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The Candy Woman Can: Amy Winehouse Rots Your Teeth
TO the celebrity fairground, where Amy Winehouse is working the candy floss mixer.
The blend of refined sugar and food dyes might be enough to get a toddler off his face, but adults need more oopmf to get on a decent buzz.
While juice is the alcopop starter beverage, candy floss was only ever a kindergarten E. Until now.
Rav Singh, the NOTW’s showbiz gossip, is peering into the celebrity bowl. He notices:
I can reveal that AMY WINEHOUSE is hooked on a new way of taking cocaine— mixing it with candyfloss.
It’s the brainchild of Babyshambles guitarist Mik Whitnall, of whom a source tells us:
“It was Mik’s idea. The candyfloss machine was Amy’s pride and joy and he thought it would be funny to give it a boost. He and some pals sprinkled a wrap of coke into the mixture and Amy started eating it before she realised what they’d done. She now thinks it’s a hoot to do the same.”
In yer face sherbet dib-dabs. You needs sugar frosting to get a perk on when the kids are down with candyfloss?
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Posted: 12th, October 2008 | In: Amy Winehouse, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Comments
October 12th, 2008 at 11:43 am
The word ‘pals’ exists only in 1950’s boys comics and the tabloid press.
And real people haven’t thought things were a ‘hoot’ since the 1920s….
October 12th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
You are a wag…
October 12th, 2008 at 3:05 pm
No, Anorkra; I’m a cad and a bounder.
Mainly because I have been chortling* over Och-Ziff’s latest discovery of harsh realities; you may recall that this hedge fund threatened to sue the British Government because the shorts ban caught them with their trousers down, notwithstanding the fact that it was itself protected by the shorting ban on its own shares in the US.
According to Reuters, it had anticipated making lots of dosh on Chinese firms intending to become publicly quoted companies by buying up chunks of them beforehand.
Things started going wrong last year, but now the markets have completely ground to a halt, the scope to balance Chinese losses with gains elsewhere has become negligible. And there are an awful lot of investors who want to cash out of hedge funds.
The moral of the story would appear to be that the value of investments may go down, even if you are not shorting them and credit default swapping them in the hope of forcing them to go down…
*another word used only in Billy Bunter books
October 12th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
Cad, bounder, chortling?
I think chenier is the reincarnation of Frank Richards (Charles Harold St John Hamilton),
author of Billy Bunter. He probably has shares in yahoo as well.
October 12th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
Actually I was hoping for something more along the lines of a minor villain in a Bulldog Drummond story; I don’t think I could manage Carl Petersen, not least because I am not an insane criminal genius…
October 12th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
i wonder what it taste like
October 12th, 2008 at 8:28 pm
Why stop at candyfloss and cocaine? Why not inject Pop Rocks and gin directly into the brain through the fontanelle? Or place those horrible ‘flying saucer’ sherbert sweets (which any right-minded person simply bit open and upended over their mouths, throwing away the shell) filled with ground-up ecstasy under each eyelid? Why not try the rectal instertion of joints made from Spanish Tobacco and real hash wrapped in a rice-paper skin?
Stop using my childhood memories as your drug paraphernalia Winehouse, you simple bitch. I mean it. I am about this far (holds thumb and forefinger apart to the exact width of a Pacer mint chew) from firing off an angrily-worded letter to your dad! Oh, wait…your hubby has the monopoly on those, hasn’t he?
My apologies, Amy. By all means do go ahead. At least you’re killing yourself in an increasingly amusing and demented way each time I look. Bravo and kudos to you, you doomed fool.
October 12th, 2008 at 8:36 pm
Magnetite, anyone with ‘pals’ is doomed already, since ‘pals’ only exist in the tabloids.
And you might at least have noted my comments on the shorters being caught with their trousers down; I worked hard on that…
October 12th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
I am delighted that your star is in the ascendant, Chenier..truly. I absolutely loathe money, having done some terrible things to earn it - but your insight on the financial situation has made for fascinating, entertaining, funny and eye-opening reading - even for one like myself who would ordinarily wince at the very mention of economics, monetarism or, for instance, the very mention of John Maynard Keynes. It is then I usually turn to the less than light-hearted prophecies of George Carlin and Bill Hicks, who knew it would all collapse.
Thanks for not mentioning Bulldog Drummond too. I haven’t seen a B.D. film is ages…
October 12th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
I meant mentioning, of course. I am somewhat addled. I have second-hand Fresher’s Flu…and I’m decorating. The decorating is a greater torture. The Southern Comfort hot toddies are not helping either.
October 12th, 2008 at 9:37 pm
I’m glad you enjoy reading the financial stuff; there is so much rubbish churned out by the old media that it really does need to be challenged, if only because you, I and Joe Bloggs are going to be the ones footing the bill for this lunacy.
Of course, the old media has the incentive to keep it as opaque as possible, since otherwise we might ask what the hell the old media were doing in swallowing the claptrap and force feeding it to us.
We were told that these wonderful instruments had been created by the brightest and the best minds in the Western world, otherwise known as investment bankers. All of whom were apparently oblivious to the old maxim:
garbage in, garbage out.
If they’d confined themselves to betting on which raindrop would reach the bottom of the window first we would all be a lot better off.
And I am sorry to hear that you have Fresher’s Flu. The Offspring is rather past the Fresher stage but she’s currently doing a GP rotation, and is bemoaning the fact that she keeps meeting people who are ill. When I suggested that medics usually meet people who are ill she rather tersely pointed out that her previous stint on obstetrics, whilst hair raising in many respects, didn’t involve anything catching.
I’m not sure that Southern Comfort is ever a good idea, but this may be because of a traumative experience in my youth. Suffice it to say that taking the bottle with you when you go swimming is likely to lead to tears before bedtime…
October 12th, 2008 at 11:35 pm
Stop making me smile…
My nose is blocked and my mouth needs to be agape to continue breathing/living. I am in a better position than No:1 Son’s mother though, who has lungs like tissue paper and will by now have coughed herself inside out.
and with that I bid you, and everyone else at Anoark, good night - god bless - and sweet dreams.
October 12th, 2008 at 11:41 pm
And to you; I hope you all feel better in the morning…
October 13th, 2008 at 9:16 am
Coke in Candy-floss? How very amateur.
Look away all those of a delicate nature, DO NOT READ PAST THIS POINT…..
certain high profile alcoholic actresses who have been banned from consuming alcohol on-set have taken to inserting gin/vodka soaked tampons. Easy to prepare a box in advance to get one through a long hard, dry, day. (allegedly of course!)