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PAUL Jewell, manager of Derby County football club, is “football’s Paris Hilton”.

Do not doubt that football needs a Paris Hilton. If football is to be Hollywood in shorts, then it needs to embrace all elements of showbusiness.

One-hit wonder Paul Gascoigne is Britney Spears, and some debate rages over whether Gary Neville or Steve McClaren is Simon Cowell. But Jewell is a shoo-in for Hilton on account of his singing ability, skin tones and allegations of a homemade movie.

Says the Star on Sunday: “The Derby County manager has called in lawyers to stop the DIY porn movie becoming a Paris Hilton style hit. It shows portly Paul in a series of kinky romps with a mystery blonde. The dad-of-two fears the footage could turn him into an unlikely internet sex star like heiress Paris, 27.”

Readers learn that the movie shows “former Bradford manager Jewell strapping his lover to the bed, slapping her bottom and pleasuring her with a sex toy. She wears black suspenders, stockings and boots”.

Forward With Jewell 

While we envisage the boots and studs, and Jewell going in hard with his tackle, some may wonder if this is not Jewel’s preparation for life after football?

A celebrity sex tape never did anyone’s career any harm. Mr Jewell should release the tape and become an internet hit, securing a future in the media.

This will, of course, trigger copycat videos. Very soon other football bosses feeling the pressure – Derby County are bottom of the premier league – will release their sex tapes.

Roy Hodgson, beleaguered manager of Fulham will need to up and ante and produce a video of him romancing a goal post, followed by Wigan Athletic’s Steve Bruce’s antics with a range of gardening tools.

The trend will reach a crescendo when the ultra-competitive Alex Ferguson, contemplating the long dark tunnel of retirement from ‘the game’, produces a film featuring himself, the West Bangkok Manchester Untied Supporters’ Cub and a collection of battery-operated hairdryers…

Sven Goran Erkisson is the manager of Manchester City FC. 

Posted: 24th, March 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Paris Hilton, Tabloids. Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0