Royal Family Category
The Royal Family, the House of Windsor, in the news and on a horse
Harry will spend the summer working alongside conservation groups in Africa before “actively considering other longer term employment opportunities”.
A straw poll of the Anroak office reveals that 98% of us believe Harry should consider a life of being stinking rich and indulged.
One per cent say he should look to break as many Guinness World Records as he can.
The remainder think he should live in a tent with Prince Edward.
Prince Charles wants to kick his younger brother Prince Andrew out of the Royal Family, says the website Celebrity Dirty Laundry. Andrew, once billed as ‘Air Miles Andy’ and ‘Randy Andy’ is now “alleged teen sex slave offender Andy”. He’s accused of shagging Victoria Roberts, who claims she was a 17 -year-old sex slave when she rubbed Andrew’s body at one of billionaire paedo /billionaire playboy / billionaire genius Jeffrey Epstein’s homes.
The story is rooted in sources talking to the Daily Mail. Katie Nicholl begins with a question:
What IS the problem with the Princes? Charles won’t give Andrew a vote of confidence, a party invite – or a place on the balcony
Is Andrew stood looking up at Charles’ Juliette balcony, one the would-be human tampon shares with his tame begonia and the woman who was once his mistress?
Nicholl then begins:
The clinking of cutlery and popping of corks could be heard from the other end of the corridor. Behind the partly closed gilt doors of the grand dining room at Buckingham Palace, the Prince of Wales was holding court with his wife, the Duchess of Cornwall. The celebration to mark his 66th birthday was in full swing, with the couple’s closest friends charging their crystal glasses to toast the Prince.
Eat yer liver out, Barbra Cartland.
At the other end of the Palace, Prince Andrew was in his private residence sharing a low-key supper with a friend or two of his own. Sources close to the Duke of York’s circle say he had not been invited to the party and did not want to spend the evening alone.
Most sane people would rather drink their own urine than listen to Prince Charles hold court or share a simple supper with Andrew. As we wander around Buck House looking for a McDonald’s franchise, Nicholl harps on about how Charles is disapproving of the allegation that Andrew had sex with “a minor” – although, we must state, a minor under Florida not UK law and that Andy denies any wrongdoing – “the shutters have come down” on “Andrew’s darkest hours”.
A source then arrives from the 1950s to explain:
‘The froideur is worse than ever,’ the friend said. ‘Charles considers the whole sex scandal degrading, damaging and very embarrassing. He thinks that his brother has made some very bad decisions but he has said nothing to Andrew, he simply hasn’t communicated with him at all. There’s been a very icy silence.’
‘I was told never to mention Andrew’s name in the Prince of Wales’s company,’ the source revealed.
Readers are then treated to lines that should cause no end of eye rolling and giggles:
Charles considers the whole sex scandal degrading, damaging and very embarrassing… Andrew has been relying heavily on the support of his immediate family. His ex-wife Sarah Ferguson was the first to rush to his defence, saying on American television that Andrew is a ‘humongously good man’.
If there was ever the moment for two men to unite over a humongous laugh, that must be it.
The Express puts the other side:
A spokesman for Clarence House last night said that suggestions of such a break down in the brothers’ relationship were “categorically untrue”.
However, a friend of a prominent royal family member said that Charles has not written to Andrew for months.
They share a home and write letters to one another? Do they eschew stamps and just draw a cartoon of ‘mum’ in the top corner before popping the missives into a flunkey’s letter box mouth or between their buttocks? And whatever happened to shouting?
Over in the Telegraph we get news that Roberts was no sex slave.
Former friends of the woman who has claimed that she slept with Prince Andrew have disputed her claims that she was a sex slave.
Associates of Virginia Roberts said that she ‘never looked like she was being held captive’ and that she lived the high life earning thousands of dollars.
They said that she was ‘head b****’ of a group of 10 girls who worked for billionaire paedophile Jeffrey Epstein at his mansion and that she would ‘brag’ about her earnings.
That’s former friends for you, or not friends at all, as we call them.
The ‘former friend’ is Philip Guderyon, who “used to hook up with Roberts and drive her to and from Epstein’s mansion in Palm Beach, Fla.” Says the man with a story to sell, sorry, tell in the New York Daily News:
“She’d have like nine or 10 girls she used to bring to him… She never looked like she was being held captive. She and the other girls would walk out of there smiling, with their little bathing suits on, like they had just come from the beach. She’d have like four grand. And then I’d take them all to the mall and they’d get their nails done.”
