Strange But True Category
Weird, offbeat and bizarre news from around the world. Funny, strange & odd news stories that make you wince, laugh and fear for humanity.
“AS a matter of law in the case of Ashley Chouings I have directed there is insufficient evidence for a properly directed jury to convict,” said Judge Alastair McGrigor at Gloucester Crown Court: “You will be directed to find him not guilty.”
In the dock were Katarzyna Dryden-Chouen and her husband Clive, of Litteldean. He told the court:
“I cultivate cannabis, I keep cannabis, I smoke cannabis, I enjoy cannabis – but I do not sell cannabis. I am not a cannabis dealer. I have cultivated enough for me to smoke, for my wife to smoke and for my wife to use for her religious sacraments. We produce more than we smoke so there is quite a lot of it in the house. I do not sell the excess.”
AT Bar Luna, Llanelli, a woman sat astride a male who has his genitals exposed.
PSST Want to see Pyotr Pavlensky nailing his testicles to the cobbles of Moscow’s Red Square?
Why did he do it? Because he wanted to highlight Russia’s descent into a “police state”. The 29-year-old Pavlensky has previously achieved fame by sowing his lips together in demonstration against the jailing of two members of Pussy Riot, and wrapping his body in barb wire outside a government building.
WHEN is bus shelter not a bus shelter? When it is the victim of an alleged “assault”.
A man has been arrested on suspicion of assault after an incident at Bracknell bus station. Courtney Buses said some services were delayed after a man allegedly headbutted a bus and a bus shelter at 1.20pm on Thursday. A Thames Valley Police spokeswoman said officers were called at 1.22pm and a man was arrested on suspicion of assault.
THIS lamppost in Kelly Gardens, Oxley Park, Milton Keynes, is a lamppost. But the footpath on which it sits is not a pavement. It is a “service margin”.
WHEN Mahogony Grandison , of Huntsville, Alabama had her car towed away, insults was added to injury. Instead of the $200 fee levied at her freind, wgo also had her car remove, Grandidon was $350. Her bill included a $150 charge for swearing at the towers.
She says: ”I explained multiple times it was not me. I even apologized for the person who did curse them out. They were not hearing it.”
Is wearing an offence. It’s all about the style of swearing, rather than the substance. Ever since Brendan Behan swore on Panorama in 1956, the objection to swearing in public has been eroded, although not in Alabama. In Joe Moran’s book Armchair Nation, the author recalls another magic moment on the telly:
A few years later, just after Ulster Television had begun in 1959, the man with the Sisyphean task of painting the railings on Stranmillis Embankment alongside the River Lagan in Belfast appeared live on its teatime magazine programme Roundabout. The interviewer, Ivor Mills, asked if it was ever boring painting the same railings all year round. “Of course it’s fu*king boring,” the man replied.
The channel’s managing director, Brum Henderson, waited anxiously for the inescapable tsunami of complaint to arrive at the studios. In the event, not a single viewer, even in this deeply religious region in which play swings were padlocked on Sundays, rang or wrote in.
Mrs Grandison should, of course, contest the bill, which seems hard to enforce. In 2001, Britain’s Metropolitan Police sent out a memo to staff: ”The courts do not accept that police officers are caused harassment, alarm or distress by words such as ‘f**k, c***, b****cks, w****er.”
You’ll have noticed that Anorak uses little stars in place of the full words. This is because the internet is run by American companies like Google and Facebook, for whom hardcore smut and beheadings are fine but swearing is not.
‘Wood [sic] you bloody believe it?’ as Mahogony might say…
THE Loganville Patch, has news of Waffle House customers:
“A couple was arrested Sunday (Nov. 3) in connection to having sex while drunk in the Waffle House parking lot in Loganville. According to the Loganville Police report, an officer saw the woman and male engaging in the sexual act in the backseat of a Dodge truck at the 4752 Atlanta Highway establishment around 1:30 a.m. The car smelled strongly of alcohol.
The officer told the couple to get dressed and show him their licenses. While the man immediately put his pants on and complied, the woman simply sat in the passenger’s seat. The officer had to tell her numerous times to put her clothes on, the report says. But when the female finally got dressed, she attempted to put a cheeseburger on her foot as if it were a sandal.”
“He aimed his gun and shot. The bullet hit the woman in the chest. When the man came near her, he was shocked to find she is a woman. He rushed her to hospital but she died later. Police arrested the man, who told them he killed her by mistake, thinking she was a monkey damaging the tree.”
NIGERIAN scammers have found a way to reach Lottery winners and recipients of General Goodboy’s largesse: messages in bottles.
Tom Fenton, from Caversham, Berkshire, spotted bottles bobbin in the River Thames. He fished them out. Inside each were notes:
“Dear Friend, I am pleased that this letter has reached you safely. I was given your name as an honourable and upright person to do business with.
“Let me introduce myself; I am Umsloppogas Adinga a barrister working in the Nigerian inheritance court and have been assigned to the estate of a Mr Bates who has left an unclaimed estate totalling £4,500,000. If left, the money would revert to the government and I want to get the money safely to a western bank account. If you will allow me to use your bank account for this purpose, I would be happy to render 10 per cent of the estate to you as a fee for helping me with this transaction.
“If you are happy to help me with this, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with your details so that we can progress this and once you have paid any fees necessary the money can be transferred to your account. May the lord bless our business arrangements. Yours faithfully, Barrister Adinga (aka Impro)”
Did these cries for help bob all the way to the River Thames from Nigeria, fighting against the currents to head upstream? Is this epic journey a sign of God’s will?
Much to debate, especially how anyone without email and internet connection can reach Barrister Adinga? We’d suggest cramming fistfuls of cash into the toilet and hitting the flush. With a following wind and luck. he’ll get the messages he so richly deserves…
A SLEEPY driver crashed into Sleep Experts mattress store in Dallas, Texas. The female driver she fell asleep on the way home.
She was not hurt.
USELESS Products For Women introduces the Liberation Wrapper.
With this handy device, women with small mouths, or ochobo, can eat a meaty burger without disgusting everyone else.
THIS love letter was found in a box of primary school projects.
ACCORDING to Sea World, elephants “consume grasses, small plants, bushes, fruit, twigs, tree bark, and roots”. San Diego Zoo says: “Elephants eat all types of vegetation, from grass and fruit to leaves and bark.” And fish. Elephants eat live fish. They they have a taste for flesh. And blood. And bone. And skin.
Q: What does an elephant eat?
A. Whatever it wants to.
End of days, readers. End of days:
“MY client is a Canadian citizen and f*ck off is not an insult in Canada… but f*ck you is a curse and an insult. F*ck off is commonly used when a person expresses themselves metaphorically and asks another person, who angered them, to walk away,” says Uday Al Kazwini of Dar Al Balagh Advocates and Legal Consultants. He’s representing a 43-year-old Canadian before the Dubai Misdemeanour Court.
VIRGINITY. A weird notion. A name given to something you haven’t done yet. Imagine if everything we hadn’t done had a special word. Is there a designated word for someone who hasn’t tried pickled onion Monster Munch yet? There should be because, when it comes down to it, someone’s virginity and pickled onion Monster Munch are about as important as each other (although the latter has more sustained and dependable pleasures).
Either way, people value virginities much more highly than things you can buy from the corner shop. While snacks cost under a quid, one Russian teenager has sold her virginity online for £17,000.
THE entertainment in Cornwall pubs is niche.
At The Sportsmans Arms at Heamoor, Penzanze, the 9.30pm show features a man pooing on a table. It’s a travelling show and 30 minutes after the first performance the same man pooed on a table at Wetherspoons pub in Market Place.
THE Roane County Circuit Court calls former MD Kenneth Seen, 52, of Spencer, West Virginia. He is charged with placing his tongue inside the mouth of an elderly patient during an examination.
FILE under Low Blood Sugar this story of the Tennessee woman who wanted her boyfriend to stop at a drive-thru McDonald’s.
Crystal Greer Brooks, 33, was in 41-year-old Santiago Hernandez truck early on Thursday morning.
“I OFFERED the monkey an egg sandwich, ” says Ricky Strong from his home in Currituck County, North Carolina. “He actually came to me and walked up my arm. I walked with the monkey back to the shed where the other three primates were. I was about to leave when the cat showed up. And when it did, the one monkey threw like a toolbox at the cat. Then a dog got on a deck and started barking and all four of the monkeys jumped on me.