Anorak

Tabloids | Anorak - Part 3

Tabloids Category

The news as told by the UK’s tabloid press – The Sun, Daily Express, Daily Mail, Daily Mirror, Daily Star and News of the World.

Transfer balls: Arsenal target Aubameyang booed as Borussia prepare to lose out

Has Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang signed for Arsenal yet? No. Today the Gabon striker played for Borssia Dortmund in their 2-2 draw with with Freiburg in the Bundesliga. There is no news. Borussia Dortmund striker plays up front for Borussia Dortmund.

But the journalisomobile is in full cry. It won’t be stopped by fact alone. So the Mail thunders: “Borussia Dortmund hierarchy ready to ‘break up’ with Arsenal target Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang.”

Says who? The Mail’s story is pinned “according to Sky Sports Germany”. He “may” leaves, says the Mail. Or to put it another way, he may not. “Hans-Joachim Watske and Michael Zorc are understood to hold the opinion that it would be better for all parties involved to ‘break up’.”

 

 

‘Understood’ is shorthand for there are no quotes. But over on Sky Sports Germany there are no facts either. But we do get a photo of Dortmund fans displaying a message to Aubameyang: “No player is bigger than our club.”  Which the Standard garbles into the story: “Arsenal target Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang shunned by Borussia Dortmund fans with banner.” How can you be shunned and greeted by a 60ft banner? Maybe next week the fans will ignore Aubameyang with a plane trailing a huge banner featuring the legend “Pierre Who?”

As the fans boo their star, Borussia Dortmund sporting director Michael ZorcZorc tells Sky Sports Germany:

“We are prepared to implement a transfer under certain parameters – but only if these parameters are fully met. Arsenal has started several attempts so far. We have all rejected so far.

“Either our demands are fulfilled, then there can be another transfer, or else they will not be fulfilled and Auba will play in Dortmund until the summer, so it is also discussed and accepted by the Aubameyang family.”

Dortmund want £60m or else they’ll keep paying the player who wants to leave and upsets the fans and the team. Not much of an ultimatum is it…

 

Posted: 27th, January 2018 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Spurs balls: Mauricio Pochettino to join Real Madrid and understanding the expert

No sooner has Mauricio Pochettino been linked with the Real Madrid manager’s job then the BBC says the Spanish giants have made a move for him. This might be some news from Zinedine Zidane, the current boss of Real Madrid, who led them to back-to-back Champions’ League triumphs in the past two seasons. Real are having a poor season by their high standards, fourth in La Liga, a whopping 19 points shy of leaders Barcelona.

Inevitably talk turns to who next at Real. And for reasons not all that clear, Real apparently like the Spurs manager, who’s never won anything meaningful as a coach (four manager of the month awards is the total haul). Spurs are fifth in the Premier League. They are in the Champions League, their path to a Round of 16 tie with Juventus is decorated with a 3-1 home win over Real. There should be Rule for when bigger clubs approach the manager of a small club they’ve just lost to. (Maybe The Anorak Rule? The Sorene Rule?)

As for the facts “revealed” in the Mail’s report, well, get a load of this line:

Sportsmail understands that initial contact has been made between Real Madrid officials and associates of Pochettino. Sources in Spain believe he is tempted by the possibility of working at Real Madrid.

Not exactly replete with definites is it. But “Real have made Pochettino their first-choice target…. It is understood that Madrid would not want Pochettino to replace Zidane mid-season… Pochettino would be handed a significant transfer budget as the club attempt to return to the pinnacle of Spanish football.”

I was in agreement with all those believes and maybes until I read that part about Real Madrid spending big to secure success. Nah! Not Real with all those homegrown players and commitment to locality.

Helping us work out if Real really are going to make moves for Pochettino is Sky, which notes: “Real have shortlisted the Spurs boss to take over at the Bernabeu, according to Guillem Balague.” He’s the expert who told us Alvaro Morata had signed for Arsenal, Santi Cazorla would join Atletico Madrid, Juan Mata was joining Liverpool and Cristiano Ronaldo was returning to Manchester United.

Such are the facts…

Posted: 27th, January 2018 | In: Back pages, News, Sports, Spurs, Tabloids | Comments (3)


Transfer balls: Pochettinho from Spurs to Real Madrid is pie in the sky

Funny, no, how in demand Tottenham boss Mauricio Pochettino is said to be? The BBC says the manager whose CV highlight reads ‘Premier League runners-up’ “would rather work on a farm than manage Arsenal or Barcelona”. It’s worth noting that neither club has made any approach to recruit the Argentine whose Spurs side are currently the fifth best side in the Premier League.

Over in the Express, the news is echoed: “Mauricio Pochettino hints at Real Madrid move before INSULTING Arsenal and Barcelona – TOTTENHAM boss Mauricio Pochettino has refused to rule out a move to Real Madrid.”

Very good of him not to discount moving to the world’s biggest and most successful football club. No word on whether or not Real want the 45-year-old. But they might. “You never know what will happen in football,” said Pochettinho when asked about coaching Real.

And what of that “insult”?

I am so clear,” Pochettino said. “I am never going to be manager of Barcelona or Arsenal because I am so identified with Tottenham and Espanyol. I grew up in Newell’s Old Boys and will never manage Rosario Central. That is my decision because I prefer to work on my farm in Argentina than in some places.”

Not “a farm”, as in ‘I’d rather muck out pigs than manage Arsenal or Barcelona.’ He says he’s rather retire to his farm than take a job with a big city rival.  He adds:

“But my commitment is massive in this club. I am working like I am going to be here forever. But in the end, it is like the players, you never know what is going to happen in football. It is a lot of rumours about this, about that. Tomorrow [Tottenham chairman] Daniel Levy could have a bad night and say, ‘Oh I am going to sack Mauricio’. And then I look stupid saying I am not going to work in one place or another or another. You never know in football. That is the problem. It is a very unstable situation.”

So much for the insult. Put his words through the churnaliser and the Express might just as well thunder: “Pochettino admits he could manage Chelsea or Arsenal.”

 

And then it’s back to Real Madrid. The Express says “current boss Zineidne Zidane [sic] is currently under heavy pressure at the Bernabeu…the Frenchman has admitted he will be sacked if Real lose to Paris Saint-Germain in the last 16 of the Champions League.”

Will Zidane (check spelling) get caught in all those currents? Did he says he will be sacked? In another story on bullshit.com, the Express states: “Real Madrid boss Zinedine Zidane reveals when he will be SACKED.” He did? No. H didn’t. Asked by a journalist whether his job tenure could be decided by the match with PSG, Zidane said: “Of course.” Not will be sacked. Might be sacked. Which surely is just another way of saying the same as Pochettinho: football management is not a stable job.

Such are the facts.

Posted: 26th, January 2018 | In: Back pages, Sports, Spurs, Tabloids | Comment


Transfer balls: Aubameyang’s Arsenal debut is stating the obvious

Transfer balls: are Arsenal going to sign Borussia Dortmund striker Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang. The Germans have turned down two bids this transfer window. But a third bid might just do it because the BBC says Arsenal are “already planning the 28-year-old Gabon striker’s debut”.

Says who? The Beeb links to a story on the Daily Express (aka bullshit.com), which announces: “Aubameyang to Arsenal: Arsene Wenger very confident of deal, debut already being planned.” The Express links to Bild as the source of its story. t the foot of a story on how the German’s want Arsenal’s Olivier Giroud and how the Frenchman would fit in at Borussia, the writer notes: “Arsenal manager Arsène Wenger (68) is scheduled to plan with Aubameyang for the next match at Swansea City (January 30).”

How Bild knows that is not mentioned. And, then, all it claims to know – that at the end of the transfer window, Aubemayang could play for Arsenal. that’s not insider knowledge; that’s stating the obvious. But hook it to the journalisomobile and you get the Mirror delcaing: “Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang ‘set to make Arsenal debut next Tuesday’ as Gunners close in on £60m deal.” And then the killer first line: “Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang could make his Arsenal debut as soon as next Tuesday.” Or to put it another, he might not.

But to the Mirror, guesswork amounts to something being “revealed”:

 

arsenal balls daily mirror

 

And this:

 

More revelations than Elijah

 

Such are the facts…

Posted: 25th, January 2018 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comments (2)


Manchester United balls: Jose Mourinho and the Sun’s selfie preservation society

So how does the Sun headline nine photographs of Manchester United manager Jose Mourinho minding his own business on a walk close to his London home?

Like this:

WHY SO GLUM?

Well, there is a stranger with a camera tracking his private life, possibly calling out his name, as paparazzi are wont to do, in the hope you’ll look at them. But the Sun doesn’t think the man with the big camera is making the Manchester United coach look at the pavement. And that’s odd because in one image, Mourinho is seen posing happily for a selfie with a passer by. Both Mourinho and the celeb spotter are smiling. Or as the Sun has it:

Jose Mourinho looks fed up as he poses for selfie with a workman…

No. He looks happy posing for a photo with a man who took the trouble to ask for a selfie. Might it be the other cameraman belching out his name like a lobotomised parrot that’s making him “moody” and “glum” as he walked down a Knightsbridge road close to his London home?

Posted: 23rd, January 2018 | In: manchester united, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Manchester United: Sanchez is no mercenary and Arsenal gain hope

The news media is on no doubt which of Arsenal and Manchester United got the better deal when Alexis Sanchez moved to Old Trafford and Henrikh Mkhitaryan headed to London in a swap plus cash deal. Every back page leads with Sanchez:

 

alexis sanchez arsenal manchester united

 

There’s a lot of guff about how Sanchez did and didn’t move for the money – my view: so what if he did; it’s a job and his duty to get the best pay he can to perform it. Not every athlete can be like Tim Duncan, the San Antonio Spurs star who twice helped his club by accepting contracts for less than his market value. Most players listen to their agents. And if journalists and pundits want to look around football for mercenaries, they should lower their gaze toward the men in shiny tracksuits.

The other notable thing is that Sanchez is being marketed heavily from the off, with United posting a video of the Chilean playing a few bars of ‘Glory Glory’, a song I’d always associated with Tottenham Hotspur.

 

 

Over at Arsenal, Arsene Wenger appraised his new player in unusual terms: “He’s a very complete player. He creates chances, he defends well, he can absorb distances and he’s very committed as well.”

The upshot is that both sides lose a player who were under performing and gain one who offers hope.

Posted: 23rd, January 2018 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, Broadsheets, manchester united, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Clickbait balls: Is this a hint Manchester United’s Sanchez is new face of Greggs?

 

Trinity Mirror is looking to take control of the Express. The company, which publishes the Daily Mirror, will then surely set about creating the largest clickbait farm in British football news. Both newspapers sites are stuffed full of utter tosh designed with one purpose: to trick fans looking for news on their club into clicking links and seeing the ads.

In today’s Express, readers are presented with the headline: “Is this the clue Arsenal will sign Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang?” A clue? Well, Arsenal’s deal makers are in Germany and Borrussia Dortmund, Aubemeyang’s club, say the Gunners have tabled an offer for their star player. But those are not the clue to which the Express refers. The clue is that “Ladbrokes believe striker Aubemayang is set to arrive too with the odds on him joining now 1/8.” Yep. What a bookie “believes” is a clue to a multi-million pound deal.

 

.”Manchester United was one of the teams that he dreamt about” says  Barbara Astorga 

After what looks like a sponsored story dressed up as clickbait, which itself is balls dressed up as news, the Mirror shows the Express how they do it.

When the Manchester Evening News reported on a drive-thru Greggs coming to the area – “The first AND ONLY drive-thru Greggs is in Greater Manchester and it’s open now” – other Trinity Mirror ignored the sore’s uniqueness and noted:

The Leicester Mercury: “A Greggs drive-thru has opened in Manchester – so we asked whether one is coming to Leicester.”

“When we heard the news that Manchester were getting their very own drive-thru, we wanted to know if we were getting one in Leicester – soon. so we got in touch with Gregg’s to find out – but it’s not good news. Greggs got back in touch to say there are no further Drive Thru shops planned to open in the immediate future.”

The Liverpool Echo the story was headlined: “Is Liverpool getting a Greggs drive-thru?”

“But unfortunately for all our Scouse Greggs fans, there are no current plans to open a drive thru in Liverpool.”

The Grimsby Telegraph: “Drive-thru Greggs may find its way to Grimsby as new concept is trialled for nationwide rollout.”

“The concept is being tried out at Irlam Gateway Service Station, in Salford, before a potential nationwide roll-out, though bosses say there are no immediate plans to open any more.”

Lincolnshire Live: “Could drive-thru Greggs be coming to Lincoln? Bakery’s new concept set for nationwide roll-out”

“The concept is being tried out in Manchester before a potential nationwide roll-out, but bosses say there are no immediate plans to open any more.”

The Bristol Post: “Is Bristol getting a Greggs drive-thru?”

“Although the company hasn’t said yet whether it plans to open a drive-thru branch in Bristol, its chief executive Roger Whiteside said it wanted the chain to have drive-thru shops in all sorts of convenient locations – so we wouldn’t rule out one appearing here just yet.”

Somerset Live: “Will Somerset get a Greggs drive-thru if the first one is a hit?”

“The concept, follows the launch of Greggs delivery service in Manchester, is being tried out here before a potential nationwide roll-out, but bosses say there are no immediate plans to open any more.”

If the Express and Mirror merge, look out for such scoops as: “Is Manchester United’s Alexis Sanchez the new face of Greggs?”; “Is this a hint Manchester United’s Sanchez is new face of Greggs?”; “Is this the real reason Sanchez left Arsenal for Manchester United?”

Spotter: Press Gazette

 

Posted: 22nd, January 2018 | In: Back pages, manchester united, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Manchester United: Mata is the antidote to Sanchez and Pogba’s greed

How much does Manchester United’s Paul Pogba earn? This is not to shame ‘Old Pogba’, as the BBC dubs him, to cast him as a footballing mercenary, a barb former Arsenal defender Martin Keown has aimed at Alexis Sanchez as the Chilean prepares to leave Arsenal for a £450,000-week deal at Manchester United.

The vast majority of us work for the money. Footballers should be no different. Although some of us want footballers to be role models for the slack-jawed masses, which is why the Guardian has made Juan Mata its footballer of the year. The Manchester United midfielder heads the Common Goal project, in which players and managers donate 1% of their salary to charity. Good for him and the recipients of his generosity, but relegating an athlete’s ability with the ball to somewhere below their morals is unhelpful to anyone who sees football as a fun leisure pursuit. Does journalism award prizes to commentators and editors on the strength of how many charities they give to? Do newspapers publish staff earnings in league tables and link wage packets to their owner’s net worth? The maximum fee for professional footballers was scrapped in the 1960s. The current obsession with footballer’s earnings and spending power looks a lot like snobbish disdain.

 

Young man from working-class background buys house!

 

And in the rush to sneer at footballers, facts are manipulated to suit the narrative. When Pogba signed for United on 2016, the Daily Mail stated his wage at £290,000-per week. Today the Mirror reports that Pogba earns £200,000-a-week. That’s quite some difference. And the Express says Pogba wants his wage”doubled” to match the “£500,000-a-week” Sanchez is set to earn.

Pogba’s basic salary is £165,000 a week, says the BBC. But his 41-page contract contains substantial incentives to earn more.

Will United give Pogba such a massive raise because his agent senses an opportunity? You wouldn’t bet against it. If the club are desperate enough to pay Sanchez a massive wage and in so doing risk destabilising the team – the reason Pep Guardiola gave for Manchester City pulling out of any deal for Sanchez – they’ll pay through the nose to keep their main marketing asset happy. Good for them. The rest of us should all agree on one thing: everyone should be on huge wages.

Posted: 22nd, January 2018 | In: Back pages, Key Posts, manchester united, Money, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Transfer balls: Manchester City race to sign ‘the new Paul Pogba’

Manchester United midfielder and marketing maestro Paul Pogba is 24. In media terms that’s old. The BBC for one is tired of old Pogba and has found “the new Paul Pogba”, aka Boubakary Soumare, 18.

The Daily Mail agrees, reporting that Manchester City, Everton and Leicester are looking at the  “new Paul Pogba”. The Lille teenager is on the market for a mere £20m-rated. That’s a snip for a player who’s made a whopping three starts for the struggling French club.

 

Boubakary Soumare

 

The Old Paul Pogba cost Man United around £90m when he joined when from Juventus. So news that the new version is available for much less should appeal to many clubs and brands.

What we don’t learn in the Mail’s story is who first called Soumare “the new Paul Pogba”. The Sun also fails to name a source for the claim in its story “Manchester City step up chase for Lille’s ‘new Paul Pogba’ Boubakary Soumare”.

There’s no word from Soumare. But rumours suggest he fashions himself as “the new Norman Hunter”.

Posted: 22nd, January 2018 | In: Back pages, Manchester City, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Get the Prince William haircut: yours for £3 a hair

Prince William did not shave his head into a regulation short back-and-sides. The hair was cut by a “scissors over comb freehand technique”, that, according to the Sun, “results in a softer finish” than clippers.

Anyone itching to get ‘The Wills’ can hire Joey Wheeler, who will set to work on your thatch for a mere £180, roughly £3 per hair. Well, so says the Sun – the reassuringly expensive fee echoed in the Mirror.

 

prince william hair

 

Helping readers spot the new Willis from the old, the Sun presents “before” and “after” shots. The odd bit is that Wills’ hair is less obvious in the ‘after’ than it in the ‘before’, but it is the ‘after’ which dignifies the front-page of the country’s best-read newspapers. Less is more in the world of tabloid sensation and hair.

PS: If you see Sarah Ferguson stretching a pink cap of sliced York ham over her red mane, don’t be shocked. She does what she must to get noticed.

Posted: 19th, January 2018 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family, Tabloids | Comment


Manchester United balls: Paul Pogba goes to pot

On the Sun’s website, news that Manchester United’s Paul Pogba owns a pool table.

And what game can we see him playing on said table in photos the player publishes on Instagram – photos which thanks to marketing guffers bigging up Brand Pogba  eagle-eyed journalists whose diligence helps those of us not interested enough in Pogba to follow his Instagram account keep tracks of his every move in the Sun?

Paul Pogba looks relaxed as he plays billiards in his Cheshire mansion

 

paul pogba pool tabel

 

Next week, Pogba plays tennis on a squash court.

Posted: 18th, January 2018 | In: manchester united, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Manchester United’s fee for Arsenal’s Alexis Sanchez confuses the Daily Mirror

Manchester United are going to pay an “incredible” £182m for Alexis Sanchez. So says the Daily Mirror. And it’s wrong, of course. A desperate and rich United have agreed to pay a £35m transfer fee for the 29-year-old Chilean. That’s pretty much it.

But the Mirror tots up the £500,000-a-week ages Sanchez will earn before tax on a four-and-a-half year contract and adds £117m to that £35m. It then adds a further £20m Sanchez will get by way of a “signing on payment”. That’s £172m. But the Mirror conjures £182 by double counting £10m Sanchez’s agent will earn, which is already incorporated in the £35m transfer fee.

 

daily mirror sanchez

£10m becomes £20m at the stroke of a pen

 

But aside from the pisspoor accounting, readers have to imagine that United will pay Sanchez over four years wages in one tranche. They won’t, of course.

And there’s the wages. The Sun says Sanchez will earn £505,000 a week. The Mail says it’s £450,000, a week – £350,000 basic plus £100,000 in image rights. That’s a licence for United to exploit Sanchez’s name commercially on stuff like mugs and other merchandising spin-offs. Buying Sanchez is not just about buying his ability on the pitch. United will earn from Sanchez’ name. It’s not wages. It’s a partnership.

Sanchez stands to earn a fortune. But the Mirror thinks his vast income is simply not sensational enough and needs inflating.

But you can get to £180m if you include wages, fees and tax:

 

 

Posted: 18th, January 2018 | In: Arsenal, manchester united, Money, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment (1)


Arsenal transfers: Daily Mail writer doesn’t read the Daily Mail

Do journalist read their own newspapers? Writing in the Daily Mail about Arsenal transfers, Adam Shergold writes today:

 

arsenal transfers

It is a measure of how far Arsenal’s stock has fallen that they are spending the January transfer window trying to hold on to key assets rather than looking to strengthen their squad.

Rally? Because the Mail also reports in the past 24 hours that Arsenal are looking to sell Alexis Sanchez and Theo Walcott. And the club is looking at new faces:

 

 

Story 1:

Borussia Dortmud striker Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang has already got one quality to be an Arsenal legend – he hates Tottenham.

Story 2:

The United boss omitted the Armenian from the squad to face Stoke on Monday night, with a potential swap deal with Arsenal for Alexis Sanchez being touted.

Story 3:

After Wenger’s initial apprehension towards a move, Arsenal are now working to complete the deal for the Gabon striker who would replace Manchester United-bound Alexis Sanchez.

Story 4:

Arsenal are reportedly keen to take Manchester United striker Anthony Martial in part-exchange for Alexis Sanchez. United have moved ahead of Manchester City in the race to sign the Chilean.

Story 5:

Premier League heavyweights Arsenal and Chelsea have identified Watford attacker Richarlison as a potential signing during the summer transfer window.

Story 6:

Alexis Sanchez set to leave Arsenal ‘in the next 48 hours’ with £35million transfer to Manchester United close as Arsene Wenger demands Henrikh Mkhitaryan is involved in any deal

Story 7:

Bordeaux’s Brazil forward Malcolm has been heavily linked with a move to the Emirates Stadium

Shergold was watching Arsenal play and beat Manchester United in an Under 23 clash last night. His reports tells us:

The other notable moment of the night saw January signing Konstantinos Mavropanos make his first appearance in an Arsenal shirt.

Either Shergold is right or all those stories on the Mail’s website are balls?

Posted: 16th, January 2018 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, manchester united, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Madeleine McCann: a sacked detective, a con and blood

madeleine mccann

 

Madeleine McCann returns in a story about a man’s death. The Star’s front-page headline bleeds: “MADDIE DETECTIVE DIES IN ‘BLOODBATH'”!

Yikes!

 

Maddie McCann private eye killed as blood-soaked body of ‘£300k conman’ found at mansion

A PRIVATE detective who allegedly conned the Maddie McCann fund out of £300k has been found brutally murdered.

Murder!? The body is that of  Kevin Halligen, found at a home in Guildford, Surrey. Hired to look into the disappearance of Maddie McCann in May 2008, he “was later accused of conning the fund out of £300,000”. Accused is not a judgement in a court of law. He allegedly conned the McCann family. But that lacks sensation. He denied misusing funds.

So what of the “murder”? Well, the police tell us:

“We were called to an address in Cobbett Hill Road, Normandy, Guildford, on Monday following a report of a man in his 50s having been taken unwell, who subsequently died.

“The death is being treated as unexplained and a file will be passed to the coroner’s office in due course.”

What about the blood, then?

The BBC hears from Adrian Gatton, a TV director and investigative journalist, who made a documentary with Halligen in 2014:

“There was blood around the house, probably caused by previous falls when he was either drunk or blacking out,” he said. “His house was full of empty drink bottles. A lot of people wished him ill but his death is almost certainly related to alcoholism.”

Not went blood, then. Dried, old blood.

What else do we know? The Mirror notes:

After being sacked from the McCann investigation, Halligen was arrested in the UK and extradited to America on fraud charges for an unrelated case.

He pleaded guilty to defrauding Trafigura, based in the Netherlands, who had hired him to help free two company executives arrested in Ivory Coast in 2006.

