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King Willem-Alexander relaxes by flying passenger jets for KLM

Should Prince William seeks another leisure pursuit or hobby he can present as a working job – an actual job – he can always work as a commercial pilot. We read in the Washington Post:

King Willem-Alexander of the Netherlands prefers a less leisurely activity. He works as a “guest pilot” for a commercial airline.

The King, who flies KLM’s Fokker 70 planes, tells Dutch newspaper De Telegraaf.

“You have an aircraft, passengers and crew. You have responsibility for them. You can’t take your problems from the ground into the skies. You can completely disengage and concentrate on something else. That, for me, is the most relaxing part of flying.”

How about, Wills? At the very least it’s a good excuse for another holiday?

Posted: 18th, May 2017 | In: Royal Family, Strange But True | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


King of Thailand threatens to sue Facebook over a video of him in a small yellow crop top

Not long before he became King of Thailand, Prince Maha Vajiralongkorn was on a trip to Munich, Germany. He mooched about a shopping centre with a woman. That’s him in the natty yellow crop top, showing off the tattoos on his tum-tum and back.

Thanks to Somsak Jeamteerasakul, “a prominent Thai historian and critic of the monarchy who lives in France”, the video of Maha’s shopping trip has appeared on Facebook, as The New York Times reports. Apparently, the King has had the video blocked in Thailand. He’s also told Facebook to remove the video or else.

Under the country’s lese-majeste laws, people can be jailed for 15 years for insulting monarchy. But is it an insult merely to show the monarch out and about? And won’t all the cool kids be dressed like this next year?

The video has been blocked in Thailand but was still available outside the country on Tuesday.

Facebook, which opened an office in Thailand in 2015, declined to answer questions about its operations in the country or the pages that the government wants to remove. A spokeswoman, Clare Wareing, said only that the company’s policy was to comply with requests by governments to restrict access to content that officials believed violated local laws.

“When we receive such a request, we review it to determine if it puts us on notice of unlawful content,” Ms. Wareing said in an emailed statement. “If we determine that it does, then we make it unavailable in the relevant country or territory and notify people who try to access it why it is restricted.”

 

 

Spotter: The New York Times.

Posted: 17th, May 2017 | In: Royal Family, Strange But True | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Kate Middleton’s topless photos undermine William and Harry’s celebrity careers

We first encountered pictures of Kate Middleton’s naked breasts when the French edition of celebrity magazine Closer published the grainy images captured on a long lens in 2012. Today the Mirror leads with news that Kate is seeking £1.3m in damages. So traumatic was it to see Kate’s baps in the tabs that in a French court lawyers for Kate and Prince William say the episode evokes haunting memories of Princess Diana’s “Paparazzi nightmare”.

Among other things, the images show Kate removing her bathing suit and slapping sunscreen to her husband’s back.

Six people are accused of beaching privacy: Closer magazine editor Laurence Pieau, La Provence Publishing Director Marc Auburtin, whose paper also published the snaps, Chief Executive Ernesto Mauri, and photographers Cyril Moreau, Dominique Jacovides and Valerie Suau, according to BBC News.

The Sun, which published pictures of a naked Prince Harry, sets a sympathetic scene:

Kate and William had escaped on holiday in France in September 2012, a little more than a year into their marriage, when the images were taken.

So much, then, for “Workshy Wills“, the Sun’s nickname for the Prince, who last month was telling us all to loosen up. He was “escaping” not skiving. Wills and the other two parts of the Golden Triangle of Palace PR – Prince Harry and Kate – are not the epitome of an unaccountable elite, but in it with us.

The British Press are all on the Windsors side in this one, partly because some organs enjoy watching Britishers making the French squirm and partly because the story can illustrate their own sense of decency, righteousness and strict moral code. It’s not often the gutter press get to look down on something lower, so the likes of the Sun, Star, Mail and Mirror are not going to pass up the opportunity to posture, salute and preen.

But what;s wrong with the photos?

Kate and Wills – the couple who showoff family photos of their children, let us look around their palaces in TV documentaries designed to show their ordinariness, jet about the world adopting worthy interventionist causes, talk to showbiz magazines and cut through the pomp and ermine to get closer to the people – crave all the trappings of celebrities. With no Empire and no political role, it is through celebrity that Kate and Wills, and so too the Royals at large, can achieve a sense of authority. The topless photos are just part of the celebrification. The French see that. We don’t.

When push comes to shove, Kate and Wills have pulled up the red rope. They aren’t the UK’s Kim and Kanye or even Posh and Becks. They are not special by anything other than birth. If we see that then the fall out from their reaction to topless photos might cause more Royal pain in the long run.

