Anorak

Tabloids | Anorak - Part 30

Tabloids Category

The news as told by the UK’s tabloid press – The Sun, Daily Express, Daily Mail, Daily Mirror, Daily Star and News of the World.

Cock-Knees Up: Thieves Strike At Guy Richie’s Birthday Bash

COR luve a hound, Guv’nor, wots all this abaht Guy Richie’s birthday party?

The Star says that while the Mockney one was engaged in an East End sing-song with friends, thieves struck at a neighbouring telephone exchange.

No more details

Posted: 12th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


No Point To The Big Brother Lust Triangle

PSST! Wanna see a short, sarcastic ginger bloke having sex with a drippy assisted blonde who likes to moan?

Stay tuned then, because the Star’s font page threatens: BIG BROTHER REX’S SECRET

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Posted: 12th, September 2008 | In: Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (5) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


International Madeleine McCann: And Eye For Denise Pipitone And Finding Rose Pizem

MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann , Kate McCann and Gerry McCann

DAILY TELEGRAPH : “Italy’s Madeleine McCann ‘found safe and well after four years’”

Italy has it’s own Maddie. Like Isreal ? Are

Posted: 12th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (474) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Daily Mail, Daily Wail: Women Should Be Afraid

THE Daily Mail searches horro stories, medical reports and research notes for news, and finally its quest bears dividends:

WHY women have the scariest nightmares”

Well, in today’s Mail:

  • Woman executive ‘strangled in office by former colleague’
  • Midwife shortage

Posted: 11th, September 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Amy Winehouse Finds Demons In The Farmhouse

AMY Winehouse is going to “battle her demons” in a “secret country retreat”.

Of course, the countryside is where demons live and the real fear is that Londoner Farmhouse, story, Winehouse, will merely be exchanging her old demons for

You

Posted: 11th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Money, Tabloids | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Daily Express To Be Edited By Robots

THE Daily Express and Sunday Express move one step closer to being written and edited by monkeys.

News is that subs are being sacked in favour of a new editorial system called Woodwing.

In a letter to the downtrodden, group

Posted: 11th, September 2008 | In: Money, Photojournalism, Tabloids | Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Jennifer Ellison Puts Her Backs Into Her New Title

JENNIFER Ellison is the Rear of the Year.

Who knew that after years of pushing her chest into lad’s mags and red-top newspapers, it would be the back of the blonde former soap actress

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Posted: 11th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Sarah Palin Watch: Paris Hilton’s Moose In Lipstick

SARAH Palin Watch: Anorak’s look at Sarah Palin in the British media…

BRIAN READE (Mirror): One of Reade’s “Big Questions”

“SARAH PALIN admitting she still gets up at 3am to hunt moose. If she fails to make vice-president,

Posted: 11th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Politicians, Tabloids | Comments (10) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Craig Meehan And Paedo Spotting Coronation Street

YESTERDAY, Anorak, with tips from Telford local council, instructed you in ways to spot a paedophile .

Today, we learn in the Star that Craig Meehan , one-time lover to Karen Matthews, mother to Shannon Matthews , denies downloading child

Posted: 11th, September 2008 | In: News, Tabloids | Comments (5) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Up And Atom: The Large Hadron Collider Sex Aide

HOW was the Large Hadron Collider for you? Did it being out the Devil ?

The Star says that at 8:30 yesterday the machine was switched on, at the exact time when “couples around the globe” staged their own earth-moving

Posted: 11th, September 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (6) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


War On Wannabe: Big Brother Chooses Its Biggest Weapon

HAVING survived the Hadron Collider (for now), we are now to endure the “WAR” of the Big Brother “BABES”.

For those of you who watched big Brother, it might come as some shock to know that it featured actual babes

Posted: 11th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Judy Finnigan Replaces Fern Britton On This Morning

FERN Britton is the Express’s blonde-cover-du-jour.

And get a load of that gastric band , which seems to have pushed Lyvita Fern’s famous tum-tum all the way up into her bra.

