Big Brother Housemates: The Cull Begins

“BIG BROTHER stars in bloodbath,” screams the Daily Star. “AMAZING STREET BATTLE.”

And so the cull is upon us. OMA Law Of Perpetual Celebrity states:

“For every one new celebrity created an existing celebrity should be thrown onto the EU Celebrity Mountain; there should be no more than 62 front-line celebrities at any one moment; one must be called Noel Edmonds.”

If you want to find what happened to H from Steps, Caprice and Faria Alam go to Silo 13245b on the complex that borders Brussels Airport. Wear boots, overalls and no branded merchandise.

To the cull, then, as Big Brother reject Rex Nomark is in the streets of London being punched and, reportedly, lashing out with his belt. An eyewitness hears Rex “screaming”, and notes “rolling around on the floor, wrestling and kicking”.

If true, then this cannot Rex’s finest hour - who would be accused of fighting like a toddler, and that goes for today’s toddlers who, pumped up on juice and crisp, fight like Anthea Turner for a TV appearance?

Two women arrive – both are called Kerry – and say that the row began when Rex approached; offered; and they rejected.

Carnage. “Bloodbath”. Or at least a man with some blood on his nose. Not enough blood to bathe in, but blood sure enough.

And Rex? Well, in Belgium, a small man in a brown overcoat (“I used to be Leslie Grantham”), lowers the winch…

Culling Time: Big Brother’s Jen Promises To Kill Sara

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Big Brother 9: Rex Newmark And Nicole No Mark

Fixing It For Big Brother’s Rex Newmark

Big Brother’s Rex Wants To Be More Hated Than Jamie Oliver

Big Brother: Gazza, Nicole And Rex

Anorak

Posted: 6th, October 2008 | In: Big Brother, Celebrities, TV & Radio, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0