Royal Family Category
The Royal Family, the House of Windsor, in the news and on a horse
Half a day on from Wikileaks’ latest barrage and there’s still no update on one of the juiciest stories that we were promised details on. The Guardian, who has had access to all the leaks, is still keeping mum about some inappropriate remarks made by a member of the British Royal Family.
Although he has plenty of rivals in the foot in mouth league tables in the house of Windsor it is widely predicted that the Royal being referred to is in fact Prince Andrew – or Airmiles Andy as he is known these days thanks to his love of the old foreign jaunt.
Andy has plenty of form in this area too previously taking the US govt to task for not listening to British views on Iraq – a move which breaks royal protocol over what dukes can and can’t say about foreign governments.
So what do you think he has done now? Had a go at the Americans over Afghanistan? Suggested that a few of our former colonies, like the US and Ireland, might be better off being ruled by HM govt? Come on Wikikleaks and The Guardian, let’s have it.
QUEEN Elizabeth II was meeting the cubs at the Ambassador’s residence in Muscat, Oman. She then added to her haul of fancy goods by meeting with the Sultan of Oman, His Majesty Sultan Qaboos bin Said.
He was good for a gold vase, a free meal and a gold musical Faberge-style egg. Is it by chance the Queen visits the showy Gulf states before Christmas and William’s wedding to Kate Middleton?
Elizabeth did not head to the Seychelles. In 1972 her top knobs gave her a collection of shells. Germany once gave her a pet canary. Canada offered two black beavers. New Zealand gave her a canoe. In 1994, Russian gave her a portrait of herself. Barack Obama gave her an iPod.
WIDDLETON: The Daily Mail says that to help Kate Middleton be her own woman, Princess Diana’s brother Charles Spencer has been asked to address the throng at the wedding ceremony.
Well, that’s what Earl’s daughter Lady Kitty Spencer has “told friends”.
All that remains now is form Kate to rename herself Diana and Our Lady of the Immaculate Handbag to emerge from her hiding place on the fabled sixth floor of London’s Harvey Nichols department store where she has been resting between the racks for some years:
Other notable events on that day, which some of who wish to avoid to Diana-fest can attend:
Adolf Hitler’s wedding anniversary
David Icke’s birthday
Fred Dibnah’s birthday (here)
Catherine of Siena Saint Day (here)
Catholic Nazi lizard steeplejacks are incensed……
KATE Middleton and Prince William will be delighted to read the cover of OK! and thereon learn that their wedding will be “A DAY LIKE DIANA’S”.
THE Queen is in Abu Dhabi on what many believe to be a shopping expedition, looking for stuff for her grandson’s wedding. She met with Sheikh Khalifa Bin Zayed al Nahyan the President of the United Arab Emirates at the Mushrif Palace in Abu Dhabi, this afternoon.
He offered to host William and Kate’s honeymoon. He could throw in a free his ‘n’ her beach towel, complimentary breakfast, a glass of fizzy wine on arrival and 10% off anything at the Madinat Zayed Shopping Centre.
IS Susan Boyle to sing at Prince William and Kate Middleton wedding, adding a bit of actual spirituality to the quasi Catholic service?
Writes reader Percy:
I have heard rumour on Facebook that SuBo is to sing at Willy & Katy’s wedding….can Anorak confirm if this is true….and if so which song will SuBo sing?
PS – Maybe this can be Anorak’s next competition – A Right Royal Song & Gift Contest to decide which songs should be sung…and which gifts given for the upcoming event.
PPS – I’ll start the balls rolling:
Song: You Can Keep Your Hat On ..sung by SuBo.
Gift: A slightly used second hand copy of Das Krapital, by Roger Melly.
It’s an idea. Do you think it will work?
OK! puts the Kate Middleton and Prince William marriage into perspective…
“FROM the release of Nelson Mandela to the inauguration of President Barak Obama, from the marriage of Prince Charles and Diana, Princess of Wales to the fall of the Berlin Wall, the while world ahs watch in wonder.”
WHO better than the Prince of Wales, Prince Charles, to promote the caking for wool and, by association, woolly thinking? Charles, the Woolly Tampon, was chatting to woman in Centenary Square, Bradford, (what did he says to her?) and then observing a portrait of himself created in wool, presented to him by Frank Langrish, Chairman of the British Wool Marketing Board. It’s hard to think of a more suitable substance with which to represent Charles.
Can you pain with green jet fuel?
THE General Synod Church of England AGM was at Westminster Abbey, location of Prince William marriage to Kate Middleton on August 29. Yep, they blinked. Madeleine McCann cannot be denied…
PETE Broadbent, Bishop of Willesden (who knew?), has been suspended for likening Prince William and Kate Middleton to “shallow celebrities” (rather than deeper ones like Princess Diana) and predicting their marriage will last seven years.
He also said The Royal Family were “philanders” and called Prince Charles and Diana “Big Ears and the Porcelain Doll”.
Just how wrong can one man be..?
HAS the Sun surpassed the Daily Mail and published the most specious Kate Middleton and Prince William story to date?
Nikki Watkins writes under the headline “We’re the Other Wills & Kate”:
GAZING at her sparkling engagement ring, Kate Lawton cannot help but think of another Kate doing the same thing 200 miles away.
Because not only does she share Kate Middleton’s first name, her fiancé is also named William.
What. The. Fuck?!
THE Daily Mail continues its news on Kate Middleton’s marriage to Prince William with a feature from a Ticky Hedley-Dent, features editor at Tatler magazine.
She is not an invention. So far, Ticky has written three pieces:
Say hello to Kate’s well-heeled mates: TICKY HEDLEY-DENT gives a guided tour
At school she was nicknamed Princess in waiting and loved dressing up as a clown… now she’s the Queen of style
Revealed: How Prince William is following his father’s footsteps and actually marrying his nanny
PETER Broadbent (call me Pete) is the Church of England Bishop for Willesden, London and Labour Party member. Broadbent has likened Prince William and Kate Middleton “shallow celebrities”. He says their marriage will last seven years. His said the royal Family are “philanderers”. He has not been chosen to marry the couple.
On his Facebook page he adds:
Need to work out what date in the spring or summer I should be booking my republican day trip to France…
PRINCE William, soon to marry Kate Middleton, was in Blackpool to scout out honeymoon spots. It’s austerity Britain, and Willis, not insensitive to the climate, may yet replace the Taj Mahal in Agra, India, with the Taj Mahal restaurant on Albert Road…
Unless she’s already got one and Wills has flogged the original to pay of his baby mamas?
Kenneth Jay Lane’s “Princess Simulated Sapphire Ring” is available via QVC and by Royal Appointment.
Kate Middleton Will Be The Next People’s Princess (If She Shags Around And Forgets Her Seatbelt)
Royal Engagement Facebook Fail: Video
Kate Middleton And Prince William To Honeymoon At Taj Mahal
Wills And Kate Bullshit Fest – Must READ
Kate Middleton Is No Princess Diana: She Loves Landmines
Kate is pregnant? If not her, then who? Has Wills been on Bournemouth manoeuvres? An affair with Sarah Ferguson??? Tell us, Daily Star. Tell us. We can take it:
PRINCE William is soon to be a father, we can reveal.
KATE Middleton is behind the wheel of a blue Audi. To her side is an armed protection officer. This allows the Daily Express to talk about Princess Katherine’s death. The default position is to feel sorry for Kate. She’s the poor commoner tossed to the Windsor-Munsters. Her life will never be her own. Sure, she gets to be Queen and have tribes of people hang on her every word, but can she shop for knickers in privacy, go to the gym or throw up in her handbag in Faliraki.
The Express delivers the sombre news:
Since her engagement, Kate, 28, is entitled to protection at taxpayers’ expense and she now faces a lifetime of having a detective shadowing her every move.
THE Queen is on Facebook. Kate Middleton and Prince Williams are to be married. And then…
KATE Middleton and Prince William’s bun tossing event at Abingdon County Hall Museum, Oxfordshire, hangs in the balance. The BBC has the headline of the day:
Royal wedding bun throw in Abingdon in doubt
Building work means that civic leaders might not get on to the roof to throw 4,000 cakes and buns.
Says Nigel Warner, clerk of Abingdon Town Council:
“It is something we cannot guarantee due to the repairs. The building is having a top to tail restoration with a new roof, new electrics, so at some points next year it will be very hard to get to the roof to throw the buns.”
What bout custard pies? Or fire extinguishers? Cometh the hour…
KATE Middleton is to marry Prince William Wales and the Telegraph has made its job to coat the event in a syrup of cloying ooze:
It is rare these days that we glimpse broad sunlit uplands, but this is one such moment.
KATE Middleton’s father Michael will not be paying for her wedding to Prince William. So much for tradition. But this is not to say that the Middletons are not full of idea as to how best the thing should go. The family’s The Partypieces website, owned by Michael and Carole Middleton parent’s of Kate Middleton, has some great offers, especially on the non-eco plastic items and killer Chinese lanterns.
But there is an “eco” section, on which you can find tips on how to create a do greener than Prince Charles’ Aston Martin and Air Miles stamps:
How about getting creative and with the help of your child making your own – this will give the party a personal touch and is a fun way of using pictures from old cards or even leaves and flowers from the garden. But without a doubt the greenest invitation of all is one that saves on stamps and trees.
…how about a paper tablecloth, suitable for recycling, or an old sheet that can be washed –
And what about hosting a gardening party ?
And then there’s the hen night:
A few essentials for your hen party to do list – something to make your hen party stand out from the crowd-you don’t have to go full fancy dress but at least get everyone to wear head boppers, pink leis or feather boas.
Can Prince Edward come along?
Dress up the bride in embarrassing accessories- a learner plate is an iconic must! Organise some drinks and nibbles whilst you get ready. Don’t forget the dares – once your bride has had some bubbly get her to celebrate her final days of singledom with some girlie fun!!
Why do all old woman in dark glasses look so brilliantly sinister?
Will Kate Middleton be the news Diana?
Will it be allowed?
IF Kate Middleton was hoping to get away from comparisons to Princess Diana she’d best launch a pro-landmine charity fast. After the ring – William gave her Diana’s old engagement ring; the one his philandering father gave dead old mum – Princess Katherine, as she will be known, has been on a visit to Westminster Abbey.
The building was closed to the public.
Each and every one us will be deeply affected by the looming royal marriage… – Peter Oborne, Daily Telegraph
Without British Airways there would be no Kate Middleton, so it seems proper payback that the national carrier will be a leading beneficiary of her marriage to Prince William. Untold thousands will fly with BA to London from across the globe for the holy wedlock of Prince William and the lovely Kate some time next spring or summer. And many, many more will fly out of Britain to escape it. – Matthew Norman, Independent
For Kate and William, their engagement has profound national significance. They will help form our collective imagination. They are now part of what we are as a nation, how we define ourselves as individuals. – Peter Oborne, Daily Telegraph
As somebody whose business it is to study the human heart… – Bel Mooney, Daily Mail