IT our joy to announce that Mr Mike Tindall (of the Swollen Face Tindalls) is engaged to Zara Phillips (of the Windsor-Munsters, Hello! magazine and an equestrian champion riding WG Grace’s Watersports Videos to much glory) are to be married. There is much joy. (Prince William and Kate Middleton will be recycling gifts and leftovers.)
PRINCE William and Kate Middleton arrived together for a Christmas Spectacular and Reception in aid of Teenager Cancer Trust at the Thursford Collection, Thursford, Norfolk. A cue, then, for the BBC news’s mawkish, whispering, creepy Nicholas Witchell to front a report into how Princess Diana was linked to the same charity, wore her hair in a bun, had a school friend called Kate and was a great friend and cause of comfort to sufferers of ingrown toenails.
PRINCE Charles passed the day with the Royal investitures. Chief among them was actress Sophie Okonedo, now Sophie Okonedo OBE. When Charles gave it to her, she dropped it. Then she picked it up. It’s what passes for drama when Charles isn’t doing an impression of Bugsy Malone in his big car…
THE student protests against a rise in university fees have been reduced in the mainstream media to a fight between the violent minority and the police.
The other big thread is that the Rolls Royce carrying the hypocrite Prince Charles and his lady wife Camilla was attacked. (Did anti-warming campaign Charles having the car’s heating on while the window was wound down to take in the atmosphere?)
Had the Queen been in the car, we’d have cared. The country would have been split. Condemnation would be rife and moods foreboding. But Charles and Camilla do not excite much sympathy, do they?
HERE’S a video of Prince Charles and his fragrant wife Camilla being attacked by student fees protesters as they motor down Regent Street – their street – in central London.
Charles and Camilla are making their serene way to the theater, where they will watch the Royal Variety Show. (They missed Corrie live – and failed to see Molly (based on Camilla) telling her lover’s wife Sally (Diana) that she’d been shagging Kevin (Charles). Still, good night out – memorable, even…
STUDENTS outwitted Prince Charles and the police. This is a job akin to finding your arse with both hands. But, still, good to see that the students are brighter than the future head of state and the people who keep the streets safe.
ONE would like to think that those who attempted to trash Charlie’s car last night were protesting against his green idiocy. We can all dream, but that one would be more of a fantasy. Several things do emerge from the incident, however – not least that so unprepared was the Prince that he had to be warned to wind up his window to stop attackers throwing things inside the car.
THE anti-Royal Variety Performance campaigners were not enough to save Prince Charles and Camilla from an evening spent with the N-Dubz, Mark Owen and comedy’s very own Mr Johnny Boden, Michael McIntyre. Says a spokesman for the masked activist network:
“We knew Coronation Street Live was on and that Camilla was a big fan. To see her hermetically sealed inside that mobile fish tank was a scandal and an outrage. We tried and tried to bust her out but it was no use. The glass was just too tough. Sorry, ma’am.”
PSST! Wanna buy a pair of knickers worn by Queen Elizabeth 2? No, Liz is not augmenting her meagre wage with a bit of personalised sales from the boudoir.
Theses apples catchers are owned by Hungarian-born Miami legend ”Baron” Joseph de Bicske Dobronyim aka Sepy, whose previous claim to fame is that his home was used a backdrop for scene in the 1972 film Deep Throat.
LAST time we saw Sultan Qaboos bin Said of Oman, he was giving Queen Elizabeth 2 a golden egg, we thought her haul was pretty good. But then the Wikileaks cables were leaked and we learnt that in 2008 Qaboos toured the Mediterranean on a yacht with a 700-strong entourage. Liz stuffed up. She got Prince William’s wedding gift but lost out on the free honeymoon. Kicks up the Qaboos all round…
WIKILEAKS has not only managed to local Prince Andrew but made him appear to be newsworthy. The story goes that Tatiana Gfoeller, Washington’s ambassador to Kyrgyzstan, spotted Airmiles Andy at a brunch.
Indeed, readers. Shock of shocks that American cultural imperialism now includes brunch in Kyrgyzstan. (Toss out the yak butter and horse milk surprise and make mine a tall stack of pancakes with syrup and a banana smoothie.)
The ambassador says Randy Andy spoke “cockily” to a gathering of eating British and Canadian businessmen and “verged on the rude“.
Again, a shock. Andrew was only nearly rude. He didn’t look at the women’s chests the entire time. Blame it on jet lag.
One cables says that – ready for this? – Prince Andrew goes hunting!
Jordanian King Abdullah II is a close friend of UAE Armed Forces Chief of Staff Muhammad bin Zayid Al-Nahyan (MbZ). The two frequently hunt — in Morocco and Tanzania — joined, more often than not, by England’s Prince Andrew.
Hunting for women? Hope so. Andrew has worked tirelessly to gain a reputation as a gadabout womaniser. Charles hunts. Andrew shags. Edward is not gay. Anne has tweed knickers. It’s just the way it is.
So. Andrew is rude. But over at the Telegraph, towards the top of the story, we learn that the Duke treated her with “with cordiality and respect”. This fact seems to have escaped the Guardian. Might it be that in the rush for transparency and the quest for freedom of information different new organs see what they want to see? And then there is the issue of actually taking these cables at face value and not questioning if they could have been manipulated in the chain between leaker and publisher? Is Wikileaks just Popbitch for politics?
The edited cable, as reported in the Guardian, goes:
“Rude language à la British … [Andrew] turned to the general issue of promoting British economic interests abroad. He railed at British anticorruption investigators, who had had the ‘idiocy’ of almost scuttling the al-Yamama deal with Saudi Arabia.”
Gfoeller is super smart and able to speak six languages. In that extract she speaks two at once. You want clever – you can’t handle clever, mon brave.
Half a day on from Wikileaks’ latest barrage and there’s still no update on one of the juiciest stories that we were promised details on. The Guardian, who has had access to all the leaks, is still keeping mum about some inappropriate remarks made by a member of the British Royal Family.
Although he has plenty of rivals in the foot in mouth league tables in the house of Windsor it is widely predicted that the Royal being referred to is in fact Prince Andrew – or Airmiles Andy as he is known these days thanks to his love of the old foreign jaunt.
Andy has plenty of form in this area too previously taking the US govt to task for not listening to British views on Iraq – a move which breaks royal protocol over what dukes can and can’t say about foreign governments.
So what do you think he has done now? Had a go at the Americans over Afghanistan? Suggested that a few of our former colonies, like the US and Ireland, might be better off being ruled by HM govt? Come on Wikikleaks and The Guardian, let’s have it.
QUEEN Elizabeth II was meeting the cubs at the Ambassador’s residence in Muscat, Oman. She then added to her haul of fancy goods by meeting with the Sultan of Oman, His Majesty Sultan Qaboos bin Said.
He was good for a gold vase, a free meal and a gold musical Faberge-style egg. Is it by chance the Queen visits the showy Gulf states before Christmas and William’s wedding to Kate Middleton?
Elizabeth did not head to the Seychelles. In 1972 her top knobs gave her a collection of shells. Germany once gave her a pet canary. Canada offered two black beavers. New Zealand gave her a canoe. In 1994, Russian gave her a portrait of herself. Barack Obama gave her an iPod.
WIDDLETON: The Daily Mail says that to help Kate Middleton be her own woman, Princess Diana’s brother Charles Spencer has been asked to address the throng at the wedding ceremony.
Well, that’s what Earl’s daughter Lady Kitty Spencer has “told friends”.
All that remains now is form Kate to rename herself Diana and Our Lady of the Immaculate Handbag to emerge from her hiding place on the fabled sixth floor of London’s Harvey Nichols department store where she has been resting between the racks for some years:
THE Queen is in Abu Dhabi on what many believe to be a shopping expedition, looking for stuff for her grandson’s wedding. She met with Sheikh Khalifa Bin Zayed al Nahyan the President of the United Arab Emirates at the Mushrif Palace in Abu Dhabi, this afternoon.
He offered to host William and Kate’s honeymoon. He could throw in a free his ‘n’ her beach towel, complimentary breakfast, a glass of fizzy wine on arrival and 10% off anything at the Madinat Zayed Shopping Centre.
OK! puts the Kate Middleton and Prince William marriage into perspective…
“FROM the release of Nelson Mandela to the inauguration of President Barak Obama, from the marriage of Prince Charles and Diana, Princess of Wales to the fall of the Berlin Wall, the while world ahs watch in wonder.”
WHO better than the Prince of Wales, Prince Charles, to promote the caking for wool and, by association, woolly thinking? Charles, the Woolly Tampon, was chatting to woman in Centenary Square, Bradford, (what did he says to her?) and then observing a portrait of himself created in wool, presented to him by Frank Langrish, Chairman of the British Wool Marketing Board. It’s hard to think of a more suitable substance with which to represent Charles.
PETE Broadbent, Bishop of Willesden (who knew?), has been suspended for likening Prince William and Kate Middleton to “shallow celebrities” (rather than deeper ones like Princess Diana) and predicting their marriage will last seven years.
He also said The Royal Family were “philanders” and called Prince Charles and Diana “Big Ears and the Porcelain Doll”.