Sports news, commentary and scores with wit and added value. We compare and contrast the best and worst sports reporting in the mainstream press, blogs, TV and online. We love the English Premier League (Arsenal, Liverpool, Spurs, Manchester United and Manchester City) and all things football but we cover cricket, rugby, the Olympics, tennis, golf, F1 and highlights of the sporting year.
Transfer Balls: Arsenal to buy Pirlo, Reus, Michu, Schar, Draxler, Hernandez and Valdes, experts say
TRANSFER Balls: Over the summer transfer season, Arsenal reportedly bought 38 players. In the end, they bought three, and two of them were free. Now that the football season is underway the media experts are playing the same old game. Chuck enough names into the hat and one of them will be right, eventually. All these names are from the past 7 days:
Daily Star: “ARSENAL are weighing up whether to launch a big January bid for in-form Basel star Fabian Schar.”
SO. Borussia Dortmund striker Robert Lewandowski is not going to play for Manchester United. He confirmed that he is to join Bayern Munich at the end of the current season, also claiming that he will be signing a pre-contract agreement with Pep’s side in January just to nail his move down.
When asked directly by Sport1 reporters if he would be confirming his move to the Allianz Arena in January, Lewandowski replied: “Yes, because then I can officially sign the contract.”
“You should not be involved in football. Get your handbag and go home.”
The Echo reports that Davis was reduced to “floods of tears” at the comments made during an under-15s Hampshire cup match between Wyvern Youths and Pirelli Pirates Youth in Southampton.
Trouble flared when having allowed a goal, Davis reviewed her decision and disallowed it.
A spectator is quoted:
“It was the worst thing I have ever seen at a football match. The referee was in floods of tears, it was just awful and I hope I don’t ever witness something like that again.”
HOW’S Gareth Bale getting along since moving to Real Madrid from Spurs?
Well, Real’s president Florentino Perez says that he got Bale at a great price. Sure, it was €100m (£85.3m) but that’s a a steal. As he says:
“Bale has come cheaply. Signing the best players out there is Madrid’s philosophy and Bale was the best available player on the market this summer. We had been following him for two years. Tottenham did not want to sell. We learned that Manchester United had made an offer and we made one ourselves.”
THE Capital One Cup is football’s afterthought. If it were a were a Royal it would be Prince Edward.
English football’s second oldest club knockout competition features understrength teams seeing which of their rising / falling stars can make a name for himself by being a) hilariously inept; b) brilliant; c) inept and brilliant in the same match.
SEEMINGLY on his way out of Arsenal, cocksure Dane Nicklas Bendtner arrived for training this morning looking like this:
Bit Game of Thrones meets My Little Pony. But it’s been worse.
Mush more than this at the Pies Horror Hair show.
Manchester United fan serves up epic wedding toast after marrying into Manchester City supporting family (video)
HERE’S a little corker that’s doing the viral rounds today of a Manchester United-supporting groom, having set up what his wedding guests are expecting to be an emotional tribute to his late father, delivers a bloody brilliant swerve punchline, much to the delight (along with some good-natured booing) of the family full of Manchester City fans he’d literally just married into…
The groom has since confirmed via his Twitter account that his brilliant bait-and-switch joke was indeed a tribute to his late dad, who himself was also a rabid United fan.
DAILY Mirror betting tipster Derek McGovern can’t get enough of The Village People, the band that sang about sodomy in the showers:
What I’m saying is that, with Thelikesof Basel and Otelul Galati joining United in the easiest group since The Village People, three clean sheets on the road for Fergie’s men is almost a done deal.
Easiest on the ear? On the clean sheets?
A survey of people pulled over by the rozzers have found the three worst things to say are:
1. Aren’t you the guy from the Village People?
MUCH talks that Arsenal have more money to spend. But how much is it. No sooner has one transfer season ended than another begins:
Daily Mail: “Arsenal’s ability to make another signing of the class of Mesut Ozil was underlined after it emerged they are sitting on a whopping £120million kitty.”
The Sun: “ARSENAL boss Arsene Wenger still has about £50m available to spend despite the club record signing of Mesut Ozil.”
IBTimes: Arsenal have a £40m budget for new players.
Daily Express: “Arsenal will have roughly £30m kept aside in their transfer kitty, which will help fund moves for some of the Bundesliga’s star attractions.”
Daily Star: “Ozil set Arsenal back £42.5m but Arsene Wenger had a summer transfer kitty of £70m.” Leaving: 27.5m.
Such are the facts…
LIVERPOOL: Brendan Rodgers is talking about Luis Suarez, banned from football for biting an opponent:
“It has been a really difficult time for him not playing games. How he has prepared himself over the last number of weeks has been fantastic. He’s really chomping at the bit to help the team. Everyone knows the depth of his quality and his attitude. Once he gets back on the field again he will show what he has shown since he’s been here.”
DAVID Cameron has played down rugby international Manu Tuilagi’s ‘bunny ears’ gesture as ‘a bit of fun’, and accepted an apology from the player after his impertinent gesture during the British Lions’ photo call at Downing Street.