Crystal Figueroa, whose brother dated Roberts in the early 2000s, adds:
“She’d say to me, ‘Do you know any girls who are kind of slutty? She would always brag about all the money she had. I don’t think anybody was forcing her to do anything.”
What you think doesn’t matter. The law on consent is that below it you cannot agree to sex. As her brief chimes:
“To say that our client acquiesced in this abuse, or that the abuse was OK because she was paid for it — leaves out the fact that this is why we have laws in the United States to protect minor children who are groomed and sexually trafficked by adults,” lawyer Sigrid McCawley said.
Groomed. Tafficked. The language of child abuse is being used to explain Virginia Roberts’ life with Epstein.
In 1998, the 15-year-old Roberts was living in a substance abuse treatment facility in Lake Worth called Growing Together — according to Guderyon, who was there at the same time. That summer Roberts was recruited to provide massages for Epstein. She eventually moved in with Figueroa’s family in Royal Palm Beach.
“She was a very nice girl,” said Figueroa’s mother, Mara. “We didn’t have any problems with her.”
And neither did Epstein and his pals before she started to talk to the lawyers, allegedly…
Kate Middleton news now. And the Daily Mail leads with the story of Kate’s roots. No, not her humble ‘doors-to-manual’ air hostess mum, tattooed unclear and Jewish grandpa, rather her hair roots, which are greying.
Kate Middleton is 33. And she’s got a spot of grey, or tipex in her thatch.
Overlooking the chance for 50 Shades of Grey pun – the Mail’s David Wilkes tells the full story on Page 7:
He tells us that young royal are “not immune to the ageing process”.
This is no shock to Mail readers who were told lat years that women start to grey at…33.
So. There you have it. Kate Middleton is human. The rest of them might be lizards, but not our Kate…
The story of Prince Andrew and Virginia Roberts, the womn who claims she had sex with him him when she was Jeffrey Epstein’s underage sex slave, has slipped down the news cycle.
Randy Andy seems to have brushed the scare off. Indeed, the London Gazette says Andrew will be made a vice-admiral in the Royal Navy when he turns 55 next week. (And, no, that’s not a pun.)
Over in the Daily Mail, one of Andrew’s former lovers, Koo ‘Starkers’ Stark, is speaking in his defence. The American-born actress was 26 when she dated the Duke of York after his return from the Falklands War in 1982. They dated er for 18 months. The Duke married Sarah Ferguson in 1986. She says:
“I know too much about the media and the law courts to allow the disgrace of an innocent man. That is why I have decided to reveal some details of my relationship with Andrew. My view is clear: I believe him to be a good man and I believe I can help rebut, with authority, the allegations against him. Prince Andrew is a dear friend and godfather to my daughter. I’ve only known him to be honourable and honest, with Christian values. I couldn’t shrug off Virginia Roberts’ assassination of his character any more than he has been able to. He was being accused of the very worst kind of behaviour. The stain on his reputation is spilling across his life like blood from a new wound.”
…my experience of being with Andrew on our first date in Bewicks informed me of the effect he has on any gathering, be it a restaurant, a club or a Royal court. Conversation drops. Body language changes. There is a bow wave of deference. But Ms Roberts will have us believe this extraordinary hour in Prince Andrew’s life passed unchronicled.
Well, yeah. Do we know everything he does? And, in any case, men of money power cannot be abusers:
The media heard Prince Charles’ words on race relations. Discussing the radicalisation of young Britons, Prince Charles told BBC radio:
“Well, of course, this is one of the greatest worries, I think, and the extent to which this is happening is the alarming part. And particularly in a country like ours where you know the values we hold dear. You think that the people who have come here, [are] born here, go to school here, would imbibe those values and outlooks…
“Christianity was founded in the Middle East which we often forget. From a morale point I hope it showed they were not forgotten. I wish I could do more. Many of us do wish we could do more. I think what doesn’t bear thinking about is people of one faith, a believer, could kill another believer. That’s the totally bewildering aspect in our day and age.”
The Daily Mail heard that, too, and told its readers:
Prince Charles risked provoking a new political and religious storm yesterday when he said Muslims living in the UK should follow British values.
Prince Charles last night called for a halt to the persecution of Christians by Islamic State and other militant Islamic groups, telling them bluntly: ‘We were in the Middle East before you.’
“No, I didn’t describe myself as a defender: I said I would rather be seen as ‘Defender of Faith’, all those years ago, because, as I tried to describe, I mind about the inclusion of other people’s faiths and their freedom to worship in this country. And it’s always seemed to me that, while at the same time being Defender of the Faith, you can also be protector of faiths. It was very interesting that 20 years or more after I mentioned this – which has been frequently misinterpreted – the Queen, in her Jubilee address to the faith leaders, said that as far as the role of the Church of England is concerned, it is not to defend Anglicanism to the exclusion of other religions. Instead, the Church has a duty to protect the free practice of all faiths in this country. I think in that sense she was confirming what I was really trying to say – perhaps not very well – all those years ago. And so I think you have to see it as both. You have to come from your own Christian standpoint – in the case I have as Defender of the Faith – and ensuring that other people’s faiths can also be practised.”
Prince Andrew and Virgina Roberts share the Sun’s front page. It’s the story of sex and slavery.
It’s the story of “MY SEX WITH ANDY AND 8 GIRLS.” Wow! Prince Andrew had sex with “girls”! Eight of them!
The story begins:
THE “slave” who claims she was forced to sleep with Prince Andrew said he once had sex with her and eight girls.
Robert is the self-confessed ‘slave’ who fled her paedophile captor whilst on a massage learning course in Thailand.
Virginia Roberts, 31, said the orgy took place on his paedo pal Jeffrey Epstein’s private island.
Sarah, Duchess of York, is on NBC’s the Today Show talking about herself. She tells viewers of her work as ambassador for the Institute of Global Health Improvement at Imperial College London.
If your first reaction is to wonder if that institute exists, know that it does. A quick search reveals that “The Institute of Global Health Innovation is working to improve the health of people and reduce health inequalities throughout the world.”
The Prince Andrew sex scandal continues to entertain.
The Sun leads with the story of Randy Andy and fragrant Virginia Roberts, who claims the prince shagged her when she was 17.
The age of consent in Florida is 18.
But the really grim news is that Sarah Ferguson is back!
The story of Prince Andrew and Virginia Roberts, the woman who alleges he shagged her when she was underage, rumbles on.
Today Her Majesty the Queen is the star turn in the dock of public opinion.
Poor old Queeny, getting dragged into her feckless son’s mess. And it would be Randy Andy, wouldn’t it, the Prince Harry prototype, the spare-to-the-heir’s war veteran and shagger. If Pricne Charles were getting an ‘erotic massage’ from a teenager, as the fragrant Roberts alleges, he’d still be checking the oils for ethical sources and apologising to the grass for stealing its essentials. Prince Edward would have kept his vest, Y-fronts and brogues on.
So. It’s Andy.
The story of Prince Andrew and the allegedly underage “sex slave” Virginia Roberts is back in the news.
The front pages are full of lurid allegations against the Duke of York, formerly known as Randy Andy.
The story can be summed up simply. The BBC does a decent job:
Buckingham Palace has denied “any suggestion of impropriety with underage minors” by Prince Andrew, after he was named in US court papers. A woman named him in documents she filed in a Florida court over how prosecutors handled a case against financier Jeffrey Epstein.
The woman is 30-year-old Virginia Roberts. The story is not new.
She claims that between 1999 and 2002 she was forced by Epstein to have sex with the prince when she was a minor.
This week columnists have been earning their crust by talking about Kate Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge, who was on a money-raising mission to New York:
Louise Mensch in the Sun:
KATE MIDDLETON has taken over New York City – and just like Diana with Charles before her, NOBODY is looking at Prince William. But pity our poor princess. Like many pregnant women, she’s being treated as public property and expected to smile coyly if all and sundry poke and grab her without permission.
Much-loved Kate was the subject of snooty headlines going “Oooh-la-la — Hoity-Toity Royal Protocol” because she didn’t LOVE it when a basketball star not only hugged her but then casually slid his hand down the small of her back and grabbed her waist.
As she wrapped gifts for charity in a Harlem pit-stop, some woman rudely tapped her on the shoulder and said: “Keep wrapping.”
What, had she stopped? Is she a naughty schoolgirl you have to keep in line?…
It isn’t fawning to treat another country’s dignitaries with respect, it’s an extension of our regard for their citizens.
That’s why we don’t say “Wotcha Bozza” to the President or “Hey Short Stuff, your girlfriend is mad as a box of frogs, no pun intended” when Francois Hollande meets David Cameron at a summit.
Sun readers hear you, Louise:
Sure, Delors was then President of the European Commission, but he was also foreign and used to make a point.
But mostly, the insistence that Kate is public property is rude and unacceptable beyond the fact that she is in line to be Queen one day. It’s rude because she’s a woman. LeBron, you may be big and famous but she just met you. Did she ASK you to grab her waist or run your hands down her back? You are a complete stranger.
Isn’t it funny how these full-body hugs and affection gestures never go towards the MEN in our royal family?
Princess Beatrice has been ‘HACKED”.
Not to death. Her phone calls have been recorded. This hacking has to do with her salary.
As the Mirror reports:
Hackers working for North Korea are thought to have been behind the security breach in revenge for a new film The Interview, starring James Franco and Seth Rogen. It mocks the country’s leader Kim Jong-un.
A FIRST look at The Queen’s first tweet, with the BBC and @WolfgangDikface:
KATE Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge, is pregnant. You might have heard. She gets morning sickness, which means she doesn’t fancy being on display as Prince William’s ‘brood mare’. But now she’s back! And it’s presented by the media as being a kind of magick:
Like the grinning Cheshire Cat, Kate Middleton “reappears” in the Times:
KATE Middleton Pregnancy Watch – Day 10:
The BBC has ” BREAKING NEWS”.
Shares in Dulux/brasso in Malta go through floor!
THE Express led with a photograph of Pricness Diana in the slot reserved for Harvey Nichol’s most famous resident and Madeleiene McCann. And the headline: “Hollywood film to claim Diana was murdered.”
James Murray has an “EXCLUSIVE”:
EXCLUSIVE: Hitchcock darling Tippi Hedren looking to back Princess Diana conspiracy film
Yes. The film has yet to be made. It’s yet to be funded. It’s non-filmed film that exists only as an idea.
HOLLYWOOD star Tippi Hedren is considering backing a film suggesting Princess Diana was murdered.
TUC leader Frances O’Grady was talking about the ficional TV show Downton Abbey and was about to mention the fictional book Bridehead Revisisted when the BBC interrupted her culture review for breaking news that Kate Duchess of Cambridge was pregnant.
Always good when the satire writes itself.
KATE Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge, is pregnant with her second child. The media reacts:
The spare is on its way. The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are expecting their second baby, it was announced today in a public statement that came close to repeating the drama of the news of her first pregnancy two years ago. Once more the Duchess is suffering from acute morning sickness – and once more the couple have been bounced into revealing the news earlier than they would have liked.
The 1995 Canada Referendum Hoax: Listen To The Queen Talking To A Radio DJ She Thought Was The Prime Minister
IN 1995, Canada was saved from destruction by the desperation of Canada’s prime minister, Jean Chrétien, and a sudden and passionate mobilisation of the “No” vote. The country voted. And Quebec would not leave Canada.
But it was close. The “No” campaign won, but only by a small margin — 50.6% to 49.4%.
Her Majesty The Queen had been worried, commenting, “It sounds as though the referendum may go the wrong way”. We know she said that because her telephone conversation with a radio DJ pretending to be Chrétien was broadcast to the nation.
THIS is a memo on British newspapers by American diplomat for King George VI’s 1939 visit to the US:
WHAT are we to make of the news that Prince Charles likened Vladimir Putin to Adolf Hitler? Charles didn’t make his views known in a public address. He was, as the BBC put it, “privately conversing” in Nova Scotia, Canada, where one day he hopes to be head of State. Charles told a woman whose relations were murdered in the Holocaust: “And now Putin is doing just about the same as Hitler.”
A senior Russian diplomatic source tells the Telegraph:
“We are seeking clarification [from the FCO] at a working level. It’s not clear if it is an official position. The response from Clarence House is it was a private talk. We hope there is nothing behind it. But it is unclear to us: what does it mean? He is the future king, after all… It is very serious. Every family in our country lost someone in that war.”
Over 20millions Russian died in World War 2.
HUZZAH! prince Harry Baseball Cap and Cressida Bonas (fnar) are back on. The Mail tells readers:
But after just three weeks apart, the pair have had a secret reunion and are now back in ‘constant touch’.