Where did all the moustaches go?

IN Britain today, the only acceptable moustache today is an ironic moustache, perhaps grown for charity - in ‘Movember’ - or for a bet.

Who’s to blame?

Sportsmen, that’s who. Until the self-aware 1990s, moustaches were commonplace in professional sport. Now? Nada, zilch, nichts… there are no sporting heroes with taches (immaculately groomed goatees, check; casual stubble - hell yes). Where is the 21st-century answer to Ian Botham or Ian Rush?

The likes of Beefy and Rushy made it acceptable to sport a tache. Look at both men now: both enjoy a tache-free life.

Money is an factor. David Beckham, for example, was sponsored by Gillette for several years - he couldn’t be seen with a moustache. The trend for clean-shaven stars continues: Tiger Woods, Thierry Henry and Roger Federer - three of the most successful and influential sportsmen on the planet - all receive a healthy financial boost from Gillette. It’s the best a man can get; having a moustache, therefore, is the opposite of the best a man can get. It’s man at his worst.

More than money though, it’s a fashion thing. For socio-political reasons beyond our comprehension, the moustache is seen as deeply uncool, not to mention sinister. If, as we are told so often by the abject fashion industry, everything goes in cycles, then the moustache is overdue a comeback.

A sincere comeback, mind. An ironic moustache is worthless. The day Wayne Rooney trots onto the Old Trafford pitch sporting a slightly ginger handlebar tache is the day that ordinary men can again show off a top-lip caterpillar with pride.

Anorak

Posted: 4th, December 2008 | In: Sports Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink