Eunuchs On Trains: Aboard The 7:15 To New Delhi
EUNUCHS On Trains is not the new Hollywood blockbuster, starring Dr Fonseca from EastEnders, a foundation-heavy Russell Grant and the voice of Ringo Starr.
The scene is no less chilling.
Passengers aboard the 7:32 Great Western to Paddington may care to consider goings on aboard rolling stock in New Delhi.
New Delhi’s Railway Protection Force (RPF) are on the look out for miscreants extracting money with menaces.
“The on-duty RPF staff was asked to check the illegal activity of eunuchs who were forcibly taking money from passengers”, says Additional Director General in Railway Ministry Anil Kumar Saxena to the Times of India.
Says the paper: “Most regular train passengers have a horrifying tale to tell about their brushes with eunuch’s traditional antics of hurling abuses and even taking their clothes off if the required amount is not paid for.”
As a result of the purge, 809 eunuchs were arrested by duty staffs in last year.
Were a eunuch to try the same thing in the UK, he would be met by the sight of the tops of passengers’ bowed heads, if that is he could be seen at all, given the crush of bodies.
And then there is the chance that he would be taken for any number of Bacardi-breezer laced big-boned women (insert picture of Vicky Pollard here – Ed) on their way to school.
Even if the eunuch spoke Britons would assume he was just talking on his mobile phone headset.
He would then be invited to make way for the crisps trolley, and join the rest of the standing passengers eyeing the seated ones with a mixture of envy and undiluted hatred…
Posted: 18th, May 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Strange But True Comments (11) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink
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May 19th, 2008 at 11:37 am
Is the word Eu-nuchs a derivative of No-nuts? or vice versa?
May 19th, 2008 at 10:13 am
are the chavs just eunuchs-in-waiting then…?
May 19th, 2008 at 2:45 am
This old lady gets carried away often. Its not so bad once you get used to it. Saves a lot on taxi fares.
May 18th, 2008 at 11:53 pm
I’m thinkin that if a non-eunuch tried this little lark on the school run somewhere in deep dark chavland, he’d be without his goolies by the time he’d finished.
Or if he was a eunuch, he’d be taken up on his offer to drop his trews and then completely humiliated when the coachload of 15 year-olds pointed and laughed their arses off. I’m not even gonna touch who’d win an abuse hurling match there.
………………………
With a barge-pole! randie - you are the voice of reason on a mad, mad thread and for that, many thanks! Old ladies can get a bit carried away …
May 18th, 2008 at 11:33 pm
I’m thinkin that if a non-eunuch tried this little lark on the school run somewhere in deep dark chavland, he’d be without his goolies by the time he’d finished.
Or if he was a eunuch, he’d be taken up on his offer to drop his trews and then completely humiliated when the coachload of 15 year-olds pointed and laughed their arses off. I’m not even gonna touch who’d win an abuse hurling match there.
Maybe someone could ship some chavs to New Delhi as a cultural exchange?
May 18th, 2008 at 10:37 pm
5
Gloria Smudd Says:
May 18th, 2008 at 10:28 pm
Good ol’ Fred, I say - grateful I am that he couldn’t sing - someone who couldn’t sing would have murdered this number! x
———————————-
And if you think I’m going to sing it, going backwards, in high heels, you have another think coming…
May 18th, 2008 at 10:28 pm
Good ol’ Fred, I say - grateful I am that he couldn’t sing - someone who couldn’t sing would have murdered this number! x
May 18th, 2008 at 10:17 pm
Thank you, Gloria!
I’d forgotten how much fun that song is.
And you can recite it without having to censor the bits about bayonets and bollocks on the eunuch front…
May 18th, 2008 at 9:58 pm
Army, shmarmy -
We joined the Navy to see the world
And what did we see?
We saw the sea
We saw the Pacific and the Atlantic
But the Atlantic isn’t romantic
And the Pacific isn’t what it’s cracked up to be
We joined the Navy to do or die
But we didn’t do, and we didn’t die;
We were much too busy looking at the ocean and the sky!
And what did we see?
We saw the sea!
We saw the Atlantic and the Pacific
But the Pacific isn’t terrific
And the Atlantic isn’t what it’s cracked up to be
They tell us that the Admiral
Is as nice as he can be
But we never see the Admiral
Because the Admiral has never been to sea
We joined the Navy to see the girls
And what did we see?
We saw the sea
Instead of a girl or two in a taxi
We were compelled to look at the Black Sea
Seeing the Black Sea isn’t what it’s cracked up to be
Sailing, sailing home again
To see the girls upon the village green
Then across the foam again
To see the other seas we haven’t seen
We owe the Navy an awful lot
For they taught us how to do the Sailor’s Hornpipe
And they showed us how to tie a sailor’s knot
But more than that, they showed us the sea
We never get seasick sailing the ocean
We don’t object to feeling the motion
We’re never seasick but we are awful sick of sea
May 18th, 2008 at 9:17 pm
Damn! I thought I lived in a cosmopolitan city, but I’ve never seen a eunuch on a train.
The only link I can think of is musical:
I don’t want to join the army
I don’t want to go to war
I’d rather hang around Piccadilly Underground
Living of the earnings of a high born lady…
Those of us familiar with the Piccadilly Line know it terminates at Cockfosters, which presumably explains the remainder of the verse…
May 18th, 2008 at 9:06 pm
Oi! You! Nuchs! Get on the bloody train, will ya? Ifyer don’t get onver blimmin trayne, Iyerllafter givyerablimmineyeful, wunni? Thus spake Castrathustra.