Anorak

Tabloids | Anorak - Part 40

Tabloids Category

The news as told by the UK’s tabloid press – The Sun, Daily Express, Daily Mail, Daily Mirror, Daily Star and News of the World.

How To Be A Great British Briton

“GREAT TO BE BRITISH,” says the Daily Mail.

And it is as good a slogan for the paper, and the country, as any. But what does being British mean in today’s confused world?

Anorak investigates:

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Posted: 18th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Madeleine McCann: Saving Heather Mills, Journalists’ Kidzzz And Sick Jokes

MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann

THE TIMES: “Sorry, no more babies. Eco-doctor’s orders…”

Says Judith O’Reilly: “On holiday you become a Hydra-headed ‘problem to be dealt with’”

Judith is talking about her kidzzz

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Posted: 18th, August 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (527) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Katia Ivanova Makes Her Old Man Ronnie Wood Ten Years Younger

“I’VE WON RONNIE,” announces Katia Ivanova via the News of the World’s front page.

And good on her for a buying a ticket and winning not the jumbo teddy but a sixty-something year old with issues.

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Posted: 17th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (11) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Big Brother 9: Stuart Donkey Punch’s A Guinea Pig

WANT to see Big Brother’s Stuart Pilkington “EXPOSED”.

He’s done interviews, loadsa interviews, but this is his first “REAL INTERVIEW”, and its in the Star on Sunday, where “real” is not a four-letter word, unlike in some other papers (you know who you are).

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Posted: 17th, August 2008 | In: Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment (1) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Olympic Balls: Plucky Paula Radcliffe Rolls Back The Years

THE Olympics – This is our year.

And amid the “GOLD RUSH” (Express, Independent), “OUR GREATEST OLYMPIC DAY” (People) is the news that plucky Paula Radcliffe, the country’s great marathon runner, DID cry when she lost and DID stop two miles from home, bravely finishing the race in scenes reminiscent of Reach For The Sky.

Just four years ago Radcliffe wowed Olympic crowds in Athens when she failed to complete the course, dropping out of the race she had no hope of winning.

Now to prove that was no fluke, the spirit-of-the-blitz and never-say-die Brit picked up her running spikes and…

Continues in all papers…

Posted: 17th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Broadsheets, Tabloids | Comments (12) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Madeleine McCann: People Facts, Tapas Pics And On The Ferry To Ireland

MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann

SUNDAY EXPRESS: “Madeleine: Linked To Portuguese sex scandal”

Sex. Maddie. What more do you want from your Sunday paper?

SUNDAY PEOPLE: “GRUESOME TWOSOME – UNMASKS GHOULS CASHING-IN ON MADDIE EXCLUSIVE: We snare this vile fantasist trying to sell ‘dynamite’ McCann pics for £50k”

Who can these sickos be?

Maddie McCann’s parents are “devastated and furious” over a cruel bid to cash in on their anguish.

As is their wont. Devastation and fury are what the tabloids say the McCanns do best. What’s new..?

Grasping Duarte Levy demanded £50,000 for photographs he claims implicate Kate and Gerry in their daughter’s disappearance.

Duarte Levy, Anorak readers and commenter?

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Posted: 17th, August 2008 | In: Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (307) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Russia And US Agree: Let’s All Nuke Poland

“WE’LL NUKE POLAND.”

Given the history of Poland, the Sun’s headline statement solicits the enjoiner: “No, WE’LL nuke Poland”… “No, we’ll nuke Poland”…”No WE will”, and so on…

(Picture: Beau Bo D’Or website)

The initial threat, says the Telegraph on its front page, was issued by a representative of Russia, a country that has yet to nuke anyone other than its own allies in the former Soviet Union.

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Posted: 16th, August 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Tabloids | Comments (5) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Open Debate: Is Princess Eugenie The Most Cleverest Royal Ever?

THE Daily Mail wonders on its front page:

“Is Eugenie the Brightest Royal ever”

Your thoughts please…

Posted: 15th, August 2008 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (5) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Britain Gears Up For 2012 Drugs Olympics

WE’RE “OUT OF OUR HEADS,” screams the Sun.

“Drugs epidemic wrecking Britain.” For Sun readers that’s “broken Britain”, being wrecked, or mashed, as we know it to be. “DRUGS BRITAIN,” advertises the Indy.

The bombshell figures — which reveal 2million adults have taken drugs in the last month — will fuel calls for a crackdown on celebrity drug users like Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty.

Before Winehouse and Doherty appeared, drugs were an Americanism for pharmaceuticals. Says the Sun: “More than 400 under-16s were admitted last year, compared with 272 in 1997.”

In 1997, Anorak can reveal that the country’s top stars were, in order, Timmy Mallett, Steps and Ally McBeal. Innocent days, indeed.

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Posted: 15th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Broadsheets, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Lily Allen Prayer For The Day: Finding God

LILY Allen News Of The Day…

“The Smile singer has written a track on her new album which imagines what God’s life would be like. Lily attempts to answer questions like who God would date, what job he’d have and what music he would listen to” – The Sun

What drugs he’d take – being God’ he’d invent some – what Argos jewellery he’d wear, how many times he’d say “f***” in his Bible Uncut…

More Lily Allen news tomorrow

Posted: 15th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (4) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Olympic Balls, With Catherine Deveney

WRITES Catherine Deveny of her Olympic viewing in The Age:

I’m not into sport. Unless you call competition swearing a sport. But, I’m ashamed to admit, I do get into the Olympics. I know, I should be reading Noam Chomsky and meditating. But the Olympics are not all about sport, particularly if you have kids.

And on uniforms- and, mind, Deveney real person, not the work of a parodist:

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Posted: 14th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (7) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Madeleine McCann: The A-Team, Ruining Lives And Spinning The Single Thread

MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann

DAILY STAR: “SECRET A-TEAM IN HUNT FOR MADDIE”

In 1972, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn’t commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground.

Desperate Kate and Gerry McCann have forked out £500,000 on an “A-Team” of former top spooks to find missing daughter Madeleine.

Can the plan come together?

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Posted: 14th, August 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (527) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Dear Miriam: The Sun’s Agony Aunt Is Here To Help

DEAR Miriam…

READ it here:

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Posted: 14th, August 2008 | In: Photojournalism, Tabloids | Comments (10) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Bonding Sessions At Oldham Council

SAYS Deputy leader of Oldham Council Jackie Stanton: “We expect Unity staff to share the same values and code of conduct as council colleagues and so are very concerned about these allegations.”

Two council contract staff have been suspended after they were seen having sex in an office. A crowd of 20 person gathered round to be appalled and outraged.

The venue? Why, the offices of Unity Partnership in Oldham town centre…

File under “Beyond Parody”…

Posted: 13th, August 2008 | In: Politicians, Tabloids | Comments (11) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Daily Mail Headline Of The Decade: French Mayor Killed By Boule

THE Daily Wail. Each days the Dail Mail searches, scouring medical reports and research notes for news, and finally its quests bears dividends:

Lourdes tourism chief killed during a ‘tense’ game of petanque after being hit on the head by metal boule

You want more?

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Posted: 13th, August 2008 | In: Strange But True, Tabloids | Comments (10) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Peaches Geldof’s Drummy Up Publicity

PEACHES Geldof has got married in Las Vegas.

The Sun says this is “just like Bob and Paula”, that’s precious, precocious Peaches’ mum and dad. They married each other in Las Vegas in 1986.

Poor Peaches, she so wants to be rebellious, edgy and different but mum and dad have got to the sex and the drugs and the rock ‘n’ roll first. Being Peaches must be like turning up at an orgy and being handed a used towel by your mum.

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Posted: 13th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (9) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Madeleine McCann: Belgian Paedos, Foreign Nannies And Joke Shops Jokes

MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann

GLASGOW DAILY RECORD: “She’s Not Maddie.. She’s My Daughter”

If the Hollies sang Madeleine…

The father of a blonde girl captured on CCTV in Brussels on August 4 came forward to reveal that the youngster was his daughter.

The blonde ice-cream-eating girl with the North African woman?

Belgian federal prosecutor’s office spokeswoman Lieve Pellens says: “Obviously for him, it was very easy recognising the girl accompanied by a woman in a veil. It’s her nanny, a young Moroccan woman who is qualified to look after children and works in a care centre.”

But there are paedos in Belgium right?

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Posted: 13th, August 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (108) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Ginger Spice: Big Brother Rex Sex Hex

PSST! Wanna see a ginger chef with a bouffant and a neat line in sarcasm getting off with a wet blanket?

The Star gives its readers a peek of “BIG BROTHER REX’S LIVE SEX SHOW”…

Look now to ensure disappointment…

Posted: 12th, August 2008 | In: Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment (1) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Credit Crunch: The Rover’s Returns

CREDIT Crunch Watch: Anorak’s look at credit crunch in the news:

“Even TV stars are feeling the pinch: Troubled Corrie star Bev Callard pulled pints at the Rover’s yesterday – as her real-life boozer suddenly shut down. Locals say the unexpected closure of the Gallery, an upmarket bar and restaurant, is probably down to the credit crunch”The Sun

What the credit crunch means to you…

Posted: 12th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Money, Tabloids | Comments (7) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Madeleine McCann: With Columnist Fergus Shanahan And The Maddie Squad

MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann

THE COLUMNISTS

FERGUS SHANAHAN: “SWOOP FOR MADDIE”

“I tried to imagine the misery Kate and Gerry McCann must be going through with these Maddie sightings. It’s too awful.”

See the Sun’s front-page Maddie update in which she is served an ice-cream in Brussels. Shanahan is the paper’s deputy editor. It’s too awful…

“They must cling to any hope. But some of the latest rash of ‘sightings’ are based on thin detail.”

The ice-cream was chocolate.

“Sadly, the Maddie tragedy is attracting its fair-share of attention seekers”

The Sun’s front page says the ice-cream was cold and sweet – just how Maddie likes them!

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Posted: 12th, August 2008 | In: Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (348) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Lily Allen Sensation Of The Day: Kate Perry’s Boyfriend

LILY Allen News Of The Day:

Singer Katy Perry’s boyfriend once quite fancied Lily Allen – Gordon Smart, The Sun

More Lily Allen news tomorrow…

Posted: 12th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Letizia Filippi’s Return Flight Of Fancy

CRISTIANO Ronaldo has transferred to Letizia Filippi. But for reasons inexplicable she has yet to go topless on a beach.

With no sign of Ms Filippi’s chest, the Sun is stuck on how best to feature her and so file its daily Ronaldo exclusive.

Normally the paper would stick in a photo of Nereida Gallardo, the footballer’s former topless stunna. But instead it opts to feature Filippi saying how she would like to get on a private jet with her man and “do it”.

Just what she told Star readers on July 24th… It’s another Ronaldo sensation!

Posted: 12th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comment (1) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Blake Aldridge’s Olympic Challenge

BLAKE Aldridge. Do you know who he is? Have a guess. Is he:

a) The Banker on Deal Or No Deal?
b) John Edwards’ love child?
c) A British Olympic athlete?

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Posted: 12th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (18) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Madeleine McCann: When Portugal Attacks

IT had to happen. After months of rubbishing the Portuguese, the Star reports that an armada of “bungling”, pervertedsardine munchers” are “preparing for an attack on British shores”.

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Posted: 12th, August 2008 | In: Strange But True, Tabloids | Comments (54) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Sienna Miller Is Laughing And Playing With Her Hair

“OH SIENNA,” exclaims the Mirror on its front page. “WHAT is she up to now?”

Readers see a picture of jobbing girlfriend Sienna Miller, for it is she, laughing and playing with her hair.

Sienna is unhappy with all the attention and walks over to the watching paparazzi to tell them as much, thus giving them a close up of her smiling and playing with her hair.

Anorak has been observing Sienna’s career to date. And, at an educated guess, we shall venture to answer the Mirror’s front-page poser.

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Posted: 12th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (6) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0