Celebrity Suicide Watch, With Paul Gascoigne, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Jordan, Big Brother And All Your Favourites
“GAZZA SUICIDE WATCH,” says the Star’s front page, words illustrated by a picture of Paul Gascoigne.
The tabloids routinely offer their readers a chance to slide back the peep hole and check on the mental wellbeing of the celebrity in “my hell”. Paris Hilton, Brintey Spears, Amy Winehouse, Jordan - you alright in your mental prison?
The talk is always of suicide:
In “JORDAN: MY DRUG AN SUICIDE HELL”, the News of the World told of Katie Price’s suicide concerns. For herself.
Fears were that Katie would top herself. Not just once. This would be the world’s first single-person double suicide. As with so much of Katie’s career, she would killer herself twice.
The Sunday Express told us: “Britney: I’ll kill myself.”
The Mirror placed her on “suicide watch“.
The Sun saw her “suicide note“.
The Sun told us that Michael Barrymore was on “SUICIDE WATCH”.
There was talk of former EastEnders red coat Shane Richie’s suicide note.
A Big Brother star emeritus told the world, via the tabloids, that a Big Brother star will commit suicide. Only a matter of time. Stay tuned.
Big Brother bully Jo O’Meara was on “suicide watch“.
The Sun saw that Jade Goody was on “suicide watch“.
Paris Hilton sings of “suicide“.
Paris Hilton was the Sun’s “SUICIDE BLONDE“.
The News of the World saw a jail sentence as a “SUICIDE” sentence for Amy Winehouse.
And now Paul Gascoigne is on suicide watch. And we watch. The Sun has had Gazza on suicide watch since February 22nd.
But nothing. Not yet.
Keep looking. Gather round.
It’s the tabloid suicide cult. It’s the cult of suicides in the media…





March 10th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
Is this part of the spring schedules on TV? I’ve searched the Radio Times and I can’t find out when it starts. Will we be able to vote them ‘off’ on a Friday evening and choose the method of their ‘offing’?
I can see it now. Ten minutes with Davina. Five minutes of their ‘best bits’, not too long or they wouldn’t be there, then led away to their chosen fate
March 10th, 2008 at 5:10 pm
How about a clinic for all these troubled, young, rich freeloaders? In Bridgend. Couple of weeks should do the trick nicely.
March 11th, 2008 at 3:20 am
let them do it. not like we will miss them will we?