Sir Ian Blair Teaches Amy Winehouse To Dry Out
A LOOK up Amy Winehouse’s nose on the Evening Standard’s cover page, and the headline: “PUT COCAINE STARS ON TRAIL SAYS MET CHIEF.”
Sir Ian Blair, commissioner for London’s Celebrity Police Force, is calling for celebrities filmed taking drugs to be put on trial.
The Mirror, which broadcast pictures of Kate Moss snorting talcum/cocaine/anthrax/ground virgin’s bones, and the Sun, which campaigns to have all celebs locked away so making them easier to track and saving on expenses, should be all ears.
Says Sir Ian: “My position is that a sensible jury would not expect people to be sniffing talcum powder.”
Talc and the sniffing of may be just the trick to get rid of a runny nose, possibly brought on by cocaine abuse.
He continues: “At the moment the law says you must be in possession of a Class A or a Class B to be prosecuted. If you are seen on film then nobody can tell what the substance is.”
Can you snort a film of talcum powder, or cocaine?
“I think it is reasonable for a jury to say: ‘You convince me that you are taking talcum power’ because it is an unusual way to take it.”
Sir Ian may care to show us the correct talcing procedure, and thereby set the benchmark by which all talcings may be assessed.
Indeed, if he can be seen shopping his morning talc into neat thin white lines, he may ever boost his celebrity…
June 6th, 2008 at 7:49 pm
Yes, but what’s he going to do about the 50,000 parakeets menacing London?
***********
Oh POO!
June 7th, 2008 at 9:14 am
With 50,000 parakeets that’s a lot of parakeet poo…
June 7th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
Tthe Director of Public Prosecutions, Sir Ken Macdonald, QC, said:
”I’m extremely surprised by comments attributed to Sir Ian Blair. He appears to have completely misunderstood the law.
[gosh, what a surprise, chenier said]
‘The issue was not whether the white powder that Kate Moss was snorting was cocaine or talcum powder.
‘The law required us to prove that it was either a class A drug or a class B drug. We could only base our case on one of these options.
‘It was impossible for us to do this since cocaine - a class A drug - and amphetamine - a class B drug - are both white powders.
‘The analysis attributed to Sir Ian Blair is therefore completely wide of the mark. Any suggestion that the CPS does not prosecute celebrities is completely untrue.
‘We will prosecute when the police provide us with sufficient evidence to do so.’
June 9th, 2008 at 11:25 am
…isn’t he bordering on the “guilty until proved innocent” line there?