Oakland Raiders player Ray-Ray Armstrong is accused of barking at a police dog and pounding his chest. Police stepped in after Armstrong, 24, allegedly lifted his top and woof-woofed in the direction of a police dog before the start of Sunday’s NFL game against the Pittsburgh Steelers.
“The dog was going crazy,” says chief deputy Kevin Kraus said. “The deputy was trying to control the dog the best she could. We were immediately notified about the incident, and we immediately initiated a criminal investigation into the matter.”
No, not to investigate why a hard-to-control police dog is so close to professional athletes, and barking at them. Police are investigating Ray-Ray and his woof-woof.
Police deputy Maria Watts, the handler of Bandit the dog, says Armstrong was shouting “Hey dog, hey dog” after leaving the locker room before the game. “Bandit was very agitated. He wanted me to let him go. I imagine with his training and experience he would have gone to his target who was taunting him. I don’t want to speculate on what he would have done.”
We join the action as pregnant Akeela Ali, 25, is carrying out a ‘sex act’ on her husband Fahad Bilal, 26. Their children aged three and five are close by, running around playing in Westfield shopping centre in Shepherd’s Bush, London.
Dads on family shopping expeditions can be trying. But the wife easing tensions with a blow job in public is not the done thing. Even in Aldi.
Now fast forward to see Ali and Bilal, both of Newport, south Wales, stood in the dock at Hammersmith magistrates’ court. They admit the charge of outraging public decency on 23 July.
The couple say they “thought about stopping” when their children interrupted, but carried on. They explained: “It just happened.”
Prosecutor Arlene De Silva narrates:
“On the 23 July this year Miss Ali was at the Westfield shopping centre along with her husband and also with their two children aged three and five. Just after 8pm they were sitting on a sofa in the lift lobby lounge area on the first floor facing three elevators. Mrs Ali sat beside her husband and was clearly engaging in oral sex. This went on for around 10 minutes. They were interrupted several times by the children. The incident was captured on CCTV. When she was interviewed on 22 October she said she had gone shopping with her children. She said she was pregnant and as a result her hormones were everywhere. She said they started kissing as their kids were running around playing. She said ‘it just happened’.
“When their children interrupted she felt what they were doing was wrong but they carried on. She was aware that one of the children was sitting beside Mr Bilal for some time during the incident. She said she regretted the incident and was ashamed. Mr Bilal said it was a human mistake. It was not that busy at the time but he knew it was a public area.”
The couple are banned from London for eight weeks.
Meanwhile, we imagine Fahad gamefully trying to recreate the seductive magic of Westfield shopping centre in the comfort of his own home.
To Brazil, where New Zealander Phillip John Smith has flown whilst on day release from Springhill Prison. Having obtained a passport under his birth name, Phillip Traynor, Smith foxed the CCTV and customs wonks by wearing a toupee as part of his disguise.
He then jetted to Rio de Janeiro, where after eight days on the lam he was nabbed by Brazilian police.
Back in prison, he wants access to his hair.
Smith has now asked his lawyer, Dr Tony Ellis, to file a judicial review if Corrections continue to deny him access to the toupee.
“He is upset about it. He took some time and effort to get it in the first place. It was approved by Corrections, and now he is not allowed to wear it,” says Ellis.
Auckland Prison Director Tom Sherlock said Smith was originally granted permission to wear the toupee to assist with his reintegration while on temporary releases. Because Smith was not longer eligible for temporary release, access to the item had been revoked. “A hairpiece is not an authorised item in prison, special permission must be granted by the prison director,” he said.
“As his circumstances no longer require the use of a hairpiece, approval has not been granted.”
Ellis is outraged:
“If he is entitled to it when he is released, why is it different in the prison? It’s is a grossly unfair punishment. They need too give it back, and stop messing about.”
Sociologist Greg Newbold from Canterbury University said not allowing Smith his hairpiece was impinging on his human rights. “It seems like pure vindictiveness on the part of Corrections. He is still entitled to be treated as a human being.” Newbold said it appeared as if Smith was being punished for wearing the toupee when he escaped. “It looks like a punitive measure to me, and it’s completely inappropriate.
“I don’t see any reason why a person should not be allowed a toupee in prison.”
