Royal Family Category
The Royal Family, the House of Windsor, in the news and on a horse
Coronation Street Live Activists Try To Free Camilla And Charles From Night At Royal Variety Show: Photos
THE anti-Royal Variety Performance campaigners were not enough to save Prince Charles and Camilla from an evening spent with the N-Dubz, Mark Owen and comedy’s very own Mr Johnny Boden, Michael McIntyre. Says a spokesman for the masked activist network:
“We knew Coronation Street Live was on and that Camilla was a big fan. To see her hermetically sealed inside that mobile fish tank was a scandal and an outrage. We tried and tried to bust her out but it was no use. The glass was just too tough. Sorry, ma’am.”
“Never again. Please.”
ON their way one mile up the road to watch the Royal Variety Performance green activist Prince Charles and Camilla’s big car and convoy is attacked by students. Any idea for a caption?
Theses apples catchers are owned by Hungarian-born Miami legend “Baron” Joseph de Bicske Dobronyim aka Sepy, whose previous claim to fame is that his home was used a backdrop for scene in the 1972 film Deep Throat.
LAST time we saw Sultan Qaboos bin Said of Oman, he was giving Queen Elizabeth 2 a golden egg, we thought her haul was pretty good. But then the Wikileaks cables were leaked and we learnt that in 2008 Qaboos toured the Mediterranean on a yacht with a 700-strong entourage. Liz stuffed up. She got Prince William’s wedding gift but lost out on the free honeymoon. Kicks up the Qaboos all round…
Independent Uses Two Pages To Says Nation Could ‘Not Care Less’ About Prince William And Kate Middleton
The full report cover most of page 6. Again readers are reminded:
“William and Kate getting married? Indifferent nation couldn’t care less.”
WIKILEAKS has not only managed to local Prince Andrew but made him appear to be newsworthy. The story goes that Tatiana Gfoeller, Washington’s ambassador to Kyrgyzstan, spotted Airmiles Andy at a brunch.
Indeed, readers. Shock of shocks that American cultural imperialism now includes brunch in Kyrgyzstan. (Toss out the yak butter and horse milk surprise and make mine a tall stack of pancakes with syrup and a banana smoothie.)
The ambassador says Randy Andy spoke “cockily” to a gathering of eating British and Canadian businessmen and “verged on the rude“.
Again, a shock. Andrew was only nearly rude. He didn’t look at the women’s chests the entire time. Blame it on jet lag.
One cables says that – ready for this? – Prince Andrew goes hunting!
Jordanian King Abdullah II is a close friend of UAE Armed Forces Chief of Staff Muhammad bin Zayid Al-Nahyan (MbZ). The two frequently hunt — in Morocco and Tanzania — joined, more often than not, by England’s Prince Andrew.
Hunting for women? Hope so. Andrew has worked tirelessly to gain a reputation as a gadabout womaniser. Charles hunts. Andrew shags. Edward is not gay. Anne has tweed knickers. It’s just the way it is.
So. Andrew is rude. But over at the Telegraph, towards the top of the story, we learn that the Duke treated her with “with cordiality and respect”. This fact seems to have escaped the Guardian. Might it be that in the rush for transparency and the quest for freedom of information different new organs see what they want to see? And then there is the issue of actually taking these cables at face value and not questioning if they could have been manipulated in the chain between leaker and publisher? Is Wikileaks just Popbitch for politics?
The edited cable, as reported in the Guardian, goes:
“Rude language à la British … [Andrew] turned to the general issue of promoting British economic interests abroad. He railed at British anticorruption investigators, who had had the ‘idiocy’ of almost scuttling the al-Yamama deal with Saudi Arabia.”
Gfoeller is super smart and able to speak six languages. In that extract she speaks two at once. You want clever – you can’t handle clever, mon brave.
Half a day on from Wikileaks’ latest barrage and there’s still no update on one of the juiciest stories that we were promised details on. The Guardian, who has had access to all the leaks, is still keeping mum about some inappropriate remarks made by a member of the British Royal Family.
Although he has plenty of rivals in the foot in mouth league tables in the house of Windsor it is widely predicted that the Royal being referred to is in fact Prince Andrew – or Airmiles Andy as he is known these days thanks to his love of the old foreign jaunt.
Andy has plenty of form in this area too previously taking the US govt to task for not listening to British views on Iraq – a move which breaks royal protocol over what dukes can and can’t say about foreign governments.
So what do you think he has done now? Had a go at the Americans over Afghanistan? Suggested that a few of our former colonies, like the US and Ireland, might be better off being ruled by HM govt? Come on Wikikleaks and The Guardian, let’s have it.
QUEEN Elizabeth II was meeting the cubs at the Ambassador’s residence in Muscat, Oman. She then added to her haul of fancy goods by meeting with the Sultan of Oman, His Majesty Sultan Qaboos bin Said.
He was good for a gold vase, a free meal and a gold musical Faberge-style egg. Is it by chance the Queen visits the showy Gulf states before Christmas and William’s wedding to Kate Middleton?
Elizabeth did not head to the Seychelles. In 1972 her top knobs gave her a collection of shells. Germany once gave her a pet canary. Canada offered two black beavers. New Zealand gave her a canoe. In 1994, Russian gave her a portrait of herself. Barack Obama gave her an iPod.
WIDDLETON: The Daily Mail says that to help Kate Middleton be her own woman, Princess Diana’s brother Charles Spencer has been asked to address the throng at the wedding ceremony.
Well, that’s what Earl’s daughter Lady Kitty Spencer has “told friends”.
All that remains now is form Kate to rename herself Diana and Our Lady of the Immaculate Handbag to emerge from her hiding place on the fabled sixth floor of London’s Harvey Nichols department store where she has been resting between the racks for some years:
Other notable events on that day, which some of who wish to avoid to Diana-fest can attend:
Adolf Hitler’s wedding anniversary
David Icke’s birthday
Fred Dibnah’s birthday (here)
Catherine of Siena Saint Day (here)
Catholic Nazi lizard steeplejacks are incensed……
KATE Middleton and Prince William will be delighted to read the cover of OK! and thereon learn that their wedding will be “A DAY LIKE DIANA’S”.
THE Queen is in Abu Dhabi on what many believe to be a shopping expedition, looking for stuff for her grandson’s wedding. She met with Sheikh Khalifa Bin Zayed al Nahyan the President of the United Arab Emirates at the Mushrif Palace in Abu Dhabi, this afternoon.
He offered to host William and Kate’s honeymoon. He could throw in a free his ‘n’ her beach towel, complimentary breakfast, a glass of fizzy wine on arrival and 10% off anything at the Madinat Zayed Shopping Centre.
IS Susan Boyle to sing at Prince William and Kate Middleton wedding, adding a bit of actual spirituality to the quasi Catholic service?
Writes reader Percy:
I have heard rumour on Facebook that SuBo is to sing at Willy & Katy’s wedding….can Anorak confirm if this is true….and if so which song will SuBo sing?
PS – Maybe this can be Anorak’s next competition – A Right Royal Song & Gift Contest to decide which songs should be sung…and which gifts given for the upcoming event.
PPS – I’ll start the balls rolling:
Song: You Can Keep Your Hat On ..sung by SuBo.
Gift: A slightly used second hand copy of Das Krapital, by Roger Melly.
It’s an idea. Do you think it will work?
OK! puts the Kate Middleton and Prince William marriage into perspective…
“FROM the release of Nelson Mandela to the inauguration of President Barak Obama, from the marriage of Prince Charles and Diana, Princess of Wales to the fall of the Berlin Wall, the while world ahs watch in wonder.”