Non-dom Daily Mail laments unpatriotic Manchester City and says Manchester United are as bad as England
In years to come, the 166th Manchester derby could go down as the day English football died.
It’s by no means unique in this country, but City began this fixture without a single English outfield player. This was football at the highest level of the Barclays Premier League and the champions of England – with a core of six English players in the starting line-up – were picked off at will by overseas imports.
Good for City. Not so good for the England team.
SUNDERLAND have sacked Paolo Di Canio. He has not be hanged from a lamp post.
A few views:
@JacobSteinberg: “Bizarre from Sunderland. The hassle of hiring Di Canio, huge upheaval in the summer and sacked five games.”
MESMUT Ozil can do anything. In this snapshot taken at Arsenal’s home match against Stoke City, the German used mind power to make teammate Laurent Koscielny levitate.
MANCHESTER City have thrashed Manchester United in the Premier League. United manger David Moyes has the best part of six years of his contract to recover:
EVER been picked out as a face in the crowd at a televised sporting event? Unless, you’re a WAG, a pneumatic blonde or dressed as Elvis with a Stag do crew, it’s unlikely. But not impossible. The trick when being spotted is to be captured looking your best. Try not to swear. You’ll only regret it:
THE Sun on Sunday (SoS) only serves to remind us how good the News of the World was at making a must-read scoop. The kiss ‘n’ tells have dried up like Cliff Richard’s grapes. Take today’s offering:
Mesut Ozil’s oozing conk made me say no to a bonk!
It’s a no-shag ‘n’ tell featuring Arsenal’s new superstar.
A STUNNING singer has told how she refused to have sex with Arsenal ace Mesut Ozil because he had a SNOTTY nose.
DOES supporting Manchester United, Chelsea or Arsenal make you slimmer than supporting Liverpool or Spurs? A recent survey fond that Bassetlaw in Nottinghamshire has been named as the “fat capital of the UK”. The place has six times the national average of obesity-related hospital admissions.
Can that bulk be linked to support for the areas professional football clubs, Sheffield United, Sheffield Wednesday and Mansfield Town? When they fail to win, as they often do, do the fans eat more?
A study makes a link between saturated fat consumption and your team’s results: fans eat 16 percent more fat after a defeat and nine perfect less after a win.
FOLLOWING his side’s a 3-0 defeat at The Hawthorns, Sunderland manager Paolo Di Canio came out onto the pitch to “talk” with the traveling Sunderland fans. He stays well away from them, however, talking by waving his arms and pressing a finger to his chin. One fan in the crowd slips into Mediterranean-holiday-Brit-negotiating-with-local-taxi-driver mode and shrugs a bit. He does not itch beneath his nose and raise his arm to point at something ‘over there’. Had he have done so, what price Di Canio returning the gesture?
Di Canio then accepts some applause from fans who find him more entertaining than his team and swaggers off.
FACE of the day: Double amputee soldier Lance Bombardier James Simpson tackles the Spartan Super Race at West Midlands Water Ski Centre, Warwickshire. Simpson lost his legs in Afghanistan. He was with the 5th Regiment, Royal Artillery when he stepped on an improvised explosive device in Helmand. That was in November 2009. Says James: “I’m doing it because I can.”
DAVID Cameron entertained the British and Irish Lions at Number 10.
Manu Tuilagi apologised after his ‘bunny ears’ prank on David Cameron
IS nothing safe: volume 546c:
Highbury Corner magistrates’ calls Paul Lovel. It is alleged that he did try to perform a sexual act on a sheep and encourage it to perform one on him at a place close to Tottenham Hotspurs’ new training ground on Hotspur Way in Enfield.
WHY didn’t Manchester United by a stella name this summer? The club’s only signing was Marouane Fellaini.
United’s director of communications Phil Townsend has written to the fans:
“The club has always backed the manager in the transfer market, as Sir Alex (Ferguson) has said on many occasions and it will continue to do so. The club has demonstrated its belief in, and commitment to, David Moyes through the award of a six-year contract. Allowing him to shape the future Manchester United team is a long-term project not an eight-week panic.”
THE Chelsea manager has been taking about eggs ahead of the Blues Champions’ League match against FC Basel. Matt Barlow cocks an ear:
The last time Jose Mourinho ventured into egg territory, he found out Roman Abramovich was an over-easy kind of guy. Mourinho complained about the eggs and Abramovich told him it was over. Easy.
Turned out the Russian liked his managerial relationships the way he liked his eggs.
Pun-tastic stuff. But what did Mourinho – “Mother Hen” – say of his side that features four players aged 22 and under?
“Beautiful, young eggs. They are eggs that need a mum or, in this case, a dad to take care of them, to keep them warm during the winter, to bring the blanket and work and improve them. One day the moment will arrive when the weather changes, the sun rises, you break the eggs and the eggs are ready to go for life at the top level.”
WAYNE Rooney has now scored 200 goals for Manchester United. Stella stuff from the best English footballer. So. How does the Sun report on that news?
The Telegraph goes for a soaring Rooney, arms outspread and smiling: