RICHARD Dunn responded to being locked inside a Las Vegas’ McCarran Airport by filming his version of Celine Dion’s 1996 hit All By Myself - a song best played and sung well away from any other sane human being.
TO Blackpool magistrates court, Lancashire, where Gareth Beresford, 32, is explaining that his two daughter, aged 6 and 9, were unable to attend school because there a cat poo outside their bedroom door. The girls saw the turd and were unable to pass it by.
So. School was out for as long as it took for the poo to vanish or the girls to fashion a ladder from bedsheets and exit via the window.
The council heard the lament. Suzanne Holroyd, prosecuting for Blackpool Council, said the girls has attended ‘only’ 85 and 86 precent of their classes at Thames Primary School. She told the court:
“Mr Beresford said that when the girls visited their mother in Preston she would bring them back late. Then he said that the family cat had defecated outside the girls’ bedroom door and they could not get past it. Then he said they did not attend school because the roof of their flat had been raining in.”
Gustav the Pigeon’s report from the beaches of Normandy, 6 June, 1944.
THE first war-correspondent dispatch from the D-Day landings came from Gustav, an RAF Coastal Command homing-pigeon, released by the Reuters news agency reporter Mr Montague Taylor. The pigeons were taken across the channel in wicker baskets on servicemen’s backs and set free to fly home with vital information.
The message connected to Gustav’s leg read:
We are just 20 miles or so off the beaches.
First assault troops landed 0750. Signal says no interference from enemy gunfire on beach… Steaming steadily in formation.
Lightnings, Typhoons, Fortresses crossing since 0545. No enemy aircraft seen.
IN preparation for the event of a gorilla escaping from Tenerife’s Loro Parque Zoo, a man pretended to be an escaped primate. He was spotted by a vet who shot the man in the furry suit with a tranquilliser dart containing enough medicine to down a 450lb gorilla.
The shot man, a 35-year-old zoo worker, was taken to the University Hospital of the Canary Islands.
TOMAS has large genitals and decent teeth. Tomas is 13. And those two physical attributes are enough for Russian courts to judge him old enough to be held legally accountable for his actions.
Tomas is a Hungarian national born in Ukraine. On a spring trip to Moscow he allegedly stole a mobile phone. Tomas says he didn’t. He also says he’s 13, and thus below the 16- year limit on criminal responsibility in Russia.
But he’s got those big gonads and teeth. The prison doctors’ examined then and say he’s actually 16 to 17 years old. And as an adult, the courts can jail him.Tomas’ family says that’s not so. He’s 12 . They’ve presented Ukrainian documentation to support the position.
DRUGS. You can hide contraband pretty much anywhere. But eyebrows have been raised by police in Greenville, North Carolina, who found drugs hidden inside Randall Streeter belly button. How much drugs. A pill or two? No. His navel contained 40 bags of heroin, crack cocaine and Percocet pills.
Mr Streeter is 5’5″ tall and tips the scales at 315 pounds. How much of that weight is drugs, remains to be seen…
TO Jackson County, Mississippi, where Christopher Goldsberry’s second-=hand air conditioning unit is a sign of God’s love. It features the face of Jesus. In rust.
“When I saw that, I was taken aback. I knew who that was immediately. The gentleman I purchased it from didn’t see any of it. Think about it. They don’t recognize what it is. Some people see it, some people don’t. Think about that.”
TO Bexleyheath, south east London, where a man has missed the bus. He ran into the road and stood in front of it. The drive called the police. They arrived and gave our hero 20 seconds to move. Or else.
As they counted down, the man thought. And he said:
ARE YOU READY TOP MEET THE WORLD’S SADDEST MAN and his hard-nosed former lover, who just happens to be a stripper named…Moaner?
Robert Wallace, 32, says he broke up with exotic dancer Nomi Mims on May 3, and then waited a week for her to give him back the things he lent her—$2,000, a laptop, and the aforementioned DVDs—before taking legal action.
Those were Harry Potter DVDs.
Mims says she “really likes him as a friend,” and the items and cash were gifts, not loans.
“I don’t believe in loans because I don’t want to pay anybody back,” she told FOX 26.
AS early as the 1920s, art historian and junior doctor Hans Prinzhorn recognized the talent in his patients at the Heidelberg Psychiatric Clinic, and began collecting their works. The world-renowned Prinzhorn Collection at Heidelberg’s University Hospital now contains over 5,000 drawings, oil paintings, wood carvings and textile works.
REASONS for not totally trusting cats are many. But in Bakersfield, California, a pet cat appears to have saved a young boy from being savaged by a dog.
The action was caught on security cameras. We see the dog take hold of the lad. He’s dragging the boy away. Then Tara pounces. Tara is the boy’s cat. She flies at the dog. The dog scarpers.
The boy needed some stitches on his leg. The dog was captured. It’s helping police with their enquiries. Don’t be surprised if there is other footage of the cat buying the dog a hot meal and explaining a cunning plan to win the lad over for later purposes.
The Rev. Cesar Truqui, an exorcist based in Switzerland, recounted one experience he had aboard a Swissair flight. “Two lesbians,” he said, had sat behind him on the plane. Soon afterward, he said, he felt Satan’s presence. As he silently sought to repel the evil spirit through prayer, one of the women, he said, began growling demonically and threw chocolates at his head.
Asked how he knew the woman was possessed, he said that “once you hear a Satanic growl, you never forget it. It’s like smelling Margherita pizza for the first time. It’s something you never forget.”
ON Turkish TV dating show “Ne Çıkarsa Bahtına” (The Luck of the Draw), Sefer Çalınak, 62, is looking for love.
He is an “honest person looking for a new wife.” Sure he murdered his first wife Fadime in a fit of jealousy and later murdered a lover (“She was accidently killed when I swung the axe”) but that was then. This time things will be different.