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Chelsea balls: first team player says he’d rather lose than win for Mourinho

jose-mourinho-liverpool

 

Which current Chelsea player  told a BBC journalist after the Blues were soundly beaten by an average Liveprool side at Stamford Bridge yesterday he would “rather lose” than win a game for his irritated manager?

This is all coming via freelance journo Dan Levene, who covers Chelsea affairs on a regular basis…

Which is shocking – if true, of course – and not to mention absolutely pathetic.

For the record, the quote seems to have been mentioned in passing on the radio and so far hasn’t really been picked up by any other major news outlets barring the Daily Mail and a smattering of other websites. Take that as you wish.

That said, this is how it usually starts…

Posted: 1st, November 2015 | In: Chelsea, Reviews, Sports | Comment


Arsenal balls: Giroud is lazy and excellent in a lige blog with, video highlights

Arsenal beat Swansea 3-0 in Wales.

Before we see the game’s video highlights below, a word for fans who watch the game via the BBC’s blogs, the digital age’s Ceefax service.

 

Screen Shot 2015-11-01 at 08.34.39

 

The BBC Sports Day Blog: “Anything Bafetimbi Gomis can do, Olivier Giroud can do worse. The Arsenal striker is found in space in the box by Alexis Sanchez but curls his effort wide of goal. It was a lazy, lazy effort.”

 

Screen Shot 2015-11-01 at 08.41.19

 

The BBC Match blog: “CLOSE! That’s more like from Arsenal. Olivier Giroud, who has been in excellent goalscoring form, fires narrowly over from just outside the area after Alexis Sanchez’s clever pass.”

Lazy or excellent. You decide:

Posted: 1st, November 2015 | In: Arsenal, Reviews, Sports | Comment


Why 5+5+5 does not equal 15

wrong 5+5+5=15

The third-grade child was asked to answer the sum 5×3. Common Core says the sum must be 5×3 as “five groups of three” not “three groups of five.”

Patheos:

Because thinking of 5 x 3 as, literally, “five groups of three” will help them when they learn how to divide. (That’s what the Common Core standard here is getting at.)

When they see a problem that says 5 x ___ = 15, they’ll be thinking “I need five groups of SOME NUMBER to get to 15.” In other words, they’ll be able to pick up division a little more quickly because they’re learning the proper way to think now.

I don’t know if that’s exactly what the teacher was doing, but it’s plausible.

What about the array problem? This one’s even more straightforward.

It actually matters which way you draw the picture. But it’s not something kids will understand until they start using matrices in algebra class.

Via Reddit

Posted: 31st, October 2015 | In: Reviews | Comment


Arsenal: Wenger the dinosaur and what Raymond Verheijen knows about Wales

 Raymond Verheijen.

 

Dutch football coach Raymond Verheijen is all over the news. He’s been talking about Arsenal and the club’s injuries.

“Wenger was labelled a “dinosaur” by Raymond Verheijen, a fitness coach who used to work with the Wales squad and blamed Arsenal for the annual bouts of injuries” – Times

A dinosaur?

Speaking on the Hawksbee and Jacobs show, the outspoken Dutchman said: “If you look at the facts, what you see is that Arsenal are the number one by far in terms of injuries in the last decade in the Premier League…

“In the ’90s, Arsene Wenger came from France to England and he introduced revolutionary methods – methods that people were not familiar with yet in the UK. At that stage he was a revolutionary coach.

“He has been applying those methods for ten, twenty years and when you apply the same methods for twenty years, at some stage people will catch you up and they will develop further and then they will be ahead of you. From a revolutionary coach, you have all of a sudden become an old-school coach because you stuck to methods from twenty years ago…

“Arsene Wenger is responsible for fatigue and injuries and the medical staff can only cure the problem.” – TalkSport

Wenger repsonds:

“This guy looks like he knows absolutely everything. I am amazed that he knows more than all our physios and all our doctors”

Verheijen has spoken about other top sides before. His views are amplified in the mainstream media. But should they and we hang on his every word?

Manchester City 2010:

“During pre-season and the first half of last season Mark Hughes had all his players available,” Verheijen said. “City played each game with the same team. The team had the best Prozone [computer data] statistics of the Premier League during the first part of the season. The players had the highest number of sprints and the highest total sprinting distance of all the Premier League teams.

“After the arrival of Mancini things changed dramatically. He probably did not even look at the Prozone statistics and our best-injury record in the Premier League. He decided players had to do double sessions many times a week. Those sessions often lasted for two hours. Not surprisingly the players picked up eight soft-tissue injuries within the first two weeks of Mancini.” – Guardian

City replied:

“Mr Verheijen appears to have become a regular critic of Roberto Mancini’s training methods, perhaps not entirely coincidentally since his consultancy services at Manchester City were terminated by the club several months ago. We wish him well in his future practice,” a club spokesmen said.

Mancini’s City won a first league title for 44 years in the 2011-12 season.

Wales 2011:

Wales assistant manager Raymond Verheijen hopes the leadership of the national side will be decided on Monday by the Football Association of Wales. Wales were left without a manager after Gary Speed’s death last month . “Tomorrow FAW meet about future of Wales,” the Dutchman wrote on Twitter on Sunday night. Hopefully the board will respect Gary’s wish so [fellow assistant] Osian Roberts and I can lead the team to Brazil.” – BBC

Chris Coleman is made Wales manager.

Former Wales assistant manager Raymond Verheijen has accused the Football Association of Wales of destroying the “legacy” left by Gary Speed. Dutchman Verheijen served under Speed during his 11 months as Wales manager. “He [Speed] has left a legacy, although the dinosaurs of the Welsh FA, at least on the pitch, have destroyed [it],” claimed Verheijen.

“The legacy of Gary will be in the hearts of his players, of his staff members,” he said. “His [Speed’s] players one day will become managers and they will start managing and working based on the inspiration that Gary gave. “So, I think that within 10 years we will see Gary’s legacy at different clubs, at different levels and different countries. But for the short time I think with the Welsh national team, unfortunately, his legacy has been destroyed.”

In 2015, Coleman’s Wales end a 57-year wait to qualify for a major tournament by making it to the European Championships 2016.

 

What odds Arsenal win the Premier League this season?

 

Posted: 30th, October 2015 | In: Arsenal, Reviews, Sports | Comment


Manchester United balls: Van Gaal swats Scholes through Google Translate

Paul Scholes, the former Manchester United player, has been working a pundit. He tell the BBC what he think of Louis Van Gaal’s Man United team:

“There’s a lack of creativity and risk. It’s a team now you wouldn’t want to play against because they’re tightly organised. But it seems he [Van Gaal] doesn’t want players to beat men and it’s probably not a team I’d have enjoyed playing in. The style is not something that Sir Alex Ferguson would have adhered to….

“The hardest thing to coach is scoring goals and creativity. I was at the derby on Sunday and Rooney’s movement was brilliant but when he’s playing in that team there’s no one prepared to pass to him. I think after 20 minutes you’d be tearing your hair out. I played with some brilliant centre forwards and I don’t think they could play in this team — the likes of Ruud van Nistelrooy, Andy Cole, Dwight Yorke, Teddy Sheringham. You don’t get crosses into the box or midfielders looking for runs.”

Louis Van Gaal responds in his intriguing way of being one of the few Dutchman who can’t speak English better than the English. Van Gaal heralded on United match by telling the TV pundits: “I shall be very disappointed when we don’t win.” Van Gaal is like listening to a man speaking through Google Translate. he says:

 “I think you have a fantastic expression here: sticks and stones can break my bones, but names will never hurt me. I think Manchester United is always entertaining and I read also in the papers and I see it is boring but I don’t think there are more spectators in other stadiums than this ground… You ask me if I take risks? I take always risks!  I am not agreed with his opinion but I don’t want to defend myself because I cannot defend, because he is a legend and has a lot of resonance I hear. So I think when you are a legend you have to speak with the manager, or with his friend Ryan Giggs, or has to speak with Ed Woodward. But not with because he shall be paid by the media or something like that, and then you have to say something.

“I shall do everything for this club because I think with these fans, I have said many times, these fans are unbelievable. We are improving at lot but when you think it can be done within one year I have said it is process and it takes three years. That’s why I signed here three years. But when Mr Scholes thinks I can better go, then I go. But he is not the man responsible for that. That is the Glazers and Mr Woodward.”

A media row ensues.

Posted: 30th, October 2015 | In: manchester united, Reviews, Sports | Comment


Watch German school children perform Kraftwerk’s classic Die Roboter

At the Lemmchen elementary school in Mainz, Germany, the cool kids are performing Kraftwerk’s Die Roboter.

Not all school concerts need be painful:

 

Kraftwerk - Roboter - Lemmchen primary school

 

 

 
Spotter: Electronicbeats.net

Posted: 30th, October 2015 | In: Key Posts, Music, Reviews | Comment


Couple scammed by door-to-door fish-sellers bought new freezer

Would you buy fish from a door-to-door salesman? To Lancashire, where Marion and Alan Johnson, aged 85 and 88, agreed to buy £24 of fish from a man on their doorstep.

Marion explains what occurred:

“We had just been to the doctor’s and I wasn’t very well. When the men called, we just wanted £24 worth of fish and I asked him to put it in the kitchen as I sat in the living room. I paid on card but when they left and we walked in the kitchen I’d never seen as much fish in my life. I checked the receipt and we’d been scammed, paying £204. The fish wasn’t even labelled so we didn’t know what type it was.

