lord Archer and Mr Heseltine, they included the present Paymaster-General, David Heathcote-Amory; Mark Lennox-Boyd, a former junior Foreign Office minister; and MPs Sir Nicholas Bonsor (Upminster), Richard Shepherd (Aldridge-Brownhills) and David Evans (Welwyn Hatfield).
Several MPs who, like Mr Proctor, have suffered public reverses to their political careers also coughed up at least pounds 5,000 each. They included Neil Hamilton, forced to resign as Northern Ireland minister last week after allegations that he was rewarded by Mohamed Al Fayed, owner of Harrods, for helping in his battle with Tiny Rowland; Tim Yeo, the former Environment minister who was forced to resign after news broke of his adultery with Julia Stent, a Hackney Labour councillor, who bore his child; Michael Brown, who resigned as a Tory whip last May after a tabloid newspaper reported his homosexual affairs with a youth and a Ministry of Defence civil servant; and David Ashby, who suffered unwelcome publicity after admitting sleeping with a man but denying having sexual relations with him.
He was offered a right to reply:
Asked about it yesterday, amid the gold cufflinks and Tino Cosma accessories, the silks and the satins, Mr Proctor’s response was more of the sackcloth variety. ‘I don’t talk to lying newspapers,’ he said. ‘That is my quote. If you don’t leave my shop I shall call the police.’
A TORY minister had his nose broken when he went to the aid of a former MP who was being attacked by two men, a court was told yesterday.
In July last year, Neil Hamilton, a trade minister, and his wife, Christine, were visiting a shirt shop in Richmond, southwest London, owned by Harvey Proctor, who resigned as MP for Billericay in 1987 after being involved in a sex scandal. Isleworth Crown Court, west London, was told that James Coomber and David Parker entered the shop and became abusive, asking Mr Proctor: “Have you any ties for tying up rent boys before you spank them?”
As Mr Proctor tried to usher them out, they began throwing punches. Mr Proctor was punched in the face and had his little finger broken. When Mr Hamilton tried to come to Mr Proctor’s aid he was punched in the face three times and knocked to the ground. He needed surgery for a broken nose.
“I believe the number of victims grows by the day, and the number of alleged perpetrators — through death — diminishes. That is a problem. It’s certainly a problem for me. My problem is that I am still very much alive. I’m sure that some of the allegations are true, but I am also sure that a lot are pure and utter fantasy.”
The Times then adds a key fact:
Mr Proctor emphasised that his four guilty pleas related to homosexual activity with men who he believed to be above the age of consent of 21 that existed at the time, and who were older than the present age of consent of 16.
As he says:
“I pleaded guilty to four charges of gross indecency in 1987. Those offences related entirely to the age of consent to homosexuality. That age has been reduced first to 18 and now to 16. The offences I committed in 1987 are no longer offences and there is legislation on the statute book which would allow me to wipe them clean if I wished to do so.”
Gays were prejudiced against in law. That bigotry has now been righted.
Andrew Pierce reviwes the life of Proctor in his article for the Mail, a story headlined:
Spanking parties and the Enoch fan too right wing for Maggie
…his views on immigration were considered so far beyond the pale that while serving as an MP he was beaten unconscious at a demonstration in Scarborough, had red paint thrown over him when addressing Coventry University, and burning papers were thrust through the letter box of his tiny terrace home in Billericay.
Urging the abolition of the Commission for Racial Equality, he demanded the forcible repatriation of 50,000 ‘coloured’ immigrants a year, proposing a £7,000 payment to encourage them to go… he attempted to halt the growing tide of political correctness by launching a campaign to save the golliwog.
To those readers unaware of the golliwog, here is a poitted history of the children’s toy:
The original Golliwog (spelt Golliwogg) was based on a “Negro minstrel doll” and appeared in a book by Florence Kate Upton in 1895. He is described as “a horrid sight, the blackest gnome”. Nevertheless, he is “lovable” and basically benign.Half a century later, Enid Blyton’s Gollywog books appeared, relating the adventures of three little fellows called Golly, Woggy and Nigger, who liked nothing better than to stride along, in Blyton’s own words, “arm-in-arm, singing merrily their favourite song – which, as you may guess, was Ten Little Nigger Boys”.Then there were her Noddy books, in which they feature once more. In one incident, Noddy is attacked by golliwogs, who steal his car and leave him stranded.The publishers of Agatha Christie’s 1939 novel Ten Little Niggers made the symbolic connection completely unambiguous. The cover showed a lynched golliwog hanging from a tree.
In 2009, Maggie’s daughter Carol Thatcher sat on a BBC sofa and referred to a tennis player as a “golliwog”.
It can take a long time for attitudes to move on.
But however foolish the law, innocence must always be presumed.
Rotherham: a look at the story of abuse, prejudice and dereliction of duty in Yorkshire.
What we know is that happened in the past. But what we really want to know is what’s happening now? But the conversation is obsessed with matters of historic sex abuse in Rotherham and elsewhere by gangs of men of mainly Pakistani origin is not allowing us to see the now.
The temptation is to believe that with this abuse high on the news cycle, the assaults on vulnerable and underage girls by gangs of sexual deviants is over. Scared of exposure and prison, the criminals have stopped.
That is, of course, wrong.
A Canadian MP blamed his too-tight underpants for leaving parliament in a hurry on Thursday morning….
“I can blame it on a sale that was down at the Hudson’s Bay [Company] – they had men’s underwear on for half price. I bought a bunch that was clearly too small for me and I find it difficult to sit for any length of time.” So says Canadian MP Pat Martin explaining why had left his seat after a vote.
“I apologize if it was necessary for me to leave my seat briefly, but I did not mean to forfeit my right to vote.”
The dire Channel 4 drama about the UK Independence Party, UKIP, the first 100 days, never did find someone to murder Nigel Farage, as Channel 4 once fantacised about the killing of George Bush. Maybe they’re saving that for the sequel?
A man has been barred from riding the Paris Metro by a gaggle of Cheslea fans. The episode is caught on video. The Chelsea fans are white. The man trying to board the train is black. Some Chelsea fans sing about being racist and enjoying it.
And – kaboom! – a small, nasty incident in a foreign city becomes a huge deal. The elite wade in.
The Sun leads with the news:
On Page 5, readers are ordered to “FIND PIGS OF PARIS”. The Sun says “an international hunt” is under way for the dicks who sang “We’re racist and that’s the way we like it” and giving full throat to the refrain “Where were you in World War 2?”
The supreme leaders of the North Korean republic have moved to further unite the populace by creating 310 new slogans. Something might be lost in translation. But, then, it might also have been an improvement on the original.
Here are some choice slogans to chant:
Let us turn the whole country into a socialist fairyland by the joint operation of the army and people!
Should the enemy dare to invade our country, annihilate them to the last man so that none of them will survive to sign the instrument of surrender!
Let us turn ours into a country of mushrooms by making mushroom cultivation scientific, intensive and industrialized!
Make fruits cascade down and their sweet aroma fill the air on the sea of apple trees at the foot of Chol Pass!
Should the enemy dare to invade our country, annihilate them to the last man!
Let the strong wind of fish farming blow across the country!
Let the wives of officers become dependable assistants to their husbands!
Top tip: keep it simple:
Donald Trump says his hair tsunami is real. Barbara Walters and Joan Rivers have both touched the hair on the telly. And still the rumours persists that Donald’ Trump’s hair is real – but real what?
A Dr. Sean Bednam, from Dermatology and Hair Restoration Specialists, looked at 300 photos of Donald Trump, and declared:
“Donald Trump did not have a hair transplant, and, he doesn’t have a toupee. This is all his own hair, and it is exactly how he styled his hair when he was younger.”
So. How do you get the look. In 2008, the Daily Mail explained how:
Remember when Tony Blair took the country to war in the Balkans? Just as in Iraq, this too was a moral crusade to spare the world from evil. Britain’s part in the Blakans war chimed with Tony Blair’s aim to give the country a unifying identity based on sound morals. In 1999, the then Prime Minister opined:
‘We need to find a new national moral purpose for this new generation. People want to live in a society that is without prejudice, but is with rules. Government can play its part, but parents have to play their part. There’s got to be a partnership between Government and the country to lay the foundations of that moral purpose.’
