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Royal Family | Anorak - Part 20

Royal Family Category

The Royal Family, the House of Windsor, in the news and on a horse

Royal Wedding Tat Watch: The William And Princess Catherine Condoms

ROYAL wedding tat watch brings you the souvenir condoms. The Prince William and Kate Middleton ‘Crown Jewels ” rubber johnnies will ensure that your progeny arrives when you are good and ready.

Comes in four sizes:

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Posted: 15th, March 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Dublin Pub Bans Queen From Royal Wedding Screening

THE Queen’s visit to Ireland is in disarray following news that John Stokes, landlord at the Players Lounge in Fairview near Dublin city centre, has barred her. He’s spent 500 euros on a massive banner informing Her Majesty that she and her family are barred from the premises. Kate Middleton had best nip in quick smart before her name is removed from the list of approved guests.

The landlord’s view on Sarah Ferguson are not know. But if she wants to chance her arm as an ex-Royal, here’s what she can expect to see at the Players Lounge:

The Players Lounge is a sports-themed pub on Dublin’s Fairview Strand – we cover ALL major sports events, Soccer, GAA, Rugby, Racing, F1, UFC, etc. Don’t worry about different events being on at the same time, with 70 state-of-the-art Plasma TVs we have enough screens to cover all eventualities.

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Posted: 15th, March 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comments (5) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Royal Wedding Tat Watch: Berkshire’s Ode To Kate Middleton And Prince William

ROYAL Wedding Tat Watch: To Bucklebury, Berkshire, where Daniel Nicholls, Kate Middleton’s former piano teacher, has written as a tribute to her upcoming wedding to Prince William. Nicholls is the man who taught Kate Middleton to play the piano. And where would she be today without that skill, readers?

Tomorrow, Anorak will introduce you to the man who sold Kate her first record, followed by the man who opened her first bank account and the woman who sold Kate her first Gin And It.

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Posted: 15th, March 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment (1) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Queen Mother’s Ska And Other Criminal Records

THE Queen Mother’s record collection – not medical but musical – have been opened to the public.

Paul Hardcastle’s ode to stammering in the face of battle, n-n-n-n 19, fails to make the cut, as do All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth and Smack My Bitch Up.

Instead, the Queen’s Mum owned recordings by Rodgers & Hammerstein, Montana Slim, Paul Simon, the wartime speeches of Winston Churchill, jokes by Tony Hancock and The Goons, an LP by The Desperadoes Steel Orchestra, a song called Thank U Very Much, Elgar’s Coronation Ode, Greensleeves, a Salvation Army Band LP, Edith Piaf, Fiddler’s Dram,

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Posted: 14th, March 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Prince William And Prince Diana: A Gallery

IN readiness for the Royal Wedding, we’ve been flicking through the family album and have come across these photos of Prince William with his mother, the fabled Princess Diana:

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The Prince and Princess of Wales at Buckingham Palace with their son Prince William on the day of his christening.

Posted: 12th, March 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Royal Wedding Tat Watch: Wills And Kate’s Coffee Mates

ROYAL Wedding Tat Watch: To the International Food and Drink Exhibition 2011, where special commemorative cups of coffee featuring the faces of Prince William and Kate Middleton have been created from saliva and dandruff.

Can this effort be topped at the UK Barista Championships?

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Posted: 11th, March 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment (1) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Amanda Platell’s Odious Open Letter To Soon Dead Kate Middleton

AMANDA Platell delivers an open letter via the Daily Mail to Kate Middleton. In it she beseeches the future Queen, “don’t become like Diana.”

No, not a celebrity divorcee with a love of shopping and holidays. Amanda tells us that Kate must not be “fretful” on her weeding day.  Although the “stress must be immense“. Kate do try not to think of the “millions around the world” watching your every move.

And Amanda is worried. She tells us that dear, dear, dearest, Kate is already “alarmingly thin”, a bit like the “dangerously thin” Diana was on her wedding day:

“That was the beginning of her disastrous battle with bulimia.”

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Posted: 10th, March 2011 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family | Comments (4) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Prince Andrew And The Paedo Cucumbers

PRINCE Andrew is the subject of the greatest front-page headline of the year. The Mirror delivers:

PRINCESSES AND THE PAEDO

The story, as Anorak told you yesterday, is that Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie met Jeffrey Epstein, the convicted sex criminal who liked his women young and, as Virginia Roberts claims, poor.

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Posted: 10th, March 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Will Goga Ashkenazi’s Words Inspire Us To Rise Up Slaughter Prince Andrew?

FOR the fourth day running the Daily Mail leads with Prince Andrew. Today, the randy golf bore who thought Sarah Ferguson an ideal wife is pictured with President Ilham Aliyez in Azerbaijan.

The Mail thunders:

“THE DUKE AND THE DESPOT”

This is not news. That the Duke has visited the country eight times in five years is a matte of public record. The country described as “oil rich”. It is. And because it has oil it can be linked to other oil producing nations, like Venezuela, where Libya’s Colonel Gaddafi isn’t living just now:

Azerbaijan plans to foray into markets in the Americas this spring as a part of a swap-deal between it, Belarus and Venezuela, the Azeri state energy company said on Friday.

According to a deal brokered last year, Azerbaijan will supply crude oil to Belarus on behalf of Venezuela and, in return, the Latin American country will provide its Santa Barbara oil to meet Azerbaijan’s export commitments to the Americas markets.

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Posted: 9th, March 2011 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family | Comment (1) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Kate Middleton And Prince William’s Wedding Menu: Sausage Tolls And Fergie’s Cakes

THANKS to chef Darren McGrady’s interview in Hello!, we know that for Prince Andrew and Sarah Ferguson’s wedding, he prepared “lobster, lamb and strawberries and cream”.

(And that was just for Fergie’s massage.)

For Kate and William’s wedding, Darren says there will be 20 chefs, kitchen porters from “F branch” (Food branch) and footmen working as waiters from “G branch” (General branch).

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Posted: 8th, March 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment (1) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Prince William And Kate Middleton Visit Peaceful Northern Ireland: Photos

PRINCE William and Kate Middleton are on a visit Northern Ireland. They went to Belfast’s City Hall. Kate tossed a pancake. William tossed a pancake. No-one said anything about it landing on the crown of his head and staying there. It was all very police and civil – mainly because the entire area had been locked down and the anti-monarchists kept away. (Surely – it was because Kate and Wills are loved by all? – ed)

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Posted: 8th, March 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comments (3) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Prince Andrew Is Spanked: Sarah Ferguson Claims Jeffrey Epstein Abused Her

PRINCE Andrew: Having allegedly cupped the breast of a teenager called Virginia Roberts, who claims she was sexually abused by Andrew’s former friend Jeffery Epstein (they were pals as recently as last December), the Queen’s second son is in the mire. The news media reacts:

The Times (front page): “Fresh questions for Duke over links to Kazakhstan.”

The President of that country’s son, one Timur Kulibayev, bought the Duke’s £12m Sunninghill Park house for £3million over the asking price.

The paper says the place is blessed with “all the architectural charm of a Tesco superstore”. (Sarah Ferguson lives there.)

The deal was “secured” by Gaukhar Ashkenazi (aka Goga), a Kazakh socialite who earlier had accompanied Andrew to Ascot, where she met the Queen. Mr Kulibayev is the father of Goga’s son.

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Posted: 8th, March 2011 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family | Comments (14) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Prince Andrew To Job Share With Prince Edward

WHO would have guessed that Prince Andrew, a man with reputation for a being a womanising freeloader with a sticking balls in holes would end up embroiled in a scandal?

Someone decided that the trade envoy needed to be a royal.

Prince Edward was many people’s preferred choice but then it was pointed out that guns outsold embroidery thread by a fact of 10 to one, and he was out.

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Posted: 7th, March 2011 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family | Comment (1) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Prince Andrew And Epstein: Hang The Tyrants It’s The Sex We Don’t Like

MORE proof that the Duke and Duchess of York were well suited in the Mail, which continues its investigation into Randy Andy’s relationship with billionaire paedophile Jeffery Epstein.

Having heard from three of Epstein’s women who claim to have met Prince Andrew – Virginia Roberts alleges Andy merely felt up her breast; Sarah Kellen and Nadia Marchikova aren’t telling – we now hear from one woman who Andy has most definitely shagged: The Duchess of York.

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Posted: 7th, March 2011 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family | Comment (1) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


When Prince Andrew Partied With Billionaire Paedophile, Sarah Kellen And Nadia Marcinkova

PRINCE Andrew, the country’s ‘Trade Envoy’, is making more news for his relationship with convicted paedophile Jeffrey Epstein. Andrew was recently pictured walking with billionaire Epstein in New York after the sex criminal was released from jail – he served “13 months of an 18-month sentence for soliciting prostitution from minors”. The Prince has not reacted to the stories.

But the media are gunning for him. The NoTW is careful to say:

There is no suggestion that the prince ever did anything improper.

Isn’t there? The paper then adds:

But, when quizzed under oath by lawyers, Epstein’s bedroom slave Nadia Marcinkova refused to say if she had sex with Andrew.

Well, true enough. But a refusal is an admittance of nothing. She also refused to say that she didn’t have sex with Andrew. And she could only respond to the questions put to her. The name Prince Andrew has been used deliberately. The lawyer asking her who she had sex with might have added any number of names to the question: “Did you have sex with Osama in Laden at Mr Epstein’s home last week?” I take the Fifth. And then, maybe, I sell the book and work the TV circuit.

Last week, we met Virginia Roberts, who claims she was shagging Epstein she was a minor aged 15. Now we get the second woman:

There is no evidence the Duke of York – fourth in line to the throne – had any sexual contact during his visits to Epstein’s luxurious Florida spread. But the refusal of his host’s associates to deny it raises yet more questions about his judgement.

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Posted: 6th, March 2011 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family | Comments (15) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Queen Takes Part In Panel Game Show In Warwickshire

THE Queen was at the Royal Shakespeare Theatre in Stratford-upon-Avon. Earlier, she and the Duke of Edinburgh officially open the Magistrates Court at the Warwickshire Justice Centre in Leamington Spa. She looked impressive and unforgiving on the high bench. Either that or she looked part of the panel on a game show called What’s My Kink. Later, she went to jail. Really…

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Queen Elizabeth II and the Duke of Edinburgh officially open the Magistrates Court at the Warwickshire Justice Centre in Leamington Spa.

Posted: 4th, March 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


William & Kate: Camilla Cut From Royal Wedding Film

ROYAL Wedding Tat Watch has been sent stills from the William & Kate film, currently been recorded in Los Angeles. The movie, directed by Mark Rosman, and starring Camilla Luddington and Nico Evers-Swindell as the poshest Commoner in Britain and her prince.

According to the imdb, the film features a role for Prince Charles and “Jigsaw Boss” but none for Camilla. Is Ye Olde Tampon being airbrushed out of the story..?

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Posted: 4th, March 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comments (2) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


World Book Day: Camilla Duchess Of Cornwall Is Mrs Danvers

TODAY was World Book day. Old Mr Anorak was in Iran, and dressed as Palpatine from the Star Wars films. Mr Ahmadinejad says Star Wars is a Jewish conspiracy. Quick as a flash, our patron confessed he was in actual fact dressed as the mythical author of the Protocols of Zion and that Mad Mahmoud was not to tell anyone because Jews were everywhere (including in his family tree).

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Posted: 3rd, March 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Camilla Does The Royal Naval Chaplaincy Service

CAMILLA Duchess of  Windsor Tamponia  Conrnwall has met with the chaplains at the Royal Naval Chaplaincy Service annual conference at the Armed Forces Chaplaincy centre, Andover, Hampshire.

Everyone ready for the photo? One….Two… Three… “Adulteryyyyyy“….

Posted: 2nd, March 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Sarah Ferguson Explores Her ‘Lotus Flower’ For Cash

JOBBING Royal pimp Sarah Ferguson is on Oprah Winfrey’s telly network talking about her lotus flower. No, it’s not a euphemism for her big toe, but an actual inner flower – that should not be eaten to excess lest it cause Fergie to fall into a delusional fugue:

“They always say a lotus flower grows with very strong roots in muddy water, and it grows tall and strong and no water sticks to its leaves. We mustn’t let negativity stick to us. But how could I have been a lotus flower on that day, on May 23 [the day she was caught out flogging Prince Andrew]? I was not aware of my roots [daughter of stable lad], I wasn’t standing tall and I had a world of negativity stuck to me. I was happy just sitting in my own isolated, lonely place, alone with Sarah, because at least I had myself. I was just going to be there because I couldn’t trust anyone, except for my girls and Andrew. And so I went to find the lotus flower within myself.”

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Posted: 1st, March 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Teenage Prostitute Virginia Roberts Says Prince Andrew Is A Creepy Letch: No News There

THE Duke of York, aka Randy Andy, aka Airmiles Andy,  placed his arm about the waist of 17-year-old Virginia Roberts in 2001. The photo, reproduced in the Mail, was taken in London.

At the time, Roberts worked for Jeffrey Epstein, a billionaire convicted of hiring under-age prostitutes.

The Mail says:

“‘You did well. The Prince had fun’ – What girl in underage sex case was told after entertaining the Duke of York at request of his friend the sex offender”

Roberts has issued a civil writ against Epstein, in which she was claims to have been “sexually exploited by Epstein’s adult male peers including royalty”. She told her story to the Mail three years ago.

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Posted: 28th, February 2011 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family | Comments (28) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Lady Katie Percy’s Wedding Photos: Middleton And Davy Come Too

PIPPA Middleton and Chelsy Davy were there to see Lady Catherine Percy and Patrick Valentine marry. Lady Katie is a gun maker and mechanic who says:

“I’m dying to get a machine-gun mount so I can rest a .22 on one and shoot rabbits.”

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Posted: 27th, February 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Kate Middleton’s Hairy First Engagement In Anglesey: Photos

KATE Middleton was on a visit to Anglesey for her first official engagement as Prince William’s partner. She met members of the public during a Naming Ceremony and Service of Dedication for the Royal National Lifeboat Instution’s (RNLI) new Atlantic 85 Lifeboat ‘Hereford Endeavour’, at Trearddur Bay Lifeboat Station, in Trearddur Bay.

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Posted: 25th, February 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Royal Wedding Tat Watch: The Official Tea Towel

ROYAL Wedding Tat Watch: Introducing the tankard and tea towel. Is a china tea tankard the next big thing in tea? At £35 a pop it’s a statement. The tea towel is £7.95. Again, that’s not too cheap for a towel that mops up spilled tea.

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Posted: 22nd, February 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Royal Wedding Invitation: Photos

WANT to see the wedding invitation Prince William and Kate Middleton are sending out? Of course you do.

It’s really simple stuff. No brocade, gilding, hologram pop-up of a footman reading the invite aloud.

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Posted: 19th, February 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment (1) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0