Sports Category
Sports news, commentary and scores with wit and added value. We compare and contrast the best and worst sports reporting in the mainstream press, blogs, TV and online. We love the English Premier League (Arsenal, Liverpool, Spurs, Manchester United and Manchester City) and all things football but we cover cricket, rugby, the Olympics, tennis, golf, F1 and highlights of the sporting year.
Andy Murray Needs Australia To Dance With Serena Williams
AT the Australian Open, Serena Williams beat Justine Henin on the squeaky rubber. Soon Andy Murray will try and win the Open for Britain. He will lose for Scotland. On his success the nation waits. Murray is not at Wimbledon, whish is nuisance. A Britain is supposed to end the decades of waiting by taking a Grand Slam trophy at the All England Club not in Melbourne. But, then, given Murray’s persona it might be for the best to serve up any win in a edited highlights packaged with the unsavoury moments masked by an M People backing track and shots of sad Australians. And then he has to dance with Williams.
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Leaflets in Dunblane advertising the Andy Murray match which will be shown on tv at the Dunblane Centre ahead of his appearance in the Australian Open final. PRESS ASSOCIATION Photo. Picture date: Saturday January 30, 2010. See PA story TENNIS Murray. Photo credit should read: Andrew Milligan/PA Wire
John Terry And Vanessa Perroncel: JT Scores In Pictures
JOHN Terry and Vanessa Perroncel: The knives are out for Chelsea and England captain John Terry. Get this from the Daily Mail:
The England captain John Terry faces fans’ fury as affair with team mate’s girlfriend is revealed
READ: John Terry’s Dirty Play Gets A Red Card: Media Delights
Fans love JT. But the only thing they love more is TP – Toni Poole, JT’s wife. It is alleged that top family bloke Terry cheated on Tony with French knickers model Perroncel, who dated former Chelsea player Wayne Bridge (they share child), now playing his trade at Manchester City Inc.
Pictures: Vanessa Perroncel (John Terry’s Alleged Lover)
Fans are outraged. Especially those Chelsea fans who saw Terry score the winning goal as their side beat Burnley 2-1 and remain at the top of the Premier League. They must be furious.
John Terry: Wayne Bridge’s Lover Vanessa Perroncel In Pictures (NSFW)
Says Bridge:
“I have read the press reporting in the last two days. The reports deal with matters which are of a deeply personal and private nature. My primary concern is the welfare of my son. Therefore, I intend to make no comment whatsoever either now or in the future about these reports and ask that my privacy is respected.”
Isn’t that a comment?
Pictures: Vanessa Perroncel (John Terry’s Alleged Lover)
Says the Mail:
England captain John Terry was booed on the football terraces this afternoon after it was revealed he had cheated on his wife with a team-mate’s girlfriend.
Toni Terry. Toni Terry. We’ll support you ever more…
READ: John Terry’s Dirty Play Gets A Red Card: Media Delights
Pictures: Vanessa Perroncel (John Terry’s Alleged Lover)
Posted: 30th, January 2010 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comment (1)
Lovable Chelsea Footballer Ashley Cole Fined For Car Crime: Parodists Weep
IT’S a hard job being Ashley Cole, looking for new and imaginative ways to be disliked. (Only joking, Ash. You are terrific geyser and we love you.)
Cole, the Chelsea and England footballer married to Simon Cowell puppet, sorry, poppet Cheryl Cole, has been banned from driving for doing more than 100mph in a 50mph zone.
As we know, Ashley Chelsea offered up the excuse that he was being chased by paparazzi. This is why he was driving his black Lamborghini Gallardo at 104mph along the A3.
At Kingston Magistrates, the Beak hands Cole a four-month ban and a £1,000 fine. Cole is ordered to pay a £15 victim surcharge and £300 costs to reflect his income and the seriousness of the offence.
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Jessica Lawlor’s Hard Life Being A Man City WAG
JESSICA Lawlor, WAG to Man City midfielder Stephen Ireland, parks her £260,000 customised white, convertible Bentley – red rims and pink roof – and says:
“I think the whole WAG thing is a bit ridiculous.”
Fact.
“It’s started to get used as a harsh term, they say if you’re a WAG you do nothing or just go shopping all the time and that’s not the case at all.”
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Andy Murray British-Ometer: True Brit Blitz’s Way To Oz Final: Pictures
ANDY Murray remains “Britain’s Andy Murray” as he beats another tennis player few beyond Sky Sport 3 have heard of, one Marin Cilic, to move into the final of The Australian Open at Melbourne Park. In the final Murray will play either Roger Federer – the second most popular tennis play in the UK, after Rafa Nadal – and Jo-Wilfried Tsonga, who is Scottish.
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Posted: 28th, January 2010 | In: Sports | Comment (1)
World Cup 2010: Germany Plan To Attack
ANORAK’S Countdown to the World Cup continues with the Daily Star’s first German-bashing headline of the season:
“RETURN OF ZE BLACK SHIRTS”
Ja, fussbull fanz:
“Germany is set to kick up a Reich stink at the World cup by playing in Nazi-style black shirts.”
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Posted: 28th, January 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (7)
Manchester City Summon Oasis, Man United Evoke Morrissey: Pictures
MANCHESTER City manager Roberto Mancini geed up his team for the match against Manchester United by evoking the words of Liam and Noel Gallagher: “‘Don’t Look Back In Anger’! It’s a fantastic Oasis song. That is the message. It’s important that we stay calm.” Anorak got to thinking what other celebrity fans can inspire their teams? A few words from Bruce Forsyth to Spurs fans; a rabble-rousing inducement from Osama bin Laden for the Gunners; Johnny Ball inviting Rafa Benitez to think of a number; Morrissey reminding Man United fans that a coma can be worse…
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Tiger Woods: Emma Rotherham ‘Deported’ And Rachel Uchitel’s Phone Call To Elin
TIGER Woods: Having introduced Emma Rotherham to the world beyond the 19th hole, an international battle is waged to claim ownership of Wood’s latest shag.
Anorak told you that Emma Rotherham is British. But Canda.com says:
EXCLUSIVE: Mystery surrounds Tiger Woods’ Canadian mistress
This is a big deal. If Tiger shags Americans, Swedes and Canadians, then what for British golf groupies? If Woods shags American, Swedish and British golf nuts, then Canada is shunned, cruelly. The remedy is simple: Woods must break free from the sex addiction clinic and shag at least one woman from every golf-playing country in the world.
Josyln James (NSFW)
Canada.com reports:
Sources told The Province that Rotherham, 42, who was raised in Montreal may be in the United States illegally because she was deported a few years ago.
Over in Blighty, the Sun watches Tiger fall into the “TIGER TRAP”.
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Posted: 26th, January 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (2)
Tiger Woods’ British ‘Lover’ Emma Rotherham: In Pictures
TIGER Woods’s “secret British lover” is, allegedly, Emma Rotherham. Ever since the rumours of a British shag hit the media, we’ve been waiting for the denials. Katie Price. Cherie Blair. Sarah Ferguson. Edwina Currie. Amy Winehouse. Not one of them denied shagging Tiger Woods.
But now we learn that the secret lover is Emma Rotherham, a “curvy” 42-year-old blonde British mum of two who Tiger paid $500,000 to not shag ‘n’ tell. Emma is the 19th hole linked to Woods. They met at Orlando’s Blue Martini club. Emmas was wearing “a tight black jump suit”.
Says a source:
“Emma was his most recent mistress. They had a very, very passionate relationship and she has dozens of text messages and emails from him. Some were even sent while Tiger was trying to patch things up with his wife Elin. If those came out they’d bury him. He absolutely adored Emma and loved the sex. So did she.
“And as she lived near his Florida home in Isleworth she was always on call. They were at it all the time. Emma said Tiger was a great lover. But he never wore a condom, and she didn’t take any precautions.”
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Posted: 24th, January 2010 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (8)
Victoria Beckham’s Private Dick Keep Tabs On David in Milan: Pictures
FRESH from having had his genitals groped by Vinnie Jones impressionist Elena Di Cioccio, David Beckham was spotted in Milan with his wife, the ever fragrant Victoria Beckham. As American soccer fans know, Dave is playing for the ACs of Milan, and has taken to posing in pants. Elena wanted to see if it was true and Dave’s balls were made of gold, as his wife had boasted. Now Vicky is in Milan, albeit undercover. Does Dave knows it his wife behind him, or does he think it’s the store detective or a private dick – not that Dave’s got one of those:
Posted: 23rd, January 2010 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (7)
David Beckham’s Genitals Groped By Elena Di Cioccio: Video
DAVID Beckham has never had an affair, allegedly. But he has had his genitals mauled by a women not his wife. Her name is Elena Di Cioccio. And this is her grope for fame. Vinnie Jones she ain’t. Cue the pigs:
Anorak’s Man in a Clinch reports:
NOW we’ve heard (and seen) it all.
A female presenter for an Italian prank show (think “Punked Italiano”) decided to investigate the truthiness of all those Armani underwear print ads David Beckham has done.
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Posted: 21st, January 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (2)
Why The Australian Open Ball Boy Wet Himself For The Good Of Tennis
TWO shocks from Australia for you British readers: 1) a ballboy has wet himself during American Donald Young and Belgian Christopher Rochus match; 2) Tennis exists beyond Wimbledon.
On point 1, news that the ball boy can offer more entertainment than a rally with Boris Becker is heartening.
The report tells us:
Shocked tennis fans at the Australian Open were forced to sit through an unscheduled forty minute interval, when a ball boy wet himself. 2000 stunned supporters were enjoying Tuesday’s Court 10 match between American Donald Young and Belgian Christopher Rochus, when the nervous ball boy had an accident.
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Gillian Cooke’s Squeaky Bum Bobsleigh Run: Pictures And Video:
GILLIAN Cooke split her pants at the World Championships in Switzerland. As Gillian Cooke bent over to push the wheel-less shopping trolley down the ice, her Lycra romper suit split. Next month, Gillian and teammate Nicola Minichiello will fly the flag at the winter Olympics in Vancouver, Canada. Will you be watching, avidly? There are only a few ways to enliven the bobsleigh: strippign as you journey; facing backwards; using darts to hit targets on the way round; playing the national enthem on a double bass…
Posted: 20th, January 2010 | In: Sports | Comment (1)
Tiger Woods’ Empathy Letter To Elin Nordegren
TIGER Woods can’t have sex for 18 weeks. The number seems apt given the 18 holes on a golf course. The Sun delivers the fact and confirms that it has been minutes, possible tens of minutes, since Tiger Woods last had sex.
A former patient at the sex rehab clinic where Woods is undergoing realignment therapy – pictures of women in golf slacks are flashed upon his retinas 24 hours a day while his ears are filled with the sounds of a overweight American middle-manager screaming “In The Hole”.
A source tells us:
“You can’t have sex and you can’t get excited.”
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Posted: 20th, January 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (2)
RIP Bill McLaren: No Dancing In The Streets Of Hawick Tonight
BILL McaLaren, the voice of rugby on the telly, has died. Yours was the voice of weekend afternoons slumped in front of the magic box watching muddy men. McLaren voice is synonymous with the history of televised rugby.
His voice was part of the game. His love for the game added to the spectacle. The former PE teacher will be missed.
His bon mots:
“And they’ll be dancing in the streets of Melrose tonight, I can tell you.”
“It’s high enough, it’s long enough, it’s straight enough.”
“He’s like a demented ferret up a wee drainpipe.”
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Posted: 19th, January 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (6)
Cricket In Pictures: England Thrashed In South Africa As Onions Fails
AND so it was that England’s tail end were unable to see of the 96 plus overs to force a draw and take the series in South Africa. Graham Onions failed. Granted he wasn’t playing, but he failed to inspire, and that is more vital. England lost the fourth Test at Wanderers Stadium, Johannesburg, by an innings and 74 runs, allowing South Africa to draw the series 1-1. Andrew Straus, England captain was unable to understand the cricket so talked in terms of pool, a less minority sport: “In three out of the four test matches, we were very much behind the eight-ball at the halfway point, and if you keep getting yourself in that position, eventually you’re going to lose.” Or get slam dunked in the hole:
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Premier League Photos: Best Of Stoke, Liverpool, Manchester United, Spurs And Chelsea
PREMIER League Photos: Best Of Stoke, Liverpool, Manchester United, Spurs And Chelsea…
Remember those late days of 2009 when the Premier League was the most open race for years. Well, 2010 is the year of Plus Ca Change. Chelsea thrash Sunderland to stay top. Manchester United tonk Burnley to stay second. Spurs keeps getting found out, this tiem drawing 0-0 with Hull. And Liverpool won’t win the Premier League – again. We’ve got the pick of the picures:
Liverpool Herald The Death Of Rafa Benitez In Empty Seats And 29 Pictures
GOODBYE Rafa Benitez. You came. You saw the long, raking ball delivered from Steven Gerrard’s foot over the top to Fernando Torres. You saw the most fabulous comeback in the Champions League final. And you saw Liverpool become a team populated by players whose names it was hard to put a face to, their collective worth less than the Panini Sticker album you found them in. They say Liverpool fans stick by their managers. They do. Unless it’s cold and the team are crap. Reading fans rejoice. This was your moment:
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In Pictures: Cristiano Ronaldo’s Armani Adverts
CRISTIANO Ronaldo is the star of the new Armani ads. Ronaldo was ever the shy, introverted character, but banished self doubt to remove his top and strike a variety of poses that Michelangelo would have used for David had he thought outside the box. Anorak now brings you the pictures of Ronaldo posing for Armani. In his pants:
Posted: 13th, January 2010 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (3)
Manchester United Remembered: Busby Babe Albert Scanlon’s Funeral
SOME THINGS transcend football club loyalty. Not many. Football fans are a dedicated lot. All of English football does not win when a club side takes the European Cup. All English football fans – besides the lucky few who back the winners – are upset. Goes the mantra: Anyone but them. But some things unite. The deaths of Manchester United footballers in the Munich air crash is one of those things. Busby Babe Albert Scanlon has been buried. A sad day. A day to remember:
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In Pictures: Sol Campbell Brings Boredom Back To Arsenal And Sky
SOL Campbell is back at Arsenal. He played in the reserves 4-2 win over West Ham’s reserves. He played the whole match. Campbell’s biggest asset has always been his look of total and utter boredom as he talks to the post-match TV interviewer. He’s been missed…
Tiger Woods Inpsires “Unfaithful” Gatorade
TIGER Woods and the women managed to change the meaning of “Go on, be a Tiger”, but in Denver, Tiger’s fizzy pop of choice – Gatorade – is being sold under the message: “Unfaithful.”
The word usually exhorts sugar-drinkers to “Focus”.
As we say, in every tragedy an opportunity arises.
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Tiger Woods: Using Gillette Gets You Laid And Other Tiger Woods Endorsements
Michael Essien Arrives To Save Africa Cup Of Nations
HORROR at the Africa Cup of Nations is replaced by feeling of hope in the Mail which leads with the headline:
“ESSIEN FLIES INTO THE DEATH ZONE.”
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it’s a Michael Essien clearance. They say he can he can hit a wall with his shot and chop a man with just his studs…
Martin Adams Beats Dave Chinsnell: BDO World Darts In Pictures
MARTIN Adams has defeated Dave Chisnell to win the BDO 2010 Lakeside World Championships at Lakeside Country Club, Frimley Green. Football cries off. Rugby players worry about sharp grass. Darts goes on. The BDO lacks the PDC’s razzamatazz, Phil Taylor and dancing girls. But it had Tony Fleet, the Australian qualifier who produced darts of a level usually reserved for a boy’s bedroom door. The truism is that you can only beat the competitors who are put against you. And legalities and TV contracts such as they are, Martin Adam beat them all. the pictures:
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Arsenal Escape In 2-2 Draw With Everton: In Pictures
ARSENAL and Everton bothered to play football in the white fluffy stuff. The under-soil heating was switch to “cosy”, the fans set back in their plastic rockers and toasted their hands on the warmed grass. We took pictures:
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