Royal Family Category
The Royal Family, the House of Windsor, in the news and on a horse
KATE Middleton Pregnancy Watch – Day 10 of the Duchess of Cambridge’s womb news: Can we honour Jacintha Salanha by naming the Royal baby after her? Will DJs Mel Greig and Michael Christian make a pilgrimage to see Lord Leveson on holiday in Australia? Who will win the PR fight for the nurse’s soul?
The front pages:
Who’s the most upset?
The Sun: “Hoax two in tears at nurse’s suicide”
Daily Mail: “Anguish of the Suicide Nurse’s family”
The Scotsman: “Family miss ‘Royal hoax nurse’ every moment of every day”
The Mirror: “Daughter’s tears for victim of Kate prank”
The Guardian: “A mother mourned”
i: “Australian DJs ‘gutted’ over hoax nurse death”
Daily Star: “DJ Mel Sobs for Royal Nurse”
The Star’s front page has Mel looking teary eyed up to image of Jacintha’s family.
Kate Middleton Pregnancy Watch: narcissistic Mel and Michael weep on camera for baby Jacintha Windsor
KATE Middleton pregnancy watch: Day 8 of the Duchess of Cambridge’s pregnancy – Royal baby named after Jacintha Saldanha; Mel Greig and Michael Christian weep on the telly:
The front pages
The Sun: “Pregnant Kate has sickness relapse”
Daily Telegraph: “Setback for Duchess as he condition takes turn for the worse”
Daily Mirror: “Royal Hoax Suicide – FURY OF NURSE’S HUSBAND – He’s angry at hospital over Jacintha’s death”
i: “Kate hoax nurse daughter pay tribute to mother”
Daily Star: “Prank DJs’ witch hunt”
Daily Express: “British Police may quiz prank DJs after nurse’s ‘suicide'”
The Guardian: “DJs may face Met over nurse death. London police make contact with Australia over hoax call investigation”
Daily Mail: “Hoaxed Nurse Died of Shame”
KATE Middleton Pregnancy watch: Day 7 update 1 – Prince William gets paternity leave:
A St James’s Palace spokesman tells media:
“The Duke of Cambridge will no longer attend the British Military Tournament at Earls Court this evening, but will spend Sunday privately with the Duchess instead. It is well known that hyperemesis gravidarum often recurs and, until further notice, to allow the Duchess a degree of privacy during her pregnancy, we do not intend to offer regular condition checks or advise of routine developments associated with it.”
KATE Middleton Pregnancy Watch: Day 7 of the Duchess of Cambridge’s pregnancy – Jacintha Saldanha and 2Day FM presenters Mel Greig and Michael Christian continue to occupy minds:
The front pages:
The Sun: “First Pic of Hoaxed Suicide Nurse”
“Husband tells of his grief – MY ANGEL”
JACINTHA Saldanha has died. Pranked on air by two Australian DJs, the nurse who worked at the hospital where Kate Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge, was being treated, seems to have committed suicide. You might have thought their hoax call funny. Wendy Harmer “Co-Founder of the Aussie women’s online mag, The Hoopla. Journo. author, stand-up, bigmouth, mum” thought it was great.
“Those two kiddos are legends!”
KATE Middleton Pregnancy Watch: Day 6.The Duchess of Cambridge news is dominated by Jacintha Saldanha, the 46-year-old a mother of two who appears to have committed suicided at the nurses’ rooms at King Edward VII Hospital. Jacintha Saldanha’s life and death are duly explained in Kate terms:
The front pages:
Daily Mail: “Our Sadness at ‘Suicide’ of Prank Call Nurse”
The Royal We.
THE nurse who put talked to two Australian radio tricksters was called Jacintha Saldanha. She was the hospital receptionist who put 2day FM’s Mel Greig and Michael Christian through to the Duchess of Cambridge’s rooms at King Edward VII Hospital.
Now Jacintha Saldanha, 46, is dead. She most likely killed herself. She was found unconscious at an address near the private Central London hospital at around 9.30am this morning.
Ms Saldanha had two children.
KATE Middleton Pregnancy Watch: Day 5 – the Duchess of Cambridge delivers a nuclear bomb, a ginger explosion and a Jewish woman to rule:
The front pages:
The Scotsman: “Smiling Kate leaves hospital”
The Times: “Kate heads for home”
The Guardian: “We are on the mend – Duchess leaves hospital”
The Telegraph: “Kate goes home for Christmas”
Daily Express: “Prince Charles just can’t wait to be a grandfather”
Daily Star: “Kate feels blooming fabulous”
Louise Mensch (The Sun): “LET’S just hope it’s a girl!”
Of course, it doesn’t really matter what sex Kate’s baby is — any child is wonderful.
WHY did Kate Middleton pose for the cameras outside hospital? The pregnant Duchess of Cambridge was discharged from the King Edward VII Hospital in central London following three nights under observation. She’s now off to Kensington Palace “for a period of rest”, St James’s Palace said. Chances are she will observed as she eats, drinks, sleeps and walks. We’ll see her again. In six months, we’d wager…
Daily Telegraph: “Duchess of Cambridge ‘will give birth to a girl’ who will grow to 5ft 10ins, studies suggest”
…another clue to the baby’s sex could be provided by the Duke’s job flying helicopters
“We were very surprised that our call was put through. We thought we’d be hung up on as soon as they heard our terrible accents. We’re very sorry if we’ve caused any issues and we’re glad to hear that Kate is doing well. 2Day FM sincerely apologises for any inconvenience caused by the inquiries to Kate’s hospital. The radio segment was done with lighthearted intentions. We wish Kate and her family all the best and we’re glad to hear she’s doing well.”
KATE Middleton Pregnancy watch: Anorak’s at-a-glance look at the Duchess of Cambridge’s pregnancy:
Those front-page headlines:
Daily Mail: “Relieved William leaves hospital after six-hour bedside vigil”
She has morning sickness.
HATS off to the Daily Mail’s legion of female hacks who knew Kate Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge, was pregnant and never told a living soul. In a piece called “WHEN THEY SAW THAT NEW HAIRDO, EVERY WOMAN KNEW” Rebecca English notes:
We knew already, you know. The cannier observers among us had already guessed a royal baby was on the way. How? It was all thanks to Kate’s hair: her great symbol, the vehicle through which she speaks to her public. The instant many of us caught sight of last week’s new fringe we just knew…
When we spotted the young Duchess hiding bashfully behind her new bangs, it was evident that a fresh era for Kate, her marriage, and her dynastic ambitions was being heralded.
IN photos: the media mob outside King Edward VII Hospital, London. Inside, Kate Middleton, the Duchess of Cambridge, is expecting a baby. Kate’s got morning sickness known as hyperemesis gravidarum. Expect to read lot about that. And expect to see a lot of photos of KAte’s tum-tum. But not of her breasts. That would be an invasion of her privacy:
KATE Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge, is pregnant. How did you react?
In hospital with acute morning sickness? Does she also sleep on a pile of feather mattresses with a pea underneath it?
KATE Middleton is pregnant. The Duchess of Cambridge is with child. Will it be new Prince Edward? The baby will be special. It has to be. It’s royal! It has to uphold and embody the idea of imperialism and superiority while being refreshingly normal and modern.
It’s not joyous news. It’s an act of cruelty. Get a load of Uncles Eddie. Go on, Kate and Wills. Take a look at the rich, mentally negligible sod who, though useless at pretty much everything, believes a career as a Royal is an actual job.
PRINCE Charles is in Papua New Guineas. He’s been speaking to the locals in a sport stadium.
“Mi nambawan pikinini bilong misis kwin…Mi na misis bilong mi mipela lik tok tenkyu tru lon yupela olgeta lon gutpela pasin bilong hamamas yupela mekim lon mipela lon kam lon Papua Niugini.”
Fancy taking a stab at what the pidgin translates to in modern English?