Arsenal are chasing Paris St Germain striker Edinson Cavani, says the Metro. The Uruguayan is “Arsenal’s number one transfer target”. This is because the move for Karim Benzema is “dead“.
We know this because Tim Vickery told Talksport that it’s “believed“ that Arsenal are interested in the player:
‘The angle the Uruguayan press are going with is that now with Benzema now not going to happen, Arsenal have set their sights on Cavani.”
So trusted is Vickery that the Daily Star hears his paper review and thunders:
“Arsenal are 100% chasing Manchester United target Edinson Cavani”
The Independent says no less a man that Arsene Wenger has “fuelled” the Cavani rumours”:
“I am always confident that a last-minute situation or solution is available, because the transfer market is especially moving in the last four or five days,” said Wenger.
“But at the moment I cannot promise you that. We work very hard, you know I have a team around me who work day and night to find good solutions but at the moment we are not close to signing anyone.”
Mention of Cavani: nil.
Amid so much guesswork and having stated that Benzema is winning a race with Simon Cowell’s forehead to see which can move the least, the Metro then says:
“Arsenal have held talks with Karim Benzema’s agent over a move to the club… Arsenal [are] still seemingly hopeful of signing the striker before the window shuts on Tuesday.”
Such are the facts.
Did you see Arsenal unveil their new striker Karim Benzema before last night’s Liverpool match? Or were you reading the Daily Star when it happened, your eyes searching the pages for more scoops?
For those of you who missed the great unveiling, here’s Karim:
Meanwhile…over at the Daily Star’s Big Top, Jack Wilson is tripping over his size 34s…
On Petr Cech’s home Arsenal debut he gifted West Ham a 0-2 victory. Tonight against Liverpool he kept the Gunners in the game, keeping out a bending shot from Liverpool’s lively Philippe Coutinho with his fingertips.
— Top Eleven (@topeleven) August 24, 2015
And then against Benteke – who should really have scored:
At the other end, Arsenal scored a perfectly good goal wrongly adjudged offside:
Arsenal disallowed goal – https://t.co/W7R5sZf7uz
— Anfield Online (@anfieldonline) August 24, 2015
Lucky Liverpool – again.
What news of Karim Beenzema’s transfer to Arsenal? The Metro says Arsenal are “set to lodge a £50m bid for his services”. Real Madrid’s French striker is “ready to accept a transfer to the Emirates”. The Daily Star hears a “Madrid insider” says Arsenal will take the player in “the next 48 hours”.
According to no less an authority than the Daily Star, Karim Benzema will arrive at Arsenal today. The Daily Telegraph told us he joined Arsenal two weeks ago.
The player has taken time out from his packing to tell fans that, er, it’s not happening, tweeting:
For all those clowns who want to make believe things at my fans. Here this is my home !
Or as the Star, Metro and Daily Telegraph would surely put it: “Benzema looks for second home in Arsenal!”
The Metro continues to report on rumours of Real Madrid’s Karim Benzema joining Arsenal. In the free paper’s race to make news from air, George Bellshaw writes about “Arseneal”:
Karim Benzema is reportedly ready to complete a transfer to Arsenal from Real Madrid… a deal worth £48million is believed to be on the cards that would see Benzema join Arsenal in the coming weeks.
Given that the transfer window shuts on September 1, weeks is too long.
Metro reader will also be shocekd by the news, having read in the trusty organ:
August 22: “Arsenal preparing to reveal Karim Benzema transfer at home to Liverpool”
Arsenal play Liveprool tinight.
Arsenal wil make a bid of £18m for Bayer Leverkusen midfielder Lars Bender, says the Mirror. The paper’s scoop contains not a single fact, other than nerws that an Arsenal scout watched the German (and everyone other player on the pitch) in Bayer’s Champion’s League qualifier against Lazio.
Arsenal fans should realise that Bender to Arsenal is a annual favourite on the rumour mill.
November 2012, The Sun
MANCHESTER UNITED and Arsenal face a struggle to sign German star Lars Bender.
September 2013, Daily Star
May 2014, Daily Mirror
July 2014, Daily Mail
November 2014, Daily Express
So Bender to Arsenal it is…
Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger has been talking ahead of his side’s match with Liverpool. The Sun heard the same words as us but headlines its version of events: “Wenger in Kop strop.” Utter balls, of course.
On Sterling’s Departure
“They refused to sell us Luis Suárez, so I cannot feel too much sympathy for them. Liverpool are in a position that they can make their own decisions.”
“I personally rate Raheem Sterling. I personally don’t think that Sterling was making a lot of drama. It’s just during the transfer window. During the season the boy was quiet, never made any stupid statement or noise. With Suárez, [Daniel] Sturridge, Sterling, they scored over a hundred goals. To do that you need special quality, and Sterling was part of that.”
“You need to be strong at home, that is for sure. “If you want to win the championship you need to win your home games. It can happen that you lose the odd game, but overall you need home strength. Against teams who came only to defend, we didn’t find the goal. But it happens to all the other teams as well. Normally you would think over 19 games you can sometimes be unlucky once or twice. Most of the time if you really dominate the games you will win. Liverpool will be a different game than West Ham. Against West Ham, we conceded from a set piece and after it was difficult.”
“Yes we will work on it [stopping him]. We managed to deal with him in the [FA Cup] final. Then again, every game is a new challenge and we have to show that we can do it. He has the stature, he is good in the air, protects the ball well.”
On New Players
“It’s an impossible job [keeping everyone happy] but that’s why I tell you I always get asked two questions — why don’t you buy more players, and how do you keep them all happy now? You have to get the numbers right. If you have a certain number of players who think they will never have a chance to play, it kills something. Not enough players creates too much of a comfort zone.”
Arsenal host Liverpool tonight.
Geof Cohen never rated Alexander Hleb. It says just that on Mr Cohen’s ’tile’ outside the Emirates.
Geof’s son, Howard explained:
“My father thought he was rubbish. He followed Arsenal since the 1950s. Wanted something in his memory that captured his banter.”
It’s what Hleb would have wanted.
Transfer Balls brings you the mega news that Arsenal have signed Karim Benzzzzzzzzema.
Like you, we’re getting tired to the rumours that Karim Benzema is going Arsenal. Every summer since 2013, the France and Real Madrid striker has been heading to the Gunners.
Here’s the 2014 vintage…
Things have gotten a tad more interesting this year.
The Daily Telegraph reported on August 7th 2015 that Benzema to Arsenal was a done deal…
He never did arrive. Friday came and went. Comme ci, comme ca.
However, today Talksport says Real Madrid have accepted Arsenal’s £48million offer for Benzema. The source for this scoop is none other than former QPR forward Rodney Marsh.
Everyone else soon agrees that Rodney (or more accurately, a mate of Rodney’s) is a reliable source for Real Madrid and Arsenal news and the “story” gains traction across the internet.
The desperate Telegraph announces: “Arsenal transfer news and rumours: Real Madrid accept £48m offer for Karim Benzema.”
The paper quotes Marsh:
I had a phone call from a mate of mine, and he’s been right on many things, and he said that he believes Real Madrid have accepted a bid somewhere in the region of £48million for Benzema from Arsenal.
In the past this guy has always been right, he’s never been wrong yet, so we’ll have to wait and see.
That’s good enough for the Daily Star to declare it a “DONE DEAL”…
Over in the Metro, the Benzema deal is off! The paper knows this because it’s read a tweet from talkSPORT journalist Ian Abrahams…
Editorial meetings at TalkSPORT must be fantastic.
Editor: “What do you have new and shouty?”
Marsh: “A mate of mine says Benzema has signed for Arsenal”
Abrahams: “Someone told me Arsenal want Cavani and Benzema isn’t interested in Arsenal”
Ed: “Brilliant. It’s time for a heated debate!”
Arsenal target Karim Benzema spends a fortune on a diamond ball
If Real Madrid striker Karim Benzema makes his much-speculated move to English Premier League giants Arsenal, he could bring with him his new prized possession, a $340,000 soccer ball. The 27-year-old French goal-scorer, who has been on the Gunners’ hit-list for months, reportedly purchased the 1,250 carat ball encrusted with 72,000 diamonds from a celebrity jeweller.
Transfer Balls: “Manchester United and Arsenal in for Zlatan Ibrahimovic?” asks the Guardian. To which the answer is: no idea. And reading on in the Guardian, we find out that they don’t know, either. What Scott Murray does know, however, is that Paris Saint-Germain are keen to sell Zlatan Ibrahimovic and Arsenal and Manchester United are “already said to be vaguely interested”. Said by whom is something else we don’t know, but our bet would be someone at the Guardian.
The Daily Express says Chelsea want the Swedish legend and “have shown the greatest interest in the lanky goal machine”. Lanky? LANKY! He knows where you live, Daily Express. Be warned.
But The Blues won’t get Zlatan because AC Milan fancy him almost as much as she fancies himself, which is a lot.
Former Italian president Silvio Berlusconi says: “I want him… if Ibra wants to come, we’re waiting for him with open arms. Let’s hope.”
Let’s hope Silvio washes his hands before coming in for one of his special ‘Bunga Bunga’ hugs.
The Metro says Zlatan will not be the only Paris Saint-Germain forward coming to Arsenal – Edinson Cavani “could” complete a transfer to the Gunners “within the coming days”. He could. And, then again, he could not.
Of course it was back in May that the Express told us: “Edinson Cavani agrees £22m contract transfer from PSG to Juventus.”
So it’s pretty clear the papers have no idea.
Tonked 3-0 at Manchester City, Chelsea were clearly the inferior side. Well, so you’d think. But it turns out that football according to the offical Chelsea FC website is a little less monocular; a little less concerned with the obvious, seeking, as it does, to enlighten and broaden knowledge of those fans for whom the scoreline is all.
Highlights for Roman Abramovich’s in-house Pravda are as follows:
A Ramires goal incorrectly ruled out for offside with Man City a goal ahead changed the complexion of this early-season Premier League fixture.
Sergio Aguero had put the hosts ahead having already been thwarted by the excellent Asmir Begovic on three occasions, while Diego Costa had a strong shout for a first-half penalty.
Within 25 seconds of his first Chelsea start Begovic was called upon to make a telling contribution… It set the tone for an assured performance by the Bosnian.
Kompany cynically scythed Diego Costa down to earn the game’s first booking...
Before the break, Diego Costa was on the receiving end of a brutish aerial challenged from Fernandinho…
Mangala resorted to WWE-style tactics to stop the ever-dangerous Diego Costa getting free down the right…
…a game of very fine margins.
For thsoe of you still watching in black and white, the game finished Manchester City 3, Chelsea 0.
Are Arsenal buying Real Madrid’s French striker Karim Benzema? Italian journalist Emanuele Giulianelli says they are:
Benzema deal is on: best offer is from Arsenal, £45mln. They will take a decision soon. He wants to reach Wenger.
— Emanuele Giulianelli (@EmaGiulianelli) August 13, 2015
Who is the source for this scoop? Well, on twitter, Giulianelli descibes himself:
Football writer. FIFA Weekly, Panenka, FourFourTwo, La Gazzetta dello Sport, Il Messaggero, Radio Yorkshire.
Why should a man who writes in Italy know that a French player who works in Spain is coming to London before anyone else? And why are his tweets picked up by the British Press:
Aubameyang, the alternative to Benzema for Arsenal. If Benzema doesn’t materialise. — Emanuele Giulianelli (@EmaGiulianelli) August 14, 2015
The only option for Benzema is Arsenal.
— Emanuele Giulianelli (@EmaGiulianelli) August 11, 2015
Real Madrid want Llorente from Juventus, when Benzema will join Arsenal. — Emanuele Giulianelli (@EmaGiulianelli) August 10, 2015
— Ryan (@R13JM) August 8, 2015
Today’s meeting ok between Arsenal and Real. Deal almost closed, Benzema will arrive to London on Sunday. — Emanuele Giulianelli (@EmaGiulianelli) August 7, 2015
— Telegraph Football (@TeleFootball) August 7, 2015
If you say something enough, eventually you come close.
PS: The Italian source has been linked to a Dick Law (who isn’t the Arsenal scout):
He actually thought I was Dick Law. This is the guy spreading the Benzema rumors…1/2 pic.twitter.com/6f1oxmfSpx
— Dick Law (@DickLawAFC) August 7, 2015
As Spurs fans rush to find out who Njie is (he scored seven goals in 30 appearances for Lyon last season), someone leaks a story that he’s so good that Arsenal tried to scupper his move to White Hart Lane.
The Metro says “Arsenal made attempt to hijack Tottenham’s Clinton Njie transfer”.
The paper’s scoop is rooted in a single report in L’Equipe, which says Arsenal asked about Njie. they amde no offer. They did not meet his representatives. As highjacks go, it was like trying to seize control of the plane by browing in the Duty Free shop.
What the row over Chelsea club doctor Eva Carneiro needed was the views of Arsenal manager Arsène Wenger. Jose Mourinho has behaved badly, comparing Dr Carneiro to a secretary and banishing her from the bench for the match away to Manchester City on Sunday. Her offence was to have raced onto the pitch to treat a stricken Eden Hazard (Jose said he was “tired”) against his wishes during Chelsea’s 2-2 draw with Swansea City at Stamford Bridge last Saturday.
So. Here’s Wenger fielding a question on the fracas from the Press pack:
“I’m not greatly interested about what is going on at Chelsea. It is a problem inside the club that if you are not united it is more difficult. It is the trust and unity that makes the strength.”
“The rules are quite clear that when the referee gives an indication that the medical [staff] can come on they come on. After that what happens specifically in the situation I don’t know but the rules are quite clear. It is the referee who makes the decision.”
Cue Arsenal’s Mikel Arteta:
“The way he behaved and the way he defended the club when we were really under pressure is something I admire. We all owe him.”
Unity they name is Arsenal.
Transfer Balls: Adama Traore signs for Aston Villa, completes for Liverpool and agrees Manchester United move
Transfer Balls: It’s been a busy summer for Barcelona’s Adama Traore. Those experts in the mainstream Press have been tracking his movements:
July 26, The Metro: “‘Manchester United paying release clause to seal Adama Traore transfer”
July 28, The Metro: “Why Arsenal need to beat Bayern Munich to the transfer of Barcelona’s Adama Traore”
July 30, The Metro: “Liverpool officials fly to Barcelona to complete Adama Traore transfer”
August 1, The Metro: “Southampton plot to hijack Liverpool’s transfer move for Barcelona winger Adama Traore”
August 2, The Metro: “‘Everton set to hijack Liverpool’s transfer move for Adama Traore”
August 3, The Metro: “Adama Traore travelling to Liverpool for medical ahead of transfer”
August 3, Daily Star: “Barcelona’s Manchester United target set for Liverpool medical”
August 5, The Metro: “‘Adama Traore has dinner with Stoke officials ahead of possible transfer”
August 7, Daily Mail: “Adama Traore is being linked with Stoke and Liverpool… Adama’s release clause in his Barcelona contract has dropped to £4.2m”
August 8, The Metro: “‘Adama Traore convinced he is making Liverpool transfer”
August 11, Daily Mail: “Adama Traore close to £12m Aston Villa switch from Barcelona”
August 11, Daily Telegraph: “Liverpool transfer rumours and news: Barcelona star Adama Traore emerges as top target”
August 11, Daily Telegraph: “Adam Traore is flying in for talks with Aston Villa on Wednesday as he prepares to complete a £7 million move.”
Football Balls: Ian Weight is the Arsenal fanboy making a living dictating a column for the Sun.
On August 4, he told Sun readers:
If Sunday’s Community Shield proved one thing to me, it’s that we will see a different Arsenal last season. One that finally has the maturity to go all the way once again. I genuinely believe Arsenal can beat everyone at home, and I am equally convinced they now have the discipline to nick a result when the chips are down
One whole week later and with one home defeat on the record books, Wright’s mind is changed:
At times it seems more important to play great football than grind out a point. That’s an attitude which must change, and change quickly. Or it’s going to be one heck of a long season.
Any lunatics out there think Wright would make a decent manager?
Transfer Balls realises that in footballing terms The Metro is now working as the Daily Telegraph’s feeder club. Following the DT’s news that Arsenal had signed Karim Benzema from Real Madrid last Friday – and were paying him less than Theo Walcott earns – the paper tells is readers that Benzema is not coming.
Arsene Wenger will surprise Arsenal fans by moving for PSG striker Edinson Cavani – and not Karim Benzema, according to reports.
The DT shamelessly adds:
While many expect Wenger to make an official bid for the Real Madrid forward, the Arsenal manager is said to be lining up an offer to sign the south American star instead.
Many expected Benzema to join Arsenal? Or as the Telegraph put it:
Readers now learn:
…now Arsenal are ready to free Cavani from his PSG days by making their move, according to the Metro.
Er, no. What the Metro says is:
Lee Hurley writes:
If you were to believe the press reports over the past 24 hours Arsenal are ready to bid for Edinson Cavani (again) and Karim Benzema has/is flying in for a medical with the club.
You means Press reports like this one:
And this one:
The Cavani reports seem to stem from Spain, an unlikely point of origin for a player who is currently in France but being linked with England, while the Benzema reports seem to come from Twitter – a hotbed of nonsense at the best of times (although a goldmine for information if you have your bullsh*t filter tuned correctly).
The Telegraph prefers a bullshit pipeline from The Metro.
The Daily Telegraph’s big news story of the week was that Arsenal had signed Real Madrid’s Karim Benzema. The France striker would join Arsenal on ‘Friday’.
The day came and went. The player never did sign. One day on and the shameless Telegraph tells its readers:
So, this Karim Benzema transfer still doesn’t seem to have happened
Doesn’t ‘seem’ to have happened? Is that the same as saying the paper – once an organ of record – now writes utter balls?
Daily Mail: 6 weeks
The Times: 8 weeks
The Sun: 2 months
The Express: 3 months
The Telegraph: “beyond three months”
And then the medics took a better look and decided that Wilshere is not all that crocked. Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger explains:
“The news he got yesterday was that it could be much shorter than expected because he’s two weeks in a boot and then maybe after that he can practice straight away again.”
Trasner Balls: Arsenal are still siming to sign Karim Benzema from Real Madrid.
The Mail tells that the move will happen if the Gunners pay£45million for the striker.
Pies says Madrid’s new manager Rafa Benitez is looking to deploy Cristiano Ronaldo as a central striker and may even dot he same with Gareth Bale, which could leave French international Benzema on the sidelines.
This rumour looks to have legs.
Arsenal and England player Jack Wilshere is injured. He often is. This time he’s sustained a hairline fracture to his fibula. But how long will he be out of action for?
Daily Mail: “6 weeks”
The Times: “Jack Wilshere faces eight-week spell on the sidelines”
The Sun: “JINXED Arsenal ace Jack Wilshere is facing another two months out with a fractured ankle.”
The Express: “Arsenal sweat over Wilshere’s latest injury scare as star could be facing three months out”
The Telegraph: “beyond three months”
Any more of this and Wilshere will never play again.
Transfer Balls: football reporting is sho king, but every now and then utter drivel passed off as fact can be traced to a trusted source. Take the story of Arsenal tyro Chupa Akpom:
Arsene Wenger – July 15:
“No, he won’t be going out on loan. I sent him out on loan last year because I thought he needed that. But this season no, I plan to keep him with us. It’s down to performance and attitude and he has the assets to be a big talent. And, after that, to be an efficient player week in week out, that’s the target”
Akpom was delighed to be staying, stating on July 27:
“It’s nice to see the young players doing well and the boss says he will always give opportunities to young players who are doing their job. The main thing for me is for a manger to have confidence and faith in me so for the manager to say that he isn’t after another striker is good. But the hard work doesn’t stop there it means you have to maintain a place and there are a lot of good strikers and goals in the team so hopefully his season I can give it my all and be involved in the team”
And on August 4, Arenal duly announced:
“Chuba Akpom has joined Championship side Hull City on loan for the 2015/16 season. Everyone at Arsenal wishes Chuba well for the season ahead”
Such are the facts.
Having seen his Chelsea side lose to Arsenal in the Community Shield season opener, Jose Mourinho make palava of the post-match handshake. For those only versed in the Premier League era, shaking hands was once the perfunctory act of players and gentlemen. It’s now more loaded than George Bush a frat house party.
Mourinho stood at the foot of the stairs and made a point of shaking the hand of every single member of the victorious Arsenal team as they passed. All except one: Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger.
The Chelsea boss then sashayed off down the tunnel but not before chucking his runner-up medal into the crowd.
In Jose’s defence, shaking and not shaking have both cast aspersions on his grasps of etiquette and sportsmanship. Aston Villa’s then bosses Paul Lambert and Roy Keane complained about the being offered Mourinho’s hand to shake, albeit before the match was over. Poor Jose can’t do right for doing wrong.
We, meanwhile, wait the next time Mourinho and Wenger, looking forward to Sky TV’s five hours of pre-grapple handshake talk and if now if the time for fist bumps.
Quand José Mourinho et Arsène Wenger se snobent… pic.twitter.com/pzMOvlz5j1
— L’Actu Foot (@ActuFoot_) August 2, 2015
It’s Arsenal v Chelsea in the Community Shield and the Press are turning it into battle between the clubs’ respective managers, Arsene Wenger and Jose Mourinho.
Having heard Mourinho engage in the kind of maths politicians use to tell the masses that a deficit is actually a surplus, Wenger responds:
“We spend when we think we have to spend and do not listen to what people think or say. When we don’t have the money, we don’t spend the money we haven’t got.”
It’s Jose’s good fortune that Chelsea manager Roman Abramovich has yet to call in the £1bn-plus interest free loan he handed the Blues.