manchester united Category
Football balls: whan a player is injured the media goes into overdrive. They love it. Manchester United’s Robin Van Persie has poorly ankle. But how long will be out for?
BBC: Van Persie is out for up to two weeks.
The Express says it’s at least two weeks:
The Mail says RVP is out for 3 weeks:
The Mirror says RVP is out for “at least a month“:
The Sun says he’s out for “four games” , which is five weeks.
It’s as if the media take the most basic fact and spin it until the actual news is lost in the fog of sensation…
Transfer Balls: Liverpool and Chelsea’s Kevin De Bruyne wants to play for Arsenal and Manchester United
Transfer Balls catches news of Wolfsburg winger Kevin De Bruyne, 23. The BBC notes that the former Chelsea player “says he would be open to a Premier League return”.
One game we play is to see if the media can link a player with all five of the big clubs: Arsenal, Chelsea, Liverpool, Manchester City and Manchester United.
The BBC says “with Manchester United mulling over a £30m bid for the former Chelsea player”.
The BBC delivers this as fact. Only at the end does it say the source for the scoop is the Daily Express.
Over there, the paper reports:
How badly does Kevin De Bruyne want to play for Manchester United? He’s quoted:
“I feel very much at home with VfL Wolfsburg in this very moment. I am able to sign a new contract with Wolfsburg. Life in football can be fast moving. Football is much about money. Wolfsburg is not yet like Bayern Munich, of course. And my biggest ambition is to come out for a big European club. One I can win trophies with. As much trophies as possible.”
The Daily Star then spins the balls to take in Chelsea and Arsenal.
Oh. And Manchester City:
And over in the Sun, the news is that De Bruyne is a…Liverpool fan.
It’s a Full House of Balls.
Such are the facts.
Transfer Balls: the Daily Express has news on Arsenal, Chelsea and Sami Khedira.
Arsenal and Chelsea have been joined by Schalke in the race to sign Real Madrid midfielder Sami Khedira.
So. Khedira, curently at Real Madrid, is off to either Arsenal, Chelsea or Schalke.
It’s just that the Daily Express told us that Khedira was off to Manchester United:
And there was Bayen Munich, who wanted the player:
And signed the player:
But let’s see what Bild, source of the Express’ latest scoop, has to say:
Two weeks ago, in turn, the Spanish radio station Cadena Ser had reported that Khedira has already agreed to a Bundesliga. Perhaps it involves the FC Schalke …
Such are the facts…
Transfer balls: where rumour meets utter nonsense. The Independent is reporting that Manchester United are to sign Bayern Munich’s Robert Lewandowski. The fee: £30m.
The Express says it Lewandowski for Manchester United. The paper says “Louis van Gaal will undoubtedly be in the market for a world class striker to partner Robin van Persie and Wayne Rooney”.
That’s odd because the London Evening Standard has told us that Van Peris will leave Old Trafford in the summer:
Lewandowski shows no signs of leaving Bayern. But he has, of course, already signed for Arsenal, Manchester Unirtd, Chelsea, Liverpool etc. As we read in the Daily Star:
Of course that was utter balls. Because one years earlier he joined Manchester United for £12m:
Such are the facts…
Transfer Balls: a look at utter drivel presented as football news in the mainstream media. Today the Express says Liverpool are set to sign Raheem Sterling on a new contract, Arsenal are still going to bid for Paul Pogba, Incardi is off to Chelsea and there is some stuff about Manchester United.
David Wright reports:
Raheem Sterling admits he’s close to putting pen to paper on a new deal at Liverpool, worth a reported £100,000-a-week.
The Express links to the Mail, which reports:
The England star, who is being monitored by Real Madrid, Bayern Munich and Paris Saint-Germain, is yet to commit his future to the Reds despite months of talks between the club and his representatives.
Over in the Liverpool Echo, Sterling is quoted:
“We’re working on it and hopefully it will be sorted soon.”
So. No news, then.
As for Paul Pogba to Arsenal, we’re told:
Arsenal are expected to step up their interest in Juventus midfielder Paul Pogba, who is valued at around £80m by the Serie A giants.
Expected by whom? Wright fails to say.
And Incardi? Well, that sgtpory is sourced in the Metro, which notes:
Chelsea are still in pole position to sign Mauro Icardi despite the striker holding contract talks with Inter Milan.
And now for that Manchester United news:
Manchester United are in talks with Fiorentina over a deal for former Manchester City flop Stefan Savic.
That story is soruced in the Daily Star, which reports:
Sport claims United were close to sealing a deal in January before Savic penned fresh terms with La Viola.
So, er, not close at all, then.
More no news in the Daily Express every day…
Transfer Balls: A look at dire football reporting in the mainstream media. And as we have before many times, we spot Ben Jefferson’s work in the Daily Express. Ben says Manchester United are keen to buy Arturo Vidal:
News is that Manchester Untied are to invest a “bargain” £23m in Arturo Vidal.
Jefferson adds that some reports claimed Vidal was worth more:
United were heavily linked with a move for Vidal last summer, with some reports suggesting that the Red Devils were ready to pay £40m to land the Chilean star.
Some reports? Like this one in the Daily Express:
But because that move never did happen, Ben Jefferson told us that it would happen in January:
Such are the facts in the Daily Express…
Transfer Balls: Ronaldo will join Manchester United if Di Maria stays – but he’s leaving to make way for Gareth Bale
Transfer Balls: a look at fiction and clickbait dross presented as football fact in the mainstream press. Today the Daily Express has news that Manchester Untied are to spand £245m on Real Madrid players Gareth Bale and Cristiano Ronaldo.
Ben Jefferson has “all the latest news and transfer stories coming out of Old Trafford…”
What he doesn’t tell you is that new emerging from Old Trafford comes via an SEO man with a dog walking by the ground and the, er, Daily Express
Manchester United will look to use their share of the Premier League TV rights deal to go to war with Real Madrid.
United’s share of the £5bn broadcasting windfall will enable them to keep David De Gea out of the clutches of the Spanish giants. But the Red Devils could also look to plunder the Bernabeu outfit to bring Gareth Bale and Cristiano Ronaldo back to the Premier League with their new-found riches.
Bale and Roanldo to Manchester United! And Angel Di Maria is, says Jefferson, heading out of the club.
And as well as buying the world’s two most expensive footballers, United will spend loads more cash:
Kevin Strootman, Paul Pogba, Ilkay Gundogan and Koke are all expected to come under the microscope from scouts in the coming months as United look to rectify the problem.
But news is that Pogba will not be going to Manchester United. We read that in the Daily Express:
And is the Express sure Ronaldo is heading to United for over £100m and that Di Maria is leaving? It’s just the Express told us he was heading there for £60m and Di Maria was the bait:
But Ben Jefferson told us that Ronaldo would only return to United if the Red Devils could cough up…£300m (plus the £300,00 a week wages the Express mentioned):
And as for Ilkay Gundogan, well we read that he wants to play for Barcelona. We read it in the Express:
And United don’t want Strootman, says the Daily Express:
And Koke is doing nowhere, says the Daily Express:
So. The Daily Express says Manchester United are not buying Koke, Strootman, Pogba or Gundogan. And they are not buying Ronaldo and Bale for £245m.
Oh, and David de Gea is leaiving, say the -yep – Daily Express:
Well, so says the Daily Express…
Transfer Balls: Paul Pogba gets a Chelsea salute, Manchester United buy an old Ronaldo and Arsenal get mentioned
TRANSFER Balls: a look at newspaper repoting on footballers. And what utter rot it is. Today the Daily Express says that Chelsea have received a “boost” in their pursuit of Paul Pogba, Manchester United’s “Ronaldo REVELATION” and Arsenal’s “Immobile blow”.
Dealing with each sensation in turn:
SCOOP! The Chelsea Pogba “boost” is that – and this is fantastic – that dangerously thick sod Nicholas Anelka “admitted he would like to see him join Chelsea”.
Is Anelka setting the transfer policy at Chelsea? Does he know Roman Ambramovich is a Jew? Has the world gone mad?
SCOOP! “Manchester United turned down the chance to re-sign Cristiano Ronaldo last month.”
Is that because United were reluctant to spend £200m or some other nutzoid sum to make Real Madrid sell the player who isn’t for sale and is happy at Champions’ League favourite Real?
“…reports in Spain suggest when Louis van Gaal was offered the chance to sign Ronaldo, he said ‘no’ to a potential deal.”
That report notes that United would have to pay a world record fee for Ronaldo, who is an ageing hero and gold mine; and the Madrilenos want to buy Spanish David de Gea.
SCOOP! “Arsenal and Liverpool have been dealt a blow in their pursuit of Ciro Immobil”
Number of words from anyone at Arsenal and Liveprool: nil.
“I feel I’m at the right level to play with Borussia Dortmund.”
Number of times Imobile mentions Arsenal or Liveprool in his interview in Italy: nil.
Apart from that it was all true…
Talking balls: Benedikt Howede’s goal is not to play for Arsenal, Chelsea, Manchester United or any English team
Transfer Balls – Anorak’s look at bilge being presented as football fact in the mainstream media. The Mirror has beeb rpeorting on Schalke and Germany defender Benedikt Howedes, 26. A target for Arsenal, Manchester United and Chelsea, the Mirror says his “goal” is to play in England.
The Mirror says he “admits it”, as if it were a secret or a crime:
But is it his goal?
He told German’s BILD:
“If I am to leave Schalke one day, I do not want to move clubs within Bundesliga. The club is too close to my heart to do so. I owe Schalke a lot, I have had a great experience during my time here. I really like being at Schalke.”
Transfer Balls: Is Spurs defender Kyle Wallker heading to Manchester United?
The Indepedent says Kyle Walker is being linked with a £20m move to Manchester United.
The Daily Mail agrees. It adds:
Tottenham would be reluctant to sell and would demand at least £20million.
Transfer balls: Pail Pogba ‘snubs’ Manchester United, stays at Juventus, thrives at Real Madrid and plays for Chelsea
TRANSFER Balls: Today the Daily Express has news on Paul Pogba. Or, rather, it has no news. But that dons’t stop the Express from making a report.
The paper’s headline announces:
Pogba to Chelsea, Man Utd’s Gundogan move, Spurs in £20m swoop
James Dickenson backs up the story of Pogba’s move to Chelsea with this:
Nicolas Anelka has urged Paul Pogba to leave Juventus for Chelsea.
Did Manchester United’s Wayne Rooney dive to win a penalty in the FA Cup win over Preston North End? Before we get the experts’ views, let’s hark back to the day when Liverpool’s Luis Suarez was “going to ground easily”.
The Sun called Suarez “Armstrong MKII, marking the Uruguayan in the same bracket at Lance Armstong, the biggest cheat in sport. Ever. “You cheat!” thundered the Sun. We pointed out that Suarez played to the whistle, much like the Team GB cycling team with won Olymic Gold by dubious means.
How the Sun and the Mirror cheered the plucky Brits and booed the swathy foreingners.
It looks very much as if – as if! – top English players could do no wrong. There were more examples of double standards, such as when Suarez was vilifed for biting an opponent, whereas England’s Jermain Defoe was “cheeky”. Suarez got counselling. Defoe got off.
So. Did Wayne Rooney dive?
Let’s hear from The Sun:
“Rooney may have gone down a bit too easily under a challenge from Preston keeper Thorsten Stuckmann, which probably explains why he was only shown a yellow card instead of a red.”
Good old, Rooney. If it wasn’t for his falling over so neatly, Stuckmann would have been sent off.
The BBC, which broadcast the match, wasn’t bovvered:
“But United made sure of their progress with two minutes to go when Stuckmann sent Rooney tumbling, although there were some suggestions he might have dived, and he stepped up to send his penalty high into his net.”
In December 2014 the Daily Mail was appalled by diving:
Diving is once again a hot topic in the Premier League after three Chelsea players, Cesc Fabregas, Diego Costa and Willian, were all booked for simulation this month.
How does it report on Rooney’s going to ground?
Thankfully, not everyone is so blinkered.
The Daily Telegraph tells its readers:
“They even added a third that came wrapped up in controversy involving the England captain and simulation. Wayne Rooney was running into the box when Preston’s keeper, Thorsten Stuckmann, came haring out, sliding in, forcing Rooney to hurdle the challenge which he managed but then elected to fall to earth rather than stay on his feet.”
English players never do dive.
“If I ever saw one of my team-mates diving, I’d definitely have a word” – Steven Gerrard.
Is talking to yourself a sign of madness?
“I can speak about the England lads and I think it is something we don’t do. We’re too honest” – John Terry.
Such are the facts…
Louis Van Gaal and the Manchester United Press Officer are football’s version of Mel Brooks’ The Producers
When Manchester United manager Louis Van Gaal produces his dossier to prove his own legend, the assembled journalists are open-mouthed.
Here is proof that the entertainment on offer at the Theatre of Dreams is very, very good.
It might look like an iffy, over-priced production built on nothing but on the cash of the lovelorn seduced by dreams of former romances, but stick with it folks and all will be marvellous.
To Van Gaal’s side sits the Manachester United Press Officer, the woman who corals the opinion formers.
It all reminds us of Mel Brooks’ The Producers, the movie in which Max Bialystock and Leo Bloom make money by producing a sure-fire flop.
On with the show!
Just six months into his time as Manchester United manager, and Louis van Gaal is “under fire”. Reacting to claims that his United are an unattractive long ball team he produced evidence to the contrary. How well did it go down in the Press? In a word: very. They’ve lapped it up. All newspapers lead with LVG’s stats class.
The Times leads it sports coverage with:
Van Gaal looked like a cross between Neville Chamberlain and David Brent as he waved pieces of paper to disprove [Sam] Allardyce’s claims at United’s press conference yesterday. They were lies, damned lies — and Van Gaal had the statistics.
It was a “rant”.
The Sun calls LVG A ‘LAUGHING STOCK”.
The Daily Star calls it “LVG’S LONG BAWL”. It was a “bizarre rant”.
The Mirror leads with news of “LVG’s LONG SHOT”. He “angrily produced a dossier” of “four pages of statistics”.
The Daily Mail is far more circumspect, saying Van Gaal created “an intersting 20 minutes” with his Prozone stats.
And in the Express there are concerns for LVG’s mental wellbeing:
“Louis Van Gaal sparked concerns he is cracking udner the strain of managing Manchester United…”
Van Gaal has been an outstanding coaches for years. But the Times‘ Oliver Kay wonders:
What nags, though, is the feeling that, once you look beyond the Van Gaal aura, there has been remarkably little to admire in his first six months at Old Trafford. As a journalist, you find yourself wanting Van Gaal to live up to a certain reputation — a reputation for tactical brilliance, exciting football and even, a strange admission this, antagonistic behaviour in press conferences. So far, we have seen more of the third than the first two and even that, in truth, has been fairly low-grade.
Well, that’s one thing Van Gaal can do: make an entertaining press conference. And it may yet get better.
Hugo Borst says we can expect more:
“There’s this one time that always cracks me up. He wasn’t happy with us, thought we weren’t training properly. He set up this exercise where I had to be non-responsive as keeper . . . but the crosses were so dodgy I had no choice but to save them, and that was a definite no-go. He had already bollocked me for it once but the second time he comes over and starts screaming at me something fierce and his dentures go flying. Best of it was, he caught them in a single movement, stuffed them back in his mouth and carried right on screaming. And there’s me standing opposite him trying to keep a straight face”.
The football might be dull, but Van Gaal the man is happy to entertain…
And every great entertainer needs a sidekick. Presenting Van Gaal and the Manchester United Press officer, in the style of Max Bialystock and Leo Bloom:
Transfer Balls: Chelsea and Liverpool star Daniel Alves signs for Manchester United, Manchester City and Arsenal
Transfer Balls: a look at football rumour and speculation being presented as fact in the mainstresm media. Today the Sun says “MANCHESTER UNITED can have Barcelona star Dani Alves for FREE — if they offer him a three-year deal.”
The Sun says Alves, 31, wants a new three-year £100,000-a-week Barcalona contract. If that fails to materialise, he’ll go to Manchester City or Manchester United for no transfer fee if they can match his wage demands.
In other news, Yahoo! reported on May 14 that “Dani Alves has already signed a pre-contract agreement with Paris Saint-Germain”.
The Daily Express says Alves has agreed to join Manchester United:
Having endorsed everything from airlines to wine and tyres, it was inevitable that Manchester United would move into pornography. The Sun leads with news that Manchester United stars “film sex video in toilets”.
The story runs:
MANCHESTER United stars are being investigated by club bosses over claims they filmed a team-mate performing a sex act sex in a nightclub toilet.
Video of the ace with a girl in her late 20s, at an exclusive venue in Manchester, is believed to have been passed around among United players.
Manchester United have sold Wilfried Zaha back to Crystal Palace. The Daily Express is agog and outraged:
The Express has numbers:
£11m for 28 minutes! Wilfried Zaha goes back to Crystal Palace but Man Utd pay the price
WILFRIED ZAHA has drawn the bottom line under his Old Trafford career, with Sir Alex Ferguson’s last dabble in the transfer market costing Manchester United an amazing £400,000 a minute.
‘Huge’ Transfer Balls for Arsenal, Liverpool, Tottenham, Manchester United but not Southampton or Reading
Transfer Balls: As the January Deadline Day shuts the Daily Express tosses more balls than Rebecca Loos at a Peppa Pig Stag do:
Arsenal, Liverpool, Tottenham and Man Utd target Morgan Schneiderlin’s HUGE transfer hint
The HUGE tranfger hint is – get this – that Schneiderlin is not going to Arsenal, Liverpool, Tottenham or Manchester United. The HUGE transfer hint involves a club not mentioned in the headline: Southampton.
And that hint amount to Morgan tweeting: “Very happy to be back training ! Thanks to all who did help me and made me work hard to come back stronger!”
Transfer Balls: Marco Reus wants Chelsea, gets Arsenal, loves Manchester United and signs for Real Madrid
Transfer Balls: The Daily Express says:
Arsenal leading Man Utd and Chelsea in race for Marco Reus
Which clubs are in the chase?
ARSENAL are leading Manchester United and Chelsea in the race to sign Borussia Dortmund’s Marco Reus.
Transfer Balls: Juan Cuadrado is soon-to-be a Chelsea player.
As the Daily Star reports:
Chelsea AGREE contract with £26.8m Manchester United target Juan Cuadrado
Not too long ago Cuadrado was a Manchester United player, according to the papers.
The Daily Mail reported:
Once again, Manchester United have been barracked by all and sundry over their dreadful season ticket policy which requires all holders to buy mandatory tickets for the upcoming FA Cup replay against Cambridge United.
The policy, which has been in place for several years now, means that all fans with season cards are shanghaied into buying a ticket for all home FA Cup ties.
Should any given fan fail to comply with the terms they are punished by having their card suspended for a subsequent Premier League game at Old Trafford.
Transfer Balls: Andre Schurrle leaves Chelsea as Reus gets his head checked at Arsenal and Manchester United
Transfer Balls: a look at football rumour, speculation and made-up bilge being presented as fact by the mainstream media.
The Daily Express has news to quicken the pulses of Arsenal, Chelsea, Liverpool and Manchester United fans:
Andre Schurrle’s £27m Dortmund move will see Chelsea land Cuadrado AND Reus head to exit
Got that? To prove that that unintelligible line is not an Anorak typo, here it is:
You can try and break the headline down: Schurrle’s off to Dortmund. Cuadrado is off to Chelsea. “AND Reus head to exit”.
Or maybe: Chelsea land Cuadrado AND Reus. And Express reders are advised “Head to exit”?
The next line is simple balls:
BORUSSIA DORTMUND’S move for Andre Schurrle will enable Chelsea to close a deal for Juan Cuadrado this month and could pave the way for Marco Reus to join Manchester United, Arsenal or Liverpool.
It could. Or it could not. Because a few days ago, the Daily Express reported that Reus was having a medical to join Real Madrid:
As for Andre Schurrle, well, the Telegraph says today Chelsea want too much for him:
Andre Schurrle has asked Chelsea to lower their asking price for him as he attempts to clinch a move back to Germany before the transfer window shuts.
Chelsea have everything in place to sign Fiorentina’s Juan Cuadrado as a replacement for Schurrle, but have so far been holding out for more than £25million for the German World Cup winner.
Wolfsburg officials travelled to London last week to hold talks over Schurrle, while Borussia Dortmund have shown a strong interest in the forward. But neither club are yet to meet Chelsea’s asking price.
So. £25m is too much. Or as the Daily Mail says, also today: Schurrle has gone for…£30m.
Such are the facts…
will enable Chelsea to close a deal for Juan Cuadrado this month and could pave the way for Marco Reus to join Manchester United, Arsenal or Liverpool.
Transfer Balls: Paul Pogba is off to Arsenal If Chelsea, Manchester United, Liverpool and PSG don’t want him
Transfer Balls: it’s the Daily Paul Pogba. let’s see what utter balls the mainstream media is reporting on Pogba, the Juventus player.
Today, Ben Jefferson tells Daily Express readers:
Juve to let Paul Pogba LEAVE for Chelsea, Man Utd or Arsenal after move for Axel Witsel
So. Pogba is off to the Premier League. But where to?
United and Chelsea have been joined by Arsenal in the hunt for Pogba…
We know this because the Express says it’s so. But there are no quotes, sources or facts to support the statement.
Transfer Balls: Arsenal get Paul Pogba for £35m less than Manchester United, Chelsea and Man City will pay
Transfer Balls: It’s the Daily Paul Porba, in association with the Daily Mirror, which declares:
Man United, Chelsea AND Man City to battle for Paul Pogba’s £75million signature this summer
Simon Mullock says Pogba’s got a nickname, too: “the 100million euro man.” It’s not quite Smudger, Pyscho or The Beast, but never mind the quality, cop a load of the money:
That’s a lot of money. And it’s a los more than the Mirror said Pogba was leaving Juventus for waaaaay back in December 2014:
That story was from the Daily Mail:
Manchester City are plotting a huge £40m move for Juventus midfielder Paul Pogba. Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger is also keen on the former Manchester United youngster, but would struggle to match City’s financial firepower in a bidding war. (Daily Mail)
But now it’s £75m for the same player! What brought about this meteroric rise in his value? Is Pogba’s fee linked the price of a London studio flat?
Manchester United, Chelsea and Manchester City will join a £75million race to land Paul Pogba this summer. Juventus are ready to cash in on one of the hottest young prospects in world football – and Pogba has already been dubbed “the 100million euro man” in Italy. That will spark a battle between the richest club’s in Europe, with Real Madrid, Paris St-Germain and Bayern Munich set to go head-to-head with the Premier League trio for the Frenchman.
All the usual suspects want Paul Pogba. It will be a bidding war. At the last moment Real Madrid or Barcelona will step in. It’s gonna be huge.
The Mirror continues:
Pogba is on course to win his third Serie A title and his agent, Mino Raiola, is preparing the ground for his summer auction.
This story is rooted in what the agent says. Might he be a tad biased, issuing a comment more loaded than George Bush at a frat house party?
He said: “Paul is happy at Juventus but later this year or next year we will see what opportunities have been created. When the league cannot satisfy such a player then it is time to go.”
The £75m figure has no source. And news of a bidding battle comes from the player’s agent.
Such are the facts…
Transfer Balls: The Daily Express has stella news on Juventus and France star Paul Pogba. Apparently, Pogba has dropped a “MASSIVE” hint that he will not play for Manchester United or Chelsea.
So. The Express was wrong whan it reported on January 13 2015:
Also on Mourinho’s radar is Paul Pogba, with the player’s agent revealing that his client will leave Juventus if the right offer was made. United and Real Madrid are also keen on the France international, but Pogba is understood to favour a switch to London over a return to Old Trafford.
The Express told us that Pogba was on his way to Manchester United for £77m.
The same Express told us that Pogba was on his way to Chelsea for £40m:
And the Express told readers that Pogba “loves”: Maanchester United:
And there was the story that Juventus “MUST’ sell Pogba to United, Chelsea or Arsenal:
To day the Express has written 60 Paul Pogba stories this January alone. And the latest one is that he will not be joining Manchester United, Chelsea or Arsenal because he is leaning Spanish.
It;s tue. You read it in the Daily Express…