WHO better than the Prince of Wales, Prince Charles, to promote the caking for wool and, by association, woolly thinking? Charles, the Woolly Tampon, was chatting to woman in Centenary Square, Bradford, (what did he says to her?) and then observing a portrait of himself created in wool, presented to him by Frank Langrish, Chairman of the British Wool Marketing Board. It’s hard to think of a more suitable substance with which to represent Charles.
Can you pain with green jet fuel?
THE General Synod Church of England AGM was at Westminster Abbey, location of Prince William marriage to Kate Middleton on August 29. Yep, they blinked. Madeleine McCann cannot be denied…
PETE Broadbent, Bishop of Willesden (who knew?), has been suspended for likening Prince William and Kate Middleton to “shallow celebrities” (rather than deeper ones like Princess Diana) and predicting their marriage will last seven years.
He also said The Royal Family were “philanders” and called Prince Charles and Diana “Big Ears and the Porcelain Doll”.
Just how wrong can one man be..?
HAS the Sun surpassed the Daily Mail and published the most specious Kate Middleton and Prince William story to date?
Nikki Watkins writes under the headline “We’re the Other Wills & Kate”:
GAZING at her sparkling engagement ring, Kate Lawton cannot help but think of another Kate doing the same thing 200 miles away.
Because not only does she share Kate Middleton’s first name, her fiancé is also named William.
What. The. Fuck?!
THE Daily Mail continues its news on Kate Middleton’s marriage to Prince William with a feature from a Ticky Hedley-Dent, features editor at Tatler magazine.
She is not an invention. So far, Ticky has written three pieces:
Say hello to Kate’s well-heeled mates: TICKY HEDLEY-DENT gives a guided tour
At school she was nicknamed Princess in waiting and loved dressing up as a clown… now she’s the Queen of style
Revealed: How Prince William is following his father’s footsteps and actually marrying his nanny
PETER Broadbent (call me Pete) is the Church of England Bishop for Willesden, London and Labour Party member. Broadbent has likened Prince William and Kate Middleton “shallow celebrities”. He says their marriage will last seven years. His said the royal Family are “philanderers”. He has not been chosen to marry the couple.
On his Facebook page he adds:
Need to work out what date in the spring or summer I should be booking my republican day trip to France…
PRINCE William, soon to marry Kate Middleton, was in Blackpool to scout out honeymoon spots. It’s austerity Britain, and Willis, not insensitive to the climate, may yet replace the Taj Mahal in Agra, India, with the Taj Mahal restaurant on Albert Road…
Unless she’s already got one and Wills has flogged the original to pay of his baby mamas?
Kenneth Jay Lane’s “Princess Simulated Sapphire Ring” is available via QVC and by Royal Appointment.
Kate Middleton Will Be The Next People’s Princess (If She Shags Around And Forgets Her Seatbelt)
Royal Engagement Facebook Fail: Video
Kate Middleton And Prince William To Honeymoon At Taj Mahal
Wills And Kate Bullshit Fest – Must READ
Kate Middleton Is No Princess Diana: She Loves Landmines
Kate is pregnant? If not her, then who? Has Wills been on Bournemouth manoeuvres? An affair with Sarah Ferguson??? Tell us, Daily Star. Tell us. We can take it:
PRINCE William is soon to be a father, we can reveal.
KATE Middleton is behind the wheel of a blue Audi. To her side is an armed protection officer. This allows the Daily Express to talk about Princess Katherine’s death. The default position is to feel sorry for Kate. She’s the poor commoner tossed to the Windsor-Munsters. Her life will never be her own. Sure, she gets to be Queen and have tribes of people hang on her every word, but can she shop for knickers in privacy, go to the gym or throw up in her handbag in Faliraki.
The Express delivers the sombre news:
Since her engagement, Kate, 28, is entitled to protection at taxpayers’ expense and she now faces a lifetime of having a detective shadowing her every move.
THE Queen is on Facebook. Kate Middleton and Prince Williams are to be married. And then…