TYPOS. Anorak loves them so much we use them often. But few of ours are as good as these:
“SNOT has a sugary taste and that may be a signal to the he body to consume it and derive information for the immune system, ” says Scott Napper, professor of biochemistry at the University of University of Saskatchewan in Saskatoon.
“Eating the pathogens caught in the mucus could be a way to teach our immunte system about what its surrounded by.
“I’ve got two beautiful daughters and they spend an amazing amount of time with their fingers up their nose. And without fail, it goes right into their mouth afterwards. Could they just be fulfilling what we’re truly meant to do? All you would need is a group of volunteers. You would put some sort of molecule in all their noses, and for half of the group they would go about their normal business and for the other half of the group, they would pick their nose and eat it. Then you could look for immune responses against that molecule and if they’re higher in the booger-eaters, then that would validate the idea.”
“From an evolutionary perspective, we evolved under very dirty conditions and maybe this desire to keep our environment and our behaviours sterile isn’t actually working to our advantage.”
“The greatest value of the snot-eating question is that, when he brings it up with his first-year science students they are instantly engaged in the class. Get the student to think, rather than just sitting there taking down notes.”
Who knew that picking your knows was research..?
ON June 6 a woman reported her credit card missing. She had last used it in the Crofton area of Anne Arundel County, Maryland. But others had used it later at a Regal Movie Theater.
CCTV showed a few teens using the card to pay tor tickets. But it was hard to see their faces clearly. Happily, the fools then used the credit card to pay for a photo booth session. They posed for this series of pictures.
To help police further, one of the gang held up the ‘missing’ credit card in two of the photos.
The pictures are digital, meaning a copy is stored on the booth’s computer hardware.
Yeah, that racy picture you took of you are your lover at it in the photo box… Engineeer Billy has it as his screen saver.
THE Animal Clinic of Regina in Saskatchewan, Canada, presents the Squirrel Kings. They might be a famous act. Dr. Steven Kruzeniski explains:
“It just doesn’t happen too often. It’s a pretty rare thing to see but I have seen it happen once before.”
WHY do aliens only seem to go for people who live in the sticks? UFOs, extra terrestrial beings and such don’t tend to appear in cities, where everyone would film them with camera phones and where there is loads of CCTV. Aliens like the countryside where all the posh alcoholics, dim-witted yokels and bored teenagers live.
And so, to a farmer who claimed he had captured AND electrocuted an alien, who has been arrested by police for being crackers and a hoaxer.
MR Raffael Medina Brochero is a Colombian poet selling his testicles. He hopes the monies raised will fund his Poetry for Peace in Colombia tour of Europe.
The first person who coughs up $20,000 will get to own Mr Bochero’s gonads. He hopes the money will keep him on the straight and narrow. On previous tours, he says he broke the laws of five different countries.
THIS is the audio of a man calleng the West Midlands Police on 999 to say that the prostitue he’s hired is in breach of the Sale of Goods Act. He says her advert overstated her good looks.
The Sale of Goods Act 1979 gives consumers legal rights, stipulating goods which are sold must be of satisfactory quality, be fit for purpose and must match the seller’s description.
Sale by description.
13. 1 – Where there is a contract for the sale of goods by description, there is an implied [F9term] that the goods will correspond with the description.
14 . 2 – Where the seller sells goods in the course of a business, there is an implied term that the goods supplied under the contract are of satisfactory quality.
TO the Old Bailey, where a juror on the third day of a murder trial has penned a note for the judge’s eyes. The juror says she is unable to focus on the case of those accused of killing 20-year-old Jamie Sanderson at the in Oceana nightclub, Kingston Upon Thames, Surrey, because another juror smells.
Judge Wendy Joseph considers moving the man into the press box. But away from the other jurors she worries that he may feel ostracised.
The man is alleged to have robbed the handbag from a woman at in the driver’s seat of a gold Volvo.
The man has “silver studs across his top lip”.
PLANTING a hosta in her mother’s garden in Saegertown, Pennsylvania, Sharon Reagle unearthed a jar containing the foot-long pig with two heads.
“My parents lived there for 56 years and never raised pigs,” Reagle said.
CONTINUING our occasional look at animals with their their heads stuck in things, we look at deer trying to kickstart a meme.
At Port Pine Heights, Florida Keys, a deer was seen with a a Doritos bag on its head.
THIS tabloid news story comes with a readymade pun. The Australian newspaper tells the 2007 story of the 60-year-old woman humped to death by her 10-month-old pet camel.
IN photos: the German Snuff Championships in Freihung near Nuremberg, southern Germany. The aim is for competitors to see which of them can cram the most snuff up their noses in 60 seconds. Each is given a five gram snuff package.
There is no prize for which contestant ends up looking most like Hitler.
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IN an other life, Oleksiy Pinko might have been a dentist. Mr Pinko performs with Veronika Pinko at Ukraine’s National Circus. They tame lions with whips and packets of mints. Mr Pinkos big trick is to pull open the lion’s maw and stick his head inside.
Is the lion in on the act? We don’t know. But rumours are that the lion has an American lawyer who forced Mr Pinko to sign a waiver lest hunger / nature / boredom / stress kick in and Mr Pinko become a novelty chew toy and seek to sue the lion for breach of promise:
THE world’s fastest clapper is… Bryan Bednarek. Bryan clapped 802 times in a minute, breaking Kent French’s record. Bryan’s, alleged, ambition is to work as the only audience member required to provide the sound of clapping on BBC Three sitcoms.
BEFORE I read The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook, I’d supposed the best way to evade a bear would be to show it a picture of drippy Rupert Bear in his hideous trousers and hand it a pass to a local golf club. It turns out that the best way to escape a bear is to not sleep in the same clothes you cook in and go for the eyes or snout. Times move on, however, and now the best way to survive bear attack is to film it and upload the video on YouTube.
MEXICO is a weird and wonderful country, but surely no-one could’ve ever expected that, within its borders, a cat would be elected to run for mayor.
Morris has been put forward as the citizens’ candidate for elections taking place on July 7th and cat-lovers are probably chortling to themselves as they say “Well! He can’t do any worse than the humans! HAR HAR!” Obviously, you’d need to say that in a Mexican accent for it to work.
If Morris were to win, he would become the mayor of Veracruz state capital Xalapa.
DAVID Smith has erected a big gargoyle in the grounds of his Paulden, Arizona, home. The nine-foot-tall statue in his yard boasts a 13-foot wing span. The statue is naked. And not everyone likes the view.
TO Florida, where Thomas Edwards Jr. is telling Casselberry police why he was “completely naked” his clothes on a worried resident’s porch.
It is 3:45am.
LEE Tyers was recorded by a camera spicing his curry with his public hairs. Mr Tyers, 40, was dining in Jamals Indian Restaurant, Middlesbrough, when he commended a staff member’s attention to the pubes in what remained of his lamb bhuna.
One problem. As the eatery’s Jamal Chowdhury indicated, the pube was brown and all the staff had natural black hair. The collars and cuffs did not match. Mr Tyers left without setting the bill. Mr Chowdary showed police the CCTV footage.
SUMMER’S here. And with it comes pictures of livestock with their heads stuck in things:
THIS young cow got their head stuck in a tree in Coseley Field, Monkmore, Shrewsbury.
This cow got her head stuck in a toilet in Bringelly in the south west of Sydney, Australia.
CHEATING is a crime. It happens every day. There are people running round. Soon they’ll have to pay. Think nobody’s watching, but you better think again… another heart broken.
If you haven’t got Joey Greco to sort out your cheater of a partner, then what can you do? If you’re one canny woman, you’ll invent a game to show your partner what’s what.
In a letter, the writer states that she has packaged all of her beau’s belongings after finding out about his cheating ways on Facebook.
“I even invented a neat game,” said the lady, revealing that she’d left boxes of his stuff in locations related to key moments in their relationship.
“Your video games are where we first kissed!” read one clue, signing off with: ”Have fun! Oh, and while I didn’t break or damage anything, I can’t guarantee anybody else won’t find it! Happy hunting!”