Karen Matthews to Have Her Features Rearranged
AS the police turn a Dewsbury Estate into a gated community, the Star looks at Kate Matthews and her £100,000 makeover.
We are no longer looking at Shannon Matthews, nor are we looking for her; but we are looking at Karen Matthews, “Public Enemy No.1”.
The Star says Shannon Matthews is to “get plastic surgery just like Maxine”. That’s Maxine Carr, the former most hated woman in the UK who was jailed for lying to cover up her lover Ian Huntley’s murder of Jessica Chapman and Holly Wells.
If comparing Karen Matthews of Maxine Carr is not enough, the Star burnishes her status by hearing from John Bretton, father to Karen’s first child. Says he: “She must have spent a fortune on cigarettes over the years. It’s the one thing she does love.”
Who knows, Matthews may even take up the offer of ten Lambert & Butler fags her fellow lags are being offered for “her head”.
But what head do the vigilantes go for? Do they aim for the head we see bowed and beaten in the news or the head with the new nose, chin reconstruction and “lots of other work”.
This new look will protect her identity, we hear.
Having her face sliced open and her features rearranged will save Karen Matthews from, er, having her face sliced open and her featuring rearranged…
Jeez, that’s some handout. But wait, there’s more. An Anorak source reveals that in addition to a new face and body, a new home, and round-the-clock protection, Karen could also receive the following:
* Thirty gallons of Krystal champagne each day, to bathe in and then drink
* Free cigarettes
* A special hairdryer made of solid gold
* Customized box at Old Trafford – with dark glass windows so that United fan Craig can join her
* 50,000 Lotto scratch cards
* Lifetime supply of Lindt chocolate
* A billion pounds from the public coffers, which will not affect her right to benefits
Anorak suggests that you print out this list and place it on your fridge door to remind you how your taxes could be spent.
April 14th, 2008 at 10:35 am
Blimey, first
April 14th, 2008 at 10:36 am
Second is the new first!
April 14th, 2008 at 10:39 am
Wonder if she’ll get botoxed, and she needs some work around the eyes too
April 14th, 2008 at 10:46 am
Wot no McCain Microchips? The busy mum’s friend.
April 14th, 2008 at 10:47 am
This if true makes an even bigger mockery of this country and its law abiding people, than I thought possible.
April 14th, 2008 at 10:53 am
What a pathetic joke all this is! What a stupid irresponsible woman. However, I can’t understand why many posters think that what she has ALLEGEDLY done is not very serious. If proved that she helped plan it, it is incredibly serious. Some legislation really must be introduced to prevent people trying to make money out of these types of funds, whilst not stopping collections for really worthwhile causes such as treatments that people maybe can’t get in this country. As for plastic surgery, better to just remove her to a distant area, or another country. Don’t suppose another country would take her though.
April 14th, 2008 at 10:58 am
Caution - this article is in The Star - I will say no more.
April 14th, 2008 at 11:16 am
No amount of facial rearranging will help Karen as she has a very big mouth and would blab all over the place therefore giving the secret away. At least like other have said, she has fessed up and by doing this the whole case can move forward and hopefully sort out all this very sad situation. If Shannon and the siblings have been abused, well, no amount of facial rearranging will help!
April 14th, 2008 at 11:33 am
Just a note -
Whoever wrote this has used ‘Kate Matthews’ (again!) and ‘Shannon Matthews’ where it should have read ‘Karen Matthews’.