Strange But True Category
Weird, offbeat and bizarre news from around the world. Funny, strange & odd news stories that make you wince, laugh and fear for humanity.
Dmitry Nikolaev says he was chatted up by a young woman in a Moscow bar. He says they had a drink. And a sauna, as you do. Then he blacked out. When he came to, he was by a busstop. He felt a pain. He reached down he noticed his hand was wet. It was blood. And where his testicles should be there was nothing.
The Daily Mail reports it thus:
There is talk of a gang of testicle thieves who sell fresh nuts on the black market.
Is it true?
On Oct. 14, 1922, the Lawrence Journal-World reported on a 34-year-old man in Chicago. Joseph Wozniak had his testicles stolen.
“Four men leaped on him, put a bag over his head, and loaded him into an automobile.” They stole his gonads for an experiment in gland transplantation, perhaps for the purpose of rejuvenating some infirm or aged man.”
It was ‘Gland Larceny':
Mr Burns is away…
Jasmine Tridevil, the woman with THREE breasts is on the cover of the Daily Star. The paper has a scoop. Yes, it is true. The third breast is not a breast at all. It’s a huge marshmallow, a rolled up sock, a deviled dumpling or whatever other cunning device Alisha Hessler shoved in a bra to dupe the media, and ruin the Daily Telegraph when its chief political writer Peter Oborne quit citing Jasmine as the stuff you find under your nails when you scrape the news barrel’s bottom.
It’s left to the venerable breast experts at the Daily Star to expose the bare, naked truth:
And there on Page 3 s the thermal fact, as reveales by a Gwrman TV channel’s thermal camera.
Unless it is real. And the third breast delivers cold drinks only…
To symbols lose power over time? A store in Auckland, New Zealand, has removed Nazi temporary tattoos form sale. Staff at No.1 Mart in Manukau were “unaware of what the sign represented”.
Anthony Smith knew. He saw them whilst out shopping.
“What the f***? I had a look and yeah, it was an actual swastika with an eagle, next to peace signs weirdly enough.”
I don’t want war.
All I want is peace. Peace.
A little piece of Poland
A little piece of France
A little piece of Portugal
And Austria perchance
A little slice of Turkey
And all that that entails
Und then a piece of England Scotland
lreland and Wales
A little nip of Norway
A little spot of Greece
A little hunk of Hungary
Oh what a lovely feast
A little bite of Belgium
And now for some dessert
And Russia wouldn’t hurt
To Ooooooooklahomaaaahhhhhh!, where Amber Ellis is accused of biting her boyfriend’s penis off.
The couple had rowed on a night out. He called her needy. Back home, Ellis had stormed into the bedroom and slammed the door.
He fell asleep on the sofa.
A Canadian MP blamed his too-tight underpants for leaving parliament in a hurry on Thursday morning….
“I can blame it on a sale that was down at the Hudson’s Bay [Company] – they had men’s underwear on for half price. I bought a bunch that was clearly too small for me and I find it difficult to sit for any length of time.” So says Canadian MP Pat Martin explaining why had left his seat after a vote.
“I apologize if it was necessary for me to leave my seat briefly, but I did not mean to forfeit my right to vote.”
Is it advisable to make a bad first impression and then set about undoing it? We ask in light of the story of the man on the London Underground. Last Mondy, a passenger as blocking his way. Our hero did as the mild-mannered Englishman must: he shoved the blocker out the way and told him to eff-off.
He then continued on his journey for an interview as Python Developer at Forward Partners.
To Indiana, where David J. Paulson, 35, of Hamlet is under arrest. His crime: being shot.
Paulson is charged with two felony counts of neglect of a dependent, age 4.
Paulson was driving when his young daughter, who wasn’t in a child restraint seat, removed a loaded .40 calibre Smith & Wesson handgun from his pocket and shot him in the arm.
It as an accident, of course. Right, honey? Right..?
To Chicago, where Linda B. Lopez, 35, admits setting fire to her apartment.
Well, Lopez told police she fell asleep, and when she woke up, her marijuana was gone.
Her pointed the finger at her live-in boyfriend. In teh heat of a row, she poured perfume onto towels and set them alight. It turns out that inhaling burning cotton (with sandlewood oil base notes) does get you buzzed. It just causes lots of damage and a visti from the emergency services.
Lopez has been sentenced to four years in prison and pay $1,000 in restitution.
To Saudi Arabia, where a local man has said something remarkably stupid.
The Hong Kong Medical Journal reports that in November 2010 a newborn girl was born. Insider her were two 8 to 10-week-old fetuses. One weighed half an ounce. The other weighed a third of an ounce. Ech had four limbs, a spine, a rib cage, intestines, and an anus.
“Since it is impossible for the little girl to have conceived the pregnancy on her own, the fertilization of the twin fetuses, of course, belongs to her parents, which has gone to the wrong place,” a local medic tells the South China Morning Post.
Measles are for cool kids: extracts from Melanie’s Marvelous Measles (the only book you’ll ever read!)
MEASLES are back. And that’s cool. Measles is the hipster disease.
The great thing about measles is that they are FREE! But even then some mums and dads are too uptight to get with the cool.
But in Melanie’s Marvelous Measles these stiffs can get down (six feet under -ed). The books costs. But it is worth it?
The author/publisher writes on Amazon:
“Melanie’s Marvelous Measles was written to educate children on the benefits of having measles and how you can heal from them naturally and successfully. Often today, we are being bombarded with messages from vested interests to fear all diseases in order for someone to sell some potion or vaccine, when, in fact, history shows that in industrialized countries, these diseases are quite benign and, according to natural health sources, beneficial to the body. Having raised three children vaccine-free and childhood disease-free, I have experienced many times when my children’s vaccinated peers succumb to the childhood diseases they were vaccinated against. Surprisingly, there were times when my unvaccinated children were blamed for their peers’ sickness. Something which is just not possible when they didn’t have the diseases at all. Stephanie Messenger lives in Brisbane, Queensland, Australia, and devotes her life to educating people about vaccine dangers and supporting families in their natural health choices. She has the support of many natural therapists and natural-minded doctors.”
The author writes:
This book takes children aged 4 – 10 years on a journey of discovering about the ineffectiveness of vaccinations, while teaching them to embrace childhood disease, heal if they get a disease, and build their immune systems naturally.
Readers on Amazon love it!
Buy now and buy only ONCE!
And don’t forget to rub it all over youir infected kid before passing it on!
Note: She also wrote this:
Sarah Visits a Naturopath
A children’s storybook written by Stephanie Messenger
This book exposes children aged 4 – 10 years, to the idea that they create most of their ill health by the choices they make. It encourages them to listen to the messages their bodies give them. Sarah visits a naturopath to get advice on staying well according to nature’s laws.
A naturopath speaks…
There are 10 Benefits Of Vaginal Weightlifting. We know this because Kim Anami has counted them.
As a holistic sex and relationship coach, I employ a host of different methods to improve people’s intimate lives. I’m currently on a global campaign to raise the awareness of vaginal superpowers.
You’ll believe a vagina can fly!
Vaginal Kung Fu is a method I teach for women to physically and emotionally reconnect to their vaginas, so they become more in tune with their sexual energy.
Kingsland Vegetarian Restaurant owner Khanh Hoang says he did not get rid of the cockroaches infesting his restaurant because as a committed vegetarian “killing little insects” goes against all he holds dear.
Hoang is in the dock of Canberra’s ACT Magistrates Court to answer charges of cockroach infestation, incorrect food storage, a dirty kitchen and equipment and obstructed and faulty handwashing facilities.
9-year-old boy ‘terrorist’ suspended for calling a classmate ‘black’, showing a pregnancy book and brandishing a ‘magic’ ring
To Kermit, Texas, where 9-year-old Aiden Stewart has been suspended from school for “making a terroristic threat”. Aiden told a classmate he could make him disappear with a magic ring, just like the magic rings in The Hobbit: The Battle of Five Armies, a movie he had seen a few days earlier.
“It sounded unbelievable,” the boy’s father, Jason Steward, says. He insists his son “didn’t mean anything by it. Kids act out movies that they see. When I watched Superman as a kid, I went outside and tried to fly. I assure you my son lacks the magical powers necessary to threaten his friend’s existence. If he did, I’m sure he’d bring him right back.”
Next time just don’t wear a seatbelt:
The accident, which happened just before 10:30pm, was caused when a self-employed tractor trailer driver took his hands off the wheel to pull a loose tooth from his mouth. “The driver stated he lost control when he was pulling a tooth with his hands,” the report reads.
“He had the tooth in his shirt pocket as proof.” The truck left the roadway, travelled down the slope leading into a ditch then jack-knifed into nearby trees, according to the report.
It sounds like a great way to loose your teeth…
To Lubbock, Texas, where students at Texas Tech University are trying to protect a giant snow penis – 11 feet tall! – from the bulldozer.
As the huge frozen phallus was repeatedly attacked, students shout “First Amendment!”
“The police arrived and started pissing themselves laughing and taking elfieswith him before they did anything.”
Other Parents presents Kylie Radatti, 34, now doing time for crimes at Justins Park in Burleigh, Queensland, Australia.
Radatti tells Southport Magistrates Court:
“I was just having a good time and I told one little kid, ‘I’m going to go fast, do you want to jump on?’ and he said he’d have a go. He had a bit of a scream then he got off and the other kids jumped on and off we went. There was one family that decided they wanted to ring the police and they hunted me down and handcuffed me in front of everyone. They took me away from the park and wouldn’t even let me get my bag so I can’t even get into my house. I was having a good night and everyone enjoyed me and there’s always got to be one who’s got to make a big deal of it.”
IN Sheffield, man is accused of smelling of pony sex.
The Star reports:
Alan Barnfield, aged 44, was found ‘sweating profusely and smelled strongly of horses’ when he was spoken to by police officers at Oak Tree Stables on Rakes Lane, Loversall, Doncaster…
When police searched Barfield’s rucksack looking for items he might use to commit theft, they found several cans of Lynx deodorant, a length of white electrical cable, a handheld water sprayer, a cloth, a metal dog chain and two bottles of Lucozade.
Lynx is not made from real lynx. Probably.
Barfield, of Hexthorpe Lane, Hexthorpe, Doncaster, said he was ‘just out walking’ and denies sexual intercourse with an animal.
The case continues…
Is Nothing Safe?
Behold! The last word in walking trousers. These trousers used to walk! Cop a load these hairy necropants housed in Strandagaldur, the Museum of Icelandic Sorcery & Witchcraft.
These vines are not for sale. But how can you get your own man strides?
Well, since you ask, the museum will tell:
If you want to make your own necropants (literally; nábrók) you have to get permission from a living man to use his skin after his dead.
Not dead skin from the living. That’s like sewing soap.
After he has been buried you must dig up his body and flay the skin of the corpse in one piece from the waist down. As soon as you step into the pants they will stick to your own skin. A coin must be stolen from a poor widow and placed in the scrotum along with the magical sign, nábrókarstafur, written on a piece of paper. Consequently the coin will draw money into the scrotum so it will never be empty, as long as the original coin is not removed. To ensure salvation the owner has to convince someone else to overtake the pants and step into each leg as soon as he gets out of it. The necropants will thus keep the money-gathering nature for generations.
Necropants. Ask for them by brand name. And then sit tight until the men in white coats arrive and the pills kick in…
School bus driver accused of stealing books died after drinking witch doctor’s potion to prove innocence
“The driver was dared … to prove his innocence by drinking the mixture. The 33-year old collapsed and died immediately after the drink. Furious villagers then took revenge on school leaders by torching the school bus and the deputy director’s house.”
Redditor captainmercedes kept a ‘captain’s log’ of every poo he took in 2014. Turds were noted for their size, texture, number and duration. He referred to the Bristol Stool Chart: “a medical aid designed to classify the form of human faeces into seven categories. Sometimes referred to in the UK as the “Meyers Scale”, it was developed by Heaton at the University of Bristol and was first published in the Scandinavian Journal of Gastroenterology in 1997.”
Numbwr of individual turds passed. Five is pretty impressive.
Pies spots a Norwegian Liverpool fan who named his daughter ‘YNWA’ – as in “You’ll Never WalkAlone”.
Speaking to Dagbladet, the little girl’s mother, Eirin Isabell Iversen – herself a Tromso fan, described how her and her lunatic husband picked the unusual name after having his first choice scuppered by Mother Nature.
Derek Nash and his partner, who live in Torpoint, Cornwall, have been charged £15.95 for failing to take their son Alex to a party at the Ski Slope and Snowboard Centre. They said he would attend. And Alex wanted to go. But they never showed up.
Mr Nash tells the Plymouth Herald that Alex had already agreed to see his grandparents: Party with mates at ski centre? Or grandparents? Tough choice.
“She saw me and asked if Alex was coming to the party. At this time I agreed and said that Alex was looking forward to it. By this time we did not have a contact number, email or an address to let [the boy’s mother] know. So on the day of the party we asked Alex what he wanted to do; he chose to be with his grandparents.
Back at school:
“My partner looked out for [the friend’s mother] to apologise for Alex not showing up to the party, but didn’t see her. But on January 15 she looked in Alex’s school bag and found a brown envelope. It was an invoice for £15.95 for a child’s party no show fee. I asked Alex’s class teacher if [the child’s mother] had given anything to her. She said, ‘Yes, a brown envelope’. I then visited Alex’s school headteacher, who couldn’t apologise enough that one of the teachers had passed this on. She said she would remind all staff that this was a breach of protocol. I left the school and went to see [the birthday boy’s mother] as her address was on the invoice. When she answered the door I told her I had found the invoice in my son’s school bag and that I wasn’t happy about it. I told her I would not be paying her the money. I told her she should have spoken to me first and not put the invoice in my son’s school bag.”
The couple says the mother of Alex’s friend has threatened the couple with taking the case to the small claims court.
And then this:
Mr Nash’s partner, who doesn’t want to be named, has been in contact with the mum via Facebook hoping to resolve the situation. The mother of Alex’s friend was unavailable for comment.
So. They did have a way of contacting the party boy’s mother? And they didn’t send a note? And then they told the Press when confronted? And they refuse to pay?
Hey, Alex. Stay close to grandpa and grandma. You’re going to be seeing a lot of them at party time. And , parents, don’t bother with invites, just send a subpoena.