Michael Jackson’s Sex Change

“YOU’LL NEVER GUESS SHOE THIS IS,” challenges the Sun’s front page.

And we wonder if the feminine figure in black trousers, high-heel shoes and floppy dark blue hat is Paul Robinson, England’s “ROOBISH” goalkeeper.

(“No, no, no, no, no!…” pleads the caption beneath the third of three shots of England’s calamitous goalkeeper trying in vain to kick a moving football.)

We look at the picture of this mystery person once more. And with life running short, we turn the pages and see that the woman is none other than “oddball” Michael Jackson. It’s the “pop weirdo” in a “bizarre outfit”.

A passer-by who spotted Jackson walking in St Tropez tells us: “His physique has completely changed. He was wearing tight jeans and had a curvy bottom and thighs.”

While women try to see what make Jackson’s jeans are and wonder if the trousers can do for them what they have done for Jackson, the Mirror looks on.

Its front page is a “SHOWBIX EXCLUSIVE”, and alongside the same shot as the Sun’s lead picture, albeit larger, the Mirror asks: “SEX SWAP JACKO?”

There are “MORE AMAZING PICTURES INSIDE”. And within the paper, beneath the legend “WACKY JACKIE”, we see another picture of the star in a hat and three pictures of him in the company of a young female friend (the Mail says this is one of Jackson’s three children).

And we read all about it. “The leggy creature in figure-hugging jeans, green blouse and high-heels drew plenty of admiring glances as she strolled along,” writes the paper.

But the face is spotted and “men who had been eyeing ‘her’ feminine curves seconds earlier were horrified to find themselves ogling Michael Jackson”.

Horrified? Why? Because they had been leering at a man? Or because they’d been perving at Michael Jackson?

Whatever the reason for the horror, we remind these men that we are living in enlightened times, and as our patron Old Mr Anorak (now away coaching the Thai Ladies’ ping-pong team at their winter training camp) often says: “Boy – that was no lady?”

Anorak

Posted: 12th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink