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ONE thing lacking from the story of John Darwin, the canoeist who paddled back from the dead, is his being mistaken for wayward peer Lord Lucan.

It is the way of all disappearances that the vanished British male should walk into a bank in some place other than Britain and be sized up against the missing peer.

However, the only thing Darwin was mistaken for was a corpse. And that includes by the credit card companies that, as the Star reports, six times denied his application for service. Given his billing as a canoeist, there may be irony in Darwin being denied a Goldfish credit card.

His wife Anne seems to see some humour in the story. In the Daily Mirror’s front-page “EXCLUSIVE – SECRET LIFE OF MR CANOE”, Anne Darwin smiles for the cameras and says: “I can’t believe he’s back from the dead after five years.”

It’s the same exclusive on the Mail’s front page, where Anne Darwin’s picture illustrates the headline: “The Mail tracks down lost canoeist wife to Panama, where she insists: I thought he was dead (but I won’t be rushing back to see him) – YES, I DID POCKET THE LIFE INSURANCE”.

It’s some piece of investigative journalism, as one hack follows the other to Panama and looks up the name “Anne Darwin”.

And there’s more stealthy work in the Sun, which declares on its front page: “COPS KNEW HE WAS ALIVE.”

Inside (“PADDLE DO NICELY – Canoe wife’s £60k new life in Panama”), the Sun says Anne Darwin bought a penthouse in Panama for £40,000 “in CASH”. The Express notes that the flat is in an area of Panama City known as El Dorado.

Readers are advised to sit tight. Panama might be untouched by the property boom and budget flights, but the real story is that Anne Darwin also has a new Toyota Land Cruiser 4×4…

Just like the vehicle Reginald Perrin (see all papers) famously drove into the sea…

A man who turned up five years after he was feared drowned was being questioned by police as it emerged that a photo was apparently taken of him and his wife last year.

STOP PRESS: Cleveland Police said a 57-year-old man had been arrested in relation to their investigation into the disappearance of John Darwin. “He buried himself under a dark coloured jacket as he was bundled into a police car and sped away.”

As the Syndey Morning Herald notes: “Police had arrived at the house about half-an-hour earlier, knocked on the front door and called through the letter-box: ‘Mr Darwin, we need to speak to you’.”

Picture: Anne and the ghost of John Darwin said to be in the offices of a Panama estate agency in 2006… 

Posted: 5th, December 2007 | In: Tabloids. Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0