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A-levels

Posts Tagged ‘A-levels’

A-Level disasters: Gavin Williamson’s enema sees education secretary buried in a matchbox

“Increasing the A Level grades will mean a whole generation could end up promoted beyond their abilities” – Gavin Williamson

Gavin Williamson

Gavin Williamson is a politician so shallow he could drown in his own spit. To paraphrase Christopher Hitchens, if they gave the Tory MP Conservative Member of Parliament for South Staffordshire and Education Secretary an enema, you could bury his remains in a matchbox. Today Williamson has been declaring his pride in the youth whose exams he fudged and failed, and the teachers he patronised and ignored. The A-levels results are in and are too many are a travesty.

Students predicted As and Bs have been given Cs and Ds. According to Williamson and his enablers, the data does not lie. Graphs and trends are more important than individuals and teacher assessments.

Maybe this will be the moment when things change, a stark awakening to the hopelessness of industrialised higher education. Get your A-levels, kids, and you too can be a dullard. Work hard and you too can get into heavy debt at university.

Is this the day when the kinder who’ve been sat on the education travelator since they could first hold crayons in their fists realise it’s time to get a life? Those A-levels… they might not be worth anything. Hard cheese, you teenagers, who instead of copping off, copping out, chasing endorphins and finding new ways to get off your faces worked head down on your A-levels, those exams that open the portals to university but in themselves are worthless. Hard cheese that you became anxious about the big tests, developing a psychosis and eating disorder, fearful of not reaching the promised land of three or four years more education, that rosy-fingered dawn of part-time jobs and more books. Hard cheese on parents who bought into the higher education mis-selling and thought youth was wasted on fun and adventure. Oh, to live the dream of spending the carefree, fanciable years accumulating debt and text books, staying in school until you’re into your 20s and emerging in a state of shock at how the system has sucked your life away and ended so many dreams and opportunities.

Screw higher education. Don’t resit and buy into their dream of creating debt products from cheeky, cock-sure youth. They’ve not been bothered to educate you for five months. They won’t start now. Get off the sausage factory conveyer belt. Have fun and learn from experience while you can. A-levels are useless. A stranger in a home office can give you a grade based on guessing and graphs designed by a computer model. Your result is worthless. Tell them you know. You’ve seen the truth. Do not agree to play any more. And watch their world crumble.

But you took the A-levels and now you want that validation the exam-based system promised. You want to know that two years of your youth have not been wasted.

Government and politicians who push the scheme owe students an apology. They owe teenagers the grades that are rightfully theirs. The exam boards ask for extenuating circumstances. Every students has experienced them. The whole year has been an extenuating circumstance. We do not care if a student who might have got a B in Textiles any other year gets an A this year. Give them all their predictive grades. Stop making them live with a lie. And then prick the higher education bubble. It’s wetter than Williamson’s bathtub and, like him, contains nothing but air and emptiness.

Posted: 13th, August 2020 | In: News | Comment


A-Levels Are Sexy: Media Photos Of Pretty Shaggable A-Level Students

A-LEVEL results are coming in thick and fast. The media is responding to the call sent out by schools looking to showcase their most shaggable pupils. We at Anorak will compile a gallery of the most photogenic women – it’s mostly young women – who made it into the national press.

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Posted: 18th, August 2011 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment


Newspapers Study This Year’s Sexy A And O Level Lovelies

BECAUSE newspapers know that only attractive young women in shorts and clingy tops get A-levels – and if you can group hug for the camera, ladies, so much the more educational, we spot Catriona Stoddard, of Badminton Girls School. She presents this year’s crop of the cropped tops and shorts…

Which one of the girls in these pictures will be on the front-page of the Telegraph tomorrow?

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Badminton Girls School pupil Catriona Stoddard, aged 17, from Somerset, who received an A* in Biology, an A in Chemistry, an A in Maths and an A* Physics.

Posted: 19th, August 2010 | In: Reviews | Comment


Young Xavier Gordon-Brown Versus The Blondes – A Level Results In Pictures

IT’S A–level results day, that time of year when the media looks out for a fit-looking blonde teenager with a brain and makes her famous. This should mean fame for Catriona Stoddard, of Badminton Girls School. Or how about one of these fillies at St Peter’s School in York, Westminster City School, Chelmsford High School for Girls or Putney High School? Or how about the nice lads at Abingdon School?

Our photographers went and we have pictures of all of you smiling teens – something for the albums. (But there are no pictures of you – you who went home sobbing or have spots.)

But, as we say, that should mean fame for the above. But they are not the news. The news is Xavier Gordon-Brown, of Haywards Heath, West Sussex. He’s 10. He’s just got an A-grade maths A-level.

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Posted: 19th, August 2010 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)