No Sex Please, We’re Cheryl And Ashley Cole

CHERYL Cole and her footballer, Ashley Cole, are reconciled.

They will not be divorced. Reconciliation keeps the tabloid plot going. What can you say about a celebrity divorce?

In “VEGAS: MY WIFE FROM HELL” The Star leads with news that “comic” Jonny Vegas is divorced from his “drunk, bullying, nagging missus”.

Vegas is famous for watching TV with a stuffed monkey in an advert for watching the TV.

Now Vegas is in the tabloids. He is “famed for his loud, hard-drinking image”. He “told a court he left Kitty Donnelly after she was ‘aggressive and abusive’”.

And that’s it. Other than the “missus” telling the Mail or the Express of “My Hell With TV’s Monkey” the story ends.

But reconciliation brings with it the promise of more sensation.

“Cheating Ashley gets a sex ban,” screams the Sun. And, no, not a ban on his having sex with Aimee Walton or a thrusting glamour model. Ashley is banned from having sex with Cheryl.

That will teach him to go looking elsewhere for sex, as has been alleged. That will keep him loyal to his wife.

The Sun says the footballer won’t be having sex with Cheryl for six months. Today is March 11 2008. September 11 2008. Is the fixture list in?

Says a source: “Ashley is famous for his ball control but this will be the ultimate test.”
And to mark his graduation, a ceremony:

“The Girls Aloud star has also agreed to renew her marriage VOWS during a secret summer ceremony in Newcastle.”

And maybe this time David and Victoria, who missed the first wedding, can be there? In secret…
Aimee Helps Poor Cheryl Cole Understand Sick, Cheating Ashley

Anorak

Posted: 11th, March 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Tabloids, Wags & Players Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink