Sports news, commentary and scores with wit and added value. We compare and contrast the best and worst sports reporting in the mainstream press, blogs, TV and online. We love the English Premier League (Arsenal, Liverpool, Spurs, Manchester United and Manchester City) and all things football but we cover cricket, rugby, the Olympics, tennis, golf, F1 and highlights of the sporting year.
ANYONE missing the Premier League? No. Thought not. All those tossers like John Terry and his ilk, demanding respect and giving none clash horribly with the grace, drive and charisma of the Olympic athletes. While we wait for athletics to replace football – a sport none of the Home Nations are much good at – as the national sprot, let’s see what football-related bollocks the papers are talking about. Eyes turn to Daniel Agger, a decent-but-uninspiring defender currently playing at Liverpool. News is that Manchester City want to buy him. But how much is he worth?
“Manchester City are continuing to press for Liverpool’s Daniel Agger. The defender, 27, is valued close to £30million” - Daily Mail
“Manchester City have been told they have to pay a club-record fee for a defender – more than £22 million – if they are to convince Liverpool to part company with Daniel Agger” - The Times
“Liverpool have told Manchester City they can have Daniel Agger… but he’ll cost them! The Reds have slapped a £20million price-tag on the Denmark defender, and will refuse to do business until the Premier League’s moneybags champions agree to pay that much” -The Daily Mirror
“Manchester City have upped their bid for Liverpool defender Daniel Agger to £18m” – MEN
THE greatest story ever? Maybe. When the American Family Association opted to replace the word “gay” with “homosexual”, they duly renamed 100 metres Olympian Tyson Gay ‘Tyson Homosexual’ on their site OneNewsNow. The story reached the world in 2008, when Mary Ann Akers reported on it for The Sleuth. She spotted it at scienceblogs.com, goodasyou.org and PageOneQ.
A mere four years later, the Daily Mirror screams:
It’s “Tyson Homosexual” in fourth place… Christian website’s automated filter changes name of US sprinter
It is being reported that the man who threw a bottle onto the track just before the start of the men’s 100m final was punched by an Olympic judo bronze medallist before being taken away by police…Dutch judoka Edith Bosch was in the stands at the Olympic Stadium and tweeted that she had punched the “drunken” culprit.
What odds it was a bottle of wife beater the twat tossed on the pitch?
Anastasia Vasina, left, from Russia holds hands with her teammate Anna Vozakova, right, during the Beach Volleyball match against China at the 2012 Summer Olympics, Saturday, July 28, 2012, in London. (AP Photo/Petr David Josek)
Great Britain's Olivia Federici (left) and Jenna Randall( right) in action during the Technical Routine of the Synchronised Swimming Duets competition at The Aquatics Centre in the Olympic Park, London.
LIKE us, you’ve been wondering who the beach volleyball players are. We looked at the feed from the Press Association and the Associated Press. We wanted to put names to the buttocks. But it proved to be a tricky task. It seems that beach volleyball is just buttocks. Buttocks on legs. Buttocks being pointed at by inverted ‘V’ signs. Sandy buttocks. Most of the buttocks have no faces. Some have a torso.
Without further ado, here is The Who’s Who of the 2012 Olympic Beach Volleyball (sponsored by Club 18-30 holidays and Saucy Seaside Postcards). The captions are all as told by the aforesaid PA and AP news wire services:
“Anastasia Vasina, left, from Russia holds hands with her teammate Anna Vozakova, right, during the Beach Volleyball match against China at the 2012 Summer Olympics, Saturday, July 28, 2012, in London.”
AND the prize of the biggest losers of London 2012 Olympics (so far) are:
GOLD: “The British have rolled out a red carpet for French atheltes to win medla. I thank them very much” – President Franciose Hollande tants Team GB for having less medals than France, a country chiefly famous for not staging the Olympics and having a lot less medal than GB.
SILVER: The Sun for this dire front page:
BRONZE: NBC – The US broadcaster is showing the Olympics on delay as if it never happened earlier. The TV executives thought it a good idea to edit Opening Ceremony, replacing the hymn and images of the dead of 7/7 with a video of Ryan Seacrest interviewing Olympian Michael Phelps.
AS the campaign grows for the Olympics beach volleyball men to dress in their budgie smugglers and go topless, we head to the Survivor, Nudist Style event at the Carolina Foothills Resort, in Chesnee, S.C. The two-day competition based on the television show Survivor pitted 18 contestants from around the southeast against each other in physical and mental challenges played entirely in the nude. C’mon IOC chiefs, let’s top pussyfooting around with that beach volleyball malarkey. Just get the ladies playing naked beach games, like swingball, frisbeee and carrying three 99s along the hot sand before one melts. Anything less just isn’t trying, let alone Greek…
EDITORS NOTE : NUDITY From left, contestants Mick Conlan, Gary Rowlins and Jody Martin, compete in a bean bag tossing challenge during the Survivor, Nudist Style event at the Carolina Foothills Resort, Saturday, July 28, 2012, in Chesnee, S.C. In its third year, the two-day competition based on the television show Survivor pitted 18 contestants from around the southeast against each other in physical and mental contests played entirely in the nude. (AP Photo/Rainier Ehrhardt)
THE beach volleyball is all about sex. It’s not a sport. It’s not darts or snooker or space hopper racing or golf. If the players aren’t to your tastes, there are the dancing girls, who trot on to prance and perform, looking like extras from one of those old adverts for the Soaraway Sun, in which stunnas sit on seaside deckchairs to read up on shaggers, knockers and scoreres.
AS the Daily Mail salutes Jessica Ennis and ‘plastic Brit’ Mo Farah, featuring photos of the 10,000 metre gold medalist celebrating with his family before a thrilled crowd and the heptathlon champion (Ennis) wrapped in the Union flag, we look back to what the paper’s Rick Dewsbury wrote on 28 July. Dewsbury watched the opening ceremony. The thing was overtly political. But that did not prevent it from being a great spectacle.
The headline announced:
The NHS did not deserve to be so disgracefully glorified in this bonanza of left-wing propaganda.
Great Britain's Men's Four of (left to right) Andrew Triggs Hodge, Tom James, Pete Reed and Alex Gregory are cheered by the crowd as they celebrate winning gold in the final at Eton Dorney Rowing Lake, Windsor.
MO Farah won the men’s 10,000-meter final during the athletics in the Olympic Stadium at London 2012. He avoided the dastardly Eritreans, his training partner’s spit, a one-shoed Kenyan and more spikes than a hedgehog’s bum. He’s no Slow-Mo. But then Mo’s a winner. He once beat The Cube on ITV:
AustriaÂs Clemens Doppler looks to hit the ball during a beach volleyball match against SwitzerlandÂs Patrick Heuscher and Jefferson Bellaguarda at the 2012 Summer Olympics, London, Thursday, Aug. 2, 2012. (AP Photo/Jae C. Hong)
ITS as easy as riding a bike. So they say. It turns out that the British are rather good at riding bicycles. We’ve trawled the archives and can bring you the history of British cycling in photos – 1895 to the present:
Bradley Wiggins, winner of the 2012 Tour de France cycling race rides up the Champs Elysees with his son during a parade after the last stage of the race in Paris, France, Sunday July 22, 2012. (AP Photo/Christophe Ena)
PORT Talbot footballer Daniel Thomas watches Tom Daley and Pete Waterfield finish in 4th place at the London 2012 Olympics and issues a homoerotic tweet. A light is shone into what Thomas thinks happens after a match:
“if there is any consolation for finishing fourth atleast daley and waterfield can go bum eachother”