Coleen McLouhglin’s Two-Tier Wedding Mistake
THAT Coleen McLoughlin and her footballer Wayne Rooney are getting married – to each other – occupies the Mail’s thoughts.
In “Rationing the Rooneys”, the Mail says Coleen is planning one do for the “A-listers” and another for her husband’s relatives.
The party in the Mediterranean will be an OK!-funded do with the usual fire-eaters, shiny suits and Coleen’s A-list pals, such as her husband, her husband’s team-mates and her husband’s team-mates wives.
Back on Merseyside, Wayne’s relatives are chowing down on pickled egg sarnies and not drinking all that much as Coleen considers imposing a limit on alcohol.
The story goes that some of the Rooney Family (sung to the tune of the Addams Family) are upset at the two tier wedding and want to ensure they too are featured within the glossy pages of OK!.
But Coleen is concerned that if they are it will damage “Brand Rooney”, something a source says Coleen is planning to export to America, in much the same way the Pilgrim Fathers introduced smallpox to the New World.
What exactly Brand Rooney is remains uncertain. This is Wayne, the footballer who spent a period of agreed time with Auld Slapper, a middle-aged prostitute, and got sent off in the World Soccer Cup Finals Series, and Coleen, who has an eponymous keep-fit DVD and enjoys shopping.
A pub wedding and a fight might be the one thing that distinguishes Brand Rooney from Brand Beckham, Brand Jordan and all the other Brands that have stretched the so-called special relationship enjoyed by Britain and America relationship further than the aforementioned Ms Slapper’s bloomers…
April 7th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
Brand Rooney ….. Shrek 4 ?
April 7th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
Reminds me of my second cousin Allens wedding. He’s my great aunts son, that’s a second cousin isn’t it?
He generously ignored the fact that several years earlier I had thrown him bodily out of our house for insulting my mother and invited me to his wedding. Actually he got off easy, if my dad had been there he would have been pounded up good.
Anyway, the service went off ok. However, when I arrived at the reception there was a riot underway, I saw police cars, an ambulance, and even a fire engine. Members of the brides family, a well know bunch of loonies in the Peckham area, had arrived drunk and begun fighting everybody, plus smashing up the hall and causing a fire in the kitchen area.
The members of my immediate family beat a hasty retreat, as did I.
So, I’m with Coleen on this one. Have a civilized wedding in France and then a piss up for the more neanderthal side of the family later.
April 7th, 2008 at 10:40 pm
Dear Anorak, we need a separate sub-category for Wayne and Coleen’s wedding. “Celebrities” is too diffuse. This story has legs.