He received about $12 million to provide “security, intelligence and public relations”.

Trafigura gave Halligen an additional $2.1 million to “hire lobbyists and influence officials in the United States on Trafigura’s behalf”. The next day, Halligen used nearly $1.7 million of that money to buy a large home with a swimming pool.

Such are the facts.

 

Posted: 15th, January 2018 | In: Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comment


Daily Express uses fake Sanchez story to seduce Manchester United fans to Bullshit.com

As Alexis Sanchez prepares to sign a new deal with Manchester City or Manchester United – something that looked unlikely before Arsenal made the Barcelona reject look a bargain – the Daily Express gets the scoop, as ever it must. No fewer than two hadlin es scream that Sanchez to United is a done deal.

 

Alexis Sanchez to Man Utd: Romelu Lukaku 'confirms' transfer on Snapchat

 

Alexis Sanchez to Man Utd: Romelu Lukaku confirms transfer on Snapchat

Alexis Sanchez to Man Utd: Fans rage at each other as Lukaku confirms deal

The clue to this being total balls is in thoes inverted commas about ‘confirms”. You might spot them, but the Google bots that serve content to the world do no. In terms of getting traffic, inverted commas are the fake news’ friend.

The story, such as it is, is classic clickbait.

…on Lukaku’s personal Snapchat, the Belgian posted an image with three emojis. The Chile flag had an arrow next to it with a devil emoji in a black background.

The image was swiftly deleted but not before fans spotted Lukaku’s apparent confirmation and fans on social media believe it’s a clear sign that Sanchez has chosen United over Manchester City.

And so after two headlines and eight paragraphs, the fact emerges:

…eagle eyed fans spotted that the image was fake. Lukaku’s Snapchat account is Romelu.Lukaku10 but the image has Lukaku’s username as rLukaku9.

Ha. Yeah. The Express should put Romelu Lukaku’s name in inverted commas, too, because the story has nothing to do with him.

Such are the facts.

Posted: 15th, January 2018 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, manchester united, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Poor Ant and lucky Lisa: tabloids and PRs control Ant McPartlin’s divorce story

ant mcpartlin divorce

 

How do we feel about Ant McPartlin, the taller half of Ant ‘n’ Dec? The papers want us to sympathise with Ant, who’s filed for divorce from Lisa Armstrong after 11 years of marriage. The Mirror and Express lead with poor Ant: “Ant’s agony” (Express) and the “agony of Any” (Mirror).

The Mirror says the “star looked exhausted and had a bandaged hand during a walk in London.” These are “tough times” for Ant. An unflattering photo of Lisa, shown on the Mirror’s front page and on its page 5, shows her looking less than cock-a-hoop. Over two pages, we read Ant’s message in the Mirror. He has “admitted he is to blame for the break-up”. He “showed the strain of the split and his battle with pill and booze addiction” as he walked wth his mother. A “source” tells us, “the best thing is now that they both move on”.

Beneath that a lawyer opines that because “no one else is involved at present” the assets can be split equally between Lisa and Ant. No-one else involved “at present”? Might that change, then? And those assets are big.

The Sun and Star lead with the cash.

The Star calculates the couple’s pot to be worth £62m. And everything is couched from Ant’s viewpoint. We read that Lisa “stands to gain half of his £62m fortune”. Gain? Doesn’t she, like him, stand to lose control of £62m for half that amount? On page 5, we read that Lisa, who’s been with Ant for 23 years, “could pocket” and “rake in” a fortune. The Sun says Ant must “pay wife £31m“. Pay? Surely split the assets. He is “prepared to part with half his fortune“. Well, yes. That’s marriage mate. The assets are shared. What’s mine is yours. An unnamed “source” arrives to tell us what a good bloke Ant is. “It’s a huge amount,” says Messrs Anon and Anon, ” but he wants Lisa to be financially and emotionally supported.”

One page 4, the Sun tells its readers: “Star just wants Lisa to be happy.” “A source” says, he is “happy to give Lisa 50 per cent in the divorce if that is what is agreed by their lawyers.” Give? And noble of Ant to adhere to what the pricey lawyers hammer out and the law decides. “He wants to divorce for health reasons,” says the source.

 

ant mcpartlin divorce

 

And then the mood changes. Over pages 22-23, the Mail asks: “Why DID Ant abandon the wife who stood by him in his darkest hour – and still adore him?” Bravo, eh? You either take the PR’s word and wrap your story about it, or you form a position your readers will relish. And how does the Mail end its take on a divorce?”Everyone feels for Lisa,” says a “friend”.

Posted: 15th, January 2018 | In: Celebrities, News, Tabloids | Comment


Transfer balls: Manchester City won’t pay Arsenal star’s wages up front

It’s not just the Mirror online that seduces online readers with news that exists in headline form only. Today’s back page lead is that Manchester City are going to hijack Manchester City’s bid to recruit Arsenal’s Alexis Sanchez. And the fee? Well, it’s an eye-popping £124m!

 

sanchez mirror

 

And after the headline the facts: Arsenal want £35m for their player. But before you can work it out how £35m becomes £124m, the Bleacher Report has echoed the Mirror’s “exclusive”. “Manchester United ‘Close to Agreeing’ Alexis Sanchez Deal Worth £124m,” yells the website.

 

How close? The BR doesn’t know. It’s story is based on the Mirror’s story. And over there we read:

Blues are baulking at paying £124million this month for striker who is set to be a summer free agent — and Jose Mourinho is lining up a stunning player-plus-cash deal involving Henrikh Mkhitaryan

On what planet are Arsenal getting £124m for Sanchez? They’re not. The Mirror has added up the “striker’s demand for a three-and-a-half-year contract worth £400,000-a-week” and his “£15million signing-on fee”.

Do all clubs pay the entire wage packet up front?

The other part of the news is that Manchester City “believed a £20m fee and contract worth £300,000-a-week would be enough to land Pep Guardiola’s No 1 target”.

Well, £20m is tad low. And just three days ago the Sun told us: “Arsenal news: Alexis Sanchez ‘agrees deal to join Manchester City’… it’s now just a matter of when.”

And a bit of if. Arsenal have said they will only sell Sanchez if they have a replacement lined up, which is why they didn’t flog him to Man City in the summer.

Such are the facts.

 

Posted: 12th, January 2018 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, Manchester City, manchester united, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Wenger watch: Arsenal manger swore at Chelsea player and never flinched

How did Arsene Wenger find life sat in the Chelsea press box for Arsenal’s League Cup match semi-final tie? Well, last time we discovered that he has a huge garden:

A year ago, when he was also serving a touchline ban, Wenger crept to his seat beside the corporate area in the East Stand at Stamford Bridge and was welcomed with a handshake by an Arsenal supporter.

“I said, ‘Good afternoon’ and he replied, ‘I’m your gardener at your house’,” Wenger said. “I didn’t even know him. I do have a big garden.”

And this time, what did we learn?

Here’s Jeremy Wilson in the Daily Telegraph:

Spending 90 minutes literally just a few feet from Wenger ensured a fascinating insight. Not for anything he said, but simply the magnified perspective provided by his body language. We hear so often of how football managers live every moment of a match that we become almost immune to the draining reality of that statement. Yet to see Wenger fidgeting with each pass, almost straining to make every tackle and, even surrounded by media, still letting out the occasional shout of encouragement or kick of frustration was to feel just how much it all means.

Phil McNulty was there for the BBC:

Wenger remained relatively calm, even when Lacazette wasted a presentable first-half chance, only rising from his seat once during the game when Welbeck was penalised for a foul on Moses, but it was also easy to detect the strains and stresses.

He banged the table in front of him when Granit Xhaka committed a foul against Eden Hazard, shifted constantly in his seat, throwing back his head in frustration when opportunities came and went, such as Lacazette getting carelessly caught offside and when a promising free-kick position was wasted.

The Islington Gazette:

“I was two rows down so I couldn’t hear what he was saying, but colleagues reported him kicking the backs of their chairs and using the odd swear word, especially when possession was lost or the ball hoofed into the air.

“Whatever you think of him you simply can’t deny his passion.”

Jack Polden in the Mirror:

Commenting on referee Martin Atkinson blowing up for a foul on the Spaniard, Wenger shouted: “Every time Alvaro Morata goes down it’s a f****** free-kick.”

Gary Jacobs dedicates an entire column to Wenger Watch. Highlights include:

Wenger gently leans back in his seat, as Arsenal look more comfortable…

Wenger’s presence is noticed by Chelsea fans to his left. They stand, thrust their arms towards him and chant, “We want you to stay.” There is no response

Jack Wilshere is injured — again. Wenger never flinches

Such are the facts.

Posted: 11th, January 2018 | In: Arsenal, Broadsheets, Chelsea, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comments (2)


Clickbait Balls: Liverpool to replace Coutinho with a goalkeeper says Daily Express

More clickbait in the nadir of journalism (surely apogee of clickbait? – ed) that is the Daily Express website. The headline offers: “Philippe Coutinho replacement: Most likely Liverpool transfers in January.”

Who is “most likely” to replace Coutinho, now at Barcelona? Well, the fifth player on the list of people to replace the Brazilian playmaker is… Kevin Trapp. Given that the story is based on the science of guesswork, you’d suppose the Express’s writer would at least look at Wikipedia for some info. Had they done sso the hack would have discovered the following:”

Kevin Trapp (born 8 July 1990) is a German professional footballer who plays as a goalkeeper for Paris Saint-Germain and the Germany national team.

WOW! I know some ‘keepers are good with their feet, but who knew one could operate as Liverpool’s playmaker? Daring stuff at Anfield…

 

Posted: 10th, January 2018 | In: Back pages, Liverpool, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Clickbait balls: Arsenal and Man City fans tricked by Daily Express Sanchez fakery

The Daily Express online is clickbait mire. Arsenal and Manchester City fans checking up on news of Alexis Sanchez’s move from London to the champions elect are seduced by the headline: “Transfer news LIVE updates: Sanchez deal agreed; Man Utd, Liverpool, Barcelona, Chelsea.”

The Express appears to have a scoop when you search for Sanchez news on Google News. No other news source has the story that a Sanchez deal has been “agreed”. Indeed, Sky Sports says City haven’t even bid for the Chilean.

 

Here’s the that Express headline again on the paper’s website:

 

Stuart Ballard has the scoop! But to save you clicking, we’ll not pick out the words relevant to Sanchez’s transfer to City.

Here’s the first mention of Sanchez is Ballard’s story:

Sanchez ‘no bids’
10.00: Arsene Wenger has claimed Arsenal have received no offers for Alexis Sanchez and he fully expects him to stay until the end of the season .

When asked if the Gunners had received any offers, he replied: “No and I expect nothing.

“I am focused on tomorrow’s game. When solicitations happen you respond to it. At the moment it’s very quiet. I have nothing to add.”

Come on, Wenger, keep up with things. Read the Express. The deal has been “agreed”. But what’s this? Reading on we find no word on the agreed deal.

We

05:30: Manchester City could complete a deal to sign Alexis Sanchez this week after opening talks over a £30million deal.

 

Could? What happened to “agreed”?

Express Sport understands the Chile international has been told City will be making a bid for him in the coming days.

What about what readers understand by the phrase “Transfer News: Sanchez Dal Agreed”?

But Ballard has nm’t finished. Let’s not be hasty. What else?

05:00: Arsene Wenger has reignited Arsenal’s interest in Thomas Lemar in the fear they could miss out on him with Alexis Sanchez seemingly on his way out of the club, according to reports…

And with Sanchez constantly linked with a move to Manchester City, Arsenal are prepared to enter the race once again to sign Lemar.

 

Total balls, then. It might even be fake news.

