CONTINUING the ocassional series “The Royals - They’re Just Like You And Me”.

A Clarence House spokesman tells us, via the Express: “The Prince of Wales has a policy that the chefs do not pcrchase foie gras.”

We urge all readers to follow his lead…

THE Mail has a question: “Would you CURTSEY to Camilla?”

“Cherie wouldn’t. Sarah Brown graciously did. But by bending the knee to royalty, the PM’s wife sparked a furious debate…”

We would have it that the question was thrown open and the nodding heads lined up by the Mail invited to say who they would show deference to.

Ingrid Tarrant says “YES” she would curtsey to Camilla, should Camilla ever be in her local Surrey butcher’s say, or wine bar. But would she extend the same courtesy to Bob Geldof, Anthea Turner or Jordan?

Maeve Haren, Rosie Millard, Melanie McDonagh, Margaret Cook and Victoria Coren all says “NO”. They are all writers by trade or, heaven help us, journalists.

Would any of them prefer to appear with the rich and the celebrated rather then the merely royal? Sarah Brown genuflects for Camilla; Gordon Brown bends at the knee of the Arctic Monkeys.

The hereditaries are barred from the House of Lords, replaced by Lord Hucknell of Manchester, Lord Bono of G8 and Lady Fiona Phillips. It is not a class thing, as Cherie Blair might well have supposed, rather one of respect. And who do you respect, Camilla or the new Queen of the celebrity jungle, or American royalty..?

Picture: 14 

PRINCE Charles and his flavoursome wife Camilla are at table.

Many other guests at the banquet of Commonwealth Prime Ministers are not in evidence. The room is less busy than the Wembley conference hall booked for the Stave McClaren Appreciation Society.

There is no sign of Gordon Brown and his wife Sarah. When they do arrive, as the Express notes, “They told him they got caught up in a traffic jam of official cars.”

Prince Charles is pictured smiling broadly. The Express says “Charles’ popularity is on the wane”. The no-show is evidence of a “snub”. Charles smiles.

The paper senses opposition to his marriage to Camilla. This is why leaders decided not to attend. Some claim to be “too tired”, as the Mail notes.

And Charles smiles. Why?

For starters, with less diners there is more food to around. And with less travel, the meal produces a smaller carbon footprint, Mr Brown’s motorcade, notwithstanding.

And then there is the chatter. As the small talk dries after 10 or 15 minutes, Charles can make a ready quip about the availability of seats, their being no need to book ahead and his wife’s aftershave…

“ROYAL plot suspect sponged off Charles,” announces the News of the World in a headline that is as sensational as it is unsavoury.

The mind whirls. Might it be that Prince Charles, a man who appears as frozen in time as this late wife Princess Diana, is embroiled in this unsavoury tale of sex, blackmail and royalty?

Is this Charles reliving his youth, taking a “bed bath” from one of the alleged blackmailers, Messers Ian Strachan and Sean McGuigan? And if so, who plays nanny?

Through knitted fingers we read: “Sean McGuigan received the cash from the Prince’s Trust to set up a carwash business.”

And: “He spent a £1,500 loan on buckets, sponges and cleaning fluid and a further £1,000 grant for other start-up costs for the firm Star Craft in Fulham, London.”

A spokesman for the charity says: “We can confirm Sean McGuigan received a loan and a grant from the Prince’s Trust in 1993.”

Prince Charles was unavailable for comment…

STOP PRESS: Reports the Times: “The aide at the centre of an alleged blackmail plot against a member of the royal family has claimed he also had a homosexual liaison with the royal’s father and a Tory MP.”

Chuck in a corgi and you have the makings of a sensation…

IS there a change of policy at the Express? We ask in light of the sensation that the paper’s story on Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, includes not one mention of Princess Diana.

There is no mention of Camilla’s battered white Fiat Uno, her tampon with nightsight nor her sharpened, poison-tipped fags.

The Express just watches Camilla go back to her alma mater, Queen’s Gate School in South Kensington. And sees her “hailed a heroine”.

Camilla is said to have spent her school days – she scored one O-Level – on the roof smoking illicit cigarettes.

Says Camilla to the gels: “I used to go back home for weekends. Sometimes I used to not go back on Sunday night and miss the Monday.”

Camilla goes to the science lab and notes that “They’ve got bars on the windows so you can’t get out.”

Camilla is wearing a “Robinson Valentine cornflower blue raw silk suit”.

Camilla is cheered. Camilla is what schoolgirls with any ounce of cool want to be – not quite as dense as Shy Di and able to blow smoke rings…