Omar Bakri Declares War On The X Factor
SLOW News day. Then call Omar Bakri. Come in Omar Barki… Do you read me?
The Sun picks up its walkie talkie and tunes into the Bakri cackle. The result is nothing less than “THE X FATWA – Terror alert as Bakri slams troops charity song”.
Eat your heart out Mazher Mahmood, News International’s fake sheikh. Bakri is the real deal, bringing front-page exclusives on a daily basis.
(If you call, he’ll rant about whatever you like. Omar, if you’re reading this, set up a premium rate RANT LINE. I’ve got ideas, call me.)
Posted: 21st, October 2008 | In: Media, Tabloids, War On Terror | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
GORDON Smart, Oasis PR man and Sun columnist, make use of the asterisk in a piece on Noel Gallagher.
Oasis are planning a tour, and of late the Sun has been full of stories about Noel saying this one is a ***, another one is ***-**** and so-and-so is a complete **** ****p** *ll***g.
Posted: 17th, October 2008 | In: Media, Tabloids | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Ladies Night Bansturbation, With Carroll, Pelling And Birtles
THE columnists are contemplating a ban on free drinks to ladies in the pub:
Until the government proposed a ban on drinking establishments handing out free bottles of wine to female customers, I had no idea such practice was commonplace. Maybe I need to get out more – Sue Carroll, Daily Mirror
And you don’t have to go alone, Sue…
Posted: 16th, October 2008 | In: Media, Tabloids | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Mirror Falsly Claims Madonna Ritchie Divorce Scoop
THIS whole Madonna and Guy thing makes me really, really sad. Not because they’re splitting up but because the torture of pretending they weren’t since our exclusive story waaaay back in June”.
So writes Polly Hudson, the Daily Mirror’s celebrity watcher, who possibly saw yesterday’s Sun front-page. Or as other put it:
Divorce? No… Madonna and Guy Ritchie’s civilised separation – Daily Mail, May 25, 2008
The story was taken up on the web blogs:
Posted: 16th, October 2008 | In: Madonna, Media, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Good News: Guy Ritchie And Madonna Feel The Strain
CELEBRATING the divorce of Madonna and Guy Ritchie in the Daily Mail:
SOME GOOD NEWS AT LAST!
In other papers:
One more immigrant leaves: Daily Express
Posted: 16th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities, Madonna, Tabloids | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Gordon Brown Finds The Family Pop Shaft
GORDON Brown is not into the cult of celebrity. He is on GMTV because GMTV needs him.
Gordon Brown will not parade his children before the media, especially when Ben 10 is on the telly and Gordon is called upon to hum the theme tune. His children are not props. His wife is more an autocue than a prop.
Gordon Brown is with Allison Pearson, of the Daily Mail, because he needs to be. He wants to be tough on Pearson and the causes on Pearsons:
The PM has been meeting people all day. But when we walk into the living room of the flat ‘above the shop’, there is someone else waiting patiently for his help - a small boy wearing a pair of cartoon pyjamas. ‘The wheel’s come off,’ says John Brown, five next week, handing over a Transformers car. ‘Fix it, Dad.’
Posted: 16th, October 2008 | In: Gordon Brown, Politicians, Tabloids | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Madeleine McCann: An Apology For Journalism, Desmond’s Reputation And Greenslade Scores
MADDIE WATCH - Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann
DAILY STAR: “’THE TAPAS SEVEN‘” - AN APOLOGY
The Sangria Seven, surely. Or the Tapas 9 (what happened to them?). But what of this latest apology? Ahem..:
In articles published in September and November last year we suggested that the holiday companions of Kate and Gerry McCann might have covered up the true facts concerning Madeleine McCann’s disappearance and/or misled the authorities investigating her disappearance.
Yes…
Posted: 16th, October 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Madeleine McCann, Media, Tabloids | Comments (359) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
The Sewer Skewer: Man Cooks Kebab By Dead Body
“CARRY on cooking: Chef made kebabs as body of dead colleague lay on sofa.” So says the Mail. It is the Sun’s “Goner Kebab”.
And what of Jaswinder Singh? Is he billed in the tabloids as a consciencious worker, one in the eye for workshy shirkers? Is he a man planning ahead, going long on meat?
Is he ready to brandish a man-sized skewer and turn whistleblower on the kebab industry?
Is this a satire on kebab shop knifings?
No, he is the source of cheap puns and accusations.
Posted: 15th, October 2008 | In: Food & Fat, Media, Tabloids | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
THE Mirror’s Stewart MacLean is sat in the foyer of RBS, Kensington.
He’s a shareholder now: “I reckon I definitely look the part as I confidently stride in with my laptop, a fold-up desk and briefcase.”
MacLean’s colleague Paul Routledge would rather see him stood on the counter with a tie wrapped to his throat and tethered to the ceiling fan, but this is MacLean’s first day at work. Patience.
Posted: 15th, October 2008 | In: Media, Tabloids | Comments (5) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Christmas Day Lights: Climate Kops Wonder At Lights
IT’S just 71 days to go to Christmas and the tabloids finally have their first Christmas lights story.
Anorak’s man at the Mirror says:
“Things were getting proper dicey. We had an Our Maddie story on standby, a feature on what Our Diana would have done to help should she ever deign to emerge from her department in Harvey Nichols, and there was the story of how Our Gordon Brown is to duet with Howard on the Halifax ads, so we were covered for a few weeks.
“But still, squeaky bum time.”
Posted: 15th, October 2008 | In: Media, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Wayne Rooney Predicts: Cheryl Cole To Win
WAYNE Rooney is the Sun’s Mr Ben, getting dresses up whenever wife Coleen wants to tell us a secret about his once private life.
Today Wayne is wearing a turban, rings on his fingers and a look of wonder.
Posted: 15th, October 2008 | In: Sports, TV & Radio, Tabloids | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Madonna And Guy Were Trying To Act
MADONNA and Guy Ritchie are divorcing.
Why? Because they “can’t bear to live with the pretence any longer”.
Anyone who has seen Madonna pretending, or acting as one calls it, will know how unbearable things can get.
Posted: 15th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities, Madonna, Tabloids | Comments (5) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
IF any aliens are reading this, when you come to Earth today, bring gold, a Wii, love, a new tie for Gordon Brown, world peace, the cricket ball you stole in 1983 and a huge ray gun.
As the Daily Star reported yesterday, “aliens are set to land on Earth tomorrow to prove to humans that there really is life out there”.
Posted: 15th, October 2008 | In: Media, Tabloids | Comments (15) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Di Another Day: Kate Middleton’s Car Phone
CALL the Celebrity Police Force. But we cannot. They are without a head, and the celeb’s face may not adorn the halls of Scotland Yard posing with a young CPC.
As Sun Page 3 stunna Keeley says: “Surely Kate can afford a hands-free kit… or she could get Wills to buy her one.” On a squaddies wage… No chance.
The Sun’s front-page reveals that Kate Middleton has been spotted driving a car while talking on a mobile telephone.
Posted: 14th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities, Kate Middleton, Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Home Shopping: Posh And Becks Take On eBay Thieves
“BECKHAMS BETRAYED,” says the Mirror.
“Posh agony at ‘intimate’ items sold on eBay.
We feel her pain. You don’t put in the hard yards building the brand for someone else to cash in on your husband’s name.
News is that Beckhams’ housekeepers have been arrested on suspicion of stealing from the couple. As if Her Pohsness does not have enough to do looking after three kids and a mansion, she has to take care of a middle-aged couple.
What a gal!
Posted: 14th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities, Posh and Becks, Tabloids | Comments (9) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
The Britton Bounce: Fern’s Gastric Band Aid
CRITICS are calling it the Fern Britton Bounce.
On the day that Gordon Brown “SAVES THE WORLD” (The Daily Brown Nose, formerly Daily Mirror), the Express leads with news that Fern Britton has dropped five dresses sizes.
Back in the days of yore (yesterday) times were hard. Fern was living in austerity Britain, and for the best part of 24 hours the TV hostess with the mostess feared she would feel the pinch – on her hips, bust, tummy and thighs.
Anorak’s typing pool was ready to step in with “Gastric band Aid”, when we would stand outside British Homes Stores in the precinct and sing our hearts out for Fern.
Posted: 14th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Brown Declares Jihad On Bankers
“BLOODBATH OF THE BANKERS,” screams the Mirror’s front-page screamer.
Gordon Brown is “determined heads must roll”.
Posted: 13th, October 2008 | In: Credit Crunch, Media, Media Bitch, Tabloids | Comments (20) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
The World According To Daily Mail Readers
A DAILY Mail reader explains the cutent economic downturn:
Britain has been wecked by the Marxist persons within government and local Councils INCLUDING the NHS. Marxist want to rule every moment of the citizenrys life,craddle to grave. That way the Marxist will always be in power and have a “brainwashed” society. This to my mind is proven by the “unhealthy” interest in Soccer, loosely akin to the ancient antics of ROME.
Posted: 12th, October 2008 | In: Media, Tabloids, Twitterings | Comments (5) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
The Candy Woman Can: Amy Winehouse Rots Your Teeth
TO the celebrity fairground, where Amy Winehouse is working the candy floss mixer.
The blend of refined sugar and food dyes might be enough to get a toddler off his face, but adults need more oopmf to get on a decent buzz.
While juice is the alcopop starter beverage, candy floss was only ever a kindergarten E. Until now.
Posted: 12th, October 2008 | In: Amy Winehouse, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (14) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Credit Crunch: Anthea Turner Is Back
ON a brighter note…
Anthea Turner’s husband Grant Bovey loses buy-to-let empire in credit crunch
…Anthea Turner’s back in the Daily Mail…
Anorak Lexicon:
Bovey: An orangey-brown colour.
That meat looks off. It’s gone a horrible bovey colour.
Posted: 12th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities, Credit Crunch, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
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