Car Crash TV With Jeremy Kyle And Death
“JEREMY KYLE CHEATS DEATH,” screams the Mirror’s front-page headline.
You can just see Kyle standing before Death and yelling at him to “Be a man! Do the job properly - NO more cheating – NO more lies – NO stuff ups. If you ARE Death then start behaving like Death!
“Let’s get God on the show, everybody.”
God emerges wagging a finger calling Death “pafetic” and demanding a DNA test to prove once and for all that “Def is cheatin’ lyin’, free-loadin’ scumbag”.
Witnesses said the ITV talk show host was “shaking like a leaf” after his chauffeur-driven BMW saloon collided with a Mazda sports car in the outside lane of the A1. Mazda MX3 driver Darren Shannon, who scrambled uninjured from his upside-down car, said: “Jeremy was just sitting on the verge looking really shocked. He wouldn’t say a word. He must have been in shock.”
Time to bring on our resident therapist… Graham, everybody.
Says Kyle: “If there is one thing you think you can rely on it’s Death. Right, everybody? But NO! He let me down.”
“BE… A… MAN…”
July 23rd, 2008 at 10:45 am
Very good write-up Anorak. I watch a lot of Jeremy Kyle for character research (yes really!) and you’re spot on. Guess you must watch it also?
July 23rd, 2008 at 11:09 am
Be a man!
July 23rd, 2008 at 11:23 am
C&C - don’t envy you having to research that type of character!! surely watching this mindless aggressive drivel must do your head in….?
July 23rd, 2008 at 11:38 am
Dairy…. actually it never fails to fascinate me, and there’s no shortage of applicants apparently for Jeremy and Trisha so bad behaviour is creeping towards being the norm. Scary…….
July 23rd, 2008 at 2:14 pm
Very good write up. Im a huge fan of kyle but found this very funny.
July 23rd, 2008 at 3:21 pm
Very funny Anorak!…you are the man!!!
July 23rd, 2008 at 3:35 pm
i think this is sooo stupid!!!!!! how could you take the micky of something that could have been very serious!!!
if jeremy kyle had of died, then what would have you wrote!!!!!!
pathetic you need to get a life, if all you have to do is write up mickey takes!!!
July 23rd, 2008 at 3:44 pm
But it wasn’t serious and so we laugh.
July 23rd, 2008 at 4:40 pm
who is mickey (micky) anyway…?
July 23rd, 2008 at 9:22 pm
u r a sicko anorak apart from being a big fan of jeremys think of his wife an kids u must be so heartless get a life
July 24th, 2008 at 2:00 am
he always talks crap n dunt help anybody at all,n graham must get fed up of coming in and out putting on a act jeremy goin to make a new one now worlds most scariest car crashes,,,,,,,,anyway so how you feeling now u in any kind of shock be a man n just forget it its a everyday thing i tlk to my kids n there see it all the tym so wot makes u so different u ad a good car there now uv wrecked it hope u feel beta in ya self cause that dint deserve u at all even tho it was a old mazda with a half rusty exhaust n twin cam engine.
July 24th, 2008 at 8:58 am
You inconsiderate selfish cow, i have never met anyone so heartless in my life why the hell don’t you get a grip of life and find something better to do that take the piss out of people who are lucky to pf escaped death. Lets just hope you never face that situation you stupid bitch.
July 24th, 2008 at 9:22 am
I think this is really funny and that some of you need to get a life. This is about a man who has made a fortune out of exploiting peoples problems and lives. Dont be fooled that he gives a damn, if there was no money in it, he wouldnt give these people the time of day…. Keep going Anorak…we need more humour in the world.
July 24th, 2008 at 11:06 am
…we have a life, susannah, but we also have a laugh…. nowt wrong with that!
July 24th, 2008 at 11:33 am
whats all the fuss about, yet another truimph for german technology, BMW best cars in the world and good old jez will tell you so too vorsprung dert technique…
July 24th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
Seriously Good Stuff Anorak, Awesome Write Up Beyond Belief, i read it and laughed very hard. My brother asked what was so funny, i showed him the screen, and he pissed himself laughin, lol., all u people tht think its sick, its called black humour, we need 2 laugh at more situations like this so we can reflect on how to feel better…. so yh, so what if jeremy kle nearly died? he didn’t din’t he? so Joke!!!!
Peace
July 24th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
Anorak…… Is the Sun newspaper aware of your existence? You should be their Chief Reporter!! This article is soooooo funny. People who disagree with me are all STUPID!! and not intelligent enough to see the cloth you weave of a socialist message threaded with irony, wit and just a hint of the moral high ground. Masterful…..
M and A
Kind as your thoughts are intended, may be duck when Anorak reads this!
July 24th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
first time the mans been speechless……lol
July 24th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
I wasn’t being kind. I was being SARCASTIC. I thought the article was funny in a base sense of humour way. I can understand why people would find it funny. I can’t understand why anyone would write it? Pay Jeremy Kyle lip service? Why? Why would you do such a thing, says me now paying you lip service. Oh dear. Read what I wrote closely, paying particular attention to the grammer. (Incidentaly, my fingers are now chopped off having even written the name of the previously named excuse for a tabloid, which blackens my poor soul)
************
we don’t do sarcasm here, we do satire, a far higher level of humour
July 24th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
…isn’t that grammar…? now that’s sarcastic…!
if it’s so far beneath you to pay Jeremy Kyle lip service, why take the time and the effort to comment at all…?
July 24th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
it’s really cute when people try so hard to be clever, don’t you think?
(sorry Anorak, I think that was sarcasm again - oops!)
M and A
It was lost on her, but then when your only humour is sarcasm….
July 24th, 2008 at 5:42 pm
What is the point of a spoon if you don’t stir the pot? Whom did you expect to respond but those with a strong opinion? Your article was really funny. It’s a pity you feel the need to publish it in this format. Wouldn’t the Guardian look at it? Or even the Herald? Such a pity when I feel you need the adulation (note that word). Are you very insecure? Most people would be satisfied to scribble in a notebook. Are you searching for cult-status??!!??
Maybe you should write to Dear Deirdre. I’m sure she could help.
July 24th, 2008 at 7:18 pm
Got to admit that i found the kyle thing very amusing as i think most did. Very suprised how some peple took it to heart so much, although everyone is entitled to their own opinion, i find it a little worrying that some people would be so rude towards someone who is just being creative and witty. I bet the majority of people found it very funny and it certainly made me smile. perhaps if certain people find this kind of thing so outrageous and offensive they should refrain from reading it!!!!!
July 24th, 2008 at 7:28 pm
I just think that he is really nice and it would of been a really bad shame if something severe would of happend so im just glad hes alright.