Blair was talking abour the young and pregnant, who needed to be made aware that their choices were morally wrong. But he could have easily been talking about Iraq and the Balkans. Blair was hawkish on war against the Serbs and their leader Slobodan Milošević.
Blair explained why?
There were big strategic interests that would have justified intervention in their own right. But I felt that this was the closest thing to racial genocide that I’ve seen in Europe since the Second World War. I didn’t feel that we could simply stand aside from that if we had the means, which we did, to intervene and to stop it.
Is racial diversity important to your readership? What about class? Age? Religion? David Wearing spots the London Evening Standard’s “expert team for analysis and comment oin the toughest election in years”:
At least you can’t accuse them of tokenism:
Sarah Champion is the Labour Member of Parliament for Rotherham. She’s been tweeting how “hilarious” it is that UKIP leader Nigel Farage “is trapped” in an office after abandoning a bid to open it.
Farage is a coward. Champion appears as a fool, who sees fit to make political mileage out of the horror.
‘Hilarious” is not word you’d associate with systematic child abuse in Rotherham, is it?
Boris Johnson, London Mayor, shares his view on British jihadis with straight-thinking, dry-handed, non-tossing Sun readers:
“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w**kers. Severe onanists. They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them. They are not making it with girls, and so they turn to other forms of spiritual comfort — which of course is no comfort… I fervently think we need to demystify this lot. The people most likely to get involved in IS or be radicalised are the same as those most vulnerable to getting dragged into drug gangs or other criminal activity. They are just young men in desperate need of self-esteem who do not have a particular mission in life, who feel that they are losers and this thing makes them feel strong — like winners.
“I want to hear a proper angry Islamic theological denunciation of what is going wrong. We won’t succeed if Western politicians go around bashing and blaming Islam — that is hopeless. This problem can only be addressed if Muslim authorities and clerics find a powerful and compelling way of setting up an alternative narrative for young people that makes this seem irrelevant.”
Jihadis are tossers. Not exactly news, there. The biggest bansturbators always are the most suggestible.
Anyone with £24.98 to spare (What’s that in euros? – ed) can invest in a Nigel Farage ‘politically incorrect’ garden gnome.
This charming inspired piece of garden sculpture features a caricature of Nigel Farage (MEP), leader of the UK Independence Party. He is dressed, rather appropriately, in full John Bull garb, complete with Union Flag waistcoat, UKIP colour scheme, and is holding his trademark pint of mild in one hand, and a fag in the other, just like the real thing.
He stands 6 inches high* (I don’t care for centimeters), and is made from a weather resistant acrylic bond , is hand painted and sealed against the vagaries of the British weather (As one would expect from Nigel himself)
Buy now. Buy often!
Anorak is struck by how closely Farage gnome resembles a young Viscount Linley.
Is ther something we should know?
Hot on the heels of an anti-EU poll conducted by three Tory MPs, comes another. Romford’s Conservative MP Andrew Richard Rosindell has sent this poll to his voters.
The poll is more loaded than George Bush at a frat house party:
In “Con Her Majesty’s Secret Service”, the Sun tells how a hoax caller managed to speak with the cheif of GCHQ and David Cameron. The Sun knows this because the – get this – hoax caller called the Sun and told them about it.
The caller, described as “boozy”, managed to contact “top spy” Robert Hannigan, Cameron before calling the Sun “to brag about it”.
He boasted he was drunk and on drugs but still got to speak to the chief of the GCHQ surveillance base.
But it has all been confirmed by a spokeswoman in a, er, phone call:
“The Prime Minister ended the call when it became clear it was a hoax. In neither instance was sensitive information disclosed. Both GCHQ and No10 take security seriously and both are currently reviewing procedures.”
That spokesman, of course, could be a fake. But the anonymous caller can be totally trusted, telling the Sun:
“I’ve just made complete monkeys out of GCHQ. I’ve got the mobile number of the director. What’s more, I am off my face on booze and cocaine. I had some spliffs too.I’ve been up all night. I’m utterly wasted. Hilarious.”
But the best line comes from the Sun:
The man — who sounded well-educated and from the South East…
We’re looking for a well-educated Home Counties man on drugs. Seal the doors at Westminster. This looks like an inside job…
This might be the greatest reason to support global warming: