The Royal Family, the House of Windsor, in the news and on a horse
KATE Middleton Pregnancy Watch: The Duchess of Cambridge is a bag lady:
National Ledger: “Kate Middleton is pregnant and many are celebrating including those in the fashion world.”
To celebrate the Duchess of Cambridge’s pregnancy, Gucci has made an exclusive bag for Duchess Catherine.
The Italian fashion house has created the Catherine Bag for the 30-year-old royal, following the announcement she is expecting her first child with husband Prince William .
Guccio Gucci, grandson of Gucci founder Guccio Gucci, says the bag is completely handmade and hand-sewn, and “was inspired by Kate’s delicate features and immense charm”.
They made a leather bag because it looked like Kate’s face. So leathery is Kate what when she opens her mouth you don’t know whether to listen or toss your keys in…
Daily Mail: “Royal nurse who answered hoax call about Duchess of Cambridge had attempted to kill herself twice before
Jacintha Saldanha made two attempts to kill herself last winter”
The nurse took an overdose during visit to India
She survived but tried to jump from a building nine days later
Those facts soon become:
Nurse Jacintha Saldanha… is believed to have tried to commit suicide twice previously.
IS Her Majesty the Queen leaving Prince Philip?
Germaine Greer, Brisbane Times: “Kate’s condition can kill, it’s no joke”
ON March 31, 1855, Charlotte Bronte died. She was 38 years old, married a mere nine months and she was pregnant. What killed her was probably the same disorder that is now afflicting the Duchess of Cambridge.
KATE Middleton Pregnancy Watch: the Duchess of Cambridge in the news – day 17:
The BBC Sports Personality of the Year
US Weekly: “Pregnant Kate Middleton Feeling “Very Well” After Second Bout of Acute Morning Sickness”
“A decision wasn’t made until the very last minute due to Catherine’s health,” a source told Us Weekly of Middleton’s attendance. “She doesn’t feel well enough to carry out a lengthy engagement but was determined to pay tribute to [Team GB sportsmen and women].”
KATE Middleton Pregnancy Watch: Day 15 of The Duchess of Cambridge’s pregnancy in the news:
Tonight Kate presented the BBC Spots Personality of the Year award to Bradley Wiggins. David Beckham failed to win with his impression of John Inman.
Courier Mail: “Royal couple William and Kate ‘to be strict parents'”
The late Princess Diana’s hairdresser and confidant Richard Dalton believes the royal couple will be keeping things low-key when the baby arrives.
“William was brought up to work hard and respect others, so I don’t envisage him or Kate allowing their child to be spoilt – far from it!” he assured British magazine new!
“I should think they’ll both be quite strict.”
KATE Middleton Pregnancy Watch – Day 14 of the Duchess of Cambridge womb news round-up:
Parade: “Kate’s Pregnancy: Why Are We So Obsessed?”
Because it sells magazines?
What of Jacintha Saldanha?
The front pages:
Daily Mirror: “HOAX NURSE ANGER AT HOSPITAL IN SUICIDE NOTE”
The Guardian: “Hoax call victim left suicide note criticising hospital staff”
The 3 suicide notes
A source close to Jacintha’s family said: “One of the letters, which is the longest, deals with the hospital and is critical in its tone. Needless to say, Ben wants a full inquiry into what happened, and he wants to make sure the truth comes out. Within the letter Jacintha calls into question some of the treatment she received at the hospital.”
IN photos: Queen Elizabeth II tours the gold vault during her visit to the Bank of England in central London. You should see her basement…
This will be the most scrutinised, most photographed, most copied pregnancy the world has ever seen.
So says Ostler, who has column to fill in the Daily Mail.
In this celebrity-obsessed, internet age, it is certain that every decision mother-to-be Kate makes until her baby’s birth will prove to be a trend-setting one — analysed and imitated across the globe.
She “died days after falling victim to the hoax that targeted the hospital where the Duchess of Cambridge was being treated”.
THE QUEEN has been replaced by an iguana. Or, as David Icke and his supports would have it, Her Majesty has been unmasked and is now appearing as her natural lizard self on the bank notes of Fiji.
Also in place of Liz’s face is a snake, a parrot and some native Fijian flowers.
KATE Middleton Pregnancy Watch: The Columnists ignore Kate Middleton:
John Walsh (Indy): He began his words on world’s news by telling reader on December 3:
Extinguish all rational thought. Abandon all hope that the Chancellor’s Autumn Statement will make the front pages this week. Stand aside, Leveson Inquiry and its fretful consequences. There’s a royal foetus out there and it’s instantly eclipsed all other news.
On the same day as Walsh was proving his point in a few hundred words, Zoe Williams hammered out a few hundred words of her own for Guardian readers on how she doesn’t care for Kate:
Kate Middleton’s pregnancy: 10 stories I don’t want to read – From baby name suggestions to speculation about Pippa, there are some articles that should remain in the writer’s imagination
Williams then spends her time writing about things she’s thought about what doesn’t want to read other people writing about:
1. An endless list of things she shouldn’t be eating or drinking …You read this incessantly – “Peaches Geldof will be particularly keen to avoid alcohol”; “Sophie Dahl especially won’t want to eat bagged salad…
Salad, you say?
2. Anything at all about their sex life – If there is one thing more nauseating than a mumsy tip about positioning round a bump, and I am leaning away from my computer and wincing even as I type that, it is the unbidden image of Prince William having sex with anyone, of any shape…
3. Speculation about whether it’s a boy or a girl – I had a friend who, when asked if it was a boy or a girl, used to say “I hope so”, and then make a sarcastic face.
4. Suggestions for baby names – The royal family actually invented a crude version of the internet, some centuries ago: the Posh Name Generator. It gave you a list of four names, Elizabeth, Henry, James or Mary…
Any more suggestions?
5. How soon Pippa Middleton will want to get pregnant
6. Anything that mistakes hyperemesis gravidarum for “bad morning sickness” – It is like mistaking pneumonia for “a bad cold”.
7. How hyperemesis gravidarum is actually quite good for keeping the weight off, if you manage it correctly
8. An imaginative reconstruction of how Diana would take the news, were she still alive – She would greet the news just like anybody else who’s ever been given this news.
No need to imagine. Williams knows.
9. Fashion-related comments wondering “whither the modest frock dress?” one day, and “why can’t you be sexy-pregnant, like that nice Megan Fox?” the next – If fashion can’t agree – which it can’t – then it should discuss something else.
10. Any article headlined “Dilatey-Katey”
Three days later and the Telegraph’s Allison Pearson was taking a view about not taking a view:
Back off, people – the Duchess of Cambridge is not a brood mare
Pearson backs off – to get a better view:
…The foetus currently measures about an inch and its feet are starting to lose their webbed appearance…The textbooks tell us that the hands can now bend at the wrist, though, obviously, it will be many years before the little prince or princess gets the hang of that weird, window-cleaning Royal Wave. Give it time…The couple didn’t plan on making the pregnancy public until Christmas, when they could have had a scan and been pretty confident that all was well. No chance of that now. Not when the tiny creature, oblivious in its amniotic pool, is already declared third in line to the throne, and historians on the radio speculate as to how old he or she will be when they finally inherit the Crown. Maybe 70, or even 80, if the Windsor longevity continues, they say. And it’s at this point that you yell at the radio and tell the historians to shut up.
Shunt up! Or carry on writing:
…If you were her, still in that anxious first trimester and in hospital with your head stuck in a grey cardboard vomit carton and your arm hooked up to fluids, how much would you want millions of people speculating about your insides and choosing your baby’s name for you? Me neither.
Grace Dent then noted in the Indy:
Who exactly is supposed to be interested in Kate’s baby? Not me – and not anyone I know
Dent then informs her readers that she, gay men, straight men don’t care about Kate’s womb.
I Don’t Care About Kate Middleton’s Pregnancy Because I Care About Freedom
Freedom to write a few hunders word on Kate’s pregnancy…
KATE Middleton Pregnancy Watch: Peter Hunt – @BBCPeterHunt – Royal correspondent for the BBC, has a tweet:
If William and Kate’s child is a boy, the Palace say it’ll be a prince; a girl will be a princess.
Prince Edward is away.
The front pages
Only the Daily Star leads with news of Kate’s pregnancy, and only then it’s about Jacintha Saldanha.
“ROYAL Radio Hoaxers Face Jail – Prank victim nurse left suicide note”
KATE Middleton Pregnancy Watch – Day 10 of the Duchess of Cambridge’s womb news: Can we honour Jacintha Salanha by naming the Royal baby after her? Will DJs Mel Greig and Michael Christian make a pilgrimage to see Lord Leveson on holiday in Australia? Who will win the PR fight for the nurse’s soul?
The front pages:
Who’s the most upset?
The Sun: “Hoax two in tears at nurse’s suicide”
Daily Mail: “Anguish of the Suicide Nurse’s family”
The Scotsman: “Family miss ‘Royal hoax nurse’ every moment of every day”
The Mirror: “Daughter’s tears for victim of Kate prank”
The Guardian: “A mother mourned”
i: “Australian DJs ‘gutted’ over hoax nurse death”
Daily Star: “DJ Mel Sobs for Royal Nurse”
The Star’s front page has Mel looking teary eyed up to image of Jacintha’s family.
KATE Middleton pregnancy watch: Day 8 of the Duchess of Cambridge’s pregnancy – Royal baby named after Jacintha Saldanha; Mel Greig and Michael Christian weep on the telly:
The front pages
The Sun: “Pregnant Kate has sickness relapse”
Daily Telegraph: “Setback for Duchess as he condition takes turn for the worse”
Daily Mirror: “Royal Hoax Suicide – FURY OF NURSE’S HUSBAND – He’s angry at hospital over Jacintha’s death”
i: “Kate hoax nurse daughter pay tribute to mother”
Daily Star: “Prank DJs’ witch hunt”
Daily Express: “British Police may quiz prank DJs after nurse’s ‘suicide'”
The Guardian: “DJs may face Met over nurse death. London police make contact with Australia over hoax call investigation”
Daily Mail: “Hoaxed Nurse Died of Shame”
KATE Middleton Pregnancy watch: Day 7 update 1 – Prince William gets paternity leave:
A St James’s Palace spokesman tells media:
“The Duke of Cambridge will no longer attend the British Military Tournament at Earls Court this evening, but will spend Sunday privately with the Duchess instead. It is well known that hyperemesis gravidarum often recurs and, until further notice, to allow the Duchess a degree of privacy during her pregnancy, we do not intend to offer regular condition checks or advise of routine developments associated with it.”
KATE Middleton Pregnancy Watch: Day 7 of the Duchess of Cambridge’s pregnancy – Jacintha Saldanha and 2Day FM presenters Mel Greig and Michael Christian continue to occupy minds:
The front pages:
The Sun: “First Pic of Hoaxed Suicide Nurse”
“Husband tells of his grief – MY ANGEL”
JACINTHA Saldanha has died. Pranked on air by two Australian DJs, the nurse who worked at the hospital where Kate Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge, was being treated, seems to have committed suicide. You might have thought their hoax call funny. Wendy Harmer “Co-Founder of the Aussie women’s online mag, The Hoopla. Journo. author, stand-up, bigmouth, mum” thought it was great.
“Those two kiddos are legends!”
KATE Middleton Pregnancy Watch: Day 6.The Duchess of Cambridge news is dominated by Jacintha Saldanha, the 46-year-old a mother of two who appears to have committed suicided at the nurses’ rooms at King Edward VII Hospital. Jacintha Saldanha’s life and death are duly explained in Kate terms:
The front pages:
Daily Mail: “Our Sadness at ‘Suicide’ of Prank Call Nurse”
The Royal We.
THE nurse who put talked to two Australian radio tricksters was called Jacintha Saldanha. She was the hospital receptionist who put 2day FM’s Mel Greig and Michael Christian through to the Duchess of Cambridge’s rooms at King Edward VII Hospital.
Now Jacintha Saldanha, 46, is dead. She most likely killed herself. She was found unconscious at an address near the private Central London hospital at around 9.30am this morning.
Ms Saldanha had two children.
KATE Middleton Pregnancy Watch: Day 5 – the Duchess of Cambridge delivers a nuclear bomb, a ginger explosion and a Jewish woman to rule:
The front pages:
The Scotsman: “Smiling Kate leaves hospital”
The Times: “Kate heads for home”
The Guardian: “We are on the mend – Duchess leaves hospital”
The Telegraph: “Kate goes home for Christmas”
Daily Express: “Prince Charles just can’t wait to be a grandfather”
Daily Star: “Kate feels blooming fabulous”
Louise Mensch (The Sun): “LET’S just hope it’s a girl!”
Of course, it doesn’t really matter what sex Kate’s baby is — any child is wonderful.
WHY did Kate Middleton pose for the cameras outside hospital? The pregnant Duchess of Cambridge was discharged from the King Edward VII Hospital in central London following three nights under observation. She’s now off to Kensington Palace “for a period of rest”, St James’s Palace said. Chances are she will observed as she eats, drinks, sleeps and walks. We’ll see her again. In six months, we’d wager…