Royal Family Category
The Royal Family, the House of Windsor, in the news and on a horse
WE never did get to find out the name of the naked young woman behind the naked Prince Harry in a Las Vegas hotel room. We did get a kiss ‘n’ smell from a Carrie Reichert, who has gone from being 32 in The People in September 2012 to being 40 in Radar in October.
THE Daily Mail loves Pippa Middleton. The Daily Mail loves to hate Pippa Middleton. Pippa has written a book about hosting parties. The Mail has been covering the issue:
Exclusively in this weekend’s Mail on Sunday, you’ll find the first part of Pippa Middleton’s glorious guide to simple, creative entertaining, from her sensational new book – Celebrate: A Year of British Festivities for Family and Friends. This weekend we have 24 glossy pages of magical Hallowe’en tips and brilliant bonfire night ideas.
THE Duchess of Cornwall emerges from a tour of the cells below Marlborough Town Hall to check on you know who*.
(*Fergie, Savile, Diana, Elvis, Shergar and Lucan.)
THIS week, Queen Elizabeth II saw the Windsor and Eton Society Diamond Jubilee Tribute statue at the King Edward Court shopping centre, Windsor. That statue…It’s 60 silver orbs modelled, seemingly, on stills from her yearly colonscopy:
THE Prince William love doll produced by Bradford Exchange Ltd is, it says here:
Expertly handcrafted from fine bisque porcelain, this first-of-a-kind edition bears an authentic likeness of the handsome Prince on his wedding day. Meticulously handpainted for exquisite realism, this lifelike portrait is 17 inches tall, and fully poseable.
Striking uniform recreated in exquisite detail Prince William’s dashing red tunic features a golden collar bearing the facing shamrock emblems of the Irish Guards, shining gold buttons and epaulets, white piping and embellished cuffs. A royal blue sash, golden braid, a belt with a fringed tassel, medals and military insignia add drama and authenticity. Dark-coloured slacks with scarlet striping and a military cap of authentic design complete the ensemble.
When your ‘Prince William Royal Bridegroom Porcelain Doll’ arrives, and you place him beside your ‘Princess Catherine Royal Elegance Bride Doll’, you’ll recapture all the joy and historic significance of the Royal Wedding! Don’t miss out – order yours today!
“Due to ‘adverse weather conditions’ The Duke’s helicopter is unable to take off from London this morning.”
Indeed. Air Miles Andy was heading to a meeting a Nelson & Colne college. It’s message:
We believe that it is vital to promote a “green” ethos amongst our students and staff. The College’s Sustainability Group has worked hard to raise awareness of the environmental issues we face, and the whole College has agreed challenging, but achievable goals to reduce our carbon footprint, now and in future years – targets which are already being exceeded.
KATE Middleton is topless in Closer, France, and bottomless in Danish tabloid Se Og Hor. The same deference that enabled Prince Charles to conduct an extra-marital affair in full view, and Wallis Simpson to be linked to the then future King in every press but the British, means we get to talk about a story that we cannot see. The photos of topless and bottomless Kate Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge, were, allegedly, obtained by illegal means. Yeah. Like that should stop the fearsome British tabloids. The rest of the world must be laughing at us:
THE Queen wanted Abu Hamza, the hooked-handed, one-eyed gurning loon of Finsbury Park, deported. Conspiacy theorists say that the State kept him in the UK for their own purposes:
RIP John Peter Houison Craufurd of Craufurdland. The Washer of the Sovereign’s Hands was 82. As the 28th laird of Craufurdland Castle, in Ayrshire, for it was he, said:
“We used to have to write to Buckingham Palace to offer to wash the monarch’s hands every time they were in residence at the Palace of Holyroodhouse. In his day, my father had to make that offer virtually every year, although it was very seldom accepted.
“More recently, we have been told by the Queen’s office that, as we have already washed her hands once, that is all she requires us to do. So now we have to wait until Prince Charles takes the throne before we do it again.”
DID you know that 7 million Britons have seen Kate Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge, stood topless on a balcony in Provence? Well, it’s true. The YouGov poll for The Sunday Times has data. In all, 20% of British over 18s have seen the pictures online. Of 1,608 adults questioned, 73% said it was wrong to publish the photographs.
CHIEF Kooffreh will now deliver his tribute to Princess Diana. It’s what she would have wanted…
Chief Kooffreh is an alumnus of the University of Massachusetts, Bentley College, Framingham State University. He lives in New York, New York with his wife Elizabeth Tampol Kooffreh, the “world-class actress“(see video 2):
Poor, Kate. Sources tell us that she desperately wants to be known as the Middleton sister with the great arse but, stubbornly, it remains the only body part the press remain unable to focus on. Pippa is the buttocks. Kate is the breasts. Let’s hope Kate doesn’t develop a complex at this pigeonholing.
HARD cheese on Closer magazine for being banned for publishing those images of a topless Kate Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge, in Provence. Harder cheese still because others are showing off the photos.
Following Chi (Italy) and the Daily Star (Ireland) into the pantheon of they who failed to observe the correct decorum for the topless Duchess are Sweden and Denmark’s Se och Hoer titles. The Danish mag’s chief editor, Kim Henningsen, says he was offered 240 pictures but decided “only to use 60 to 70 of them”.
That’s more than the number of pictures Mexico’s Nueva magazine featured of Prince William taking a wazz in piublic – with zoomed in penis shots. It’s more than the number of photos the Daily Mirror published of Princess Diana working out in the gym. (The Mirror called Closer a “French Peeping Tom” organ. That might have been a compliment.)
RICHARD Desmond’s reported plans to send the Daily Star Ireland the way of the News of the World seem to have stalled. The paper’s editor has been suspended for publishing photographs of Kate Middleton topless – pictures that outraged Desmond and his Northern & Shell company.
“Their horrified feeling over those intrusive pictures”
Those would be the horrific pictures of a topless Kate Middleton published in the Daily Star Ireland, owned in part by, erm, Northern & Shell, owners of OK! magazine…
HURRAH! Lawyers for Kate Middleton and Prince William, aka the Duke and Duchess of Kent, have won an injunction stopping Closer magazine from publishing those photos of her topless. The Tribunal de Grande Instance in Nanterre, Paris, is on the side of the angels. If Kate can now erase our minds, recall all the sold copies of Closer; scrub the images from the internet; defeat Chi magazine in similar style, force the photographer to hand over the images and never sell them again; jail the Daily Star Ireland news desk, all will be as perfect as it once was.