Anorak

Sports

Sports Category

Sports news, commentary and scores with wit and added value. We compare and contrast the best and worst sports reporting in the mainstream press, blogs, TV and online. We love the English Premier League (Arsenal, Liverpool, Spurs, Manchester United and Manchester City) and all things football but we cover cricket, rugby, the Olympics, tennis, golf, F1 and highlights of the sporting year.

How A Former Police Marksman Unforgivably Missed Newcastle United’s Joey Barton

JOEY Barton fact of the Day: . That too was missed by the officials. And that’s odd because the fourth official at Saturday Premier League match was Nigel Miller. He’s an ex-copper and trained police marksman. Maybe he can’t be bothered to watch BArton play football – it being too reminiscent of his old job…

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Joey Barton, Newcastle United

Posted: 15th, August 2011 | In: Sports | Comment


Andre Villas-Boas Pulls Chelsea To The Top Of His Shirt

NEIL Moxley, Daily Mail football journalist, casts his expert eye over Chelsea’s new manager Andre Villas-Boas. So, what is the most important thing the new man has brought to The Blues?

“In a dark blue suit, white shirt and blue tie, the new man looked every inch as dapper as his compatriot Jose Mourinho. His shoes were shiny enough to reflect his bearded chin. He stayed in that outfit throughout the 90 minutes and his press conference. His tie was still done up at the end.”

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Posted: 15th, August 2011 | In: Sports | Comment


Joey Barton Offers The Greatest Explanation For Diving Ever

JOEY Barton, the fragrant Newcastle United player, explains why he hit the deck like a fitting toddler in a supermarket after he was tapped in his face by Arsenal’s Gervinho:

“Hate CHEATS that dive…

“I was merely highlighting he struck me.”

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Posted: 14th, August 2011 | In: Sports | Comment (1)


England Fans Showboat As Cricket Team Becomes World’s Best (Video)

SOMEONE make cricket an Olympic sport pronto – England are the best in the world at it. We can catch anything from swine flu to Sehwag. Blimey – even the fans are showboating…

Posted: 14th, August 2011 | In: Sports | Comment


Joey Barton’s Dive In Photos: Newcastle United Genius Shocked By Arsenal’s Man’s Gentle Caress

JOEY Barton wants to assure the people of Newcastle that training alone has not dented his ability to be disliked, or as managers put it “get in people’s faces”. Rumours are that he’s been grabbing himself by the throat and contorting his face in rage at himself. He has called himself, allegedly, all manner of revolting names. An expert tell us that he was only days away from stabbing a cigar out on his own eyeball.

In the closed season, Barton has been picking fights on Twitter. But verbal attacks can only go so far and until a social network grabs the nettle of virtual reality thuggery Barton will still need a football pitch and maybe a ball as props.

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Posted: 13th, August 2011 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comment


Tevez To Arsenal, Nasri To Manchester City And Gervinho To Bath

DID you know that Arsenal have “sensationally told Manchester City: Give us Carlos Tevez and you can have Samir Nasri”?

Arsenal fans might well snort with derision at the Sun’s exclusive.

Tevez reputedly earns over £250,000 a week top play for City.

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Posted: 13th, August 2011 | In: Sports | Comments (2)


Wayne Rooney Cleans The Streets: Manchester United Star Saves England From Rioters

WHO would be the best person to champion honesty and love for they neighbour? Why, mob victim and Manchester United footballer Wayne Rooney of course.

The front page of the Daily Star sees England saved by England’s saviour:

“ROONEY: RECLAIM OUR STREETS.”

Like the Manchester United star, Anorak was also dismayed to notice that not one – not one – looter went for the footballs in JD sports. The country has gone Olympics mad with the sprightly youth grabbing tracksuits and trainers. But while that is encouraging, we must lament that a football no longer carries cachet among the kids (see snooker cues, badminton bats and ping-pong tables).

Also, with so much mayhem on the streets, where is it safe for prostitutes to walk?

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Posted: 13th, August 2011 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comment


Why Arsenal Sold Samir Nasri To Manchester City

GOOD to know that Silent Stan Kroenke has played no part in the £23m transfer of the excellent Samir Nasri from Arsenal to Manchester City.

The Independent, August 12:

The Independent understands that manager Wenger was powerless to hold on to Nasri after a board meeting eight days ago at which principal shareholder Stan Kroenke insisted that it would be folly to sacrifice City’s money and see the Frenchman leave as a free agent next summer

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Posted: 12th, August 2011 | In: Sports | Comment


Manchester United, Wesley Sneijder And A Tabloid Romance

WILL Manchester United buy Wesley Sneijder from Inter Milan? The Daily Mail knows the facts. And if says them all at once, it’s bound to be right – right?

August 12: “Manchester United have given up on their bid to sign Wesley Sneijder from Inter Milan.”

Previously in the Mail:

July 14: “Manchester United hope to complete the £35million transfer of Wesley Sneijder after agreeing terms of around £190,000 a week with the Inter Milan midfielder”

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Posted: 12th, August 2011 | In: Sports | Comment


Cesc Fabregas Goes. Arsene Loses Plot? The Unanswered Questions

LIKE most Arsenal fans I am a little sad, but not too surprised at Cesc Fabregas’ move to Barcelona. To be fair we did well to hang on to him last summer and he was always going to go this time round. I think too that the player has behaved impeccably and leaves Arsenal with a degree of dignity.

There are however a few questions that need answering asap

1 Is Arsene losing the plot? It is not 24 hours since he said that no players were leaving Arsenal. He must have known that the deal was imminent when he said this. Is it a case of wishful thinking or is he genuinely losing it?

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Posted: 12th, August 2011 | In: Arsenal, Sports | Comment (1)


Manchester City Sign Wesley Sneijder – And So Do Manchester United

WILL Manchester United sign Wesley Sneijder, the diminutive Hollander from Inter Milan? The Daily Mail considers the facts:

July 14: “Manchester United hope to complete the £35million transfer of Wesley Sneijder after agreeing terms of around £190,000 a week with the Inter Milan midfielder”

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Posted: 11th, August 2011 | In: Sports | Comments (4)


Arsenal Owner Stan Kroenke’s Open Letter To Arsene Wenger – In Song

ARSENAL fans may be wondering who will play for them next season, but they know one thing for certain: how the club’s new owner Stan Kroenke got his Silent Stan nickname.

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Posted: 11th, August 2011 | In: Sports | Comments (3)


London Riots: Millwall Fans Protect Eltham High Street From Rioters – Yid Army, Gooners And Headhunters Needed?

YOU know the situation is bad when the England v Holland match at Wembley is called off. Can we deduce that the football fans need protecting? Well, no. Over in London’s Eltham High Street, Millwall fans are protecting the local shops and bars. As he says:

you might hate them but tonight you’l love them.

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Posted: 9th, August 2011 | In: Sports | Comments (11)


Helen Wood Attacked In Fanny’s Pub By Wayne Rooney Fans

HELEN Wood has been kicked in the face at the Victoria Inn in Markland Hill, Heaton. The Bolton News refers to Wood as “Rooney woman injured in pub attack“.

The story begins:

“A WOMAN who claims she slept with Wayne Rooney for money was attacked following a row in a Bolton pub after revellers taunted her about her alleged affair.”

Wood is a 24-year-old mother of one who used to work as a prostitute. In interview, she has proven to be erudite, intelligent and makes a compelling case for the legalisation of prostitution.

The drinkers spotted her and began to chant: “Rooney, Rooney.”

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Posted: 9th, August 2011 | In: Sports | Comment


London Riots: British Youth Embrace Olympic Torch Rally

LONDON’S Youth have embraced the Olympics spirit for 2012 by doing anything to get their hands on tracksuits and training shoes. Desperate to keen abreast of the latest news from the table-tennis arena, the sports mad boys and girls are out jogging, on the look out for TVs, radios, mobile devices and gadgets so they never miss a moment of the action.

The Olympics torch relay is already well underway, starting in Tottenham, and taking in Enfield, Ealing, Croydon, Brixton, Woolwich and Hackney. Even youth in Toxteth and Birmingham have embraced the spirit of a cheaper, freer, Olympic Games, going for gold – literally! – at the jewellers and pawn brokers.

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Posted: 9th, August 2011 | In: Sports | Comment


West Ham’s Karren Brady Is ‘The Devil With A Set Of Tits’

FOOTBALL Quote of The day comes from the busy mouth of Benni McCarthy, the South African strike offloaded by Karren Brady for being “fat”. Brady, star of The Apprentice – a TV show in which ordinary members of the public eager to score a job in a Brentwood office block are ridiculed by rich people who crave fame – said that the South African’s time at West Ham had been a “big, fat mistake”.

The South Africa Times approaches McCarthy:

Paper: “Karren Brady described you as a ‘big fat mistake’. How do you feel about that?”

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Posted: 8th, August 2011 | In: Sports | Comment


Manchester United Are The Goods Guys As The Sun Says It’s OK To Hate Manchester City

BECAUSE it now obligatory to hate Manchester City and tell them how to run their club and business, the Sun’s Steven Howard mangoes to watch the community shield and declare:

“This was a result to make football itself stand up and cheer. And not just because the Bad Guys got a punch on the nose from the Good Guys. This was also a victory for the vibrancy of youth. And for the way teams and clubs should be built.”

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Posted: 8th, August 2011 | In: Sports | Comments (3)


Olympic Volleyball Comes To Horse Guards Parade: The View From Prince Harry’s Window

THE Olympics are coming to London. London 2012 will be great. And thank to beach volleyball, there’s even something for the dads to watch – and Prince Harry to tune into as he gazes from granny’s bedroom windows at Buckingham Palace. We went along to the see British Beach Volleyball players (left to right) Denise Johns, Lucy Boulton, Shauna Mulliin and Zara Dampney during a photocall for the London 2012 test event FIVB Beach Volleyball International Preview Day, at Horse Guards Parade in central London.

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Posted: 8th, August 2011 | In: Sports | Comment


Manchester City V Manchester United: Photos Of The FA Community Shield Premier League Marketing Smack Down

MANCHESTER United and Manchester City played in the FA Community Shield smack down –  a game broadcast about the world for the club’s respective owners in the UAE and the USA. Still, the fans of the clubs don’t give two hoots – so long as they win…

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Posted: 7th, August 2011 | In: Sports | Comment


Football Dive Of The Year: Ajax Wipe Floor With FC Twente’s Captain Peter Wisgerhof

FOOTBALL Dive of The Year features FC Twente’s captain Peter Wisgerhof being sent tumbling by an invisible dog that has run onto the pitch during his side’s match against Ajax of Amsterdam.

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Posted: 7th, August 2011 | In: Sports | Comment


The Hideous Americanisation Of British Football: It’s The Premier League Face Off Smack Down

THE domestic football season kicks off this weekend. Unless you are planning to watch Match of the Day Live on Sunday, in which case, according to the BBC website, you will see ‘West Ham face off against Cardiff’.

Face off? FACE OFF?!!

What fresh hell is this?

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Posted: 5th, August 2011 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (6)


Birmingham City FC, Rational FX And Carson Yeung’s Money Laundering Issues

GOOD news that Championship Club Birmingham City FC are to be sponsored by Rational FX. As the firm’s website says:

RationalFX is one of the world’s leading and fastest growing independent foreign exchange and money transfer companies.  Every year we help thousands of individuals and businesses to achieve significantly better foreign currency exchange rates and make significant cost savings.

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Posted: 4th, August 2011 | In: Sports | Comment


Manchester United’s Alex Ferguson Tells The Daily Mail To F*ck Off Over Wesley Sneijder (Video)

BOB Cass works for the Mail on Sunday. He’s a footballer reporter. His recent recent article of August 2 on the matter of Inter Milan star Wesley Sneijder’s move to Manchester United is entitled:

You blew it Sneijder, insists United boss Ferguson who is confident with his current crop

The money quote informs us:

If he wants to come he must accept our contract offer,’ said a source. ‘If not, we have other options in mind. We’re done talking.’

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Posted: 4th, August 2011 | In: Sports | Comments (10)


Juventus Signs Invisible Footballer – CNN Reports

THE football season has yet to brogan in earnest but we have your Talking Balls quote of the Week. CNN reports on those new signings at Juventus:

Italian Serie A outfit Juventus have completed the signing of Montenegro striker Mirko Vucinic from rivals Roma. Vucinic, 27, had been in the Italian capital since 2005 and has signed a four-year deal with Turin-based Juve.

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Posted: 3rd, August 2011 | In: Sports | Comment


Daily Mail Hack David Gerges’ Amazing Report On Liverpool V Valarenga

THE MATCH report of the season so far award goes to the Daily Mail’s David Gerges for his report on on Liverpool’s friendly with Valarenga.

“However, the visitors were left stunned after conceding two goals in four minutes. First, Strand beat the returning Reina from close range before Ogude capitalised on a loose ball to fire past Liverpool’s stopper.”

That ball was loose – and stationary. Fegor Ogude scored a penalty.

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Posted: 3rd, August 2011 | In: Sports | Comment (1)