 

Posted: 3rd, May 2017 | In: Key Posts, News, Royal Family | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Donald Trump encouraged to bring his own solid golden coach for UK state visit

Donald Trump “insists” on riding in a golden carriage during his UK visit. No, not his gold carriage. That thing’s too wide for British streets, and the rhinestone-crusted wheels will mark the tarmac. Trump prefers to hitch a ride with Her Majesty in her golden coach in a procession down the Mall. At an estimated cost of £33.5m a mile, Trump may care to get the bill or get a Cab.

 

Queen-Trump- state visit

 

The Times says President Trump is “adamant” that the big procession in the gold coach forms part of his State visit. This contrasts with President Barack Obama’s 2011 visit. The man of the people chose to travel in an armoured, bullet-proof car to meet the Queen. The gold coach is more vulnerable. This presents a security issue.

An anonymous source tells us: “The vehicle which carries the president of the United States is a spectacular vehicle. It is designed to withstand a massive attack like a low-level rocket grenade. If he’s in that vehicle he is incredibly well protected and on top of that it can travel at enormous speed. If he is in a golden coach being dragged up the Mall by a couple of horses, the risk factor is dramatically increased.”

Maybe they can reach a happy compromise. Is Princess Anne’s roller still operational?

“There may well be protections in that coach such as bulletproof glass, but they are limited,” the source continues. “In particularly it is very flimsy. It would not be able to put up much resistance in the face of a rocket propelled grenade or high-powered ammunition. Armour-piercing rounds would make a very bad show of things.”

Think of the paintwork!

Posted: 16th, April 2017 | In: Politicians, Royal Family | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


‘Workshy’ Prince William cheats death by being on holiday

First up, we can reassure you that Prince William is ok. Alpine nightspots, rhinos and the Surrey ribbon-makers guild can all sleep easy. Your patron is safe. But had Williams been at work he could have been a little less safe. Anglia Two, the rescue helicopter William occasionally pilots, was in the air when a remote-controlled drone flew too close for comfort. No-one was hurt. Although the mentally negligible berk flying a drone in the ‘copters air space should be, or at least have his toy confiscated.

 

prince william helicopter

William split-second from next holiday

 

And how does the Mail on Sunday interpret the news? “Wills cheats death,” it thunders. Wills was not onboard when, as an official report into the incident states, “a collision had only been narrowly avoided”. Two pilots and three medial staff were on the helicopter then the “terrifying near-miss happened at 1,900ft”. The vehicle was “flying almost directly over a McDonald’s restaurant filled with families”, none of whom are believed to have been the Windsors.

Other media agree that this was William’s helicopter.

“WILLS’ CHOPPER DRAMA Prince William’s horror as drone comes within ‘half a second’ of hitting his air ambulance in shocking near-miss” – The Sun

“Prince William’s air ambulance in near miss with drone” – Telegraph

The Mail says it was a” fluke” that Wills was not on board at the time.

Was it? Just one week ago, one Mail on Sunday writer called William an “idiot”, an “ungrateful, workshy party-goer who doesn’t think he or she has to put a fair shift in to justify their lavish life at the tax-payer’s expense”. William’s part-time job with the East Anglia Air Ambulance service “requires you [Wills] to do a maximum of just 80 hours a month”.

It’s more of a fluke he’s ever on the thing.

 

Posted: 26th, March 2017 | In: Reviews, Royal Family, Tabloids | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Carole Middleton’s Easter party tips leave a bitter aftertaste in the Mail

pippa middleton book mail on sunday

 

The battle between the Daily Mail and its sister organ the Mail on Sunday continues. Sebastian Shakespeare uses his Mail social diary to tell readers about “former air hostess” Carole Middleton and her daughter Pippa Middleton. Carole has written a “banal” story for a children’s magazine about ways to celebrate Easter. This is not in the spirt of giving, rather in the hope it will “boost sales at her mail order paraphernalia business”.

Carole’s “fatuous” tips (tip 1: “Chocolate bunnies and eggs are favourites”) are evert bit as “anodyne” as Pippa’s entertaining tips, which “were published in a widely panned book”.

Indeed they were. They were also published in a newspaper. No prizes for guessing which one? Yep: the Mail on Sunday.

Posted: 22nd, March 2017 | In: Celebrities, Royal Family, Tabloids | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Prince William turns into his feckless father as mute Kate awaits her Diana moment

prince william dancing the sun

 

It’s the third day of the Sun’s Prince William expose. On Tuesday the paper led with news that Wills had ‘sloped off’ to the Swiss Alps to pranny about his pals on a lads’ holiday, where he met an Australian model called Sophie Taylor. So much the norm for the super-rich. But the Sun was aghast, saying that Wills should have been at a Commonwealth Day service with the rest of his kin.

