No Teddy Bear’s Picnic For Keith Richards And Vernon Coaker

WOOD. Chocolate biscuits. Keith Chegwin. You can find anything washed up on Britain’s beaches.

Frank Partridge is walking on a beach on the Lizard Peninsular, Cornwall. He spots a package.

The package is 2ft square. Frank drags it off the beach and uses a wheelbarrow to take it home.

The bag is full cocaine. In all there are five packages of the drug. Much excitement, although the Mail says it is uncertain if the drug can be used.

Partridge tells the police.

“Lay off the dope,” says Keith Richards in Uncut magazine. “That’s my advice to all younger, uh, members who are into this sort of thing. I knooow the fascination, but it ain’t worth it.”

Younger members are encouraged to listen to Richards, and consult with older members, like Jacqui Smith, David Cameron and William Hague.

And to ask the children. As the Mirror says, “children of four to get drugs danger lessons”.

Vernon Coaker – no laughing at the back – is the Home Office Minister outlining the Government’zzzzzz 10-year drug strategy.

“What will make a difference?” asks Mr Coaker. “What is appropriate to do at an earlier age compared to now?”

We don’t know. Coaker, as with all New Labour tyros, is opening up the matter to a debate. It is thought this debate should last ten years and form the basis of a consequent review and then a manifesto pledge.

And it is serious. The Mirror says 300,000 children live with drug addicted parents. How many of those are addicted to prescription drugs is not said.

This fact is illustrated by a stuffed teddy bear. What it is stuffed with, again we are not told.

But if you find one on the beach, or in the woods, best to hand it in…

Anorak

Posted: 28th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Politicians, Tabloids Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink