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Transfer Balls: Cristiano Ronaldo Picks Up His Manchester United Pension

CAN the Daily Express keep the Cristiano Ronaldo to Manchester Untied story alive for ages? Yes. It’s cooked up a cracking non-story:

CRISTIANO RONALDO could make a dramatic return to Manchester United in 2016…

As the Express looks forward to 15 months of Ronaldo to United speculation, the paper’s James Dickenson conjures a story from nothing:

CRISTIANO RONALDO is set to make a dramatic return to Manchester United in 2016, according to Spanish football expert Guillem Balague.

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Posted: 30th, September 2014 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Manchester United Balls: Wayne Rooney Blames Defenders And His Independent Leg For Red Card

WHEN Manchester United captain Wayne Roony was sent off, Alan Shearer had yhe focus of his Sun column settled:

WAYNE ROONEY’S stupidity was symptomatic of just where Manchester United are right now.

Rooney was sent off not because he’s an agressive berk.  Rooney was sent off because United are in a “confused mess”.

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Posted: 29th, September 2014 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Transfer Balls: Manchester United Sign Miranda Four Months After They Already Did

TRANSFER Balls: The Daily Express says Manchester United are all set to buy Miranda for £24m. And that means they will pip Chelsea to the player.

 

Screen shot 2014 09 26 at 12.13.40 Transfer Balls: Manchester United Sign Miranda Four Months After They Already Did

 

 

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Posted: 26th, September 2014 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Transfer Balls: Manchester United Figure On Cristiano Ronaldo

Screen shot 2014 09 26 at 11.15.21 Transfer Balls: Manchester United Figure On Cristiano Ronaldo

 

TRANSFER Balls: Is Cristiano Ronaldo leving Real Madrid to play for Manchester United?

Admittedly, Roanldo has hardly been pouring old water on rumours that he wants out of Real, telling media:

“I love Manchester; everyone knows that – I have said it many times. Manchester is in my heart. I left many good friends there, the supporters are amazing and I wish I can come back one day.”

And thyen he said:

“It is all speculation. I’m happy at Madrid. I won’t talk about my future, it doesn’t make sense.”

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Posted: 26th, September 2014 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Transfer Balls: Manchester United To Spend £40m On ‘Chelsea’s’ Nicolas Otamendi

Screen shot 2014 09 25 at 21.00.36 Transfer Balls: Manchester United To Spend £40m On Chelseas Nicolas Otamendi

 

TRANSFER Balls: The Daily Express says  Manchester United are looking to spend £40m (!) on “Chelsea and Man City target Nicolas Otamendi to bolster defence”.

Top Transfer Balls works by the Express, there, to link a player with three of the top five English clubs. The only shock is that Arsenal and Lvierpool ar enot also linked with Otamendi.

But, of course, according to the Express, Otamendi already plays for Chelsea. As Ben Jefferson told us:

 

Screen shot 2014 09 25 at 21.03.47 Transfer Balls: Manchester United To Spend £40m On Chelseas Nicolas Otamendi

 

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Posted: 25th, September 2014 | In: Chelsea, manchester united, Sports | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Spurs Fans Attack Manchester United In The Saddest Way Imaginable

IN football, you define yourself by your rivals. And Spurs - who last won the league title in 1961 – have decided that the team they can rib and goad is Manchester United, who have won the league title in colour.

This T-shirt was spotted for sale outside White Hart Lane tonight, where Spurs were playing Nottingham Forest (league winners: 1977).

 

 

Screen shot 2014 09 24 at 22.04.24 Spurs Fans Attack Manchester United In The Saddest Way Imaginable

 

 

The TV show being lampooned by Wayne Rooney, Angel Dia Maria and Louis Van Gaal (two players who would walk into the Spurs side and a manager who declined the offer to manage Spurs) is Only Fools And Horses, which after peaking in the early 1980s, dribbled on until it excited only as a nostalgic tick, a Christmas treat right up there with adverts for Iceland’s frozen squirrels.

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Posted: 24th, September 2014 | In: manchester united, Sports, Spurs | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Transfer Balls: Manchester United Buy Vidal For £10m Less Than They Bought Him For

TRANSFER Balls: The Daily Express, football’s bullshit.com, tells its readers that Arturo Vidal is heading to England to play for…Manchester United. Colin Harvy says Vidal and curent club Juventus will be seduced b y £35m.

 

 

Screen shot 2014 09 24 at 13.07.27 Transfer Balls: Manchester United Buy Vidal For £10m Less Than They Bought Him For

 

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Posted: 24th, September 2014 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Transfer Balls: Manchester United Linked To Gerard Pique Who Is Happy To ‘Fail’ At Barcelona

TRANSFER Balls: The Daily Express (natch.) has news that “MANCHESTER UNITED are lining up a sensational return for Barcelona and Spain star Gerard Pique”.

United buying a decent defender is a sensation. But what are the facts about Pique?

Anthony Chapman writes:

Despite turning out for the La Liga outfit 269 times, winning four league title, two Copa del Reys and two Champions Leagues in the process, Pique has failed to make an impression under new boss Luis Enrique.

Failed to make an impression? Because in May, the Mirror reported:

Club president Josep Maria Bartomeu says the Blaugrana are holding onto “the best centre-back in the world and a core part of the new project here”

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Posted: 24th, September 2014 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Manchester United: Just another Chelsea

FOR a long time now, Manchester United fans have goaded other clubs for throwing their money around and buying various titles, accusing their rivals of having no soul.

Of course, ManYoo are no better, from their club-made banners that hang in the stadium to the very obvious huge sums of money they’ve thrown around themselves at their various squads. Sure, they’ve played some lads from the youth team, but that doesn’t make them any better than their competitors. In fact, in a lot of cases, they’ve spent more money that the rivals they mock.

This year, we saw Man Utd spend 18% of ALL the money forked out by Premier League clubs in this summer’s transfer window.

The club splashed £59.7m on Angel di Maria from Real Madrid alone, while in the meantime, selling off two promising young strikers from their squad in Welbeck and Hernandez. Even in Falcao, a mere loan player, Man Utd will be paying him more money than Wayne Rooney earns. Falcao will be getting more money from Old Trafford bosses than Arsenal will pay Alexis Sanchez and Mesut Ozil combined.

And now, former Manchester United defender Phil Neville thinks that the club need another spending spree, with a £100 million-plus blurt required if they’re going to challenge for the league title.

With new manager Louis van Gaal throwing money around like a new lottery winner on Di Maria, Luke Shaw, Ander Herrera, Marcos Rojo, Daley Blind and Radamel Falcao, Neville thinks that there’s more cash to be spent.

“I know United have spent £150m,” he told BBC Radio 5 Live. “I think there’s another two transfer windows of similar amounts of money needed – maybe £100m – before they can even think about winning the title. There are still key positions in the team that need filling. I think the centre-back position is obviously the key area. Holding midfield or centre midfield needs addressing too.”

‘There were no world-class centre backs out there (this summer). I think that’s why in the next two transfer windows, United might still be looking for that world-class defender.”

Of course, there’s a number of fans who will love this, because a maintainable business model or the heart of a club don’t matter when all you’re concerned about is numbers and trophies. It must stick in the craw of older Man United fans who see their fellow fans concerning themselves only with how many trophies the club have and how much money they can spend.

There’s Manchester United fans who sing to smaller teams “We’ve got a stand that’s bigger than your ground”, or supporters who mock Arsenal for their lack of trophies. A product of the ‘football is a results business’ rhetoric, which is making many elements of professional football so achingly tedious, Manchester United, naturally, does have a heart and soul, just like Liverpool, Arsenal, Chelsea, Manchester City & Co, but it has been swallowed by short memories and overdrafts.

The Top 5 Mentality is the single most tedious facet of modern football, with more games happening each weekend that aren’t even in the Premier League. Manchester United’s fans who define their love by success are, whether they like it or not, the thing they level against hooting Liverpool fans who bleat on about the 70s and 80s, and the thing they berate Chelsea and Manchester City for.

And now, in the post Ferguson years, Manchester United fans are finding out, or being reminded, that reputation and cheque books count for nothing and that, you better find something else to love and enjoy about football because, without the success, you’ll have nothing to cheer about.

At Old Trafford, the young players aren’t valued like they were, the club is getting into dangerous debt, managers are binned off without completing a season and it doesn’t look like the rot in the boardroom is being protected from the people who are required to get results on match day.

It’s easy to tell yourself you’ve heart and soul when you’ve got a club that has the money to design it and implement it for you…

Posted: 23rd, September 2014 | In: Arsenal, Chelsea, Liverpool, Manchester City, manchester united, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Manchester United Balls: Di Maria Invites You To Kick His Family In The Face

Screen shot 2014 09 22 at 14.42.07 Manchester United Balls: Di Maria Invites You To Kick His Family In The Face

 

EVERY time you kick Manchester United’s Angel Di Maria in the shins, you kick his wife and daughter in the face. Well, not really them, more the photograph of the player’s family he keeps tucked into his socks.

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Posted: 22nd, September 2014 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Mario Balotelli Bombarded With Racist Abuse After ‘LOL’ Man United Tweet

balotelli racism1 Mario Balotelli Bombarded With Racist Abuse After ‘LOL’ Man United Tweet

NOW at Liverpool and once of Manchester City, Mario Balotelli tweeted a ‘LOL’ in response toManchester United’s spectacular collapse against Leicester City. Of course, Balotelli’s big-spending Liverpool were only yesterday beaten by West Ham United. So. Manchester United players are free to ‘LOL’ right back at him.

But then Balotelli’s Twitter feed attracted a blitzkerig of abuse.

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Posted: 21st, September 2014 | In: Liverpool, manchester united, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Transfer Balls: Manchester United Sell Mata To Juventus Because They Already Bought Vidal

TRANSFER Balls: Are Juventus going to buy Manchester United’s Juan Mata?

On September 9, the Express reported tht Mata was waned by Juventus, Atletico Madrid and Valencia. All three clusb are considering making £24m offers for the former Chelsea man.

 

Screen shot 2014 09 18 at 09.19.36 Transfer Balls: Manchester United Sell Mata To Juventus Because They Already Bought Vidal

 

 

Alex Harris then adds:

The Old Lady’s interest in the playmaker could push Red Devils boss Louis van Gaal to pursue a swap deal involving box-to-box midfielder Arturo Vidal.

That wold be the Arturo Vidal who joined Manchester Untied in the summer. We read that new in the Express.

Screen shot 2014 09 02 at 09.10.471 Transfer Balls: Manchester United Sell Mata To Juventus Because They Already Bought Vidal

 

Screen shot 2014 09 02 at 09.11.081 Transfer Balls: Manchester United Sell Mata To Juventus Because They Already Bought Vidal

 

 

United never did buy De Jong. And Vidal never did move to United.

In any case, £24m is not enough for Juventus to buy Mata. As the Star said on September 9, United are asking £30m for the midfielder:

 

Screen shot 2014 09 18 at 09.25.45 Transfer Balls: Manchester United Sell Mata To Juventus Because They Already Bought Vidal

 

 

And so to the Express’ news of September 17:

 

Screen shot 2014 09 18 at 09.27.14 Transfer Balls: Manchester United Sell Mata To Juventus Because They Already Bought Vidal

 

 

Juventus don’t want Mata. But do Valencia and Atletico?

Mata has been one of the few players to make an impression for the Red Devils this season, and Louis Van Gaal is not willing to let him for Juventus unless a swap deal involving Arturo Vidal can be struck.

And on it goes.

More utter balls presented as news in the mainstream media every day….

Posted: 18th, September 2014 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Manchester United Balls: Fan Gets ‘Sir Alex Feguson’ Is Dead Tattoo

Screen shot 2014 09 18 at 13.09.06 Manchester United Balls: Fan Gets Sir Alex Feguson Is Dead Tattoo

 

MANCHESTER United fan of the day is the schmuck who got a ‘Sir Alex Feguson’ tattoo on his arm.

Who is Sir Alex Feguson. And what did he do in his 27 years on Earth?

 

Posted: 18th, September 2014 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Transfer Balls: ‘PSG Goalkeeper’ Invites Manchester United Fans To Plunder Paris

TRANSFER Balls: The Daily Express continues to be rich source for utter drivel presented as rumour-based fact.

Today, the paper tells readers that Paris Saint-Germain goalkeeper has “risked the wrath of United fans by suggesting he wasn’t sad to see Angel Di Maria move to Manchester”.

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Posted: 17th, September 2014 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Manchester United: Wayne Rooney Wants To Emulate Real Madrid’s Raul

MANCHESTER United captain Wayne Rooney has told the club’s TV station that he wants to play at Old Trafford for ages.

“I hope I can do 15 years. I’ve just signed a new long-term deal and hopefully I’ll be looking back on 15 years in five years time.”

Does anyone else think at 33-years-old Rooney will still be a Manchester Untied’s striker?

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Posted: 17th, September 2014 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Manchester United Balls: Rio Ferdinand Lends Ronaldo His Hotpants

rio Manchester United Balls: Rio Ferdinand Lends Ronaldo His Hotpants

 

IT’S Day three of the Sun’s serialisation of former Manchester United player Rio Ferdinand’s autoibiography. Having dealt with the John Terry racism disastre and David Moyes’ disgust at low-fat chips, Rio turns to “banter”.

He notes:

Anything at all that sticks out about someone becomes a thing you tease them over.

Anything? Well, it’s about context, isn’t it. It’s about pressing buttons and getting a rise. But it’s got it’s limits. Does the player comment on the other one’s skin tones, hair, girlfiend’s figure or race? The footballing authorities have clamped down on anything racist, homophobic, xenophobic, anti-Semitic, misogynistic and anti-religious. So Spurs fans calling themselves ‘Yids’ is no longer banter but racist. Glasgow Celtic and Rangers fans singing sectarian tunes are not bantering but fomenting a riot.

The authorities make no effort to separate words from intent.

So. Wht did Rio think it was ok to say? Well, he made fun of Wayne Rooney’s hair. And:

When Cristiano Ronaldo wore tight jeans we used to destroy him: “We can see the veins in your b******s, what’s going on?” But he would laugh and come back and say: “You English guys don’t know fashion, what are you talking about?”

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Posted: 16th, September 2014 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Transfer Balls: Cristiano Ronaldo Finds £500,000 Reasons To Love Manchester United

TRANSFER Balls: The Mirror and Express leads with news that Real Madrid’s Cristiano Ronaldo wants to play for Manchester United.

The Mirror has Ronaldo asking Manchester United to “TAKE ME BACK”.

 

Screen shot 2014 09 16 at 08.40.41 Transfer Balls: Cristiano Ronaldo Finds £500,000 Reasons To Love Manchester United

 

Only, Ronaldo has not asked United to take him back.

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Posted: 16th, September 2014 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Manchester United Balls: QPR Manager Harry Redknapp Doesn’t Count The Goals

FOLLOWING Manchester Unied’s 4-0 victory over struggling QPR, a lot has been said about United’s new players, chiefly that you can buy your way out of trouble. A little overlooked was QPR’s role in the catharsis. But, thankfully, QPR manager Harry Redknapp was on hand to explain it all:

“I don’t think our keeper had really had too many shots to save, they’d had a lot of the ball, but I don’t think he’s hardly made a save first half.”

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Posted: 15th, September 2014 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Talking Balls: Manchester United Falcao Is ISIS Nutjob Shakir Wahiyib: Arsenal’s Ozil To Munich

TALKING Balls: A look at media reporting on Arsenal’s Germnan midfielder Mesut Ozil and Manchester United’s Radamel Falcao.

The often straw-clutching CaughtOffside says Ozil is heading to Bayern Munich for £32m. The Guardian picks that up and reports it.

Number of direct quotes cited: none.

Number of sources cited: none.

Facts to support headline: none.

 

Screen shot 2014 09 15 at 11.52.551 Talking Balls: Manchester United Falcao Is ISIS Nutjob Shakir Wahiyib: Arsenals Ozil To Munich

 

 

The site Fanatiz calls Ozil a “flop”. Is he? Well, no. He isn’t. It’s just that for £41m, you expect more.

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Posted: 15th, September 2014 | In: Arsenal, manchester united, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Transfer Balls: Cristiano Ronaldo Still Plays For Manchester United

TRANSFER Balls: a l0ok at the Daily Express’ dire reporting on Cristiano Ronaldo.

Today Charles Perrin says Ronaldo is “sick of life at Old Trafford”.

But the world’s best player doesn’t play for Manchester United. He plays for Real Madrid, a club now modelled on the Spanish giants.

 

 

Screen shot 2014 09 15 at 11.35.56 Transfer Balls: Cristiano Ronaldo Still Plays For Manchester United

 

Express readers then learn:

Manchester United, Chelsea and Manchester City are set to compete for the signature of Cristiano Ronaldo.

Sure. And also PSG. And any other side with stacks of cash and a stymied youth policy.

Such are the facts in the Daily Express…

 

Posted: 15th, September 2014 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Manchester United Balls: Rio Ferdinand Says Moyes Banned Them From Eating Low-Fat Chips

PA 5341515 Manchester United Balls: Rio Ferdinand Says Moyes Banned Them From Eating Low Fat Chips

 

AS former Manchester Untied defedner Rio Ferdinand returned to Old Trafford with new club QPR – and looked on as the visitors shipped four goals - the Sun picked up the scent of chips.  The headline informs readers:

Moyes slowly lost us… and it began when he banned our chips the night before a game - Rio on the manager that didn’t fit in at Man Utd

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Posted: 15th, September 2014 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Angel Delight Watch: Manchester United’s Di Maria Is The Taste Of 1970s Puns

Screen shot 2014 09 14 at 21.19.49 Angel Delight Watch: Manchester Uniteds Di Maria Is The Taste Of 1970s Puns

 

MANCHESTER United’s record signing Angel Di Maria scored against QPR, so proving that £200m can buy a club out of a trouble.

As the ball hit the net. Sky Sport’s Martin Tyler oozed:

“We’ve seen some Angel delight here today.”

Angel delight. We’ll try to keep track of the number of times that pun is used.  The question “how do you solve a problem like Di Maria?” will also be looked out for.

Coral, the bookmakers on the Manchester United sweetie:

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Posted: 14th, September 2014 | In: Key Posts, manchester united, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Transfer Balls: Ronaldo Makes ‘SHOCK’ Move To Manchester City, Manchester United, Chelsea And PSG

Screen shot 2014 09 14 at 09.07.57 Transfer Balls: Ronaldo Makes SHOCK Move To Manchester City, Manchester United, Chelsea And PSG

 

TRANSFER Balls: The Daily Express has an “EXCLUSIVE” about Cristiano Ronaldo leaving Real Madrid for a “shock” return to Manchester United…or Manchester City.

EXCLUSIVE: Ronaldo ready to make SHOCK move to Man City OR return to Man Utd

How ready? How shocking?

Cristiano Ronaldo could quit Real Madrid

Yes, he could. But is what a footballer could do an exclusive?

The 29-year-old world player of the year, who moved to the Bernabeu in the summer of 2009 from Manchester United for a then world record £80million, would love to return to Old Trafford – but a move to rivals Manchester City could also be an option.

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Posted: 14th, September 2014 | In: Manchester City, manchester united, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Transfer Balls: Ronaldo Wants Liverpool, Loves Manchester United, Signs For Chelsea And Stays At Real Madrid

TRANSFER Balls: Is Critsiano Ronaldo leaving Real Madrid for a returm to Manchester Untied?

The Daily Express says he is – maybe:

 

Screen shot 2014 09 13 at 12.50.04 Transfer Balls: Ronaldo Wants Liverpool, Loves Manchester United, Signs For Chelsea And Stays At Real Madrid

 

 

Jamie Anderson says the deal to bring Ronaldo to United is “possible”. It is not impossible.

Talk of the Portuguese star’s return ramped up in the wake of comments made by former Real Madrid team-mate Angel Di Maria.

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Posted: 13th, September 2014 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Manchester United: Juan Sebastián Verón’s Advice To Marcos Rojo and Ángel di María

PA 1453365 1 Manchester United:  Juan Sebastián Veróns Advice To Marcos Rojo and Ángel di María

 

IN the summer of 2001, Manchester United signed Juan Sebastián Verón from Lazio. The fomer Argentina captain has been talking to the Times. Manchester United have signed two of his fellow countrymen, Marcos Rojo and Ángel di María. What advice does he have for them?

FOOD: “You eat so earlySometimes, with the team, we would eat at 6.30pm or 7pm. In Argentina, nobody even thinks about eating until 9pm. At the earliest.”

LIFE: “I was used to life in Italy….I knew it would be different, but the appeal of Manchester United is the same as the appeal of Barcelona and Real Madrid, the attraction that the top three or four clubs in the world have.

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Posted: 13th, September 2014 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0