However, Garth McVicar from the Sensible Sentencing Trust said Smith was in prison to be punished, not pampered. “I think that it is absolutely ludicrous. It is another example of our ridiculous offender-friendly, criminal-centred justice policy coming back to bite us,” he said. McVicar said he supported the protection of human rights within prisons, but Smith’s plea was going too far. “I wonder why on earth as a nation we are bending over backwards to make sure these offenders have these rights. I am all for having the right to survive and not be threatened, but this is going too far,” he said. Smith will go on trial in January to face charges of fraudulently obtaining a passport and escaping custody.
Matt Morgan of Morgan & Morgan at law says he’s been hired to help raise awareness about the issue of hugging in schools.
Keen minds are focused on Jackson Heights Middle School in Oviedo, Florida. Ella Fishbough has been handed a detention for hugging a classmate. Morgan of Morgan & Morgan is on it. He says:
“According to these alleged policies and procedures, a simple hug given to a friend in their time of need is apparently worthy of reprimand. We believe this conduct sends the wrong message to our children. They should be encouraged to be kind, not discouraged. The family hopes to bring awareness to this issue in an attempt to make our school systems a more compassionate and loving place for children to spend their days.”
Although we would advise teacher to resist all urges to hug any pupil. See also: throttling, frotting and feeling. Throwing a board rubber at their faces from distance of more than 4 feet is allowed, if not encouraged.
Seminole County School District spokesman Michael Lawrence, counters:
“If you’re hugging your friends, you just won a big game, they’re all mobbing you and giving you a hug, or you just saw your friend over the summer and you’re greeting them briefly for the first time, that’s okay.”
Although how good a friend is if you’ve not seen them for the entire summer? Is a hug a little OTT?
But Jackson Heights orders “no hugging”. Ever.
“They get those planners year after year. That’s something that we will review, and if it needs clarification, we can tweak the verbiage of that particular area.”
Tweaking is allowed. But not ‘there’, ‘there’ and most certainly not ‘there’…
The 41-year-old Colombian man was HIV positive. What killed him, as reported in the New England Journal of Medicine, was the cancer he caught from the parasitic tapeworm.
The US Centres for Disease Control and the UK’s Natural History Museum diagnosed the unusual type of cancer. Dr Atis Muehlenbachs, who discovered the oddity, says: “It didn’t really make sense… this had been the most unusual case”.
The tumours appeared to be normal and some were more than 4cm across and found in his lungs and liver. But after further inspection, the infected cells were found to be a tenth of the size of normal human cells. Molecular testing identified high levels of tapeworm DNA in the tumours. The patient was unable to be treated by the time doctors had identified what the tumours were. He died three days after the worm DNA was discovered.
The worm tissue came from the dwarf tapeworms, known as Hymenlopis nana, which is a specialism of Dr Peter Oslon from the Natural History Museum. He said: “It is able to carry out its whole lifecycle in one host and that is absolutely unique.”
To Bartlett, Tennessee, where Donna Hastings, 53, is arguing with a man at the Dan McGuiness Sports Bar. He says she assailed him over payment for roofing work. Hastings says he never completed the job. He begs to differ. Hastings grabs his prosthetic leg, twists it, and pulls it off.
The one-legged roofer loses his balance and falls off his bar stool.
Prevented from leaving the bar by other drinkers, Hastings throws the leg down and drives off. He says the leg costs $2,731.92 to replace.
Hastings has been charged with two counts of robbery and two counts of vandalism of more than $1,000.
At Our Lady of Lourdes school in Cincinnati, Ohio, six-year-old are playing Power Rangers. One child picks up an imaginary bow, loads the arrow, takes aim at another boy and fires. A hit!
He is duly suspended from school for three days. The boy’s parents, Matthew and Martha Miele are agog. Martha spoke with Principal Joe Crachiolo.
“I didn’t really understand. I had him on the phone for a good amount of time so he could really explain to me what he was trying to tell me. My question to him was ‘Is this really necessary? Does this really need to be a three-day suspension under the circumstances that he was playing and he’s 6 years old?’
“He told me that he was going to stand firm and that he was not going to change it.”
Crachiolo then sent a letter to all parents:
“I have no tolerance for any real, pretend, or imitated violence. The punishment is an out of school suspension.”
“I can’t stop him from pretending to be a super hero. I can’t stop him from playing ninja turtles. I can’t stop him from doing these things and I don’t think it would be healthy to do so. His imagination can go limitless places. We try to encourage that as parents.”
Karl Jensen, 27, and Lisa Mary Hutchinson, 26, have been jailed for smuggling drugs, a knife, a plastic Kinder Surprise egg containing five Sim cards, a bottle of vodka, a USB chargers and a McMuffin sandwich into London’s Wormwood Scrubs prison.
Jensen tied the meat, cutlery and additives to a fishing line that was pulled into a cell.
Hutchinson was jailed for two and a half years and Hutchinson received a 12-month community order.
Det Con Andy Griffin said the combination of items “could have been deadly.”
But in isolation, the McMuffin is the most feared.
To Iowa, where Ross McDonald, 39, has been pulled over by police who have spotted him driving the wrong way down a road. Police say he is dressed as “flasher” might. The police reports says:
“Def was only wearing a trench coat and a piece of cloth that looked like a penis. Upon arrival at the police precinct, McDonald attempted to eat toilet paper, thinking it would mess with the breathalyzer.”
McDonald was arrested and charged with third-offence drunken driving, a Class D felony punishable by up to five years in prison.
His penis is left uninvestigated – but if he ever offers to dry your dishes, best stand well back and shut the kitchen door behind you.
Would you buy fish from a door-to-door salesman? To Lancashire, where Marion and Alan Johnson, aged 85 and 88, agreed to buy £24 of fish from a man on their doorstep.
Marion explains what occurred:
“We had just been to the doctor’s and I wasn’t very well. When the men called, we just wanted £24 worth of fish and I asked him to put it in the kitchen as I sat in the living room. I paid on card but when they left and we walked in the kitchen I’d never seen as much fish in my life. I checked the receipt and we’d been scammed, paying £204. The fish wasn’t even labelled so we didn’t know what type it was.
“We didn’t have anywhere to store it so we had to go out and buy another freezer to store it. We ate some of it but then saw on Facebook people were saying it wasn’t safe to eat. There’s now just have loads of fish we don’t know what to do with and we feel really dumb because we fell for it.”
The scammers are swine. But the pat about the couple going out and buying a new freezer to store their unwanted fish in puts the tin lid on the story.
Paul Noone, head of Trading Standards for Lancashire County Council, advises: “The best place to buy fish is from a local fishmonger at an established shop or stall or from a regular local roundsman. You are taking a risk by buying on the doorstep from an unknown trader as this fish may be of poor quality, misdescribed, or overcharged. We are currently investigating cheap fish sold as sea bass, farmed salmon sold as wild, short-weight sales, and Preston cases where a vulnerable lady paid £404 for seven packs of fish, and a retired couple paid £360 for a bag of unlabelled fish.”
Indiana Z. Jones of Rushville, New York, was pulled over by police. Rather than leaving the vehicle, Indy put his foot down. Police gave chase. Other police up ahead tossed down “stop sticks” that blew his tyres.
Jones, 21, was charged with unlawfully fleeing a police officer, obstructing governmental administration, reckless operation, speeding, speed not reasonable and prudent, failure to comply with a lawful order, failure to keep right, moving from lane unsafely, driving an uninspected and unregistered vehicles, improper licence plates, driving without insurance and multiple vehicular equipment infractions.
In his defence he cite nominative determinism: Indiana Jones alway runs.
Police in Champlin, Minnesota, say a 38-year-old woman was arrested and has admitted sending anonymous threats to a family that said she wanted to taste and lick their children. Police say the woman was upset because the children made noise and left items in her yard. Carrie Pernula was arrested on Friday and faces possible charges of gross misdemeanor terroristic threats and stalking. Word of the threats spread quickly through social media and neighbours say both they and the family were terrified.
The first anonymous threat arrived on Sept. 27 by mail. The two short sentences said: “The children look delicious. May I have a taste?” The family lives in a Champlin neighbourhood and they have two elementary school students. Terrifed, they called the Champlin Police Department and posted on a Champlin community Facebook page, saying in part, “Opened our mail today to this letter. Obviously my stomach started doing somersaults.” Then, the family began to receive magazine subscriptions.
“Instead of a name on the address label it said things like ‘tasty children’ along those lines,” Champlin Deputy Police Chief Ty Schmidt said. Champlin police traced the magazines and last Friday arrested Carrie Pernula. Police say she admitted to the threats. “She was angry because the kids were leaving things in her yard and I think being a little noisy, being kids, the way kids are,” Schmidt said. The neighbourhood is full of families with young children.
Word of the threats spread quickly on social media and families were terrified for their children. Pernula was released from jail on Monday and is believed to be back at her home. Champlin police say its disturbing someone would create such fear. “In this case they went way beyond the bounds of what should be done,” Schmidt said. Pernula, when confronted by investigators, admitted to sending notes and magazines because the children at that house were “always putting stuff on her porch.” She has not been charged. The Champlin city attorney is reviewing her case.
To the East Side of Cleveland, Ohio, where a 49-year-old man has driven himself to the hospital. He tells medics he’s been shot.
He’d been drinking booze, and smoking crack and marijuana when he popped out to top up supplies. In conversation with two drug dealers our hero had a change of heart – he wanted to shop around and see what the competition were selling.
This triggered a fight between the man and the dealers, one of whom ‘shot’ him and stole his wallet. But he didn’t shoot him. He wasn’t shot. The drug-addled patient had been hit in the head with a shovel.
Police are looking for any drug dealers carrying shovels.
To Missouri, where former police officer David E. Cerna, 34, advertised on Craigslist for straight men to blow. Cerna posed as a woman keen on giving men anonymous oral sex. Men accepting the invitation were invited to pop over to Cerna’s home, and stick their troublemaker through a hole so that the shy ‘woman’ could administer oral sex.
No-one would be that desperate or stupid, right? Wrong. At least 60 men did this.
Cerna filmed the sex and posted the videos online, leading to a charge of invasion of privacy.
It’s further alleged that Cerna abused children. Attorney Gonzalo Fernandez says:
“In fact the contact would often be initiated by him performing some sort of traffic stop. Some of these people are minors… I know one of them was as young as 16.
“David Cerna kind of took it upon himself to walk through various bedrooms of the house by himself, which at the time seemed strange to the family and now knowing what they do about his propensity for clandestine filming, you wonder.”
To Norway shot dead two elk only to realise seconds later that they had been shooting through the fence into a zoo.
“I reacted with disbelief, and the first few seconds afterwards were pretty unreal,” says Heinz Strathmann, the chief executive of Polar Park zoo, north of the town of Narvik. Two hunters out shooting elk spotted their prey – in the zoo.
“I think this is very sad, and it’s not okay. We had five elk, now we have only three.”
The hunters rang the zoo, explaining that their elk hounds had managed to get inside the elk enclosure, and then given chase, preventing the hunters from realising that they were shooting into a zoo.
“This is a regrettable mistake made in connection with lawful hunting on the outside of the park,” says Arne Nysted, chairman of the wildlife tribunal in Troms County. “It was a fatal error, but everyone understands that it was not done at all on purpose.”
We’ve yet to see anyone brave / stupid enough to sport a tattoo of the Muslim prophet Mohammed. But Matthew Keith, 21, thought it a sound idea to get the Hindu Goddess Yellamma inked on his shin. Locals spotted Klein at an eatery in Bangalore. They saw his tattoo. At least one of the offended threatened to skin him.
Then the police came and took him off to the station. Keith claims he was forced to write an apology letter to his harassers. Police say that’s wrong.
Mr Keith wrote on Facebook:
“Forced letter of apology before I could leave the police station … traumatising situation where it is apparently acceptable to be harassed, threatened and mobbed … I respect India and Hinduism completely. That’s why I spent 35 hours getting a massive Ganesha put on my back and 4 hours getting the Goddess (Yellamma) on the only bit of space I had left on my body .. my girlfriend … does not deserve sexual abuse.”
Ted Richards has inked his face and eyeballs to look more like his pet parrots Ellie and Teaka. Last month he had his ears cut off. Those ears are now preserved in resin. To keep his glasses on, Ted has had transdermals inserted at the sides of his head.
“I think it looks really great,” he tells the Bristol Post. “I love it. It’s the best thing that has happened to me. I am so happy it’s unreal, I can’t stop looking in the mirror.”
Matt Jones says his pal found some extra protein in his Subway lunch. Eating at the Lincoln City, Oregon, his friend opened up his Italian sandwich and saw the dead rodent between the spinach and cheese.
“Thankfully it was discovered before Jay took a bite of a dead mouse,” says Jones said. Jones says he returned his own sandwich to the manager because it also had spinach on it, and got a full refund.
Come to Knaresborough Castle in North Yorkshire, where if ruins bored are not enough you can look out for Izzie, a thieving raven.
“It started to be a problem when people were taking photos of her,” said Igraine Hustwitt Skelton, Her Majesty’s Keeper of Castle Ravens in Knaresborough. “She would fly towards them and sit on their shoulders but then she started taking things. Now she’s taken to nicking cameras and mobile phones and using her beak to take selfies… There was one woman on a bench eating fish and chips and taking photos. Izzie took a bottle out of a bin and pretended she’d got her foot stuck in it and was injured in the middle of the bowling green. The lady went to help free her but she flew off and took her camera in her powerful beak.
“She flew onto the museum roof and managed to take a picture of herself…
To New York, where Jennifer Connell says when her nephew “acted unreasonably” when he leapt into her arms when she arrived at his 8th birthday party in 2011. She’s suing him.
The Westport News says Connell is seeking $127,000 in damages from the boy, whose mother died last year.
The boy had gotten his first two-wheeler for his birthday, and was joyfully riding the bright-red bike around and around the home, according to testimony.
But when he spotted Connell, he dropped the new bicycle on the ground, exclaiming, “Auntie Jen, Auntie Jen.” “All of a sudden he was there in the air, I had to catch him and we tumbled onto the ground,” Connell testified of her encounter with the 50-pound boy. “I remember him shouting, ‘Auntie Jen I love you,’ and there he was flying at me.”
Although hurt, Connell said, she didn’t complain to the boy at the time.
“It was his birthday party and I didn’t want to upset him,” she told the jury.
Connell says life has been “very difficult” since the injury because of “how crowded it is in Manhattan”. She apparently said:
“I was at a party recently, and it was difficult to hold my hors d’oeuvre plate.”
To Florida,where Katherine Gaydos has some dust in her eye. A neighbour with a leaf blower has jetted something sharp into her peeper. She asks a pal to run inside her home and fetch some Visine. The friend does so. They hand Katherine the bottle. She leans back and squirts the salve in. But it’s not Visine. It’s the stuff you sue to stick on false fingernails. It’s glue. Strong stuff.
“It’s stuck to my eyelids and my eyeball and it really hurts,” says Katherine. She calls 911. A doctors gives her a treatment.
Eight days later, the eyelid is still tightly shut. The doctor will only continue to treat her if she can pay.
“He was talking about doing surgery to try and save my eye, but now I don’t know what to do. I don’t have a job, no insurance or any money.”
Local news get wind of the story. The doctor not says he’ll do a deal. Says the patient:
“It was the same office, but a different doctor. He put Lidocaine above and below my eye and just pulled on it until it finally opened. He said I should get my sight back, and not have permanent damage.”
“There in plain sight pumping its tail, crest alert, in full colours, was the moustached kingfisher,” writes Chris Filardi in his field journal. “And then, like a ghost, it was gone.” For days and days Chris and his fellow researchers from the American Museum of Natural History’s Department of Ornithology searched for the bird in the remote moss jungle highlands of Guadalcanal in the Solomon Islands. They laid nets to catch the precious creature.
And then they heard it. “Ko-ko-kokokokokokokokoko-kiew!” Hush. Was that the elusive moustached kingfisher or Alvin Stardust? “Ko-ko-kokokokokokokokoko-kiew!”
“When I came upon the netted bird in the cool shadowy light of the forest I gasped aloud, ‘Oh my god, the kingfisher,’” Filardi notes. “One of the most poorly known birds in the world was there, in front of me, like a creature of myth come to life.”
The team took photos and recorded the birds call. It is estimated that there are only 250–1000 mature individuals left.
The IUCN Red List of Threatened Species tells us: “This spectacular species is judged to be endangered on the basis of a very small estimated population, which is suspected to be declining, at least in part of its range. However, further research may reveal it to be more common.”
And then the happy travellers killed the bird. You know, to get a better look at it.
Louann Clem of Trenton, New Jersey, is suing her employer Case Pork Roll Co., for firing her husband Rich for excessive farting. The Clems told the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC), but they weren’t interested. Farters are not yet a recognised minority group.
So the Clems are suing. Their law suit says Rich’s gastric bypass surgery led to “extreme gas and uncontrollable diarrhea.” They allege company owner Thomas Dolan began giving them a hard time. The Clems say he told them:
“We have to do something about Rich. This can’t go on.”
“Why is Rich having these side effects?”
“Is Rich following his doctor’s recommendations?”
“We can’t run an office and have visitors with the odor in the office.”
“Tell Rich that we are getting complaints from visitors who have problems with the odors.”
The company’s owner says the Clems weren’t fired. They say the Clems refused a pay cut when the company’s fortunes declined.