The Idiots Guide To The Lehman Brothers
LEHMAN Brothers bank collapses, proof that capitalism works and you’re never to big to go under.
Big news, then. But the red-tops have a problem: they need to make their readers understand what Lehman Brothers was. They do this by finding an easy point of reference and talking down to them in words of one syllable or fewer.
THE SUN (front page): “CRASH – BANG – WALLOP”
Jobs have been lost. Lehman’s hasn’t half a sixpence to its name. But what does it man? Well:
“Manchester Utd sponsor AIG could be next.”
That’s right. Man United fans might be forced to buy a new shirt. And with the season but a few weeks old. For shame!
The collapse of the America’s fourth largest investment bank is illustrated by a picture of renowned merchant banker and money man Wayne Rooney.
Says Kredit Krunch Katie, 23, Liverpool:
“Everyone seems to be suffering in the credit crunch. You just wonder who will be next to go.”
DAILY STAR: “Manchester United’s insurance giant sponsor AIG seeking [sic] an urgent £25bn.”
Can AIG ask Manchester City’s new owners for a loan, or arrange with United to sell Cristiano Ronaldo to the City club?
That’s Lehman Brothers “America’s foruth biggest bank”. Or not. American forth biggest bank is Wachovia Corp. Let’s hope staff there don’t read the Star and panic.
DAILY MIRROR: “GORILLA OF GREED”
The Mirror looks beyond the victims to the culprit. The paper says he’s Dick Fuld, Lehman brothers boss. He earned £22milion last year. How his wages are related to the banks hundreds of billions in liabilities is unspecified.
But still, you want a villain, and the Mirror delivers…
What does it all mean?
“And Manchester United’s embattled sponsor AIG…was handed a £11.2billion lifeline.”
It’s banking for idiots…
Posted: 16th, September 2008 | In: Credit Crunch, Money, Tabloids Comments (8) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink
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September 18th, 2008 at 2:11 am
bunch of chancers
http://www.guardian.co.uk/business/2008/mar/18/creditcrunch.useconomy
September 16th, 2008 at 6:28 pm
All I can say is that I am glad that the unwashed are ‘protected’ from buying stocks and shares in ‘certain’ things.
I just put a blind-fold and boxing gloves on my Hubby and asked him to wrap up an object that he couldn’t see and couldn’t feel. I asked him to name a price that he thought it was worth - and float it on the errrrrrr ……… pond athe bottom of the garden!
Will let you know what price it fetches if errrrrr ……. one of the neighbours rescues and buys the package for a ‘certain’ price and errrrrr ……. knows who to sell it onto without errrrrr …… unwrapping it first!
Twats!
September 16th, 2008 at 6:03 pm
Yep; that aspect of capitalism is, of course, more honoured in the breach than the observance, and most CEO’s think it applies to every company other than their own…
September 16th, 2008 at 5:55 pm
Capitalism means any company can die - it;s how others get a chance to make it
September 16th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
..according to the papers today it was the greedy bastard chief exec who prevented the sale, as he was holding out for more dosh….
September 16th, 2008 at 11:41 am
And it’s all our fault!
If those namby pamby British Regulators hadn’t smacked Barclay’s hands and told ‘em to sit on the naughty step when they wanted to buy Lehmans everything would be wonderful!
Gosh, that makes me feel good!
September 16th, 2008 at 9:58 am
Finance world is very crazy… i can’t believe a big company as Lehman is dead !… poor capitalism…
September 16th, 2008 at 9:34 am
Couldn’t AIG sell off all the shirts, complete with mud’n’sweat - picture it now at Christies under the hammer going going gone - until the buyer realises he can’t get any more credit and his card is maxed out anyway