“We didn’t have anywhere to store it so we had to go out and buy another freezer to store it. We ate some of it but then saw on Facebook people were saying it wasn’t safe to eat. There’s now just have loads of fish we don’t know what to do with and we feel really dumb because we fell for it.”

The scammers are swine. But the pat about the couple going out and buying a new freezer to store their unwanted fish in puts the tin lid on the story.

 

Paul Noone, head of Trading Standards for Lancashire County Council, advises: “The best place to buy fish is from a local fishmonger at an established shop or stall or from a regular local roundsman. You are taking a risk by buying on the doorstep from an unknown trader as this fish may be of poor quality, misdescribed, or overcharged. We are currently investigating cheap fish sold as sea bass, farmed salmon sold as wild, short-weight sales, and Preston cases where a vulnerable lady paid £404 for seven packs of fish, and a retired couple paid £360 for a bag of unlabelled fish.”

Beware of frozen cold callers.

Posted: 30th, October 2015 | In: Reviews, Strange But True, The Consumer | Comment


Arsenal balls: Kieran Gibbs on the right, Bellerin busiest man in football, Joel Campbell derided

Arsenal are battling with their annual long list of injuries. The Mail has a question:

Wenger has ‘trust’ in medical staff amid injury crisis…but how will his Arsenal team line up at Swansea without these men?’

Crisis. Eight players are injured. But Arsenal are big club with a deep squad of players. And the Mirror has an answer:

 

Gibbs wing Arsenal

 

Kieran Gibbs as a winger. What madness. What utter balls. Has the Mirror’s writer seen one-footed left-footer Gibbs play? Does Hector Bellerin, Arsenal’s right-back, stand a chance?

The Telegraph comes up with an even nuttier solution:

 

Screen Shot 2015-10-30 at 14.53.11

 

Did Wenger consider that? No. He tells everyone who can play on the right side of midfield against Swansea:

Campbell and Alex Iwobi. Santi can play there as well but he has become very important centrally. The problem sometimes is that you can destroy two departments if you move one player out. We control the ball better with Santi in the middle.

 

Mention of Gibbs: none. Arsenal fans can relax a little.

Posted: 30th, October 2015 | In: Arsenal, Reviews, Sports | Comment


Kids dresses as drugs baron Pablo Escobar for Halloween (video)

In this video, the ankle-biter looking for candy this Halloween is dressed as Colombian drugs baron, Pablo Escobar. “TRICK OR TREAT?” he asks. There’s no right answer.

 

Escobar wore trainers?

pablo escobar halloween costume

Posted: 30th, October 2015 | In: Reviews | Comment


Madeleine McCann: nothing shelved, four at work and the Sun hacks the police

maddie the sunMadeleine McCann: a look at the missing child in the news.

The Sun (front page): “SUN EXCLUSIVE – MADDIE:McCann: We’ll never give up”

Is that news?

We learn via bullet points:

  • £750,000 IN FUND
  • EX-COPS TEAM

Page 13: “NEVER QUIT”

We’re told that the police operation is to be “shelved”. As ever, an unnamed “source close to the McCanns” says: “They are very much of the mind, ‘We will never give up’ and they won’t. They have spearheaded the hunt for Madeleine themselves before and will do so again if they have to.”

We also hear from the McCanns’ spokesman Clarence Mitchell: “Should the need arise for a private investigation to be resumed, they have made sure they have enough money left in Madeleine’s fund.”

Page 12-13: “HOW DID MADDIE HUNT GO WRONG?

Do we know that it has? The Met’s Operation Grange has been gathering evidence and reviewing all data. Four police officers will now work full-time on the case. The 25 who also worked on it have been put on other duties. Maybe one of them can look for Andrew Gosden or Steven Cook?

The Sun says the Met’s enquiry is “expected to be wound down  completely in the New Year”.

The paper wonders “how could an inquiry that to date has cost more than £11million seemingly achieve so little?”

The British taskforce, which at its height was 37-strong, has yet to make a single arrest, despite 560 lines of inquiry and 60 suspects.

Why is the Sun no keen to present this as a failure by the Met police? Why is the Sun, the paper in the eye of the police’s phone hacking purge  / witch hunt, keen to ask: ”

It also became mired in a spending controversy with some cops staying in the £200-a-night five-star Hotel Dona Filipa during visits to Portugal. Last year there were 67 flights to the country by cops costing £16,000, with overtime on top. So what were all these officers actually doing?

That hotel price is for peak season. The officers were then in the off-season. And:

By the latest count, the Met claims “7,154 actions had been raised” and 560 lines of inquiry identified. They had identified more than 60 persons of interest and 650 sex offenders were also investigated.

But the numbers mask the chaos going on behind the scenes.

Having found the police wanting, the Sun than adds a fact:

Madeleine’s case was always a special one. Never has a missing child received so much worldwide focus. Indeed, the average amount spent on investigating a missing child is around £2,400.

That’s because:

a) The media saw the missing blonde child and launched a voracious feeding frenzy.

b) Most children are found quickly

In other tabloids today: Daily Mail, Daily Express and Daily Mirror all nothing on Madeleine McCann.

 

 

Posted: 30th, October 2015 | In: Madeleine McCann, Reviews | Comment


Transfer balls: Arsenal chase Hakan Calhanoglu who signed for Manchester United and two Mesut Ozils

Transfer balls: the Daily Express says Arsenal and Manchester United are after Bayer Leverkusen’s 21-year-old Turkish attacking midfielder Hakan Calhanoglu.

Hakan’s also wanted by Atletico Madrid and Barcelona. And he’ll cost £29m.

Is he any good? Well the Express says he’s has been “hailed as the ‘next Mesut Ozil'”. By whom we’re not told. And why would Arsenal need two Ozils?

The Independent says United are “readying a €40m bid” for the player. Its sources is German newspaper Bild.

But over there we find not a single mention of either Arsenal nor Manchester United. Bayer Leverkusenboss Michael Schade tells Bild: “We want to keep Hakan, but with us there is a pain threshold.”

The paper adds: “From a release of EUR 40 million Bayer should be ready to talk. At Bayer we know about the interest of the English.”

The English Press really is full of utter balls. After all, according to the Express, Hakim signed for Manchester United in the summer:

 

Screen Shot 2015-10-29 at 11.45.07

 

Such are the facts.

Posted: 29th, October 2015 | In: Arsenal, manchester united, Reviews, Sports | Comment


Transfer balls: Manchester United wait for Neymar as Barcelona show him the money

Neymar: dreaming of Salford

Neymar: dreaming of Salford

 

Transfer balls: Are Manchester United buying Neymar?

The Sun says Barcelona will offer the Brazilian £500,000-a-week.

Can United top that?

In another article the Sun says Man United will “play the long game”. Neymar is 23, Will United wait until he’s, say, 43, before swooping?

In a remarkable spout of balls, Neil Curtis writes:

IT WAS thought the pull of Manchester United in world football had diminished since Sir Alex Ferguson bowed out at Old Trafford. The very fact that Neymar is about to have his wages doubled at The Nou Camp to £500,000 a week shows it hasn’t.

Eh? Is the thinking that because United want Neymar, Barcelona have been panicked into making him the third best played player in the world, after Messi and Ronaldo?

Such is the concern surrounding United’s interest in the Brazilian star, 23, that he will be propelled into the same wage brackets as Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo. Two other players who United would not hesitate in trying to get to Old Trafford.

This isn’t news. It’s PR. We’re told United would love to buy the world’s top players. Well, so would every other club. Would the players want to join United?

Any indication from the Messi camp that he is after pastures new and they would be straight in there.

Looking desperate and assuring the Argentinean that his national team-mate Angel Di Maria loved living in Manchester and playing under Louis Van Gaal.

Twice they have attempted to get Ronaldo back to Old Trafford and there is still a romantic view that he will play out his final couple of years as a professional back at the club where he made his name.

And twice they have failed. As for romance, surely Ronaldo returning to Sporting Lisbon, from where United bought him, would be a sweeter story.

There was much scoffing on social media when SunSport broke the story that United had tried to get Neymar.

Tried. And failed. Such is that “pull” of Manchester United.

It remains tempting for someone who would be happy to be THE star at another club on the same level as Barca. United are a club under the executive vice chairman Ed Woodward who are not afraid to ruffle the feathers of the likes of Real and Barca.

Real and Barca then puff our their plumage and strut off with the world’s best players. After such puffery, Curtis then reads Neymar’s mind:

Whether United get Neymar any time soon or not, they have put down a marker for the future. By making that shock move, they have made the player think about options that were not previously there. They have made him think about a future elsewhere.

Yeah, because one of the world’s best players had no idea other clubs would like him to play for them.

 

Posted: 29th, October 2015 | In: manchester united, Reviews, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Madeleine McCann: 4 police, Google gold and front-page news

Madeleine McCann: a look at the missing child in the media.

The Sun (front page): “Cops in hunt for Maddie slashed”

The “search” has been “drastically cut back”. Reducing the number of police officers on the case from a platoon-sized 29 to a small office-sized 4 is “a huge blow to parents Kate and Gerry”.

This news is shared with the other front-page police matters that “Britain’s tops cops” have warned that “huge spending cuts will spell the end for  bobbies on the beat”. It’s cost The Met Police not much under £11m since 2011 to find out what happened to Madeleine McCann. The Sun’s juxtaposition of the two stories is not accidental.

Page 9: “FEAR OF LOST GIRLS PARENTS – IS THIS END OF COP HUNT FOR MADDIE?”

Answer: No. Four police remain on the case.

