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Katie Price Kidnapped On Twitter And Peter Andre Does Stand Up

3269166KATIE Price and Peter Andre Divorce – Katie Price kidnap terror, Peter Andre is a comedy genius, Jordan is dead and Katie beats Peter in Twitter poll…

Last night sentimental Peter Andre appeared on ITV2 in Peter Andre: Going It Alone and showed us that he is almost never alone. Peter spent most of the show touching his face, hugging anyone with reach, finding his niche in the Ikea bedding department and looking like an ambulatory bereavement card.

So alone is Pete that he spent only marginally more time on camera than his manager Claire Powell, who affected an air of a middle aged Claire Rayner, the media’s former favourite agony aunt, albeit less likeable, informed, interesting and charming.

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Posted: 18th, August 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (3)


Francoise Boufhal Launches Rio Ferdinand’s Magazine, In Pictures

MORE news on Francoise Boufhal, seen here at Tut Tut Nightclub in Newcastle. Ms Boufhal is the new face and most of the content of England and Manchester United footballer Rio Ferdinand’s new magazine #5.

Anroak readers will recall how it was Ferdinand who said the WAGS in Baden Baden turned England’s 2006 World Cup finals campaign into a “circus”, albeit without the close ball control of Mr Popov’s sealions.

It was like watching a theatre unfolding and football almost became a secondary element to the main event.People were worrying more about what people were wearing and where they were going, rather than the England football team.”

Thankfully, Rio’s mag is all about the football.

Boufhal is seen offering her best side to the overhead player cam. She is not yet a WAG…

7671717

Posted: 5th, August 2009 | In: Sports | Comment


Phil Tuffnell’s Underarm Ashes Song

PHIL Tuffnell sings the worst Ashes song of all time, a grasscutter of a song that aims low and manages to achieve something lower. It smells worse than this. Tuffnell is in our Ashes Gallery – a brief history of Anglo-Aussie drinking and smoking.

Here’s Tuffnell:

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Posted: 20th, July 2009 | In: Sports | Comment


Michael Jackson Stole Elizabeth Taylor’s Funeral

liz-taylorMICHAEL Jackson Watch: When Princess Diana died, the Queen Mother was reported to have opined: “She’s got my funeral.”

What price that Jackson would shuffle off before Elizabeth Taylor, a woman who is now saying she won’t attend. The is too mich “whoopla”.

And as any Hollywood legend knows, you can have too much Woopla.

Cue the pall beareres:

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Posted: 7th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)


How To Make A Russian Jet From Cigarettes

russian-jet3IN Anorak’s masterclass today, readers learn how to make a Russian Jet fighter from a cigarette box.

Old Mr Anorak once dispatched me to Cuba, approaching from Cancun. The plane was Russian. The seat fell backwards and remained supine throughout the flight. The overhead fan when touched lighted collapsed. The onboard staff laughed and then went “Whoooooh” when the plane fell and rose repeatedly.

When we landed, there was three-hour wait in the airport while a crowbar was retrieved to prise open the hold.

Anyhow, enjoy. Pass the smokes:

Posted: 14th, June 2009 | In: Photojournalism, Technology | Comments (3)


Mel B’s Scary Sex Tips For Unfulfilled Women

scary-sexIN this week’s Groser magazine – sorry, Closer – Mel B continues to find it too hard to move on from her Scary past and tells readers about her “pocket rocket” sex toy.

Now married to a Stephen Belafonte, Scary Mel B tells one and all:

“I read about new research that showed 75 per cent of women don’t have an orgasm during sex! Oh my God! That amazed me, because having a good sex life is absolutely essential in my opinion. My advice to women who are unfulfilled in the bedroom is to invest in a sex toy. I use a little vibrator called a Pocket Rocket – and it does the trick every time.”

Can Mel be saying that’s she is unfulfilled in the bedroom and is saved from being from of the 75 per cent by her vibrating love missile?

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Posted: 9th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)


Susan Boyle Saves ITV And The Economy

susan-boyle-bounceSUSAN Boyle Watch: In which Susan Boyle saves ITV and the economy…

All-singing ITV hits the high notes again – Perhaps it’s the Susan Boyle effect. More likely it’s the analyst effect. Either way, ITV is on song. Fresh from a strong rally on Wednesday after Goldman Sachs analysts published upbeat forecasts for the media advertising market, the broadcaster surged again to register its biggest single-session gain in almost eight weeks – Peter Taylor, Daily Telegrpah (May 28, 2009)

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Posted: 29th, May 2009 | In: Money | Comment


Londoners Invited To God’s Debt Cancellation Plan

morris-cerullo-posterMORRIS Cerullo is on a  “Mission to London“.  We British are invited to God’s debt cancellation plan. Just slip $900 inside the envelope and reap – reap! – REAP! – the debt cancellation glory!

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Posted: 28th, May 2009 | In: Money | Comment


Brad And Angelina Jolie In Headlock Drama

hello-magHELLO! magazine has a question for its readers: “BRAD AND ANGELINA – DOES THIS COUPLE LOOK LIKE A COUPLE IN CRISIS?”

The question is accompanied by a shot of the two actors – Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, for it is they – entwined before the cameras.

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Posted: 26th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)


Katie Price and Peter Andre Interview In Full

katie-price-tanIN this week’s OK!, Katie Price delivers “THE TRUTH” about “OUR SPLIT”.

The cover shot is of a woman who looks almost familiar. It turns out that this is not any number of women from US daytime soaps or a young Nolan sister but Katie Price. Her face appears changed.

Old Mr Anorak suggests the real Katie Price has gone into hiding and this is an imposter. But surely being a Katie Price impersonator is a hard job, akin to pinning down a mobile target.

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Posted: 20th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Austria Opens Nazi Era Hotel, Bans Jews

nazi-hotelTO Tyrol, where the daily Tiroler Tageszeitung reports on the Haus Sonnenhof apartment hotel in the village of Serfaus, which does not accept Jewish guests.

The owner does not take Jewish guests because of “bad experiences” in the past.

Like the war for instance, and how Austrians lost and that the final solution proved to be flawed?

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Posted: 11th, May 2009 | In: Photojournalism, Reviews | Comment (1)


Google Maps London Undergound

google-tubeTHE Overground Underground Northern Line – the jounrey home as seen by Google… (Yes, Google is watching you even in the Misery Line worm hole.)

Morden to Edgeware (via Charing Cross) – run to change platforms at Camden Town and – oh for ***’s sake! Mill Hill East!

Video Here:

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Posted: 9th, May 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Megan Fox Video: Megan’s Morning Glory

megan-foxSAYS Megan Fox prior to her morning glory video:

I just want to work and make the right choices, and study and develop as an actress.”

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Posted: 5th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Ayman Udas Murdered By Brothers In Pakistan For Being On TV

IN Peshawar, Pakistan, a singer called Ayman Udas in her early thirties, a divorced mother of two and newly re-married was mjurdered by her brothers.

Why?

Because she had been on the telly, namely state-run TV PTV.

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Posted: 3rd, May 2009 | In: Reviews | Comment


Amsterdam Opens First Gay Theme Park

gay-treeA PARK near Amsterdam now has information signs pointing out spots where “officials say gay men are known to have sex”.

No, it’s not a zoo – it’s “so no visitors are taken by surprise”. Oooer!

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Posted: 29th, April 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comments (8)


Britney Spears Pregnant With K-Ferret’s Girl

britney-spears-pregnant-daughter“IT’S a girl for Britney,” screams the National Enquirer’s headline, and readers are left to wonder if this is news of a ritual dose of Spears girl-on-girl action or of a baby?

It’s the headline that’s speaks to all sectors of the Britney Spears fan club – from celeb fanciers looking for a new name for their kebab-faced child all the way to men in caravan parks with pictures of Spears stuck on the ceiling over their beds and an effigy of the singer made from pillow cases, egg boxes and felt tips.

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Posted: 28th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Syrian Man In Turkey Tries To Kill Obama

THE Turkish chapter of the Barack Obama Death Cult is open.

As reported (he-he):

“Turkey foils plot to assassinate

Obama”

Turkish security services have arrested a man of Syrian descent who was planning to assassinate US President Barack Obama during his current trip to Turkey, the Saudi daily Al Watan reported Monday.

According to the report, the man, who was arrested on Friday, was carrying a press card identifying him as an employee of Al Jazeera. He reportedly confessed to his intention to stab Obama with a knife and said that he was aided by three accomplices.

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Posted: 6th, April 2009 | In: Politicians | Comment


MEN Media Sacks Journalists, And Alan Rusbridger’s Pension

THE Press Gazette reports on job losses MEN Media – “publisher of the Manchester Evening News and related weeklies, has told staff that 150 jobs are to go and all weekly editorial offices will be closed.”

Staff on the newspapers, part of the Guardian Media Group, were told of the job cuts in a series of briefings with management this morning.

The number of jobs going in editorial is 78. According to the National Union of Journalists, half of the journalism job cuts will come from the MEN itself.

As a result, the MEN editorial team will shrink from 90 to about 50.

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Posted: 10th, March 2009 | In: Money | Comment


UBS Is Bleeding: All’s Weil That Ends Weil

SWISS banks have long been noted for their customer service, but it’s unlikely that, post financial markets melt-down, Raoul Weil, the chairman and chief executive officer of global wealth management at UBS in Zurich, who has just been indicted on a single charge of conspiring to help 20,000 wealthy Americans hide assets from the Internal Revenue Service, is likely to meet much sympathy from jurors, Grand or otherwise.

UBS signed an agreement to identify its clients, and then allegedly helped those clients to create fake identities; competition amongst banks for wealthy clientsbis pretty tough, but it looks as if UBS overlooked the one unbreakable Commandment:

Thou shalt not get caught.

Chenier

Posted: 12th, November 2008 | In: Money | Comment


Working To Pay Back Gordon Brown

SUSIE Squire, of the Taxpayers’ Alliance, has a question for Gordon Brown:

Thanks for the money, Gordon. How can we ever pay you back..?

Via

Posted: 31st, October 2008 | In: Politicians | Comment (1)


Don’t Press The Button: How Many Buttons On Your Remote Control?

ANORAK’S look at remote controls…

Send us pictures of yours and we’ll feature them in our upcoming technology section…

editor [at] anorak [dot] co [dot] uk nad put “remote” in the subject line

Posted: 30th, October 2008 | In: Technology | Comments (3)


Julian King May No Longer Be Blonde

MORE news on Julian King, missing, presumed black, and the nephew of sultry actress Jennifer Hudson.

The story is in all the UK papers.

DAILY EXPRESS: “JENNIFER HUDSON’S $100,000 REWARD TO FIND MISSING NEPHEW”

Blonde-haired, blue-eyed Julian may have had his appearance altered by his alleged kidnapper(s), and could no resemble a small black boy.

Presidential hopeful Barack Obama… said he and his wife Michelle were “heart­broken” by the tragedy.

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Posted: 27th, October 2008 | In: Reviews | Comments (9)


Tokyo International Film Festival Runs On Green Gas

HOW green is my film? Well..:

Stars swapped the red carpet for a green one made of recycled plastic bottles as the Tokyo International Film Festival got under way in Japan.

The environment-themed festival will see films screened using electricity generated by wind energy.

Who’s there?

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Posted: 20th, October 2008 | In: Reviews | Comment


Robbie Savage Cuts Your Legs Off

SPORTING insight of the day: footballer Robbie Savage explains his love for Brighton FC.

“There are kids out there who’d chop their legs off to play football for Brighton”

Robbie Savage on equal opportunities football. Look out for Abu Hamza in goal…

Catch it!

Pssssssssss….

Posted: 17th, October 2008 | In: Sports | Comments (2)


Red Tuesday: Banks Fall, The Experts’ Top Tips And Spending Is The New Saving

MORE news that no-one knows what’s going on in the money markets as the Sun screams: “BLACKEST DAY”. Or as the Mirror puts it: “BLACKEST MONDAY.”

Black Monday is the name given to Monday, October 19, 1987, when stock markets around the world crashed. Should not yesterday be “Blacker Monday”?

Readers may be confused. To be in the black means to be free of debt; it is in the red that suggests debt and poverty. The Sun’s headline should read: “REDDEST DAY.”

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Posted: 30th, September 2008 | In: Money, Tabloids | Comments (24)