Weird, offbeat and bizarre news from around the world. Funny, strange & odd news stories that make you wince, laugh and fear for humanity.
The Sun newspaper loves Wotsits and those people who eat the cheesy puffs.
I’ve lived on Wotsits and chocs for 12yrs – 2008
Back then we met Rachel Scowcroft, 12, who had eaten one hot meal in her life: “her nightly dinner of Rice Krispies covered in melted chocolate.”
“It’s not that I’m trying to be awkward. But whenever I try new food I get scared. I don’t like anything that’s not crunchy – or anything that’s too crunchy.”
You silly bunch of wotsits! – 2006
MUM Hilary Buckland has blasted a council which fined her £75 for dropping a Wotsit snack out of her car window.
Wotsit all about? James Corden has not let U.S. success stop the snacking – 2015
Says TV’s James:
“There’s a British shop two minutes away from my house. I go in and they’re holding a bag of Wotsits for me.”
Bigfoot ate my Wotsit! – 2015
The Sun cheated a little. This was no Wotsit:
Twice divorced Adam Davies – a former call-centre worker turned monster detective [!!!!] – has spent almost 20 years and £60,000 tracking the hairy knuckle-dragger across the globe without ever once catching sight of him. If only he hadn’t gone to his tent when the monster dropped by for a Cheeto – a US snack similar to a Wotsit.
I hit 20st scoffing 10,000 bags of Wotsits and giant choc bar every day for 5 years – 2016
Meet Jo HUMPAGE (our capital letters.) Says Jo Humpage:
“When I nipped to the shop in the morning to get milk, I’d buy a super-sized Dairy Milk bar and six bags of Wotsits. I’d eat the chocolate on the way home then munch the crisps throughout the day.”
Mysteriously, she put on weight.
Every few months, Jo — who is married to HGV driver Ros, 43 — expanded by another dress size.
Non-British readers may wonder what all the fuss is about. A Wotsit is a decent enough snack. But what it lacks in nutrients it more than compensates for in its name. Saying ‘Wotsits’ is enjoyable. It’s pretty much the entire point of the Sun’s Food Beat: find a Wotsit story.
In the race to get their children ahead, those Other Parents will stop at nothing. They will buy Baby Einstein books, move to the best school catchment zones and transport their loved ones in get-out-of-my-way-4x4s, the bumpers of which are the ideal height by which to brain other people’s less lofty brood. Now they can buy “Babypod“.
Slither a Babypod speaker up a vaginal tract and blast the foetus with sweet music. If you’re having twins, use two speakers, so fostering the kids’ individuality.
Oh, and, mum and dad can listen in, too, via split headphones which hang out of the vagina. What can possibly go wrong?
What more can any pregnant woman want than having more stuff crammed up her private Clown Car?
And take care when cutting the umbilical cord, guys. Those phones are pricey!
Spotter: The Guardian
Just before Christmas, the lone police officer in Mckinlay, Queensland, Australia, (population 20), watched a river flow for the first time in his lifetime.
Language is NSFW:
They say it’s hard for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. But US TV evangelists Kenneth Copeland and Jesse Duplantis are making ready their appeal. Why do you have private jets?
Well, Amos had one…
Michael McFeat, 39, of Abernethy, is in Krygyzstan, where he works at the Kumtor gold mine.
As part of the Hogmanay celebrations, McFeat is served a sausage horse meat dish called the chuchuk. He considers the hideous lump of meat and thinks it looks like a horse’s penis, opining:
“The Kyrgyz people queuing out the door for their special delicacy the horse penis!!!”
Colleagues are outraged.
McFeat is contrite, posting on Facebook:
“I would like to take the opportunity to sincerely apologise for the comment I made on here about the kygyz people and horses penis. I truly never meant to offened anyone and im truly sorry as it was never my intension. I would also like to say the people in the picture had absolutely nothing to do with it. again im very very sorry.”
Mr McFeat is under arrest. And you just know what’s for breakfast, lunch, Tiffin and din-dins in the local choky, don’t you. Pass the horse penis, Jock. Easy on the mayo…
To West Jordan, Utah, then, where Sgt. Keith Bronson of the West Jordan Police Department says the the fight ensued after a board game was turned over and the boy couldn’t find all the pieces.
“We find that people have a wide range of coping skills,” Sgt. Bronson said. “Some of them are good and positive and some of them are not. Of course, this was a good example of what not to do – when you become angry and decide to take on the adults in your house.
“Specifically with a gift that they’ve given you just a few days earlier. I’m glad we were able to get there and bring stability to this situation as quickly as possible. We would encourage parents or people who are in charge of young people to call police as soon as they feel their own anger is getting out of hand. Police officers can often get in there quickly and and help diffuse a situation if we can be contacted early enough.”
Bad losers, you have been warned.
cat-banana monkey suit
To the Kum & Go convenience store in Oklahoma, where Michael Carter, 26, has Kum and not gone. Kum & Go employees say Carter refused to leave the business. Kum and Go employees have much to deal with.
What Carter did do was to lock himself in a store bathroom.
Oddly, especially for man with such interesting face ink, Carter was dressed in a mask.
A toy gun was tucked inside his waistband. Before entering the Kum & Go, Carter was seen at a nearby Whataburger restaurant, where a diner took photos of him.
Carter is locked up in lieu of $500 bond.
He has toilet in his room.
To Russia, where a man who ‘died’ after drinking many shots of vodka is at the morgue. According to reports, medics in Khasanky, Russia,received a call from the man’s friends. The doctors arrived. They declared the man dead. They took him to the morgue and placed him in the freezer.
That night the local morgue was filled to its capacity, the bodies were not only on the shelves, but also on the floor of the freezer room.
A few hours later, the man awake from death. “It was very dark and cold and his brain was foggy due to the influence of alcohol,” adds Mr Stoyev. “In the darkness, he felt someone’s completely cold limbs and in fear rushed to the door.”
It as the lock-in to end them all.
A man has been killed by the condom machine he was trying to rob in Germany. The victim and two accomplices had rigged the vending machine up with explosives. One stroke of the trigger and the thing would blow. But the 29-year-old hadn’t taken enough precautions. A piece of the detonated machine hit him in the head.
It just went off too soon.
The store workers told the man the pump’s flat results were down to “operator error”. The man disagreed. He pulled out a handgun and pointed it at the clerk’s head. He demanded a new pump, which he received before fleeing.
Police say the penis pump bandit “remains at large” – but whether or not he’s now large enough remains to be seen.
To Pensacola, Florida, where a man is attempting to travel through time in a Dodge Challenger.
He loses control of the vehicle and careers into the offices of the Advanced Tax Services and Pensacola Caskets.
The would-be time time traveller is currently in hospital wondering if he can undo the damage by putting the car in reverse.
To Tulsa, Oklahoma, where Paul Wayne Terry, 27, and Sonja Marie Moro, 30, are accused of robbery with a dangerous weapon (namely, a knife).
The victim said he heard a knock at his front door. He opened it. Terry and Morro, his ex-girlfriend, rushed him. They pulled a knife and demanded his wallet, which he handed over.
It was a bit of a blur. But he recalls that the man sported horns tattooed on his forehead, Nazi runes and a kissy mouth on his cheeks and the message “FUCK POLICE” on his head.
Round up the usual suspects.
The woman tells them she can hear a woman yelling “ISIS is good, ISIS is great”.
Police attend. They find a woman in the throes of passion. She’s having sex and ready to blow.
No terrorists are in the area.
Can you find the panda in Hungarian artist Dudolf’s cartoon?
To central China’s Henan Province to see the tigers at the zoo. To make things more exciting, the zoo thought it a good idea to sail punters over the tigers in a chairlift.
One man wanted more. He jumped in.
Avid technophile, program developer, and educator, William Ralph “Bill” Fink, whose master functions were harnessed by Microsoft Corp. as a technical evangelist has sadly passed away at the age of 46.
Mr Fink, from Belleville, Illinois, encountered an unhandled exception in his core operating system, which prematurely triggered a critical STOP condition on Wednesday, December 16, 2015.
He is survived in legacy by his wife, Rhonda Michele, nee Gardiner, Fink, his children, Cassidy Gardiner and William John Fink, his parents, William and Nancy, nee Kaiser, Fink, and his brothers, Michael and Matthew (Kelly) Fink.
Diagnostics indicated multiple cascading hardware failures as the root problem. Though his hardware has been decommissioned, Bill’s application has been migrated to the Cloud and has been repurposed to run in a virtual machine on an infinite loop. < END OF LINE >
To Virginia, where Kyle Dustin Head, 24 – and, yep, more nominative determinism – is under arrest. Head “was apparently under the influence of marijuana when he called 911 and asked the telecommunicator for rolling papers,” according to a statement from Waynesboro Police Department Sgt. Brian Edwards.
Head called 911 “in a disoriented state requesting drug paraphernalia.”
Head was found “sitting in a parked 2005 Chevrolet pick-up truck which had the strong odour of marijuana emanating from it. It was not explained how the plant matter came to be in his ear.
The moral of this story: get a pipe, dude.
Mom wanted to make a glass with the phrase “friends are therapists you can drink with” written on the side.
“My mom made wine glasses to give to her friends for the holiday,” explains redditor Shagen34. “Her spacing was a little off on the first one.”
Therapist. The rapist. There’s a B-movie in this.
Spotter: Tech Insider |
Two students at a Tennessee high school have ben jailed for wearing saggy trousers. Found guilty of indecent exposure, the pair were caged for a total of 48 hours.
One student, Antonio Ammons, is upset that he was jailed and ordered to pay $250 in fines and court fees.
All sad and upsetting. Students should be dressed in shorts and smart blazer at all times, unless ‘shirts sleeve order’ is called, in which instance pressed shirts should be tucked into the top of plain white Y-fronts. Anything less is anarchy.
When police investigated, they found out that he also had married wife No. 2 before his divorce from wife No. 1 was finalised. Blake pleaded no contest on Tuesday to a charge of bigamy, stemming from the overlap between the end of his first marriage and the start of his second, which began in September 2012. Henrico County Circuit Judge L.A. Harris Jr. sentenced Blake to 1½ years of incarceration. The judge gave Blake a total sentence of five years, with 3½ years suspended…
. Before being sentenced, Blake spoke briefly. “I want to apologise to all y’all in the courtroom,” he said. He said he didn’t realise he was committing a felony when he committed to marriage. “I didn’t know I was breaking the law at all,” he said. “You can put me on a lie detector.”
Time, perhaps, for lie detectors in Church. Place your fingers on the pad and repeat after me, “I promise to love and obey…”
To Iowa City, where Gloria Laniece Bryan, 66, of Council Bluffs, has been charged with third-degree harassment and trespass after an incident on Oct. 20 at City High.
Keen to see her estranged grandson, Bryan strapped on a false beard and sneaked into the boy’s school. Disguised as an aged white male, Bryan made her way to the school’s cafeteria, where she found her grandson having lunch. She is said to have handed the boy toys and sweets.
San Diego County Sheriff’s deputies allegedly found a few items on Kristina Green, 19, and Gary Withers, 38 – most of which had been dropped off by the Amazon delivery truck driver they were following in Encinitas, Southern California.
Police arrested the two men. They found:
Amazon packages the driven they were tailing had dropped off on his rounds.
One loaded firearm
13 pieces of stolen mail
Methamphetamine and heroin
A notebook in which thy had compiled a to-do list. One do “Kiss mom n tell her she’s loved.” Another said: “Shoplift.”
The pair are facing charges of mail theft, possession of meth, possession of heroin, felon in possession of a handgun and possession of stolen property.
The only thing not stolen, allegedly, was that kiss.
Anyone eating at a restaurant in smoggy Zhangjiagang city, Jiangsu Province, was charged one yuan (10p, $0.15) to cover the cost of breathing air fit for human consumption.