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THE Story so far: John Prescott has written an autobiographical menu (surely book) and revels that he is a victim of an eating disorder.

In “My name is John Prescott and I do condensed milk,” Prescott says that stress of work caused him to “stuff my face with chips, crisps, trifle, chocs.” What with the biscuits and the secretary it’s a wonder he found room on his desk for any work.

Had that egg famously tossed at him been made of chocolate, Prezza would have opened his mouth and swallowed it whole. He’d then have sued the egg thrower for abusing his eating condition and causing him distress.

Now Prescott has had his say, the columnists are having theirs. Before we read of Prescott: My Addiction To Jags and Prezza: My Red Leather Trauma know:

FERGUS SHANAHAN (The Sun): “PREZZA STILL MAKES ME SICK”

“In a confession designed to flog his memoirs, the lardy old fraud says stress made him develop bulimia. He would stuff himself then nip down to the gents and stick his fingers down his throat. It must have been tricky when his trotters were up his mistress’s skirt.”

MICK HUME (Times): “People seem hungry to gain respect less for what they have done than for what they have endured emotionally. Every celebrity biography has to compete with bestselling misery memoirs. Even the double Olympic champion Dame Kelly Holmes came out in her book as a survivor of self-harm. Now we have Mr Prescott’s blame-the-stress- not-me bulimia biog.

“If there was anything to admire about Mr Prescott, it was surely his no-nonsense attitude (despite talking nonsense) and working-class fortitude. The abiding image was of him punching that egg-thrower with the mullet. Now he has thrown that down the toilet by becoming just another celebrity victim with a sob story. He even tries to blame his temper on the digestive biscuits!”

MICHAEL WHITE (Guardian): “Some people drink too much, as he admits to doing rarely, others (highly-strung Harold Macmillan) read Jane Austen or play tennis (Tony Blair). Prezza seems to have over-eaten and thrown up on the sly just like Princess Diana, whom he resembles in so few other ways apart from that troubled childhood.”

VANESSA FELTZ (Express): “Champion for bulimics or just greed?”

“Prescott has been re-branded, resurrected and transformed from a bad-tempered greedy-guts to a heroic and long-suffering victim.”

Is this why he tells about his pain?

“He is greedy for money in the same way that he was for food, alcohol, fast cars, power and extra-martial sex with his secretary”

RICHARD LITTELJOHN (Mail): “If TWO Jags is bulimic, then I’m a size zero”

“Two Jags has cast himself as this year’s Paula Hamilton, the Volkswagen model who made a career out of My Battle With The Bottle - except this time it’s burgers, not Bollinger.
“Fleet Street’s Glendas are going to have a field day. This one will run and run. I can’t wait for next week’s instalment - Two Jags: My Menstrual Cramps Torture. Nothing would surprise me any more, given that Prescott appears to have spent his entire life in the grip of advanced PMT.

“What does astonish me is the way in which this fairy tale has been greeted with widespread credulity.

“Rule one: never take any politician at his or her own estimation.”

Posted: 22nd, April 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Labour Party, Politicians, Tabloids. Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0