 

Posted: 9th, January 2018 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, Manchester City, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comments (3)


Liverpool balls: Mahrez guff, Coutinho paid to leave and Nike called the shots

So keen was Philippe Coutinho to quit Liverpool than he paid part of his own £142 million transfer to Barcelona. The Times says it’s “understood” the Brazilian invested £9 million “out of his own pocket and is committed to paying another £2.5 million in the future”.

Of course, it’s not hard to understand anything in the world of big business than now owns top-flight football: it’s all about the money. As Liverpool were reiterating their desire to keep hold of their best player, Nike, which sponsors Barcelona, Coutinho and Brazil, last month published a photo of a Barcelona shirt with the player’s name across the back. “Where the magic happens,” said Nike. “Philippe Coutinho is ready to light up Camp Nou. Get your 2017/18 FC Barcelona kit with the Magician’s name on it. Act fast – free personalisation only available until January 6.”

 

Liverpool looked strong when they blocked Coutinho’s mover to Barcelona six months ago. At the season’s start, after Liverpool had rejected three Barcelona bids for their playmaker, Jurgen Klopp told media: “I wasn’t manager when Suarez was sold, I wasn’t manager when Sterling was sold, and we’re not selling Coutinho.”

Faced with predators from Nike and Barcelona, Liverpool caved in, waving a not-all-that-fond farewell to the player who now joins another former Anfield star, Luis Suarez, in attack.

Minds now turn to what Liverpool will do with all that money. Well, £75m has been invested in Virgil van Dijk. And the rest? We, the Times says, “There is no appetite, as it stands, to pursue AS Monaco’s Thomas Lemar or Leicester City’s Riyad Mahrez”.

Or as the Mirror puts it: “Liverpool to test Monaco’s resolve over Thomas Lemar transfer with January bid.”

 

 

Which on Sky Sports becomes:

 

 

As for Mahrez, well, the BBC reported on January 7: “Liverpool are set to sign Riyad Mahrez, with the 26-year-old Leicester City and Algeria forward expected to have a medical on Sunday.”

The story echoed a report on BeIn Sports, which guffed:

 

Total balls, then. Who Liverpool sign next is unclear, but one thing is certain: they’ll pay well over the odds.

 

Posted: 8th, January 2018 | In: Back pages, Liverpool, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Arsenal balls: Arteta invests in a watch to replace Wenger

Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger says he always sees out his contracts. But the BBC says the Frenchman “could cut short his latest contract and move into the boardroom in the summer”. The source for this speculation is the Mirror, which tells readers:

Arsenal’s Arsene Wenger could quit as manager THIS summer — and is eyeing Mikel Arteta as hand-picked successor

Well, he could. But surely the Mirror’s job is to tell us if he will? Right now there is nothing to say that Wenger will leave Arsenal this summer. And it’s not as if the Mirror has a faultless track record is saying what Wenger’s planning:

 

Daily Mirror wenger quits Arsenal

 

As for Arteta taking the role, a man who played for the Gunners but has never managed a club:

One of the names in the frame is former Gunner Mikel Arteta, who is impressing as a coach alongside Pep Guardiola at Manchester City.

Arteta certainly left a lasting impression with Arsenal chief executive Ivan Gazidis, using some of the money raised in club fines to buy the American a prestigious watch.

Eh?

As official collector of the money from players’ misdemeanours, the ‘present’ came as a surprise to some of Arteta’s team-mates.

But Arteta’s organisational skills on and off the training ground have impressed Wenger as he contemplates his future.

Forget Fergie time, this is Arteta time. The Mirror’s seems to be to show that Arteta is good with money. And because this is the modern media in which no scoop, however shallow, can pass unrepeated by rivals, the Sun reads the Mirror’s non-story and thunders:

QUICK TURNAROUND – Arsene Wenger ready to quit Arsenal and leave Manchester City coach Mikel Arteta in charge at the Emirates

Form something that “could” happen to Wenger being “ready ” to leave all in a morning. The paper looks at Arteta’s watch:

And the retired playmaker apparently impressed Arsenal chief executive Ivan Gazidis by buying him a posh watch during his time as Gunners bursar.

Arteta was in charge of collecting fines at Arsenal and he put the money toward a watch for Gazidis – to the surprise of his team-mates.

Anyone know any facts about this watch, which is quickly passing into folklore?

Posted: 7th, January 2018 | In: Arsenal, Broadsheets, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


John Warboys: sex attacker worse than Savile grooms the CPS

In 2009, London taxi driver John Worboys was given a prison sentence of indeterminate length after being convicted of rape and sexual assaults. He’s to be released on licence. The trial judge ordered Warboys to serve a minimum eight years behind bars for one rape and 19 charges of drugging and sexually assaulting at least 12 women. He has convinced the three-strong Parole Board panel that it is no longer necessary for the protection of the public that he remain in custody. The therapy has worked.

 

 

The problem is that police “believe” there are many more victims. In October 2010 detectives stated their “belief” that Worboys had attacked at least 102 women. The Sun says Warboys attacked 200 women. The Mirror leads with the headline that Warboys took part in “100 rapes and sex attacks”. Police “believe” Warboys is “probably Britain’s most prolific sex offender”, says the Times. Wore than Jimmy Savile, even, the BBC DJ and TV presenter who never got his day in court but post-death was nonetheless branded the man “who groomed an entire nation” and “one of the UK’s most prolific sex offenders”. Savile was a depraved criminal hiding in plain sight. But, as with Warboys, to accept each claim as proof is troubling. There’s no need to hurdle barriers to justice in court, where both sides of a case are heard, when you can announce guilt and trawl for ‘victims’.

And there are lots of victims:

Detectives told The Times that they feared he might have assaulted as many as 500 women, but his use of drugs meant that many could not recall details of what happened to them.

The Mail says “police suspected him of more than 500 attacks”.

It’s worth looking at this BBC story from April 2009:

The Metropolitan Police was told sex offence units were overstretched months before the arrest and release of taxi rapist John Worboys, it has emerged.

The Independent Police Complaints Commission is investigating why he was released after an arrest in July 2007.

A report said specialist sex offence units, known as Sapphire teams, were understaffed and overstretched.

A report by Government inspectors, which was seen by Met chiefs nine months before the original arrest and release of Worboys, found that Plumstead CID, in south east London, needed urgent reform.

Ch Supt Nicola Grevatt, of HM Inspectorate of Constabulary, said the Greenwich borough only had six officers with specialist training to deal with sex offences. Detectives were investigating up to 20 rape investigations each, the report added.

The effect had been that rape victims were losing contact with the police or withdrawing their support.

Ms Grevatt also said senior officers were responsible for poor communication, in-fighting and an atmosphere of political correctness and paranoia.

Worboys was held at a police station in Plumstead, south-east London, but released on bail.

In February last year he was arrested for a second time, which led to the charges on which he was convicted.

Do we have faith in the police, who failed women seeking help but when talking to media believe everyone is a victim; choosing to tell rather than to listen? Do we trust the justice system? Here’s an easier one: do we admire politicians? The Times makes the link between Warboys and the Labour Party explicit in its reporting. The headline tells readers: “Labour law chief backed ‘lenient’ term for taxi rapist John Worboys”:

Baroness Scotland of Asthal, the former Labour attorney-general, decided against referring the sentence handed to John Worboys back to the courts despite an outcry over its leniency, it emerged last night… Lady Scotland’s decision not to challenge the sentence is one of a series of actions by legal authorities that might have enabled his early release…

And:

Scotland Yard said that in the aftermath of the trial it had been contacted by 19 further suspected victims and referred their cases to the Crown Prosecution Service in October 2010. It was told that further prosecutions were not in the public interest.

The director of public prosecutions was Sir Keir Starmer, now Labour’s frontbench spokesman on Brexit.

The Sun also notes that Starmer was “in charge of the CPS as 115 new victims told police Warboys had attacked them”. The Mail (page 5), thunders: “How Labour’s Keir Starmer let him escape more charges”. Starmer is “accused of ignoring scores of women” who claim Warboys attacked them. A “senior Whitehall source” opines: “If Warboys had been ordered to stand trial for more attacks, it is possible he would have been convicted”. If. Possible. So much for considering the facts. And do we know if Starmer had any role to play in the Warboys trial? No. The Mail concedes: “It is not known if he was personally involved in the decision not to prosecute.”

In the Left-wing papers, the Guardian makes no mention of Starmer and Baroness Scotland in its report “John Worboys: MP demands reasons for release of ‘black-cab rapist'”. The Mirror declines to mention Baroness Scotland and Starmer in its tale of the “sex beast”.

Biased reporting to the fore, then, in a story about a sexual predator’s depravity and prison’s ability to rehabilitate even the most sickening criminals.

 

Posted: 5th, January 2018 | In: Broadsheets, Key Posts, News, Tabloids | Comment


Arsenal balls: the Sun spins Wenger’s words to annoy Liverpool fans

Forget circumspection. When opining about Alex Oxlade-Champberlain, the player Arsenal sold to Liverpool for the best part of £40m, Arsene Wenger was scathing. The Sun and Mirror heard Wenger accuse the former Arsenal player of laziness and made it their lead sport story.

The Sun thunders: “OX LAZE – Arsene Wenger accuses Liverpool star Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain of sitting in a rocking chair and refusing to fight for Arsenal spot.” Wenger gave Oxlade-Chamberlaie a “verbal battering”.

 

mirror ox arsenal

 

The Mirror says Wenger aimed a “dig” at Oxlade-Chamberlain.

The Sun quotes Wenger. It’s much the same in the Mirror:

“What do you want to be, a big player and not have to fight? You can’t be a big player, sit in your rocking chair and say I do not want to fight. It doesn’t work like that. Every player has to fight. In a big club you have big competition with some good players. That is absolutely normal…

“I offered him a contract to stay but in the end he decided to go and we just had to try and get the best possible price.Sometimes it happens when one player who we don’t want to go, goes.

“We respect his decision and I have no problem with that. What’s important is that the players make a good career, preferably in your club. If it doesn’t happen, you still want them to have a good career. I personally think he will be an important player for England and will continue to develop.”

 

 

What neither paper finds room to note is what Wenger also said. This in the Guardian:

“What do you want? To be a big player and not have to fight? What do you want on top of that – sitting in your rocking chair and saying: ‘I’m a big player? I don’t need to fight?’ No. It doesn’t work like that. Every player can do that and Chamberlain does it. I am convinced it’s part of being a top player.”

If that’s a verbal battering, the mind boggles as to what praise looks like?

Posted: 30th, December 2017 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, Liverpool, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Greens attack Amir Khan over desecrated Christmas tree

How do you decorate your Christmas tree? Like you, I like baubles, tinsel and Bruce Willis wiggling through an air vent.

 

amir kahn christmas

 

But Amir Khan rejoices in hate. The boxer recently seen on I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here! has got death threats for his tree.

 

Amir Khan

 

The story turns out to a little different from the Star’s front-page headline. “While everyone’s asleep, daddy put the Christmas tree up,” said Amir on an Instagram post. He then hoped his daughter would like it: “Lamaisah’s going to be happy. Christmas #MerryChristmas2017.”

The Manchester Evenings News says that Amir is a “devout Muslim”, an this might be in some way linked to one kind heart replying to the image: “I promise to god i want kill you and your family amir.”

Another aded: “Muslims don’t celebrate Christmas. It’s one thing to give out cards at school your respecting other faith and their celebration but putting up a tree in your own home….poor kid will be well confused.”

How about if he sticks a Star of David on the top and call it a Chanukah Bush? Better?

Another expert replied: “I read the Quran and it is clear that Jesus is also a prophet. People slating him must not read the Quran.”

What’s Jesus got to do with a pine tree in the lounge?

And why are the Press looking at Khan’s critics as people obsessed with religion, rather than humbugs? This is about a tree dying for our sins. I’d be looking hard at the Greens, for whom the Christmas Tree is an act of desecration.

 

Posted: 21st, December 2017 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment