Westlife’s Number One Fan
SAYS Vicky Jones of her husband Colin: “He can’t abide Westlife but he doesn’t say a lot.” Maybe he doesn’t know who to talk to when he’s approaching from the rear.
On a brighter note, at least Brian McPadding had the decency to leave the and and spare Colin more pain. Unless, he’s hiding somewhere else…
September 5th, 2008 at 9:17 pm
She is so going to regret that in a few years……….
September 6th, 2008 at 12:46 am
What self-respecting woman, with a family of 4 kids has £4,ooo to splash out on that kind of rubbish. None . Well not unless its a hand-out from us hard-working, struggling-to-make-ends-meet-because-we-earn-that-bit-too-much-to-get-benefits brigade. What a shining example you make to your kids.
September 6th, 2008 at 3:57 am
Oh, Anorak. Now you’re just f**cking baiting me, aren’t you? Well here goes…[flicks out coattails and sits, cracking knuckles]
Her bloke has been faced with a terrible choice hasn’t he? It’s either gaze into those vacant eyes while doing the deed from the front, so horribly aware that any by-blows you both knock out will have her pudgy features intermingled with yours that you have to splint your manhood with lolly sticks - just so you can get it over with quickly and go back to sobbing quietly in the shed.
The alternative canine configuration too, is unthinkable. Best case scenario: your descent into frothing madness manifests as their Oirish minstrel faces animating and giving you uncharitable marks out of ten on your performance (Kian Egan always says zero, even if you performed so heroically that the bed broke through the wall into the neighbour’s house) Worst case scenario: You become so enraptured by their handsome likenesses that you take to kissing each one in turn during sex, and eventually have to leave her because the shuddering disappointment of not finding four c**ks to grab on the reacharound has become too much for you - then you wind up sobbing into your hastily grown mustache in someone elses shed.
[pads off to curl back up on the pile of bones in the corner, sated for now]
September 6th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
This is the hazard of boy bands that don’t burn out in two years.
September 8th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
Magnetite - you’ve really thought this through, haven’t you….?
he’ll probably dump her within the next few months, citing 4 other people in their relationship…..
September 8th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
dairy, the picture above is the equivalent to having one of the muses sitting behind you as you type, pouring herself glass after glass gin and tonic and asking if you have any Jaffa Cakes left. I can only wonder what was going through the tattooist’s mind as he painstakingly recreated the band members’ signatures on this deranged fan-from-hell. If she had had it placed where she could see it without incurring cervical and thoracic spinal injuries unknown since car manufacturers stopped using gibbons as crash test dummies, I’d be a little less caustic.
September 8th, 2008 at 2:42 pm
…..Ok, Anokra’s resident transtemporal telepath is going through the tatooist’s mind as we type, and we have a result!
‘Money, Money, Money’………
September 8th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
She can at least recoup some of the money she poured into this, by tanning herself until she peels and removing an awful pop-culture Shroud of Dublin…I mean Turin, to sell on ebay.
Though who would want one of these cellular xeroxes is beyond me. Oh, wait.
“It puts the lotion on its skin,and gets under the sunbed…”
September 8th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
Magnetite - I agree with you 100% - I just think she’s a silly tw*t with more money than sense (or taste)….