Taking Big Brother’s Jodie Marsh Up The Aisle
BEFORE JADE Goody and Shilpa Shetty, Jodie Marsh was the celebrity victim of bullying on Celebrity Big Brother.
Sadly, Marsh is no Shetty and comes blessed with all the grace, poise and hue of last night’s chicken tiki massala. Jodie’s post-Big Brother career has not gone from strength to strength.
Jodie has not been kissed by Richard Gere, as Shilpa famously has. In fact, Jodie would be happy to be kissed by anyone. As the front page headline reads: “Jodie Marsh: I want to marry a Daily Sport reader.”
Chances are considerably high that many readers of the Daily Sport, with its diet of Orlaith McAllister’s arse and adverts for porn, are either a) married; b) adolescents too young to get married; c) unable to understand the question.
But not to worry, because Jodie is coming to get you. Wearing a belt, a pelmet and a veil, Jodie announces her plan to find a man.
“I’ve decided to do something completely outrageous,” says Jodie. Is she going to have anal sex with Orlaith McAllister? “I’m desperate to settle down with the man of my dreams, so I’m launching a nationwide search to find a husband.”
Far be it from us to dabble in affairs of the heart, but we suggest Jodie lend her quest an international bent and head to places like Russia, China and all other lands where men would dearly love to marry a British girl.
“If you think you’ve got what I want in a man, I’d really love to meet you in person at my open auditions,” says Jodie.
As is the way of such things, the auditions will be filmed and form the central plank in MTV’s Totally Jodie Marsh: Who’ll Take Her Up The Aisle?”
What form the auditions will take is not outlined, but expect to see men tested for how quickly they can varnish Jodie and any one of a number of itchy diseases…
Update: Is that orange colour the result of penicillin?
May 17th, 2007 at 11:51 am
[...] Leading ArticlesAnorak - Big Brother’s Orlaith McAllister .. - Credit Goes To Graham Norton - A Kewell Customer: Liverpool Bac .. - Over-The-Odds Home Insurance BEFORE JADE Goody and Shilpa Shetty, Jodie Marsh was the celebrity victim of bullying on Celebrity Big Brother. Sadly [...]
May 17th, 2007 at 10:10 pm
I have to be honest and admit that I have shared a drink with her and she is so OTT. let’s just say that she was too busy looking around the room for a better looking drinking partner.
She just wants attention in any way, shape or form. I wish any man the best of luck if they really are considering her offer….WITH GREAT BEAUTY COMES GREAT ISSUES.
May 23rd, 2007 at 12:52 am
Poor Jodie. Not one single “good” article on the net celebrating her latest stunt, sorry show. Is it any wonder why she’s technically the world’s second most hated celeb? Well, under Courtney Love whose anti-fan forum has only a few more members than Jodes!
May 23rd, 2007 at 10:02 am
No wonder she has to result to this to find herself a husband no decent man would marry her as she is mankier than a tub full of ferrets !!
May 23rd, 2007 at 2:27 pm
Leeve mi frend Jodie alone yeah. She’s so kool and when we spend time in my cript yeah, we get up to also sorts of carnage. Nosferatu, Freddie Kreuger and Jason all want 2 marry er yeah.
It’ll be da nutz, and ne1 who slags Jodies will suffer the rath of my bony gash. Vampires are alive
May 23rd, 2007 at 3:10 pm
How else do you think we are going to get rid of the minger??
May 23rd, 2007 at 6:52 pm
If she thinks that she’s having the “do” at my Gaff she can think again!!
May 23rd, 2007 at 7:53 pm
Lay off her, you vile jellus bullies!!
Parge and I could not be more prahd of our little girl, she looks the nuts in her belts and tutu. Like her brother the Failed Pub Singer, she’s just too talented and powahful to be successful in this horrid bitter country.
May 23rd, 2007 at 7:58 pm
Have you picked up your prescription Marge???
May 23rd, 2007 at 11:15 pm
I would rather marry Jimmy Crankie
May 24th, 2007 at 12:26 am
You people need help! They are the nicest people you will ever meet! I bet your the sickos that keep infultrating my youtube vids of sexy Jordan (the brother) with nasty comments! How can you talk about Jodie like this wen you don’t even know her! She’s the nicest celebrity evah and her brother is the next John Lennon. Please Jordan, I don’t know why you never called me back? I’ve left you like 33 messages, have you lost your phone! Please get in touch because I’m worried you might have misplaced my number and might be like me desperately fretting about not wanting to see me again!
Hi Marge - loved that roast Sunday!!!!
May 24th, 2007 at 1:15 pm
I wouldn’t if I were you. We took it in turns to ‘take her up the aisle’ and our knobs fell off.
May 24th, 2007 at 1:20 pm
“Next John Lennon” eh?
*cocks rifle*
May 24th, 2007 at 1:48 pm
Rapp:
Dont diss the girl of my dreams:
She plots some very good schemes:
Get MTV to pay for the wedding:
Soon VIM and her will be plotting
how to spend the riches they have gotten
May 24th, 2007 at 1:57 pm
So if no-one turns up to marry her will she lose the bet and have to give her puppies away. It’s not like it would bother her because 4 of her 6 dogs have already been shipped off to the parental units by the PETA representative who dresses her dogs up for her amusement.
I think they would rather stay with Uncle Tone the trumpet man anyway. He might pay attention when the bulldog decides he’s fed up licking his own bollocks and goes in the for real deal.
May 24th, 2007 at 2:26 pm
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha *deep breath* hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
May 24th, 2007 at 2:28 pm
Bagsy any left overs!
May 24th, 2007 at 2:31 pm
HI I’M BARRY SCOTT AND I INTEND TO MARRY IT AND WITH THE HELP OF GRIME ‘N’ LIME REDUCE THE BACTERIAL SPREAD OF IT’S MIMSY.
BANG!!ELEVEN!! AND THE GRIME IS GAWWWWWN.
May 24th, 2007 at 2:32 pm
She is the people princess
May 24th, 2007 at 2:36 pm
I AM NOT A FAILED PUB SINGER YOU NASTY MUSHERS!!!
May 24th, 2007 at 2:43 pm
alrigh lads!
jaysus dont do it lads, we broke up 47 years ago and she still talks about me skidmarks..me knob has only just stopped itchin too…
Can barry scott contact me please as oim looking to get me hands on some o dat grooime stuff, might help the swellin go down an’ all!
She also stole me bulldog! I called PETA but they told me to feck off…
SAVE PADDY LADS!! (oh and watch my new reality show “Fran goes to the GUM clinic” on Channel 5 ay 4.28am on Tuesday)
May 24th, 2007 at 2:50 pm
Jodie was truly the Scenario of my Life!
May 24th, 2007 at 2:59 pm
At least I’m making £3 per hour!
May 24th, 2007 at 3:01 pm
Is she a dog? I just don’t know, I only know no one would have a go.
Stay away from foxes by the way. xx KPixie from da dogheaven…
May 24th, 2007 at 3:03 pm
She is trouble.. She cama to my(a) islanda and stole my ghheart! Jodie.. comma back to me. xx Stavrosopodolis
May 24th, 2007 at 3:07 pm
Does anyone remember me?
May 24th, 2007 at 3:09 pm
If I was fully grown and actually had pubes, I would beat you all up! FRIDAY HILL BIG UP! ESSEX SIDEEEEEEEEEE
May 24th, 2007 at 3:12 pm
Dear Miss Marsh
We are delighted to hear that you are getting married, unfortunately we are out of stock on the pony driven glass pumpkins but the good news is that we can provide you with a sparkly pink tutu for the Big Day. Please let us know when you have found your Mr Random and we will have him fitted for the Peter Andre white satin morning suit.
May 24th, 2007 at 3:15 pm
For sale: Nokia 8210. Used. Content can be erased. Slightly damaged and vibrate function is broken. £15 + postage. Call Peasant Cnut on 12345. Adios.
May 24th, 2007 at 3:25 pm
The bed’s all made up dear, whenever you’re ready