Sports Category
Sports news, commentary and scores with wit and added value. We compare and contrast the best and worst sports reporting in the mainstream press, blogs, TV and online. We love the English Premier League (Arsenal, Liverpool, Spurs, Manchester United and Manchester City) and all things football but we cover cricket, rugby, the Olympics, tennis, golf, F1 and highlights of the sporting year.
Chess Compulsory In Armenian Schools: British Youth Go For Ludo Gold
ARMAN Aivazian, a politico in the Armenian education ministry, explains why chess is now compulsory in all schools:
“Teaching chess in schools will create a solid basis for the country to become a chess superpower.”
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Helen Wood: Wayne Rooney Saved By Media Misogyny
HELEN Wood is today on two newspapers’ front pages. And on both the Star and Sun she is not named in the headline. The Daily Star delivers:
“ROONEY TART IS GANG BOSS MOLL”
Yesterday, Woods was “ROO VICE GIRL”.
Make your own minds up if vice girl is better or worse than tart.
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The Alternative Grand National Commentary – No Deaths But Lots Of Swearing
TO honour the BBC’s broadcast of the Grand National – TWO DEAD THIS YEAR! – in which the sensitive commentator noted that the dead horses were no longer dead horses but “obstacles” – we bring you an alternative horse race commentary, as told by Derek and Clive.
It is NSFW. But, then, seeing two horses die in the sun makes for family viewing and Great British sport.
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Cricket Season Begins In Frenzy Of Sunbathing
THE cricket season has started in a frenzy. We went to sit among the spectators as Hampshire took on Durham in the County Championship at the Rose Bowl near Southampton.
Posted: 11th, April 2011 | In: Sports | Comment (1)
Death At The Grand National: Photos Of What Makes The World’s Greatest Horse Race Great
THE Grand National is a deadly business. Ballabriggs takes the plaudits. But Ornais goes home in an altogether different kind of horse box. At the fourth fence, Ornais broke its neck and died. There the horse lay on the course, covered in green tarpaulin. Did the race stop for a death? No. The jockeys just avoided the body by going round the 20th fence on the second lap. The BBC commentators called the horse an “obstacle”.
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Posted: 10th, April 2011 | In: Sports | Comment (1)
Wayne Rooney’s X-Rated Sky Show: Manchester United Player’s Face Pixelated On TV
WAYNE Rooney has had his “TV show axed”. He has been “dropped by TV”. Can it be that whenever Rooney is on the magic box before the 9pm watershed, his face will be pixelated by Sky Sports?
It’s a harsh judgement on the Manchester United’s player’s face and, vitally, mouth, but the demands of the 3D HD TV experience may well necessitate some degree of censorship.
The NoTW says that “Rooney has been kicked off kids’ TV”. Dan Wootton, tells readers:
Just days after the England star’s foul-mouthed on-screen rant Sky chiefs axed his Street Striker show – as viewers can’t forget his romps with vice girls.
Given that Rooney’s show is pre-recorded, and so not like live football, Anorak wonder why the sweary bits can’t just be edited out and then repackaged as an X-rated version for broadcast on one of Sky’s adult channels?
Photo: Wayne Rooney’s women (alleged).
Wootton goes on:
Our revelation that Sky TV has axed his money-spinning kids’ show Street Striker tops a week of complete humiliation for the England star.
The revelation in Rupert Murdoch’s News of The World that Rupert Murdoch’s Sky has ended Rooney’s show after the player told Sky Sports viewers to “fuck off” on the telly is indeed the definition of a scoop.
As for Rooney’s “complete humiliation” – this would be the same Rooney who also last week scored the winning goal in United’s Champions’ League quarter-final with Chelsea. Football may be tribal and monocular, but tabloid reporters have cataracts.
Because Anorak is a family organ, we have decided to forgo the gallery of Rooney and instead feature the more wholesome images of Jennifer Thompson, a prostitute introduced to us by the, er, NoTW:
These Photos Of Ladies’ Day At Aintree Are Fantastic: Grand National Fillies Live
IF you do one thing worthwhile with your time, look at these photos of Ladies Day at Aintree Racecourse. If you are a visitor to Anorak from overseas and are keen for an insight into British culture then please browse our photos of Ladies’ Day at Aintree Racecourse, Liverpool. Ladies and gentleman, we present The Ladies…
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Posted: 8th, April 2011 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (4)
Aintree 2011: Ken Dodd Gets ‘Em Off
WHO better than comedian Ken Dodd and this tickling stick to declare the Aintree Grand National Meeting open?
Who has done more for the Sport of Kings than Dodd and his renegade band of jockey-sized Diddy Men, not least off all top international disc jockey P Diddy?
Brazil’s Neymar Sent Off For Wearing Mask Of Himself On Pitch
WHEN we last saw Brazil’s latest superstar footballer Neymar, he was fielding a banana allegedly tossed by those fresh fruit-mad Scotland fans at the Emirates.
We see him today being sent off for celebrating a goal in match between his Santos and Colo-Colo by putting on a mask of himself.
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The Genius Of Wayne Rooney: Manchester United’s Champions League Legend Undoes Chelsea (Photos)
WAYNE Rooney: you know all about his faults. We know that he might not be true to his wife, swears, spits and is not an international male model. What you might have overlooked is that he is a genius.
A season marked by allegations of paid-for sex with Jennifer Thompson and a contract dispute is also a season marked by a brilliant goal in the Manchester United derby match with Manchester City, the ability to outplay 95% of any opposing team on an average day and the scorer of a crucial goal in the white heat of a Champions’ League quarter final against Chelsea.
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Posted: 6th, April 2011 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (6)
Real Madrid Beat Spurs In Photos (Arsenal Fans Breathe Again)
OF course – of course – Emmanuel Adebayor, a former Arsenal player, would score for Real Madrid against Spurs in the Champions League. If anyone wants to compile a list of players who have scored in a big game against their former team’s local rivals, we’ll pay. For Spurs fans licking wounds, we offer them the solace of Nayim.
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Tiger Woods Seeks The Smell Of Solitude On New Submersible Yacht
TIGER Woods’ yacht is for sale. Golf plus sailing is Woods’ Viagra – a way to get anyone (bored) stiff. (Geddit?!)
The vessel is called Privacy. It is 155-feet long. It can be yours for $25 million (washed) and $132m (unwashed and dirty).
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Arsenal’s Jack Wilshere Is The Daddy: So Let’s Destroy Him
AS Arsenal’s Jack Wilshere becomes the pivot to England’s gilded future, the tabloids set about destroying him.
The front page of the Sun bring news that Wilshere is to becomes a father at 19. He is: “JACK THE DAD.”
Mum is Lauren Neal, age 22, and thus the older woman. She and Wilshere dated for three years, ending their love affair only recently.
The Sun then fills its ladles with sticky inferences and pours it onto the news vat.
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England Run Out Words To Describe Ghana
ENGLAND drew 1-1 with Ghana. It was a game that ebbed and flowed like John Terry’s loyalty sacks. Fabio Capello, the England boss who says he needs only 100 words to speak with his team (and that includes 93 words for ”mama mia!”) was heard uttering the words: “Six million spondulics a year for this! Ha-ha-ha.”
But if you want to know about the power of words, look to the journalists. So. Let’s take a look at their views on England’s Leighton Baines.
Oliver Holt (Daily Mirror) she he was “superb“. Paul Hayward (Guardian) says he “earned high marks“. Sachin Nakrani (Guardian) calls him a loser. And under the headline “Not too Leight for wannabes“, the Sun gives the Everton defender five out of ten.
Such are the facts, readers, from your expert hacks.
You can have a go at finding words for these photos:
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Five Reasons Why Scotland Fans Did Not Racially Abuse Brazil’s Neymar
BRAZIL’S Neymar was booed at the Brazil versus Scotland match. A banana was tossed onto the pitch. Here’s why it wasn’t racism and Scotland are innocent.
1. A banana is a piece of fruit. The last time a Scotland fan was seen with banana at a football match it was the mid 1980s and the fruit was made of plastic and air.
Image: The modern version of the Scots banana can be fried and battered.
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Posted: 29th, March 2011 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (7)
Fabio Capello Knows 100 Words For Sex
FABIO Capello, the England team manager, says he only needs a “maximum” of 100 words to talk to his players – all words which, incidentally, appear on the McDonald’s menu.
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Posted: 29th, March 2011 | In: Sports | Comment (1)
Media Uses Kelvin Etuhu To Bash Manchester City And Football
THE news is that “Manchester City striker” Kelvin Etuhu (source: BBC) has been sentenced to eight months jail for a drunken street brawl which left a man with a broken jaw. But is he a Manchester City striker?
Metro gores further can says Etuhu us a “star”:
Only, this ”star” does not play for Manchester City. He did turn out for them 10 times, but after loan spells at Rochdale, Leicester City and Cardiff City, he was released.
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RIP Fred Titmus: You Gave Four Away
RIP Fred Titmus. You played football for Watford Football Club, and cricket for England. Also, before the 1967-68 tour of the West Indies, you lost four toes when your foot caught in the propeller of a boat. You played on until 1982.
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John Terry Is Sleazy Enough To Be England Captain: Rooney Hope Renewed
JOHN Terry says he knows he is not liked by everyone. For instance, a player might not like him; but a player’s wife or girlfriend may like him very much…
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Posted: 23rd, March 2011 | In: Sports | Comment (1)
Tiger Woods, Alyse Lahti Johnson And Rachel Uchitel’s For Hire
TIGER Woods is back in the news on account of his dating a 22-year-old blonde called Alyse Lahti Johnson. Her dad is Jeff Lahti, who used to play for the St. Louis Cardinals. Her stepfather is Alistair Johnston, who sits on the board of Tiger’s sport agency IMG.
What else we know about her is that last year she was pinched by the fuzz for driving under the influence DUI arrest. Oh, and she met Tiger when to further her ambitions of being a pro golfer, the stepdad hired a coach who introduced her to him.
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Wayne Rooney And Coleen In ‘Crisis’: Emergency Holiday And Bentley May Save Love
ARE Wayne Rooney and Coleen Rooney heading for separate agents? Rooney’s £200,000-a-week wage can be divided equally, almost without a calculator, but what about the brand? While CW was never quite VB (Victoria and David’s Beckham’s love on a monogrammed towel), adverts for perfumes and supermarket ownbrand fashions, flushing it away down the WC seems rash.
Anyhow, the source of the story is the Mirror, which leads with news that “Rooney’s marriage in crisis”.
Readers learn:
Fed-up Coleen Rooney has flown her family out on a £100,000 Caribbean holiday away from the pressure of her strained marriage to Wayne.
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Posted: 21st, March 2011 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (6)
Ashley Cole Steps Out With Casey Paul, Star Of Bikini Beach (Photos)
ASHLEY Cole, the hated-by-media England legend who was once married to “national treasure” Cheryl Cole (one of them has had a police record – can you guess which?) has stepped out with “chundering Casey Paul”.
The NoTW has a photo of Casey apparently vomiting out of Cole’s car, which has been pulled over and the back door opened. Cole is not in the car. He has, as the report says, arranged for Casey to be driven to his home. For reasons unspecified, a photographer follows the car.
The NoTW says:
How does a girl feel after a date with rat Ashley?
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Posted: 20th, March 2011 | In: Sports | Comment (1)
Manchester United Win The Premier League Against Bolton As Arsenal Finally Score: Photos
DID Manchester United’s graceful Dimitar Berbatov just win the Premier League for Manchester United with his late goal against Bolton? Or did Arsenal – who will win the title if they win all their remaining games – rediscover the fight to come back to draw 2-2 at West Brom? And – whisper this – can Chelsea come back to win their games in hand and defend their title?
Manchester City’s Mario Balotelli Can’t Get His Bib On: Chucks Toys In Video
MANCHESTER City’s £24million starlet Mario Balotelli can’t operate a bib.
In readiness for the match against Dynamo Kiev (he was sent off) , the former Inter Milan player was seen wrestling with his dribbling kit (geddit?!). Turns out he wanted a blue one – like the other boys…
Glasgow Council ‘Steals’ Working Class Woman’s Home For Commonwealth Games Village
MARGARET Jaconelli and her husband Jack don’t want to leave their two bedroom home in Ardenlea Street, Glasgow. They have lived there for 34 years. The powers that be say they must go because their tenement block is to be demolished to make way for facilities for the 2014 Commonwealth Games, specifically an athlete’s village.
Yep, they are going to build more flats. Why not just allow the locals to rent out their properties to the athletes?
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Posted: 18th, March 2011 | In: Sports | Comments (3)
