Royal Family Category
The Royal Family, the House of Windsor, in the news and on a horse
PETE Broadbent, Bishop of Willesden (who knew?), has been suspended for likening Prince William and Kate Middleton to “shallow celebrities” (rather than deeper ones like Princess Diana) and predicting their marriage will last seven years.
He also said The Royal Family were “philanders” and called Prince Charles and Diana “Big Ears and the Porcelain Doll”.
Just how wrong can one man be..?
HAS the Sun surpassed the Daily Mail and published the most specious Kate Middleton and Prince William story to date?
Nikki Watkins writes under the headline “We’re the Other Wills & Kate”:
GAZING at her sparkling engagement ring, Kate Lawton cannot help but think of another Kate doing the same thing 200 miles away.
Because not only does she share Kate Middleton’s first name, her fiancé is also named William.
What. The. Fuck?!
THE Daily Mail continues its news on Kate Middleton’s marriage to Prince William with a feature from a Ticky Hedley-Dent, features editor at Tatler magazine.
She is not an invention. So far, Ticky has written three pieces:
Say hello to Kate’s well-heeled mates: TICKY HEDLEY-DENT gives a guided tour
At school she was nicknamed Princess in waiting and loved dressing up as a clown… now she’s the Queen of style
Revealed: How Prince William is following his father’s footsteps and actually marrying his nanny
PETER Broadbent (call me Pete) is the Church of England Bishop for Willesden, London and Labour Party member. Broadbent has likened Prince William and Kate Middleton “shallow celebrities”. He says their marriage will last seven years. His said the royal Family are “philanderers”. He has not been chosen to marry the couple.
On his Facebook page he adds:
Need to work out what date in the spring or summer I should be booking my republican day trip to France…
PRINCE William, soon to marry Kate Middleton, was in Blackpool to scout out honeymoon spots. It’s austerity Britain, and Willis, not insensitive to the climate, may yet replace the Taj Mahal in Agra, India, with the Taj Mahal restaurant on Albert Road…
Unless she’s already got one and Wills has flogged the original to pay of his baby mamas?
Kenneth Jay Lane’s “Princess Simulated Sapphire Ring” is available via QVC and by Royal Appointment.
Kate Middleton Will Be The Next People’s Princess (If She Shags Around And Forgets Her Seatbelt)
Royal Engagement Facebook Fail: Video
Kate Middleton And Prince William To Honeymoon At Taj Mahal
Wills And Kate Bullshit Fest – Must READ
Kate Middleton Is No Princess Diana: She Loves Landmines
Kate is pregnant? If not her, then who? Has Wills been on Bournemouth manoeuvres? An affair with Sarah Ferguson??? Tell us, Daily Star. Tell us. We can take it:
PRINCE William is soon to be a father, we can reveal.
KATE Middleton is behind the wheel of a blue Audi. To her side is an armed protection officer. This allows the Daily Express to talk about Princess Katherine’s death. The default position is to feel sorry for Kate. She’s the poor commoner tossed to the Windsor-Munsters. Her life will never be her own. Sure, she gets to be Queen and have tribes of people hang on her every word, but can she shop for knickers in privacy, go to the gym or throw up in her handbag in Faliraki.
The Express delivers the sombre news:
Since her engagement, Kate, 28, is entitled to protection at taxpayers’ expense and she now faces a lifetime of having a detective shadowing her every move.
THE Queen is on Facebook. Kate Middleton and Prince Williams are to be married. And then…
KATE Middleton and Prince William’s bun tossing event at Abingdon County Hall Museum, Oxfordshire, hangs in the balance. The BBC has the headline of the day:
Royal wedding bun throw in Abingdon in doubt
Building work means that civic leaders might not get on to the roof to throw 4,000 cakes and buns.
Says Nigel Warner, clerk of Abingdon Town Council:
“It is something we cannot guarantee due to the repairs. The building is having a top to tail restoration with a new roof, new electrics, so at some points next year it will be very hard to get to the roof to throw the buns.”
What bout custard pies? Or fire extinguishers? Cometh the hour…
KATE Middleton is to marry Prince William Wales and the Telegraph has made its job to coat the event in a syrup of cloying ooze:
It is rare these days that we glimpse broad sunlit uplands, but this is one such moment.
KATE Middleton’s father Michael will not be paying for her wedding to Prince William. So much for tradition. But this is not to say that the Middletons are not full of idea as to how best the thing should go. The family’s The Partypieces website, owned by Michael and Carole Middleton parent’s of Kate Middleton, has some great offers, especially on the non-eco plastic items and killer Chinese lanterns.
But there is an “eco” section, on which you can find tips on how to create a do greener than Prince Charles’ Aston Martin and Air Miles stamps:
How about getting creative and with the help of your child making your own – this will give the party a personal touch and is a fun way of using pictures from old cards or even leaves and flowers from the garden. But without a doubt the greenest invitation of all is one that saves on stamps and trees.
…how about a paper tablecloth, suitable for recycling, or an old sheet that can be washed –
And what about hosting a gardening party ?
And then there’s the hen night:
A few essentials for your hen party to do list – something to make your hen party stand out from the crowd-you don’t have to go full fancy dress but at least get everyone to wear head boppers, pink leis or feather boas.
Can Prince Edward come along?
Dress up the bride in embarrassing accessories- a learner plate is an iconic must! Organise some drinks and nibbles whilst you get ready. Don’t forget the dares – once your bride has had some bubbly get her to celebrate her final days of singledom with some girlie fun!!
Why do all old woman in dark glasses look so brilliantly sinister?
Will Kate Middleton be the news Diana?
Will it be allowed?
IF Kate Middleton was hoping to get away from comparisons to Princess Diana she’d best launch a pro-landmine charity fast. After the ring – William gave her Diana’s old engagement ring; the one his philandering father gave dead old mum – Princess Katherine, as she will be known, has been on a visit to Westminster Abbey.
The building was closed to the public.
Each and every one us will be deeply affected by the looming royal marriage… – Peter Oborne, Daily Telegraph
Without British Airways there would be no Kate Middleton, so it seems proper payback that the national carrier will be a leading beneficiary of her marriage to Prince William. Untold thousands will fly with BA to London from across the globe for the holy wedlock of Prince William and the lovely Kate some time next spring or summer. And many, many more will fly out of Britain to escape it. – Matthew Norman, Independent
For Kate and William, their engagement has profound national significance. They will help form our collective imagination. They are now part of what we are as a nation, how we define ourselves as individuals. – Peter Oborne, Daily Telegraph
As somebody whose business it is to study the human heart… – Bel Mooney, Daily Mail
PRINCE William and Kate Middleton are engaged and an industry is born. Will they be William and Kate? Willate? Killiam? Kills? Is Kate the new Diana. Or is she her own woman, one who loves landmines – just loves them? There is much to decide as the brand is developed.
But in the meanwhile, what say the papers? Which paper is the most patriotic? Let’s see:
Independent: leads with the economic ruin of Ireland
You can hide and tidy to ignore it but the wedding chatter – the debate between flag waving Royalists and outraged Republicans – will not go away.
i (the little Indy’s front page): “Kate says: I Will”
(Surely, I Wills?)
PRINCE William and Kate Middleton’s impending marriage is summed up by Royal biographer Penny Junor. You see, Kate is not like Princess Diana, who currently lives on the fabled Sixth Floor of London’s Harvey Nicole department store.
Sure, Kate is wearing Diana’s ring and the papers are full of pictures and words comparing her to the celebrity princess. But… Well, here’s Penny making sense of it all:
Charles’s marriage to Diana in 1981 was widely viewed as a fairytale. This wedding will be the genuine article…
KATE Middleton is to marry Prince William. He’s put his mum’s ring on her finger. But there is trouble afoot. The One Show – the BBC’s early evening ball of loosen ends – says Kate Middleton is to marry Prince Andrew.
Should Wills be told?!
KATE Middleton and Prince William are to be married and the papers and news media are falling over themselves to cobble together the story to fill the need. But it’s hats off to the Daily Express for pressing f9 on the keyboard and conjuring up:
WHEN Kate Middleton marries into the Royal Family she will be following in Diana’s footsteps but does she have the potential to be the next People’s Princess?
God we hope so. But the Express must be hoping more than all of us. Fingers crossed for that paper’s survival that Katie doesn’t put on her seatbelt, has extra-marital sex and sticks her hair in a bun and her **** in a toaster.
PATRICK Jephson, Princess Diana’s former private secretary, has some words to the wise for Kate Middleton:
WThere will be a tidal wave of sentimental slush, but you’ve got be practical. If she was my sister, I’d tell her to get a good pre-nup.
“This is no ordinary marriage and the last decade has had these terrible divorces.”
Just wait until he shags Heather Mills…
PRINCE William and Kate Middleton are engaged and an industry is born. Will they be William and Kate? Willate? Killiam? There is much to decide as the brand is developed. But the merchandise is already hitting the shops. We’ve compiled a gallery of things you can already buy with Wills and Kate’s faces on:
KATE Middleton and Prince William and Princess Diana: There are three of them in this marriage. Wills have given Kate his mum’s engagement ring. The 18-carat white gold ring containing an oval blue sapphire surrounded by a cluster of 14 small diamonds was the one Prince Charles gave Diana in 1981. Says Wills:
“It was my way of making sure my mother didn’t miss out on today and the excitement and the fact that we’re going to spend the rest of our lives together.”
REMEMBRANCE Day: To your poppies, ladies. The Sunday ceremony at the Cenotaph, Whitehall, London is now all about who has the biggest poppy. Cherie Blair wore a squirting one that coats the unsuspecting sniffer in a serum of Teflon and the smell of wet wafer and washed cash. Sophie Wessex opted for a flower pot on her head…
HER Majesty The Queen’s Facebook site will hook up Buckingham Palace with the online community. The social network just climbed. The page will feature Royal events, ceremonies and the wonderful Court Circular. Prince Harry’s pink knickers will not get an airing…much…
PRINCE Harry was climbing a net over a pair of large guns during the launch of The Soldier Challenge 2011 at the Imperial War Museum, London. Harry – who at one staged offered the watching press out with beckoning finger of hope – looks so much like his dad Prince Charles that any myth of the James Hewitt gene can be dispelled. TV survivalist Bear Grylls resisted any urge to slaughter Harry, hollow him out and turn him into a cup…