We hear from a “source close to Mum Kate and dad Gerry”. They say: “They know it can’t go on forever. They’re preparing for it to be shelved for good in coming months.”

We hear their official “statement”: “We remain hopeful  she may still be found…”

Daily Mail (Page 25): “”Maddie probe team is slashed from 29 detectives to just 4.”

Just 4. Just?

We learn that the Government “initially set aside 5m for the Met probe”. We are reminded that the Portuguese investigation was “marred by blunders”.

It has also sold a lot of newspapers and garnered online clicks.

 

Maddie Mccann google

 

Daily Express (front page): “MADDY: POLICE RUN OUT OF CLUES”

Did they ever have any?

The Express agrees that there will “just” four offices working full-time on the case.

Page 9: “McCanns cling to hope as inquiry is cut back”

To illustrate how this story has gone nowhere, this is the Daily Express headline from 29 April 2009: “Madeleine’s parents still cling to hope.”

The paper notes:

Since the little girl, who would now be 11, vanished, every possible theory has been explored including that she was kidnapped by a peadophile [sic], killed during a botched burglary and her body dumped, snatched by traffickers and sold to a childless couple and she wandered out of the apartment and died in a tragic accident.

 

mccann sorry express star newspapers

 

The Express, of course, indulged in another theory that cost it dear when it libelled the McCanns:

The question of what happened to the little girl has not only become a personal tragedy for the McCann family, but a national obsession in the UK and in Portugal. However, to date, not one shred of proof of what happened to Madeleine has been unearthed.

Not everyone has been as obsessed as the Express:

daily express mccann obsession

 

Daily Mirror (front page): “MADDIE – Police scaling down hunt”

Page 11: “Maddie Cops Cut From 29 To Four – But Met says investigation continues”

Not shelved, then. But there are – get this – “just four” detectives on the case.

Daily Star (front page): “Search for Maddie cut”

Page 6: “Family’s agony as cops slash Maddie squad”

Agony? Surely the agony was the child vanishing. The case remains open. The parents “remain hopeful”

Such are the facts.

 

Posted: 29th, October 2015 | In: Key Posts, Madeleine McCann, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment


Madeleine McCann: ‘just’ four police working full-time on case, 8,685 potential sightings, years of sensation

maddie

 

There were 29 police officers working full-time on the hunt for Madeleine McCann. Soon there will be four, the Metropolitan Police says.

The Mirror:

Scotland Yard has cut the number of officers investigating Maddie’s disappearance from 29 to just four.

Just four. Just…

The BBC:

The Met said the “vast majority” of the work in its inquiry into Madeleine’s disappearance had been completed. It said no conclusion had been reached but it was now following a “small number of focused lines of inquiry” which was why the team had been cut.

Four full-time officers on one case still sounds a lot, no?

Spokesman for the McCann family Clarence Mitchell says the the case into her disappearance is not drawing to a close. 

If only it were. We all want closure. The story foes on and on.

 

Assistant Commissioner Mark Rowley, from the Met, said: “The Met was asked to take on this exceptional case as one of national interest.”

Less time was spent looking for Saddam’s weapons of mass destruction.

“We were happy to bring our expertise to bear only on the basis that it would not detract from the policing of London; and the Home Office have additionally funded the investigation above normal grants to the Met. That will continue at the reduced level.”

As ever, we are left looking at the parents:

Madeleine’s parents Gerry and Kate McCann praised the “meticulous and painstaking work” done by police. They said: “We are reassured that the investigation to find Madeleine has been significantly progressed and the Met has a much clearer picture of the events in Praia da Luz leading up to Madeleine’s abduction in 2007. Given that the review phase of the investigation is essentially completed, we fully understand the reasons why the team is being reduced. We would also like to thank the Home Office for continuing to support the investigation. Whilst we do not know what happened to Madeleine, we remain hopeful that she may still be found given the ongoing lines of inquiry.”

 

The investigation has been huge:

Officers have investigated more than 60 persons of interest, the Met said, adding that a total of 650 sex offenders had also been considered as well as reports of 8,685 potential sightings of Madeleine around the world. Having reviewed all of the documents, “7,154 actions were raised and 560 lines of inquiry identified”, the Met said. It said more than 30 requests had been made to “countries across the world asking for work to be undertaken on behalf of the Met”.

The Guardian:

No arrests have been made, despite officers investigating 60 people of interest, taking 1,338 statements, collecting 1,027 exhibits and investigating 560 lines of enquiry. The Met said it had investigated 650 known sex offenders in connection with the case, as well as reports of 8,685 potential sightings of Madeleine around the world, receiving 200 emails a week from members of the public.

And on it goes…

Posted: 28th, October 2015 | In: Madeleine McCann, Reviews | Comment


Chelsea balls: Mourinho’s new low, Stoke City are easy, Blues ‘plumb new depths’

Chelsea balls: The Sun sticks its napkin into its collar, picks up a knife and fork and tucks into Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho. Stoke – a Premier League playing at home – beat Chelsea on penalties in the League Cup.

 

plumbed

 

The Sun’s back page tells us that the result means Jose Mourinho is “on the brink” of leaving Chelsea.

 

Screen Shot 2015-10-28 at 18.04.09

 

Jose Mourinho is “clinging to his job by a thread”. Chelsea did a “crash ‘n burn”. Chelsea “plumbed new depths”.

To recap: Stoke City are a top-flight side playing at home. They won in a penalty shoot-out.

The Sun’s match reports goes:

It cannot be disputed his [Mourinho’s] players gave their all for him last night. This time, unquestionably, they threw everything at it.

Sure, they showed new levels of commitment, determination and dogged resistence [sic] as they clawed their way back from the loss of a sensational Jon Walters goal. Of course, they kept going to deservedly snatch a stoppage-time equaliser through sub Loic Remy. But that should really be a given from the reigning champions.

Can a team plumb news depth by playing as champions should? Apparently, yes.

 

Posted: 28th, October 2015 | In: Chelsea, Reviews, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Chelsea balls: Jose Mourinho in bondage club Hell and other love letters

How boring is Jose Mourinho? Don’t bother answering. It’s a rhetorical question. The Mail says the Chelsea boss is a huge bore.

Michael Henderson states:

Not many people are listening any more. Mourinho, who was never as interesting as some lickspittles imagined, has become a bore

So boring is Mourinho that he occupies most of the Mail’s back page. Chelsea were knocked out the League Cup by Stoke City – but both clubs are overshadowed by the boring one.

 

Screen Shot 2015-10-28 at 16.53.14

 

 

Matt Lawton’s match report is headlined:

“THAT PUTS JOSE ON THE SPOT”

Chelsea lost on penalty kicks. But the pun plays second fiddle to Mourinho’s first name – like all legends he only needs one – the mad bore.

Also in today’s entertaining Daily Mail – these stories all from just TODAY:

Jose Mourinho walks out of Chelsea post-match interview after refusing to answer ‘negative’ question about team’s defending in Capital One Cup defeat by Stoke – Simeon Gholam

Guus Hiddink hints at interest in Chelsea job if Jose Mourinho leaves, saying ‘top class football is always attractive’ – Adam Shergold

Loic Remy wants Jose Mourinho to stay at Chelsea and has backed the boss to lead Stamford Bridge club to top four finish – Press Association Reporter

Chelsea have lost HALF of their 14 games since Eva Carneiro row… where has it gone wrong for Jose Mourinho’s champions? – Jonny Singer

Mourinho still the right man for Chelsea, says Remy – Reuters

Loic Remy tells Chelsea not to sack Jose Mourinho – Press Association

Defiant Mourinho doesn’t need ‘assurances’ as Chelsea exit Cup – Reuters

Jose Mourinho’s job as Chelsea manager hangs by a thread… but Blues boss insists he does not need further reassurance from owner Roman Abramovich over his future – Chris Wheeler

Stoke 1-1 Chelsea (AET: 5-4 on pens) PLAYER RATINGS: So, who played his heart out for Jose Mourinho? – Chris Wheeler

Under-fire Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho has no luck once again as holders crash out – Press Association Reporter

In any other business, Chelsea’s suffering boss Jose Mourinho would get a sabbatical to save him – Martin Samuel

Get a load of all those lickspittles on the Mail’s payroll.

And get a load of some other Henderson bon mots:

Like some footsore wanderer, beset by vagabonds, Jose Mourinho stands at the crossroads, looking for the path that will be his salvation. In vain, alas. One sign reads ‘disgrace’, the other ‘despair’. And both lead, as night follows day, to ‘dismissal’.

Jose inspires journalist to 19th Century epiphany!

Charged on Monday by the FA with misconduct, following his latest acts of petulance on Saturday, when Chelsea lost their fifth league match of this wretched season at West Ham, Mourinho is once again wearing a face longer than a day without breakfast.

All over by brunch!

It appears, from his extraordinary behaviour in the past three months, that he wants to be released from his bondage at Stamford Bridge, and it shouldn’t be long before his wish is granted.

Jose in S&M Hell!

Will angels pluck a thousand harps to send him on his way? Will the tears of loyal supporters run like rivers along Fulham Road? Hardly. It has been clear for some time that many Chelsea fans find his narcissism as tiresome as the rest of us. When he goes, next week, next month, next year, it will be with everybody’s blessing.

Jose in Homer-erotic reverie!

Harsh, you say? Not harsh enough. In terms of pots won, Mourinho has been a remarkably successful manager. Nobody can take those titles away from him, and nobody ever will. Yet, apart from the supporters of Porto, Chelsea, Inter Milan and Real Madrid, who can say, hand on heart, that the teams he has sent into the field have raised spirits?

Well, aside from every single Chelsea fan, how about this chap, who writes for the, er, Daily Mail:

 

Screen Shot 2015-10-28 at 17.13.43

 

And still Henderson goes on:

Mourinho’s teams are not designed to delight, or even entertain.

Or as the Mail’s Pete Jenson outs it:

 

Screen Shot 2015-10-28 at 17.18.39

 

He ends:

Besieged by foes, he sits in his bunker, cursing all who would doubt him. But not many people are listening any more. Mourinho, who was never as interesting as some lickspittles imagined, has become a bore. We are approaching the final act, not with tears but mocking laughter. To borrow from My Fair Lady: ‘Poor Jose, how simply frightful. How humiliating. How delightful.’

Editorial meetings at the Mail must be a riot. Hendeson v the Mourinho Lickspittles – hundreds of them all writing about the most boring man in the world.

 

Posted: 28th, October 2015 | In: Chelsea, Reviews, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Chelsea transfer balls: Hiddink returns, Ancelotti scoffs, Mourinho laughs and Stoke City are ignored

daily mirror mourinho

 

Chelsea balls: the media continue to guess about Jose Mourinho’s future at Stamford Bridge.

You might see English football’s champions losing matches as a sign of the Premier League’s strength. But the narrative is that the top teams who spend the most must always win. Anything less than the predictable procession has the media’s nodding heads demanding the bigger club’s manager is sacked. So it is for Jose Mourinho. Chelsea have lost five from 10 matches so far. They are nine points off a Champions’ League berth. There are 28(!) matches to go.

 

Stoke City newspapers

 

It would be nuts to sack Mourinho. But all papers have an agenda. Just look at the Mirror’s back page: Stoke beat Chelsea and the entire back page is dedicated to the losing club’s manager.

Having decide that Mourinho must go,. the paper pick his successor.

The now dire Daily Telegraph says Bayern Munich manager Pep Guardiola is not free until next summer. Carlo Ancelotti is “expected to reject a return to Stamford Bridge on a temporary basis”. But former Chelsea manager Guus Hiddink could fancy it. You know, maybe. The Daily Mirror says Ancelotti, 56, would consider the Chelsea job if he was offered it on a permanent basis.

That’s news to the Times Oliver Kay, who says:

One persistent whisper in football circles is that Ancelotti, out of work since his departure from Real Madrid, is the obvious go-to man should Abramovich find himself looking for another interim manager (or even a permanent one). Those close to Ancelotti insist otherwise; the Italian does not look back on his second and final season at Chelsea, which culminated with an unedifying dismissal in a stairwell at Goodison Park, with the slightest fondness.

In other words: no-one has a foggiest what will happen next but to some it’s fun to guess when a man will lose his job.

Pathetic.

Posted: 28th, October 2015 | In: Chelsea, Reviews, Sports | Comment


Dog named Trigger shoots owner

trigger dog gun, guns

 

To Indiana, where local brains’ trust rep Allie Carter, 25, is out hunting waterfowl. She puts down her 12-gauge shotgun. Trigger her gun dog Labrador steps on the weapon, and she’s shot in the foot.

No birds were hurt but a few got belly pains from laughing.

 

bird hunter shot

 

 

Carter is now on the mend.

Spotter

Posted: 28th, October 2015 | In: Reviews, Strange But True | Comment


Indiana Jones arrested after high-speed chase

Indiana Z Jones

 

Indiana Z. Jones of Rushville, New York, was pulled over by police. Rather than leaving the vehicle, Indy put his foot down. Police gave chase. Other police up ahead tossed down “stop sticks” that blew his tyres.

Jones, 21, was charged with unlawfully fleeing a police officer, obstructing governmental administration, reckless operation, speeding, speed not reasonable and prudent, failure to comply with a lawful order, failure to keep right, moving from lane unsafely, driving an uninspected and unregistered vehicles, improper licence plates, driving without insurance and multiple vehicular equipment infractions.

In his defence he cite nominative determinism: Indiana Jones alway runs.

Posted: 28th, October 2015 | In: Reviews, Strange But True | Comment


Music from 1970s sex films

sex film music

 

We only read Playboy for the articles (which since Hugh ‘Housecoat’ Hefner’s throbbing organ swore off naked women is truer than ever), and we only watch vintage skin flicks for the music. French music producer Drixxxe has made compilation tapes of ‘70s softcore pornographic films. Called Sextape (natch.) you can tune in to them all on Flashbak.

 

SEXTAPE 1

Sextapes: A Selection of Vintage Erotic & Porn Movie Soundtracks

Posted: 28th, October 2015 | In: Film, NSFW, Reviews | Comment


MP duped by ‘custard gannet’ Cake placed in charge of UK drugs policy

david amess cake drugs

 

Tory MP David Amess will chair the bill committee for the Government’s Psychoactive Substances Bill. 

Good choice. Right man for the job. After all we all asked ‘What’s he on?’ when Amess popped up on TV’s Brass Eye in 1997 to warn us that Cake was “a big yellow death bullet”. Cake was “a new legal drug from Czechoslovakia”. He told us:

“Look at that, a £100,000 in the pocket of the filth that sells it. A big yellow death bullet in the head of some poor user – or custard gannet as the dealers call them.”

Cake was a spoof.

 

Posted: 27th, October 2015 | In: Key Posts, Politicians, Reviews | Comment


Jamie Oliver: sponsored by Mars star will save the poor and stupid from sugar

Jamie Oliver wants us to pay a “sugar tax”. The TV chef wants us to pay a  tax on sugary drinks and snacks. He says:

“The discussions that I’ve had haven’t implied that that is written off. I think the discussions that have I’ve had are been robust. Mr Cameron is reviewing everything and seems to be interrogating it really well. We need to make sure that he’s brave.”

And then – shudder:

“It’s symbolic of a government that is willing to fight tooth and nail for public health and most importantly for child health. We need to be bold and brave and frankly act like a parent.”

Josef Fritzl? Princess Diana? Osama bin Laden? Jamie Oliver? Which parent is the model?

Oliver adds:

“Who is running the country? Is it the businesses who are profiting from ill-health of our children or is it us?” 

Dunno. But in 2014, we read this:

On Friday 16 May, Mars Food Australia supported 210 school students local to the Wyong plant to cook with celebrity chef Jamie Oliver on Food Revolution Day.

Mars. Makers of the sugar-laden Mars Bar.

And in 2013:

Mars-owned food brand Uncle Ben’s has renewed its product-placement and sponsorship deal with Channel 4 for Jamie Oliver programming.

Ker-ching!

Thanks to Mars at least Jamie’s not one of the poor who will be hit and saved by his sugar tax.

 

Posted: 27th, October 2015 | In: Celebrities, Reviews | Comment


Revolting marketing: UK betting firm offers odds on which footballer will come out as gay

daily star

 

In the Anorak Inbox today, this missive form a desperate

A UK betting site has offered odds on which England football will come out as gay, following the news over the weekend that two Premier League footballers are set to do so. Players such as Luke Shaw, Daniel Sturridge and James Milner all appear in the low tier with odds of 10/1 or lower, whilst the likes of Joe Hart, Jordan Henderson and Wayne Rooney all appear at odds of 20/1 or lower.

More information can be found below, but please do get in touch if you require any further information.

Thanks

How revolting.

 

Following the news over the weekend that two Premier League footballers (one of whom allegedly plays for England) are ready to come out as gay, a betting website based in the UK has become the first to offer customers the chance to bet on which footballers might do so. Visitors to the site can take a punt on which footballers they think will make the announcement; with the sportsmen split into low, medium and high tier odds according to the perceived likeliness of their involvement in a potential upcoming announcement.

The odds for different players vary according to likelihood, as judged by Win Cash Live’s trading team…

Speaking about offering odds on which footballers are likely to come out as gay, Ashley Faull (founder of www.WinCashLive.com), said the following:

“…there’s no denying that this is a very hot topic right now and we couldn’t see that any gambling sites were offering odds on which footballers will come out as gay, following the news and rumours over the weekend. We know that there is a lot of speculation and the public will want to see if they can guess correctly, so we’re offering them the chance to get a return on their inklings.”

You think you’ve reached rock bottom but there’s always someone with a new spade whose ready to dig….

Posted: 27th, October 2015 | In: Money, Reviews, Sports | Comment


Migration: Daily Express uses anonymous source to demonise baby-killing Muslim asylum-seekers

daily express migrants

 

Is the Daily Express demonising migrants? Does Jordan sleep on her back? Today’s migrant news in the tabloid of intolerance begins:

Britain next? Doctor’s outrage at ‘refugees pushing German hospitals to breaking point’

Doctor singular.

Nick Gutteridge writes:

A DOCTOR working in German hospitals has revealed the horrifying chaos which could face the NHS if thousands of migrants from the Middle East manage to reach Britain.

Horrifying. Chaos.

A female doctor has claimed German hospitals are struggling to deal with the number of refugees

Claimed. What are the facts? Is she right? Why is her being a female doctor any different to being a doctor?

The female anaesthetist said the German health service has been completely overwhelmed by the influx of Muslim asylum-seekers who are REFUSING to be treated by female medics.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 27th, October 2015 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment (1)


Texas police advertise for weed dealers to grass up their rivals

Lumberton police drugs Texas advert

 

Lumberton Police Department, Texas, wants you to grass on weed dealers.

Spotter: M. Kritharis

Posted: 26th, October 2015 | In: Reviews | Comment