Strange But True Category
Weird, offbeat and bizarre news from around the world. Funny, strange & odd news stories that make you wince, laugh and fear for humanity.
To Pennsylvania, where Michael Emrick, 36, has been arrested. That’s him in the T-shirt bearing the message “Really Good At Making Really Bad Decisions”.
And how was your day?
When police found Ralph Bishop, 53, he had his trousers around his ankles and was “interfering” with a tractor parked in a field outside Saxmundham, Suffolk. Well so says the Suffolk Gazette’s “Hugh Dunnit”.
The story says that when questioned, the man admitted to having had sex with around 450 tractors all over the Suffolk countryside. Officers searched his home. They found a stash of more than 5,000 tractor images on his laptop. He appeared to favour John Deere and Massey Ferguson tractors, particularly green ones.
A police officer tells Hugh Dunnit:
“We couldn’t believe it when we found him in the field. He was wearing a white t-shirt and Wellington boots and very little else. He was clearly in state of high excitement at the rear of the machine. Thankfully nobody else was around, but the field is close to a village primary school so we had to arrest him and educate him about the error of his ways. He told us he was particularly ‘in to’ axle grease and the presence of this around the back of tractors was all too much for him.”
This is, of course, a spoof story. But readers of the Daily Star don’t know that. The paper reports:
Like a tractor, the Star’s been had.
To Wellingborough, U.K., where amidst the fat, cardboard, grease and batter, Cassandra Perkins, 22, has found something exciting and newsworthy in her KFC dinner
“It looked disgusting and pink, I didn’t want to touch it,” she tells the Northampton Chronicle. “I first thought that it may have been brain or lung, it certainly wasn’t chicken. My burger had a hair in it as well.”
Beef? Fish? Tortoise? No. It was chicken. As KFC explains:
“Sometimes mistakes can happen and unfortunately on rare occasions, giblets are not removed when they should have been. We have reminded our team members to take extra care in future, and if a customer is ever unhappy with their food we encourage them to let our team know, who will always be happy to help.”
Who knew there was actual chicken in a KFC meal?
In other news: nuggets grow on trees.
To Florida, where the Brevard County Fire Rescue crew are responding to calls of a fire at Wendell Joyner’s home. They arrive to find 58-year-old racing inside the burning home to save his three dogs.
“I got out of the house, and then I realised, ‘Oh, wait a minute, my dogs are in there’, ” says Joyner said. “So, I went back inside to look for my dogs.”
But the smoke is too thick. He needs to get in fast. So he picks up a firefighter’s axe and tosses it through a front window. At which point police jump Joyner, tossing him to the ground. He lands on his face. The cops take Joyner for a medical check up before booking him on charges of disorderly conduct and resisting arrest.
“My defence is I was trying to save my dogs,” Joyner says. “I think at the most, they should’ve taken me aside, and if they felt that I needed it to be in a squad car until things settled.”
On a brighter note: the dogs were rescued.
Accidental death of the day takes us Saint-Marcel, Italy, where a man is doing the housework.
The 47-year-old man has eaten breakfast with his wife and two children. He starts to tidy up, taking the tablecloth to the balcony to shake off any crumbs. The tablecloth slips over the railings – and he tumbles after it.
Conclusion: men are too tall to do housework.
Police first spotted Boulet driving by a motel. They thought him suspicious and stopped the vehicle he was driving to check his credential. When Boulet’s vehicle was flagged as stolen, Boulet ran.
Having run through bush and across a Highway, tiring Boulet was looking for a getaway car. He spotted a parked up police patrol car. Thinking it empty, he ran towards it, pulled the door open, got in and sat down on the officer’s lap behind the wheel.
The officer quickly recognised Boulet as a known suspect.
File under: Life in a Pink Panther movie.
A group of women in the US claim to have children fathered by aliens – and describe their sexual encounters with extra-terrestrials as the ‘best they’ve ever had’.
You should see the other guy…
Bridget Nielson, from Sedona, Arizona, and Aluna Verse, from Los Angeles, California, are among members of the ‘Hybrid Baby Community’ who believe their children live on giant alien spaceships…Recalling a sexual encounter with an alien on board a spaceship, Nielson said: ‘It was great. It was an incredible super primal, super raw, super primal sexual experience. There was a really freedom and we were really going for it. It was the best sex I ever had.’
Believe? And worry not humanoid man – Zorg has 15 hands, both male and female genitalia and never forgets a name. What he can’t find, just isn’t there.
The pair claim that between them, they have 13 children with aliens – and that the conceptions happen either through artificial insemination or real sexual encounters. Members of the group believe aliens have been harvesting their DNA to create children that combine the best of both human and alien characteristics over a period several years.
What are the best of human characteristics, then? We’d say circumspection, empathy, free will and the ability to spot a “marketing executive” at a hundred paces. The best alien characteristics are tricker to spot but are believed to include: huge eyes, very long fingers, GSOH, taking the bins out and always being ready for a cuddle.
The story continues:
The former marketing executive refutes claims pointing to a lack of evidence of such encounters with aliens, saying the extra-terrestrials only take women who, on some level, ‘want to be taken’.
Bridget is part of the HybridChildrenCommunity. Bring a wallet:
To Western Australia where fuel bandits are licking koalas and doing anything they can to get that taste of raw sewage out of their mouths. The thieves had tried to suck fuel from a parked bus. But they opened the waste tank instead of the one containing fuel.
Ooops! Or rather, Poops!
That’s racist! No. It isn’t. The Portuguese football coach red-carded for racism was only using a player’s name.
The referee was swift to issue FC Lordelo manager Juvenal Brandao with his marching orders against Valadares after overhearing the 30-year-old coach bellow “get closer to black”, seemingly in the direction of the opposition’s black striker. However, what the official didn’t know is that one of Lordelo’s central defenders goes by the name of Preto – which is the Portuguese word for black.
So, whereas Brandao was actually instructing his two central defenders to close the gap between themselves, the referee mistook the shout for a racial slur and sent him packing.
Jornal de Noticias has more:
In the beginning I didn’t realise what had happened, but the linesman returned to tell me. Then the penny dropped because the Valadares striker, Rene, is of black race. I tried to explain that ‘Black’ was the name of my player, but I suddenly see the ref running towards me and giving me the red card.
It was all a huge misunderstanding.
Arsenal fan Barry Jenkins got married wearing his full Arsenal kit, including shin pads and, mostly likely, box. He tells us: “My wife is from Woking, and she is awesome. She let me get married in my full Arsenal kit! Maybe I just got lucky.”
Adding: “It’s like I won the FA Cup and found the best woman in the world ever.”
She’s like the FA Cup? Is that as good as it gets for Arsenal fans?
Do you love cheese? How much? Iceland have taken to securing cheese inside plastic boxes. This is not done to keep the cheese fresh, rather to prevent shoplifting.
In other news: is ‘Coloured cheddar” racist?
It is a widely held belief that to render yourself completely invisible, you need only look ‘old’. Mindful of that, we look at events in Branston, Rhode Island, where director of senior services department Sue Stenhouse is stood by an elderly woman at a press conference.
She’s there to salute a new city programme “connecting high school students with seniors who need help shovelling snow this winter”. The OAP has a sign identifying her as “Cranston senior home resident”.
But all is not as it seems. The snow has been scraped up from a city ice rink. The old woman is a man, a local van driver, who was, reportedly, invited by Stenhouse to dress like an old lady. Rumbled, Stenhouse has resigned. We don’t know about the man, but look out for him being voted Brantson Woman of The Year 2016, or dying alone and unheralded.
Hours of fun with a washing machine, a brick and a small trampoline:
In February 2015 Ryan Air staff marked the arrival of snow by drawing a giant snow penis by a company plane parked at Dublin airport.
To Austria, where hunters are guaranteed a “happy ending”on return to camp. A business has been offering hunters in the Neustift-Innermanzing municipality lots of killing in Lower Austria’s Alpine foothills followed by an evening of human skin. The advert trills:
“After an exciting day’s hunting what could be better than a cosy night for two, or even three, in a remote mountain cabin. Everything is possible. The hunter’s return will be welcomed back by a lovely companion, and of course absolute discretion and confidentiality are guaranteed.”
The country’s Association Against Animal Factories (VGT) is aghast:
“It is hunting with prostitutes. It seems that with money anything is possible,” says VGT boss Martin Balluch.
The hunting company has now removed the offer. Although hunters are free to go and **** themselves.
Jane Fryer sees the picture of the kangaroos “in the shade of a Australian mango tree”. She sees the “last loving embrace for a dying kangaroo”. Fryer says the male kangaroo “tired to revive his mate” as his little joey looked on.
The loving male’s revival technique, says Australian Museum Principal Research Scientist Dr Mark Eldridge, involves attempting to insert his penis into her dying body.
Says the expert:
There is a story behind the images, but not the anthropomorphised version of true love that has accompanied the images in publications. The male, which appears to be lovingly “cradling the head” of the female as she dies, is actually in a state of sexual arousal.
“The male is clearly highly stressed and agitated, his forearms are very wet from him licking himself to cool down. He is also sexually aroused: the evidence is here sticking out from behind the scrotum (yes, in marsupials the penis is located behind the scrotum).”
Kangaroos are extremely sensitive to heat, says Dr Eldridge. Furthermore, the kangaroo is not, unfortunately, “propp[ing] up her head so she could see her joey before she died”. Instead, says Dr Eldridge, “this is a male trying to get a female to stand up so he can mate with her.”
Cancel the Disney movie.
The demolition of Cockenzie Power Station, Scotland, conjured this incredible image:
In a case of hit and runs, a man has made off with stolen diarrhoea medicine from a chemist in Wheelgate in Malton, North Yorkshire.
Do you know the man who forgot to pay for a dose of Imodium tablets?
That’s him stood by the Cadbury’s chocolate display, eyeing the Buttons Tube but yearning for a Crunchie.
To Maryland, where two keen-eyed poachers are hunting deer.
David James Few, 21 of Taneytown, Maryland, and Brian Kelley Stitely, 24, of Fairfield, Pennsylvania, are nabbed. The uniforms from Maryland Natural Resources police have been on a stakeout. They’ve spotted the pair’s spotlighted – and that the hunters have shot the agency’s robotic decoy deer.
Police swoop. They search the hunters’ vehicle, wherein they discover two crossbows, two flashlights, 4.2 grams of marijuana and a glass pipe.
“Robo-Deer” suffered minor injuries.
To Ohio, where the Lima Police Department looking for 45-year-old Donald “Chip” Pugh have a new photo to aid enquiries.
Pugh saw the police’s Facebook post about himself. He didn’t like the picture police chose:
He wrote to them, saying, “Here is a better photo that one is terrible.”
Lt. Andy Green is appreciative. “He’s drawing more attention to himself, which is going to make it easier for us to locate him, because the more attention that this post garners, the more people are going to see it, the more tips are going to come in about this guy,” Green said.