“Fern’s curves cause rather a stir on TV,” says

Posted: 11th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Madeleine McCann: The Fear Of Maddie

MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann , Kate McCann and Gerry McCann

WESTON & SOMERSET MERCURY : “Four-year-old snatched from outside home”

In Portugal?

A FOUR-YEAR-OLD Weston girl was told all her family members

Posted: 11th, September 2008 | In: Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (423) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Let’s Here It For Apartheid in London

THE wonderful Lee Jasper is advocating an educational apartheid:

“The fact is, it’s time the black community ran its own schools, devised a curriculum that suited the needs of our children, employed teachers that look like the young people they

Posted: 10th, September 2008 | In: Politicians, Tabloids | Comments (6) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


How To Spot A Paedophile In The Park

YOU join us in Telford town park, Shropshire, where a man is striding out across the open space. A park ranger approaches…

RANGER : “Excuse me, Sir…”
MAN : “Ye-es…”
RANGER : “ARE YOU A PAEDOPHILE …”

The Mirror does

Posted: 10th, September 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (10) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Dreaming About Killing The British Sarah Palin With A String Bean

SARAH Palin Watch: Anorak’s look at Sarah Palin in the media…

It’s the Sarah Palin death cult. Although unlike Obama , she’s armed to the teeth…

SALON : “I Dream About Sarah Palin. Do You?”

You have already read

Posted: 10th, September 2008 | In: Politicians, Tabloids | Comments (12) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Big Brother Slapper Hits Out

WHAT news of Rex Newmark , Stephanie McMichael and Nicole Cammack ? Who they?

How soon you forget, gentle reader. They are the Big Brother stars of whom the Daily Star brings welcome news.

The good news is that all

Posted: 10th, September 2008 | In: Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Anthrax Alice Dellal Is the New Cocaine Kate

OVERLOOKING the story “MODEL IN ‘I DID NOT TAKE COCAINE’” shocker, the Sun leads with a picture of one Alice Dellal “sprawled over what appears to be a thick line of cocaine.”

Of course, the woman dubbed the “new Kate

Posted: 10th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Victoria Beckham Leeches Jennifer Lopez

VICTORIA Beckham has new hairdooo.

It’s front-page news in the Sun, Daily Star, Daily Mirror (PETER PAN POSH”), Daily Mail (“short Becks and sides”), and the Daily Express (“Urchin”).

The Sun’s Page 3, Keeley Hazell, says “it suits her”.

Readers

Posted: 10th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Large Hadron Collider Has Killed Everyone

THE LARGE Hadron Collider has killed everyone. If you are reading this you are dead . If you are not reading this you are dead .

DAILY TELEGRAPH :

Gill Hornby : “Before the world ends, I just wanted to

Posted: 10th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Strange But True, Tabloids | Comments (42) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Did Heather Mills Lie On Her Apprentice CV?

THANKS to the Sun we know that Heather Mills will not be appearing on the Celebrity Apprentice.

Mills will not be taking a pointy finger form Donald Trump, eh of the tsunami hair, as she is fired for failing

You

Posted: 10th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (8) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Daily Mirror Rerouts Cisco Away From Prince Harry

THE story so far: the Mirror says Prince Harry Baseball Cap is at his Boujis club, where he is involved in a binge drinking exhibition with one Cisco Adler.

Says

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Posted: 10th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Madeleine McCann: Seeking Britain’s Armchair Detectives

MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann , Kate McCann and Gerry McCann

DAILY MIRROR : “McCANNS HEADHUNT COPS FOR NEW MADDY SEARCH”

As Anorak told you yesterday , the Our Maddie hunt could, maybe,

Posted: 10th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (472) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


New Jab To Lance Boil Of Fat People

THE Express tells of a new “Jab that stops obsess people feeling hungry.”

Anorak has long advocated the old jab, where the thin person elbows fatty in

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Access immediately the

Posted: 9th, September 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (19) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The One About The Hadron Collider And Jade Goody

WHAT have the Hadron Collider and Jade Goody got in common? Satan ?

Fergus Shanahan and the Sun put their minds to it:

Says Shanahan (Sun deputy editor): “What would you miss most if the world ends tomorrow”?

Shanahan says

Posted: 9th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (7) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0