Over pages 4 and 5, we saw Wills ‘sloping off again’, ‘snubbing’ the service at Westminster Abbey. Wills does a ‘high skive’ palm slap with Sophie as he ‘chills ‘with ‘topless model’ Sophie and his mates.

On Wednesday it was more of the same. There was Wills on the Sun’s cover page, his lips pursed in disapproval as he stared into the paparazzo’s lens. Wills has an ambivalent relationship with the Press. The photo-ops that make him looks good and chummy with the hol polloi are great; the ones where he’s seen larking about for the 30-plus weeks of the year in which he isn’t ‘working’ as a military-lite soldier and celebrity lifesaver are undesirable and invasive. The narrative is that the paps did for his mother, but what really hurt William’s mother was his father, cheating Charles, who refereed to Princess Diana as ‘Diana the Martyr‘ as she carved out a life for herself that involved more than being the Windsor clan’s latest ‘brood mare‘.

And it keeps coming. Wills is ‘Throne Idle’. He is – yet again – ‘sloping off’, having performed ‘just 13 royal duties’ this year (although it’s at least a couple more if you include telling the secretary to tell the nanny to wipe Prince George’s arse and smiling at Kate in public) to the Queen’s 24.

Over pages 6 and 7, we see Wills in ‘Boogie-wonderland’ getting ‘crown on it’ at Verbier’s Farinet club. We hear from a ‘stunned’ onlooker who “couldn’t believe” Wills was ‘gyrating to a rap song with lyrics about smoking cannabis’. It’s unbelievable. Where’s the future King’s sense of tradition? What happened to getting goofed on opiates, impregnating peroxide-tinted serfs, murdering dumb animals and giving Nazs salutes? It was good enough for his ancestors, so why not Wills? The snob.

“William clearly isn’t interested in taking his role seriously and I really wonder if he wants to be king,” says the chief executive of anti-monarchy group Republic.”He’s not living up to the hopes that people had of him and does seem to be taking all this for granted,’ adds a ‘Royal historian’.

And so to Thursday’s Sun‘s lead story. We hear that Sophie did a slut drop’ dance in a rarified Swiss club. On pages 4 and 5, we learn that Wills was ‘cavorting on a club dance floor with two beauties’.  We also learn that the slut drop is a dance move ‘made famous of Geordie Shore’, the TV show in which orange-skinned Geordies shag on camera and then read each others tattoos by the light of their teeth.

What it all amounts to is not very much at all. Unless you consider Kate, the missing part in all her husband’s life of privilege and privacy. The Sun invites its agony aunt Deidre to ‘imagine’ what Kate would write about her husband. Imaginary Kate is worried that her ‘boring and ‘balding’ husband ‘has been pictured with his hands all over some girl’. She wonders, ‘Has the magic gone?’ Above all she is terrified he’s turning into his father. We hope, of course, that Kate learns from Diana, a woman who touched the shunned and sick (literally) and attempted with no little success to turn a life of public virtue and private vice into something the subjects can look up to.

Over to you, Kate…

Posted: 16th, March 2017 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family, Tabloids | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


American Allan V. Evans of Colorado says he’s the rightful king of Britain and ready to seize power

An American called Allan V. Evans of Colorado USA has taken out a big ad in the Times to say he’s the rightful king of Britain and intends to seize power.

 

American Allan V. Evans of Colorado says he’s the rightful king of Britain and ready to seize power

 

Allan V. Evans of Colorado king of britain times advert Allan V. Evans of Colorado king of britain times advert Allan V. Evans of Colorado king of britain times advert

 

 

Posted: 1st, March 2017 | In: Broadsheets, Key Posts, Royal Family, Strange But True | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Saudi Arabia’s King packs 459 tonnes of luggage and two elevators for 9-day trip

When Saudi Arabia’s king travels to Indonesia he’ll have packed 506 tons of stuff into his bags. As well as spare knickers, travel plugs and mints, King Salman bin Abdul Aziz will travel with two Mercedes limousines and two elevators?

It’s the first time the King has visited Indonesia for 46 years. He was meant to go earlier but by the time the hand luggage was sorted and he’d found the wife he wasn’t sure if he’d packed or not, the 1980s and 1990s had come and gone.

The Washington Post looks on:

The Jakarta Post reports that the Saudi group will total about 1,500 people, including 10 ministers, 25 princes and at least 100 security personnel.

Not all of the staff will in the hold.

 

Posted: 27th, February 2017 | In: Royal Family, Strange But True | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Prince Charles would smear a grey squirrel’s tampon in contraceptives

No longer content with dreaming of being Camilla’s tampon, Prince Charles has focused his senses on squirrels’ genitalia, notably those of the invasive grey strain. Charles want to reduce their numbers by giving them contraceptives and thereby increase the number of nuts and nooks for red squirrels to conquer.

The preferred method is not for condoms, pills and and workshops advocating abstinence before marriage, but a drug hidden in chocolate spread. If it work with squirrels, expect the Government to lobby Nutella and makers of supermarket own-brand gunk to do their same to pestered and hated fat people.

 

Posted: 26th, February 2017 | In: Royal Family, Strange But True | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Getting to the bottom of Princess Eugenie and Pippa Middleton’s weddings

Is Princess Eugenie engaged to be married to a “very posh barman” called Jacks Brooksbank? The Daily Mail wants to know so it’s asking its readers. Rumours of wedding bells, says the paper, have taken on  “unstoppable force”.

One way to ascertain the fact would be to ask Eugenie’s mother, Sarah Ferguson, who can be summoned by pressing f9 on any TV producer’s keyboard. Sarah is full of knowledge, not least of all when In Finding Sarah – A Duchess’s Journey To Find Herself she told usFree your mind and your bottom will follow”.

 

Sarah ferguson

You shall go to the ball!

 

Which brings us to the Mail’s other Page 3 Gel, Pippa Middleton. In May, Pippa will walk down the aisle with “wealthy hedge fund trader” (WHFT)  James Matthews. Indeed, wealthy hedge fund trader is the title given to people who invest large amounts of cash in things other people do and make. It has been reduced of late to “hedge fund trader” but good to see the Mail giving the job the full billing and the respect it warrants.

 

St Mark's parish church, Englefield, Berkshire

St Mark’s parish church, Englefield, Berkshire

 

By marriage, Pippa will thus become a wealthy hedge fund manager’s wife. But until she has that enviable job title Pippa is, as the Mail notes, “the Duchess of Cambridge’s little sister who shot to public attention when she wore a bottom-hugging bridesmaid’s dress at the royal wedding in 2011”. You almost pity Pippa writing that down in the ‘Occupation’ part of her passport. But she’s ever keen to forge her own way and the Mail tells readers, “Pippa is said to have wanted a smaller, more intimate family wedding” than he sister’s televised do.

Westminster Abbey is out, then, so Pippa and WHFT James will marry at St Mark’s Church in Englefield, Berskshire, a venue every bit as cosy as Pippa’s dress.

Posted: 9th, December 2016 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (3) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Prince Harry’s airbrushed life gets purpose with live HIV tests

prince-harry-hiv-test

 

Prince Harry has taken an HIV test to promote World Aids Day. It works. The papers are all covering the blood letting as Harry tours Barbados. It helps, of course, that Harry was not alone, accompanied as he was by pop star Rihanna.

This was his second public test. In July Harry took an HIV test on Facebook live. The Guardian said Harry “admitted to being nervous before the result came back negative”. The results of yesterday’s test are, as yet, unpublished.

The Telegraph reported that following Harry’s test the Terrence Higgins Trust saw a fivefold increase in orders for testing kits in the days after.

All good, then. A man who seems to live an airbrushed life, Harry has found a use and a use has been found for Harry.

PS: Of course the tabloids need a twist on what was a pretty routine afternoon’s PR work for Harry, so we get the Daily Express saying Rihanna was “flirty” with Harry and talked about not having sex in a barber’s hop; the Sun punning “Wince Harry”; and the Mail asking “Is it really worth testing 11 million Britons for HIV?”

Posted: 2nd, December 2016 | In: Reviews, Royal Family | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Work at Buckingham Palace for ‘less than minimum wage’ and a flat in Mayfair

Buckingham Palace is been given a refit. The Mail’s Sebastian Shakespeare is shocked and dismayed that the penny-pinching Queen will not chip in to help with the £370m refurb. So tight is Her Majesty that staff are being short-changed. Below the headline “Gardener at Palace won’t get London Living Wage: Staff member would have cost of living in docked from their salary”, he writes:

The Royal Household is advertising for an experienced, qualified gardener who will be paid £17,000 per year — which works out at £8.72 an hour for a standard 37-and-a-half-hour week.

Grrr!

However, the successful applicant will, in fact, be paid less than £17,000 because they will be obliged to live in, the cost for which will be docked from their salary.

A small studio flat in Mayfair will set you back at least £2,000 a month.

And the job includes perks other than living in the Royal Mews:

You will be rewarded with a comprehensive benefits package, including 33 days holiday (inclusive of Bank Holidays), a 15% employer contribution pension scheme (with the option for flexibility – to increase contributions or draw down as salary), meals provided, training and development, as well as a range of recreational facilities. In addition, as this is a live-in role, you will be provided with single accommodation, and if eligible, be able to apply for self-contained accommodation, for which your salary will be adjusted.

So you don’t get paid less than minimum wage at all.

Posted: 22nd, November 2016 | In: Money, Reviews, Royal Family, Tabloids | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Meghan Markle: the exclusive death threats that have nothing to do with Prince Harry

Meghan Markle might no longer be in the UK, but Prince Harry Baseball-Cap’s “girl” is all over the Mail’s front page.

 

Daily Mail Meghan harry

 

It is an “exclusive encounter” with Meghan Markle.

Scoop or what?

It’s only been a few days since Harry was complaining about the Press treating the celebrity Prince like a celebrity and abusing his lover. He is upset by “reporters and photographers trying to gain illegal entry to Meghan’s home”. Should we feel sympathy for Meghan? It’s “preposterous to claim that the publicity-hungry Ms Markle is a hapless victim,” said Sarah Vine in the Mail

Now Meghan’s talking to the Mail!

No. She isn’t. She spoke with Piers Morgan in June “months before the world learned about her Royal relationship”.

Words about Harry in this front-page exclusive? None.

So if not Prince Harry, what did she talk about?

Meghan revealed some more obscure secrets about herself – such as the fact that she is a trained calligrapher who wrote the invitation cards and envelopes for pop singer Robin Thicke’s 2005 wedding.

Is that like the secret she revealed in 2014, when she told Fashion:

“I could either wait tables or use a skill I had that I could do on my own time,” she says. Markle’s calligraphy led to her addressing envelopes for Robin Thicke and Paula Patton’s wedding and writing Dolce & Gabbana’s holiday correspondence.

And the death threats? The Mail reports:

…she was bombarded with hate messages when her character in the US drama series Suits, Rachel Zane, cheated on her boyfriend in the show.  She said: ‘People wanted to kill me! Not Rachel… ME. I never knew there were so many emojis with guns and knives. It was very unpleasant. Fortunately, Rachel got back on her pedestal and it stopped.’

“Prince Harry’s girlfriend Meghan Markle’s terrifying death threats,” screams the Daily Mirror. But those threats were nothing to do with her dating Prince Harry.

Elsewhere in today’s Mail, you can read:

The Mail exclusively revealed images of Meghan this week out in Kensington, near Harry’s home at Kensington Palace.

Time to once again revisit the pledge made by the Mail on 8 September 1997, eight days after the death of Princess Diana:

“The proprietor of the Daily Mail, Mail on Sunday and Evening Standard announced last night that his papers will not in future purchase pictures taken by paparazzi

“Viscount Rothermere, chairman of the Daily Mail and General Trust plc said: ‘I am, and always have been, an admirer of Diana, Princess of Wales, and nagged my editors to protect her so far as they could against her powerful enemies. In view of Earl Spencer’s strong words and my own sense of outrage, I have instructed my editors no ‘paparazzi’ pictures are to be purchased without my knowledge and consent.'”

Meghan is now back in her native Canada.

Best of luck to her.

Posted: 13th, November 2016 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, Reviews, Royal Family, Tabloids | Comment (1) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Meghan Markle: sex, a ginger Royal line gets crossed and Prince Harry’s moan

Prince Harry is dating American actress Meghan Markle. And he’s unhappy with the media. The celebrity Royal doesn’t much like journalists behaving like, well, journalists. Kensington Palace say the Press have subjected Markle to a “wave of abuse and harassment”. It says “the past week has seen a line crossed”.

The BBC notes: “In recent days a number of newspapers have carried front page stories about the 35-year-old actress, best known for playing Rachel Zane in the TV drama Suits.”

Tsk! Those pesky tabloids, eh. Nothing like the BBC, which punctuates that news with a link to “Who is Meghan Markle?” The Times has more with “Everything you (secretly) wanted to know about Prince Harry’s ‘friend’”.

The Beeb’s bio tells us Megan has really good handwriting, was married and is now divorced, and is mixed race.

The Daily Telegraph wonders, “Could Harry marry a divorcee (when Margaret couldn’t)?”.

In the Times Hilary Rose reviews Markle’s acting role in Suits (something the Sun likens to porn – see picture below): “The show seems mainly to consist of pretty people saying inane things with the utmost gravity which, when you think about it, is pretty much what the royal family do.”

Yes, but with more guns.

The prince’s communications secretary warns (and is that very much like a celebrity to talk through ‘my people’):

“His girlfriend, Meghan Markle, has been subject to a wave of abuse and harassment. Some of this has been very public – the smear on the front page of a national newspaper; the racial undertones of comment pieces; and the outright sexism and racism of social media trolls and web article comments.

“Some of it has been hidden from the public – the nightly legal battles to keep defamatory stories out of papers; her mother having to struggle past photographers in order to get to her front door; the attempts of reporters and photographers to gain illegal entry to her home and the calls to police that followed; the substantial bribes offered by papers to her ex-boyfriend; the bombardment of nearly every friend, co-worker, and loved one in her life.”

 

Megan Markle tabloids the sun

 

The Guardian fingers the Sun:

Sun’s ‘smear’ about actor’s links to adult website prompts statement in which royal attacks reports’ ‘racial undertones’

Nothing like the Guardian, then, which reported:

Who she? She’s an actor, very beautiful, 35 years old. You might know her as Rachel Zane from the legal drama Suits.

I don’t. Never mind. She’s also … how can I put this?

As long as she’s not a divorced American. The royal family has had enough of them after that Wallis Simpson business. Actually, that’s exactly what she is. But I was thinking of something else.

Harry’s not going to be king, so maybe it will be OK as long as she behaves herself and offers up her body as a vessel for the royal bloodline. That’s the thing. Markle is dual-heritage. Her father is white and her mother is African American.

So? Look, most of the 20th century was a mistake and we want racial superiority back. We had a referendum about it, remember?

After the Guardian has looked down on the tabloids and smeared pro-Brexit voters as bigots (plus ca change), we hear more from Harry’s “cry from the heart” (BBC):

“He knows commentators will say this is ‘the price she has to pay’ and that ‘this is all part of the game’. He strongly disagrees. This is not a game – it is her life and his. He has asked for this statement to be issued in the hopes that those in the press who have been driving this story can pause and reflect before any further damage is done. He knows that it is unusual to issue a statement like this, but hopes that fair-minded people will understand why he has felt it necessary to speak publicly.”

 

Meghan Markle sex

 

The Guardian then fingers the Mail:

One comment piece in last weekend’s Mail on Sunday, by Rachel Johnson, said: “Genetically, she is blessed. If there is issue from her alleged union with Prince Harry, the Windsors will thicken their watery, thin blue blood and Spencer pale skin and ginger hair with some rich and exotic DNA.”

That’s racist? No. Of course it isn’t. Unless you think it nasty to mention Harry’s watery blood and accuse Johnson of gingerism?

The Guardian is in an absurd position. It wants to protect royal Harry from those awful tabloids, but has told its readers “Forelock-tugging is all the rage thanks to Harry and Kate” and that Princess Kate is trapped in a “cliched gilded cage”.

that;s the problem, isn’t it: Harry doesn’t behave like a Royal. He, Kate and Wills behave like celebrities. They don’t patronise; they endorse.

Harry and his PR team continue:

“Since he was young, Prince Harry has been very aware of the warmth that has been extended to him by members of the public. He feels lucky to have so many people supporting him and knows what a fortunate and privileged life he leads. He is also aware that there is significant curiosity about his private life.

“He has never been comfortable with this, but he has tried to develop a thick skin about the level of media interest that comes with it. He has rarely taken formal action on the very regular publication of fictional stories that are written about him and he has worked hard to develop a professional relationship with the media, focused on his work and the issues he cares about.

“But the past week has seen a line crossed.”

A red line? Or is it a ginger line that’s being crossed?

 

Posted: 8th, November 2016 | In: Celebrities, Reviews, Royal Family | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Prince George horrified by Canadian Prime Minister’s high five

We all warm to horrified Prince George. In Canada for a Royal tour Prince George left Canadian prime minister Justin Trudeau hanging in a failed high-five.

 

Prince George high five

The colonial’s ‘Good afternoon five’

 

Of course, to the British the high-five is a symbol of failure. Trudeau should have simply bowed, or else kissed the prince’s ring finger (the Trudeau name suggests French roots). Prince George treated Trudeau’s foolishness with the disdain it warrants.

No Britisher enjoys nor wants the high five.

Posted: 26th, September 2016 | In: Politicians, Royal Family | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Queen did not ask guests for 3 good reasons to stay in Europe

Queen BrexitThe Queen, reportedly, has stepped into the EU Referendum debate. The Express leads with: “QUEEN ISSUE EU CHALLENGE. – Give me 3 good reasons to stay, she asks guests.”

How many guests preferred it when Her Majesty just held up her gloved robotic waving hand and asked “And what do you do?” Now she wants three reasons why the country should remain in the European Union. Gongs and pudding portions depend on guests giving a favourable answer.

The source for this story of regal parlour games is “Royal biographer” Robert Lacey, who says he believes the Queen is a Eurosceptic but not necessarily a Brexiteer.

The story is taken up with the gusto in the Sun, which leads with “Sorry Ma’am, we can’t think of ONE.”

Proof that the Queen asked her guests the question comes there none.  The tabloids’ story is rooted in a story Lacey wrote for the Daily Beast. Below the headline “Why the Queen Should Oppose Brexit” he says the Queen “apparently” has been asking her dinner guests for three reasons for the country remain in the EU. He adds that “Buckingham Palace has rightly deplored the impropriety of disclosing Her Majesty’s private remarks.”

Total balls, then.

Posted: 22nd, June 2016 | In: Politicians, Reviews, Royal Family, Tabloids | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Jamie Vardy and ‘brassy’ Becky are no classy Charles and Camilla: a Daily Mail hatchet job

Compare and contrast the Daily Mail’s reporting on Becky Nicholson’s wedding to Leicester City and England footballer Jamie Vardy and Camilla Parker Bowles marriage to Prince Charles.

Alison Boschoff and Andy Dolan write on the Becky-Jamie alliance:

The most brazen WAG of all: Three children by three dads. A fling with Peter Andre. No wonder England football hero Jamie Vardy’s parents won’t be at his wedding…

For Vardy’s mother Lisa and stepfather Phil — who has raised him since he was a baby — will not be there because they do not approve of their son’s choice of wife, a glossy, risque brunette named Becky Nicholson…

So, what’s the problem? Well, perhaps it has something to do with the fact that Becky, who will be gliding down the aisle in a £5,000 traditional white dress, is anything but a blushing bride. For she has not only been married once before as a teenager, but has also gone on to have two children by two other men….

As is perhaps customary when a high-profile footballer makes it official with a WAG, Hello! magazine will be in attendance, with its sizeable chequebook and security retinue…

Since Jamie’s rise to fame she has kept her colourful mouth shut, except when there is a cheque in it for her.

 

jamie vardy hello

In this week’s tawdry Hello! mag – “Prince Harry is a great guy!”

 

Now enjoy “Charles and Camilla: Married at last“. Charles, who may recalls was cheating on his wife, Princess Diana, with married mum-of-two Camilla. Charles once expressed a desire to be Camilla’s tampon. Cheating Charles, heir apparent and with it a defender of the faith and good morals, had a civil ceremony with Cheating Camilla, and then scored a televised Anglican blessing by the Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Williams, at St George’s Chapel, Windsor Castle. Charles’s parents did not attend the marriage ceremony.

Charles and Camilla were in the ancient surroundings of St George’s Chapel, Windsor Castle, for the service, conducted by the Archbishop of Canterbury in front of more than 700 guests. Earlier they had married in more humble surroundings in the Windsor Register Office, with just 28 guests but without the Queen or the Duke of Edinburgh.

The Duchess of Cornwall changed into a porcelain blue silk dress with hand painted ikat design, hand embroidered with gold thread work, for the blessing of her marriage this afternoon.

The designers’ starting point was the Duchess’s comment that she liked the style of the velvet dress they had designed for her to wear for the gala night at the Royal Opera House…

At the reception, the Duchess wore a court shoe with a soft point toe and a 5.5cm heel in pale grey shot silk…

She carried a small, simple elegant floral bouquet bound with silk from her dress. Auricular flowers in dusty shades of greys and creams with touches of gold had been mixed with clusters of Lily of the Valley both for the scent and the sentiment…

The flowers were cut from English plants later to be grown in the gardens at Highgrove. A sprig of myrtle, representing happy marriage, was sent from a well wisher in Cornwall for the bouquet.

And what colour dress did chaste Camilla wear to that civil wedding to the down-at-heel Prince?

 

Camilla Charles wedding dress

 

Good job Camilla’s not like that Becky. But if she wants to get the “brassy” look, the Mail is here to help her. Below photos of  Becky in her undies – “Blushing bride: Rebekah appeared in a downmarket newspaper modelling ‘wedding lingerie’ (pictured)” – the Mail offers readers the chances to “GET THE LOOK” and “Say ‘I do’ like Becky in bridal lingerie”:

 

BEcky Nicholson wedding

 

It’s not about money, readers. No. It’s about class…

 

Posted: 29th, May 2016 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, Reviews, Royal Family, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


‘Die Queen’: Der Spiegel writes awkward headline

Der Spiegel has words for Her Majesty:

Der Spiegel die queen

 

Prince Charles is away…

Spotter: YoungVulgarian

Posted: 11th, April 2016 | In: Reviews, Royal Family | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Prince George is advanced for his age and started ruling ‘long before other toddlers’

george prince smart

 

Prince George is so “advanced for his age” he “started speaking long before other toddlers”, reports Hello! magazine. The magazine now has a play-date supplement, featuring actress Sophie Winkleman, Mrs Lord Frederick Windsor, who was impressed by George’s intelligence when he played with her young daughter, Maud.

“He is a very clever, articulate little boy,” says Sophie, “and was speaking long before other toddlers his age.”

So clever is Prince George that he has:

  • Lined up a job to be King
  • Been tipped as a future Commander-in-Chief of the Royal Canadian Navy
  • Is sure to be awarded an honorary membership to the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists
  • Has grown men bowing

In other news, toddlers are advised not to talk to George until he has spoken to them.

 

Posted: 16th, February 2016 | In: Celebrities, Royal Family | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Sarah Vine channels Jesus in an attack on Kate Middleton

sarah vine bitchToday’s woman being pulled to pieces by Sarah Vine is Kate Middleton, aka the Duchess of Cambridge, who had the temerity to go shopping with non-bouncy hair, “eyes puffy and lined”, and looking “shattered”.

So bitchy and cruel is the Daily Mail’s front-page article that the only sensible deduction is that agent Vine is in the pay of the Royal Family, her job to make the newspapers look invasive and ugly, thus enabling heavily-styled man-with-the-common-touch Prince William to pontificate on press freedom without anyone thinking him a bit of a knob.

Vine’s schtick is to rip her target to pieces before reassembling them, in much the same way a torturer or abusive partner might do. She hopes her attack is the “wake-up call she [Kate] needs to finally do what everyone is probably begging her to do: slow down, stop being such a perfectionist and have a well-deserved rest. It is Christmas, after all.”

It is what Jesus would have wanted.

 

Posted: 14th, December 2015 | In: Celebrities, Reviews, Royal Family | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Princess Charlotte photos: three eyes, a comb-over and everything sponsored

Princess_Charlotte 111

 

Pictures of Princess Charlotte occupy the front pages of the Mail, TelegraphMirror and Express.

The Mirror says the child’s hair  is “light brown – somewhere between  the colour of Kate’s darks locks and William’s blond ones”.

The Mail says the photos taken by “proud Kate” show a child with a “sweep of dark hair and sparkling eyes”, making her  “most definitely her mother’s daughter”.

 

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Some confusion about the hair, then.

The Mail can’t make its mind up about anything – the headline to Rebecca English’s story on Kate’s mini-me tells us Charlotte’s a mini-him

 

princess chatlotte

 

The Mail than further contradicts itself by saying Charlotte’s “twinkling blue eyes are inherited from her father.” Maybe she has one of Wills’ eyes and one of Kate’s?

Make that three eyes, because the Mirror says “six-month-old Charlotte seems to have inherited her late gran Princess Diana’s big blue eyes”.

The Mail notes how she sits “unaided in a shabby-chic-look armchair” at the family’s 10-bedroom Anmer Hall pile.  She is “gazing almost wistfully at something in the distance…perhaps her nanny, Maria Borrallo”, or perhaps at grandpa Charles whose talking to a pot plant and looking at her for traces of his own features.

The Express concludes that the child looks a “Lotte like her mum”. It assures all paparazzi that Charlotte is a “natural for the camera”. Phew!

The Mirror makes it a multimedia event, somehow noticing from two photos that Charlotte is “shrieking with delight”.

And on its goes. But what’s also bizarre about this story is the number of brand’s checked. Kate uses a Canon EOS 5D Mark II (Express) camera. Charlotte wears a dress by Liberty (Express) and ribbed baby pink tights by Amaia Kids (Mail). She looks at a Jelly Cat Fuddleworth Puppy (Mirror).

Is everything sponsored? Let’s hope so. It’s high time the Creosote Royals paid for themselves,

Posted: 30th, November 2015 | In: Key Posts, Reviews, Royal Family | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Typo LOL: Daily Express praises Kate Middleton’s pubic hair

typo kate middleton pubic

 

And the prize for typo of the day, goes to the Daily Express.

It is a typo, right?

 

Spotter: @scaryduck

Posted: 14th, September 2015 | In: Reviews, Royal Family | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Lions like Prince Harry – all other animals think he’s a c***

Prince Harry Baseball Cap is popular with lions.

 

prince harry lion

 

All other animals think he’s an utter ***.

 

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And if you’re not Royal and try to shoot the wildlife, good ol’ Harry will shoot you.

 

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Posted: 1st, September 2015 | In: Key Posts, Reviews, Royal Family | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0