Transfer Balls: Are Chelsea going to sell Petr Cech? Are Arsenal going to buy him? The Daily Telegraph says Chelsea might be. And Arsenal will pay £10m.
We cast our minds back to November, when the trusty Metro told readers that Cech had joined Arsenal for £7m:
Did he? No. Because The Argus says Chech won’t make any decision on his future until the summer..
Such are the facts…
Are Arsenal buying Palermo’s Paulo Dybala? The Telegraph says they could be. The paper also says Chelsea might buy him.
The Express says he will cost Manchester United £28.9m – and they want him, too.
The Daily Star says Arsenal are really keen on Karim Benzema – as they are every year. But they have been “rocked” by news that Paris St Germain also want him. But not to worry because that will mean Arsenal sign PSG’s Edinson Cavani for [insert ridiculous amount of money here].
The Daily Express says Arsenal are in for Paris Saint-Germain’s Marco Verratti and Bayern Munich’s Bastian Schweinsteiger. But, then, it says Real Madrid want both of those player, too. The Express says it knows this because Real Madrid coach Carlo Ancelotti has “specifically requested the duo”. Yeah. He didn’t say “get me whathisface and oojamiflip”. He used their actual names. #flattered.
The Metro, says Arsenal will “snare” Chile international Charles Aranguiz by dangling Alexis Sanchez over a bear pit filled with cash.
Such are the facts…
Liverpool and Manchester United Balls: 43 Seconds of Steven Gerrard out-performed 45 minutes of Adam Lallana
Liverpool lost 1-2 at home to Manchester United in the Premier League. We at Anorak always like to see what the local newpapers of both sides thought of the game.
The monocular Liverpool Echo and Manchester Evening News only rate players from their own areas. The MEN says the game’s best player was Juan Mata, with an 9 out of 10.
The Liverpool Post offers no rating for the bright Mata, but does say that the best Liverpool player was Sakho, who gets a 7. It gives Adam Lallana a 4. Lallana was not out-scored by Steven Gerrard, who replaced the former Southampton star and lasted just 43 seconds before he earned a red card. Instead of the ‘0’ Gerrard should have scored, the Post offers no score. Ity then adds that Gerrard is The best player to have pulled on a Liverpool shirt – ever.
In the haste to excuse Gerrard, the Post’s man-on-the scene notes:
“Ironically, after that [the sending off] they [Liverpool] played a lot better, they were a better team today with 10 than they were with 11.”
Good old Stevie, G., who does right when he does wrong.
Elswhere the Post adds that Gerrard is “saving the fairytale for Wembley”.
Transfer balls: Arsenal’s Walcott to Liverpool, Sterling to Real Madrid and Manchester United’s Falcao to the Arndale Centre
Transfer balls: The big football news in the Daily Mirror is that Arsenal’s Theo Walcott is off to Liverpool. Maybe he will “Never Walc Alone”:
Theo Walcott is 26. He has just 15 months to run on his curent £90,000-a-week contract (although that rises to £100,000 a week in the Daily Express). And since returning from injury Walcott’s not one enough to surplant Danny Wellbeck in the Arsenal pecking order.
The Telegraph says Walcott will remain at Arsenal if he can get a new deal worth more than £100,000-a-week.
But any move to Liverpool, the team he supported as a boy, depends on what the Reds’ Raheem Sterling does. The Express says he’s rejected an offer of £90,000-a-week to remain at Liverpool. We lean that big-spending Real Madrid are watching him closely.
All fans hang on to the idea that their team’s players love their club above all others. They don’t. They see the money flooding into the game, and they want more and more of it.
The Mail says Arsenal’s top-earners Sanchez and Ozil earn around £140,000-per-week. That’s around the same sum as Liverpool’s Steven Gerrard earns a week.
So. Their team-mates demand parity with the top tier earners. But they’re not as good.
Maybe the future is for pay-per-view players, each star linked to the amount the paying fans will cough up to watch them? The better they play, the more the punters click their keypads, and the more the winning players take from the wages pool.
This would more likely result in the likes of Liverpool’s Philippe Coutinho earning far more than his curent deal of £70,000-a-week and his teammate Glen Johnson knocking up to four ‘noughts’ from his £90,000-a-week-deal.
Meanwhile, over at Manchester United, Radamel Falcao will not get his £265,000-a-week wages, and what with mortgages and other committments start looking to boost his income with a Saturday job in a hairdressers.
Walcott to Liverpool. Sterling to Real. Falcao to the Arndale Centre. You read it here first…
Transfer Balls: Pogba signs for Manchester United and PSG as Marco Verratti joins and leaves Arsenal
Transfer Balls looks at Paul Pogba news. The Daily Express says Pogba has dealt Cheslea huge “BLOW”.
Charles Perrin has news on Pogba, the Frenchman who, according to the Express was sold to Chelsea for £40m, to Arsenal also for £40m and £80m, for £77m to Manchester United, to Arsenal if Chelsea, Manchester United, Liverpool and PSG don’t want him and has agreed to join PSG.
Chelsea and Manchester United have been handed a potential blow in their efforts to sign Paul Pogba.
Not if you ‘ve been reading the Express they haven’t.
The Juventus star has been valued at £77m, but Paris Saint-Germain star Marco Verratti has entertained the idea of a possible swap deal involving the Frenchman… “If PSG were to force me to leave in order to make room for Pogba, then that’s different.”
So. Verratti to Juventus it is. Unless you read the Daily Express, whih says he’s off to Arsenal, Chelsea or Manchester United.
And Verratti is not going to Juventus:
No wait a minute, he is:
Such are the facts…
Talking Balls: just how large is Arsenal’s “war chest”?
On March 111 2015, Sami Mokbel told Daily Mail readers that Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger will “target a central defender, a holding midfielder and a goalkeeper this summer with a £50million transfer war chest.”
Transfer Balls catches the Daily Star’s news that Arsenal and Liverpool are all set to sign Sami Khedira.
Paul Brown says Arsenal and Liverpool will both try to sign the German player when his Real Madrid contract ends on June 30. Offering no proof that they will, Brown then says Chelsea could afford to buy him. Why Chelsea would want Khedira and why Kehdira would want Chelsea are not things that bother the writer. And readers can also imagine what other clubs could afford Khedira.
Maybe Bayern Munich can? After all it was the Daily Star that rold us Khedira was heading to the German champions:
But that would be odd because whilst Brown says Arsenal baulked at Khedira’s wage demands, the, er, Daily Star told us that they didn’t:
But then came Daily Star news that Khedira had gone back on that Arsenal agreement and agreed to join Bayern Munich:
So. He agreed to Arsenal. He agreed to Bayern Munich. Which brings us to the Daily Star’s news that next season Kehedia will be playing for Manchester Untied, Liverprool or Chelsea:
Such are the facts…
How football journalism works: the Dail Mail v the Daily Star Sun. Last night Manchester United lost 2-1 to Arsenal in the FA Cup. Danny Wellbeck, formerly of United, scored the winning goal.
Neil Ashton is dishing out points in the Daily Mail:
Danny Welbeck: Kept his composure to put Arsenal back in front when her took the ball round De Gea with class and conviction. Good on him for that. 8
That’s the game’s highest score.
In the Daily Star, Jeremy Cross saw a different Wellbeck:
Welbeck struggled to make an impact… The first pass he received was badly mis-controlled and the same happened the next one he got…
Maybe Neil Ashton is trolling? As he wrote previously:
Life would be easier if I followed the golden rule – give the highest mark to the player who scored the winner, or set it up – and you won’t get clubbed to death on Twitter.
But so good was Wellbeck that all the Manchester United fans cheered him off. Well, so says Martin Samuel in the Daily Mail:
The locals will not begrudge Welbeck his moment either, or resent his celebration. They did not want him to leave and confirmed that support by applauding him all the way to the bench when he was replaced by Olivier Giroud after 72 minutes
Neil Curtis in the Sun heard other noises:
Even the Arsenal fans gave him some generous applaus after initial boos
David McDonell in the Mirror also used two ears:
Welbeck was treated to a mixture of boos and cheers from United fans…
Such are the facts in the tabloids. And in the more high-brow newspapers, the facts are even more challenged. The Times tells us that 8 is better than 7:
Football used to be just about the scoreline…
No football match is complete without newspapers awarding players a score out of 10. Last night’s match between Manchester United and Arsenal was no different.
The Daily Mail says the game’s best player was Danny Welbeck, who scored 8 out of 10. The Mirror says Francis Coquelin was the best player. He gets a 7 out of 10. And in the Times, the best player was Mesut Ozil, who scores an imprssive 8 out of 10.
But hold on. That same Times column says the game’s best player was Santi Cazorla. He scored 7 out of 10.
We know journalists are bad at maths but when seven beats eight it’s time to get the fingers out and get back to school…
Manchester United’s Wayne Rooney teaches dumb foreigners Angel Di Maria and Adnan Januzaj the Great British Dive
Writing on Arsenal’s FA Cup win over Manchester United, Martin Samuel turns to the matter of diving. Two Manchester United players – Angel Di Maria and Adnan Januzaj (who now has more bookings for diving than goals for Manchester United – five yellow cards for diving; four goals scored) were both yellow carded for cheating.
Samuels is unimpressed, telling his Daily Mail readers diving is not the English way:
“Januzaj has been around the English game long enough now to know better.”
Is Samuel seriously suggesting that only foreingers dive? That it’s not the English to truy to con the referee? If he is, he could do worse than look at Manchester United and England cpatain Wayne Rooney, who in the previous FA Cup match won a penalty for this tumble:
Transfer Balls catches sight of the Daily Star’s lead sports story that Arsenal’s Jack Wilshere is off to Manchester City for £30m.
This story is billed as an “EXCLUSIVE”.
Paul Hetheington has the exclusive facts:
England ace Wilshere, 23, is one of the potential targets mentioned by Etihad Stadium bosses.
Transfer Balls: a look at rubbish being presented as fact and scoops in the mainstream media.
The Daily Mirror says Alvaro Morata is off to Arsenal. The fee: £60m.
Arsenal news and transfers: Gunners given Alvaro Morata go-ahead – for £60million.
Having produced a sensational headline, the Mirror then defers to The Metro:
The Metro report Arsenal have been given the green light to sign Alvaro Morata with Juventus ready to cash in on his services. Morata, only moved to Juve last summer from Real Madrid and Madrid have a buy-back option to re-sign him at the end of the season, it’s reported they’re willing to pass on that.
The Metro believes that Juve and Real have agreed to let the striker join either Arsenal or Liverpool for £60million instead – and split the cash.
The Metro story has been written by Jamie Sanderson (more of his stella work here). The headlines trills:
Arsenal ‘clear to seal Alvaro Morata transfer, Juventus will accept £60m’
Good of Juventus to accept that. And then the facs:
It’s believed Juve and Real have agreed to let the striker join either Arsenal or Liverpool for £60million instead – and split the cash.
Believed by who? You? Me? Them? Anyone other than Jamie Sanderson, whose story contains no link to any source.
Previously Sanderson has told readers that Morat was worth £25m:
And he’s agreed top join the Gunners.
And his fee was…£15m.
Such are the facts…
Transfer Balls: a look at the nonsense written about William Carvalho, the Sporting Lisbon midfielder.
Yesterday the Daily Mirror told its readers that Carvalho could be on his way to Liverpool.
That will come as some news for Manchester United fans because according to reports in the Daily Mirror, Carvalho plays for the Red Devils, who he joined for £37m before the last World Cup:
News of Carvalho’s move to Manchester United was confirmed by the Daily Express, although there it was for a lower fee:
And there was the earlier news in the Daily Star that Carvalho was on the point of signing for Arsenal:
As for the player himself, well, the Daily Express had news that he doesn’t want to play for Arsenal, Chelsea or Manchester United.
Such are the facts in the mainstream Press…
Transfer Balls: Is Paul Pogba heading to Arsenal? Is Paul Pogna, the Juventus and France star, going to pull on the Arsenal strip after an £80m transfer?
Wriing in the Metro, Lee Hurley is disbelieving:
Spending £80million is a lot for a player, any player, even one as good as Paul Pogba. In fact, I roll my eyes every time I see Arsenal linked with him as I think about Arsene Wenger saying to himself ‘I could buy one-fifth of a new stadium for that!’
Yeah, it does sound like utter balls. And good on the Metro’s man in the know to call it. But where could he had read such utter drivel?
Over to you, Jamie Sanderson…
Any child of David and Victoria Beckham will want for nothing save talent. You can fake it in the world of fashion and pop music, but in sport, there is no auto-tune or PR-wrangling to make the mundane appear masterful.
And the media is watching their every move.
On February 20, the Daily Mail told us just how fantastic the Beckham boys are doing in the Arsenal youth teams:
Brooklyn Beckham is a hot prospect for the Arsenal academy, but brothers Romeo and Cruz could be even better
And Cruz, age 10, must be brilliant because Brooklyn is ace. As Sami Mokbel told readers:
The teenager has caused quite a stir at Arsenal’s youth HQ over the past few months. At the age of 15, he was named on the bench for last weekend’s Under-18 clash against Leicester, raising hopes that he may well have the substance to back up his name.
A mere five days later, Sami Mokbel had more news:
However, Sportsmail can reveal that Beckham was one of only a few Under 16 and Under 17 players still at the club’s Hale End academy that weekend as the rest travelled to the Al Kass youth tournament in Qatar.
Having ‘revealed’ that Beckham had been called up on merit, the Mail then ‘reveals’ that young Beckham was called up to make up the numbers.
No pressure, Romeo. But do we detect a touch of snark benath the Star’s photo?
“David and Victoria will be told how good their son it”
And not only by the Press. But what’s this “good” rot? In the media, the Beckhams lads must be nothing short of brilliant let they be gleefully portrayed as failures.
Transfer balls: Arsenal sell Morata to Arsenal, Manchester United and Liverpool but Real Madrid want him
Transfer Balls brings you news from the murky zone where football news and football drivel collide. Today the Daily Express says Alvaro Morata is off to Arsenal. Not Liverpool. Not Manchester United. The Express backs this up zero facts.
But, then, it has brought readers a welter of Morata news.
On February 23, the Express said Morata was on his way to Liveprool.
That followed the earlier news that Morata was heading to Real Madrid, meaning Arsenal and Liverpool and Manchester United would miss out:
Towards the end of last year, the Express said Morata has turned down offers to play for Arsenal and Manchester United.
Anthony Chapman’s story contained not a single word from Morata on either club. All Morata said was:
“I had offers from England, but in difficult times you have to put your faith in those you can trust. Juventus directors had literally been to my house telling me they wanted to sign me, so [moving to Juventus] was a decision made out of loyalty. I feel a kind of responsibility to do well. Not because of how much I cost, but because I came here having hardly played for Real. A lot of people advised me against this move. They told me to go to a mid-table team. I don’t think I made the wrong choice.”
So much for the “snub”.
But it would have been a shock to Daily Express readers that Morata signed for Juventus. The Express said Morata was heading to Arsenal, Manchester United and Spurs.
And there was the stella news that Arsenal had signed Morata:
But they never did.
Such are the facts…
TRANSFER Balls: a lolok at utter drivel being presented as football fact in the mainstream mdia. Today we look at the Daily Express’ story of “Arsenal’s £50m spree”.
Wenger will have a £50m transfer budget this summer to address the failings in his squad… the Arsenal boss will move for Southampton midfielder Morgan Schneiderlin, another centre-back and possibly a goalkeeper.
To which Arsenal fans who read the Daily Express will says, ‘Is that all?’ Becasue not to long ago the Daily Express told Arsenal fans that the Gunners were goiung to invest £80m in Paul Pogba.
Over in the Telegraph Jeremy Wilson reports:
Wenger will have a transfer budget this summer that is estimated to be around £50 million.
His first priority is in central midfield and a deal in excess of £20 million for Southampton’s Morgan Schneiderlin is a distinct possibility. Another centre-back is also on the agenda, even after the signing of Gabriel from Villarreal. With David Opsina and Wojciech Szczesny both struggling to convince, their options in goal also remains an issue.
But Wilson is right here. It’s about tactics:
The bottom line, though, is that Wenger basically does now have the squad that he wants and Arsenal’s success or otherwise will essentially come down to his selection, tactics and work on the training ground.
Such are the facts…
Transfer Balls: Liverpool and Chelsea’s Kevin De Bruyne wants to play for Arsenal and Manchester United
Transfer Balls catches news of Wolfsburg winger Kevin De Bruyne, 23. The BBC notes that the former Chelsea player “says he would be open to a Premier League return”.
One game we play is to see if the media can link a player with all five of the big clubs: Arsenal, Chelsea, Liverpool, Manchester City and Manchester United.
The BBC says “with Manchester United mulling over a £30m bid for the former Chelsea player”.
The BBC delivers this as fact. Only at the end does it say the source for the scoop is the Daily Express.
Over there, the paper reports:
How badly does Kevin De Bruyne want to play for Manchester United? He’s quoted:
“I feel very much at home with VfL Wolfsburg in this very moment. I am able to sign a new contract with Wolfsburg. Life in football can be fast moving. Football is much about money. Wolfsburg is not yet like Bayern Munich, of course. And my biggest ambition is to come out for a big European club. One I can win trophies with. As much trophies as possible.”
The Daily Star then spins the balls to take in Chelsea and Arsenal.
Oh. And Manchester City:
And over in the Sun, the news is that De Bruyne is a…Liverpool fan.
It’s a Full House of Balls.
Such are the facts.
In readiness for Arsenal’s Champions’ League match against Monaco, fans buying the official matchday programme got a free gift: a press out and keep Arsene Wenger figurine.
You might call it a table topper, but that would be ironic given that the Gunners currently occupy third place in the Premier League and just got beaten 3-1 by Monaco.
Transfer Balls: the Daily Express has news on Arsenal, Chelsea and Sami Khedira.
Arsenal and Chelsea have been joined by Schalke in the race to sign Real Madrid midfielder Sami Khedira.
So. Khedira, curently at Real Madrid, is off to either Arsenal, Chelsea or Schalke.
It’s just that the Daily Express told us that Khedira was off to Manchester United:
And there was Bayen Munich, who wanted the player:
And signed the player:
But let’s see what Bild, source of the Express’ latest scoop, has to say:
Two weeks ago, in turn, the Spanish radio station Cadena Ser had reported that Khedira has already agreed to a Bundesliga. Perhaps it involves the FC Schalke …
Such are the facts…
Transfer balls: Arsenal are the subject of some utter rot in the Daily Express.
One story is that “Arsenal star Theo Walcott SIGNS news deal with rivals”
Can it be that Walcott has left Arsenal. Has he singed for Spurs?
No. He’s now wearing adidas boots.
The other scoop is that Porto have “agreed to sell Jackson Martinez to Arsenal for £30m”.
Have they? No.
More utter balls from the Daily Express football team every day…
Transfer Balls: a look at utter drivel presented as football news in the mainstream media. Today the Express says Liverpool are set to sign Raheem Sterling on a new contract, Arsenal are still going to bid for Paul Pogba, Incardi is off to Chelsea and there is some stuff about Manchester United.
David Wright reports:
Raheem Sterling admits he’s close to putting pen to paper on a new deal at Liverpool, worth a reported £100,000-a-week.
The Express links to the Mail, which reports:
The England star, who is being monitored by Real Madrid, Bayern Munich and Paris Saint-Germain, is yet to commit his future to the Reds despite months of talks between the club and his representatives.
Over in the Liverpool Echo, Sterling is quoted:
“We’re working on it and hopefully it will be sorted soon.”
So. No news, then.
As for Paul Pogba to Arsenal, we’re told:
Arsenal are expected to step up their interest in Juventus midfielder Paul Pogba, who is valued at around £80m by the Serie A giants.
Expected by whom? Wright fails to say.
And Incardi? Well, that sgtpory is sourced in the Metro, which notes:
Chelsea are still in pole position to sign Mauro Icardi despite the striker holding contract talks with Inter Milan.
And now for that Manchester United news:
Manchester United are in talks with Fiorentina over a deal for former Manchester City flop Stefan Savic.
That story is soruced in the Daily Star, which reports:
Sport claims United were close to sealing a deal in January before Savic penned fresh terms with La Viola.
So, er, not close at all, then.
More no news in the Daily Express every day…
Transfer Balls: a look at the ridiculous world of newspaper reporting on football transfers. Today the Daily Express has news that Arsenal are going to buy Paul Pogba for £80m.
Bruce Archer writes: “Arsene Wenger is ready to launch an £80m bid for Paul Pogba.”
The story links to the Daily Mirror. We click. And we read Liam Corless, who writes:
Arsenal are ready to smash their transfer record to bring Paul Pogba back to England, according to the Express.
It’s a perpetual circle of bullshit.com.
The Express has a scoop that Pogba is ehading to Arsenal for £80m. It says it read it in the Mirror, wherein we lean that Pogba is heading to Arsenal for £80m because they read it in the Express.
We’ve been tracking Transfer Balls for a few season now but this is the most blatant case of Bullshit Tennis we’ve enountered do far.
Transfer Balls: Paul Pogba gets a Chelsea salute, Manchester United buy an old Ronaldo and Arsenal get mentioned
TRANSFER Balls: a look at newspaper repoting on footballers. And what utter rot it is. Today the Daily Express says that Chelsea have received a “boost” in their pursuit of Paul Pogba, Manchester United’s “Ronaldo REVELATION” and Arsenal’s “Immobile blow”.
Dealing with each sensation in turn:
SCOOP! The Chelsea Pogba “boost” is that – and this is fantastic – that dangerously thick sod Nicholas Anelka “admitted he would like to see him join Chelsea”.
Is Anelka setting the transfer policy at Chelsea? Does he know Roman Ambramovich is a Jew? Has the world gone mad?
SCOOP! “Manchester United turned down the chance to re-sign Cristiano Ronaldo last month.”
Is that because United were reluctant to spend £200m or some other nutzoid sum to make Real Madrid sell the player who isn’t for sale and is happy at Champions’ League favourite Real?
“…reports in Spain suggest when Louis van Gaal was offered the chance to sign Ronaldo, he said ‘no’ to a potential deal.”
That report notes that United would have to pay a world record fee for Ronaldo, who is an ageing hero and gold mine; and the Madrilenos want to buy Spanish David de Gea.
SCOOP! “Arsenal and Liverpool have been dealt a blow in their pursuit of Ciro Immobil”
Number of words from anyone at Arsenal and Liveprool: nil.
“I feel I’m at the right level to play with Borussia Dortmund.”
Number of times Imobile mentions Arsenal or Liveprool in his interview in Italy: nil.
Apart from that it was all true…
Transfer Balls: a look at dire newspaper reporting on football transfers.
Today the Daily Express tells readers that Arsenal are not selling Santi Cazorla.
Reporting on the non-sale of a player who is not for sale is news in the Daily Express.
But where could anyone have gotten the idea that Cazorla is leaving Arsenal?
Yep. The Daily Express:
And they got it from the Daily Star, which has the same publisher as the… Daily Express:
More utter balls every day…