Adele: Bantu Knots fail to distract editors from singer’s stomach and breasts

Jerry Sadowitz once told a rude joke about Princess Diana, lampooning the obsession with women’s looks and fashion choices: “Breaking News – Princess Diana has put her hair in a bun and her **** in a toaster.” The singer Adele has put her hair in Bantu knots and her body in a bikini. “Happy what would be Notting Hill Carnival my beloved London GBJM,” said Adele as she brought a bit of carnival to her garden in Beverly Hills.

First the hair, which has upset a few people on Twitter. Billboard says, “The singer’s hair was intricately twisted in a style similar to Bantu knots, adorned with bright yellow feathers behind her head.” Sky tells readers that there were Bantu Knots, “a traditional African hairstyle in which the hair is twisted into a series of small coiled buns.” Just the thing to join in the celebration of Afro-Caribbean culture in the UK. Unless you have the blinkers on:

That tweet from the “CEO of Ernest Media Empire” was out of kilter with most people, whose views can be summed up best by Ciku Muiruri:

And in the UK, Adele’s bikini and hair a political matter:

The Times now steps in: “Cultural appropriation describes borrowing styles or items which are significant in a culture that is not theirs.” Did Adele seek permission to put her hair in Bantu Knots and wear a Jamaican flag bikini? And if she did, which body did she submit her outfit to for official approval? Says Naomi Campbell: “She looks hot. As a Jamaican girl myself, my girl has grown up in black culture. People forget she’s from Tottenham.” What if Adele was from rural Hampshire? Would that not give her a pass?

Matthew Phillip, executive director of the carnival, tells The Observer: “Yes, we say black lives matter, but it’s about promoting unity and inclusion. That’s why it was set up in the first place, to bring different communities together from different backgrounds.”

But bigger news than Adele’s hair is her weight:

What price Adele used her hair to distract attention from the media obsession with her weight? Look out for the Mail article, “Why Bantu Knots are slimming.”

Anorak

Posted: 1st, September 2020 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, News | Comment

Adele splits from Simon: let’s all hate the singer who ‘snubbed’ chugging Bob Geldof

The Sun’s “exclusive” that Adele and Simon Konecki are no longer an item has been picked up by the other tabloids.

The Sun says:

News of their separate lives comes as Adele, 26, prepares to release the follow-up album to her global smashes 19 and 21 which laid bare her heartache at failed relationships.

A few hours later the Mirror says:

Her new album was due out before Christmas but is apparently still not finished and there is no release date.

Anorak

Posted: 28th, December 2014 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Adele Dodges Bob Geldof And His Live Aid Chuggers: Three Cheers For Adele

THE Sun leads with news of singer Adele and Live Aid 30, the Bob Geldof-driven charity single for Ebola victims:

The Sun is disapproving of Adele, who failed a summons to ask us if Africans know it’s Christmas:

Sir Bob: Adele didn’t answer my calls, she’s doing nothing – Diva no show as stars record Band Aid song

No show? She’s doing nothing. The heartless, self-obsessed ‘diva’. How very dare she ignore Our Bob.  ono was there. Mr G21 is doing his bit to save mankind (and tax).

Anorak

Posted: 16th, November 2014 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Look what the did to skinny Adele with her ti*s out

LOOK what they did to Adele, the most powerful woman in the world:

Anorak

Posted: 21st, November 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Adele is the most powerful human in most powerful nation of Earth

HOW does the Independent illustrate the news that “Britain is now most powerful nation on earth”? Answer: with Adele:

Anorak

Posted: 19th, November 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Lady GaGa wonders why we aren’t talking about “fat” Adele

LADY GaGa wants to talk about Adele. Lady G sees Adele as the benchmark for weighty, female singers. You, like most people, might not give a gnat’s chuff for how much a singer weighs. GaGa seems preoccupied:

“I think women are just, for no reason, wretched to each other all the time, and I don’t think they use clothes or men or perfume or make-up or anything more than they use anything else. We should all make an effort to be nice to one another all the time.”

Anorak

Posted: 3rd, November 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

The Sun spots trolls talking about ‘fat’ Adele and her son

THE Sun leads with news that “TROLLS TARGET MUM ADELE”.

The Sun, which for 26 years said Liverpool fans had urinated on the dead at Hillsborough, is upset that “SICK trolls” have made “revolting jibes about KILLING her tiny son”.

The boy is newborn. The Sun’s emphasise on the child’s size appears to be in reaction to a troll who posted on twitter. A Vanessa Bieber (possibly not her real name) told her 4,000 followers:

“Aw Adele gave birth to a baby. Is it fat and handicapped lol? Just murder it already lol.”

Anorak

Posted: 22nd, October 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)

Adel, and the gnawing predictability of a Bond theme

NEED a Bond theme? Get someone with a big, booming voice, right? Not quite. Nancy Sinatra did the best one and she’s hardly operatic. Either way, these days, it’s all about divas who can belt one out. Simon Cowell has probably been shoving Leona Lewis in the faces of James Bond producers since she won X Factor.

However, unsurprisingly, Adele’s name is being floated around for Skyfall, the 23rd Bond film. That’s because she can pelt a song out AND just happens to have sold a gazillion records.

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 18th, September 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Adele’s music can be blamed on her gay chum getting off with her boyfriend

UNFATHOMABLY, Adele’s ’21’ went and conquered the world. It’s not a bad album per se, but it isn’t exactly any good. It’s the musical equivalent of a baked potato with only butter. It does a job, but doesn’t in any way excite. Still, Adele won’t mind that, what with it making her fantastically rich and famous.

But what event inspired the ’19’, the album that paved the way for ’21’? Or indeed, who can we blame for the existence of Adele’s fantastically successful career?

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 25th, June 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Madonna chides Karl Lagerfeld over Adele comments

MADONNA is a woman who has courted controversy for gain in the past, just like a stream of celebrities have done before and since. However, she’s obviously feeling a bit sensitive at the moment, taking time about to lambast controversial fashion designer Karl Lagerfeld.

See, Karl recently said that Adele was ‘a little too fat’. Now, of course, he also said that she had a ‘divine voice’. We’re not sure which is more debatable. She is clearly ‘a little fat’ and her voice is… well… ‘often in-tune but quite often bellowed and abrasive’.

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 12th, March 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Stars squat on Adele’s finger – all the finger news you can handle

ADELE’S finger is occupying bright minds. Adele has more talent in the end of her raised middle finger than Paul Ross has in an entire hand.

The Daily Mirror leads with the existential question:

“Who’s to blame for the finger?”

This is a Mirror “exclusive”.

It’s one day after the paper’s James Robertson wrote:

After Adele’s acceptance speech was cut off, the world basically went nuts. James Robertson finds the whole situation ‘baffling’

One day on the Mirror’s Rachel Wheeler adds:

To be honest, we’re starting to feel a bit grateful about the fact that James cut Adele off during the Brit Awards – everything else was fairly dull and we’d have had nothing to write about otherwise.

Adele’s thank you speech for being made Best Female act was cut short to allow Blur to belch an 11-minute medley of pub sing-alongs.

To the Sun this is front-page news as James Cordeon makes the lead news headline:

“MY HELL OVER ADELE”

Says Corden:

“I can’t believe that’s what they were asking me to do. I delayed for 15 seconds. They wanted to cut her short as time was running out. I was furious and put in a horrible position. I went straight to Adele’s dressing room and she was fine with me, but really upset. She had a speech and had a list of people she wanted to thank.”

Adding:

“The truth is, just after Adele said, ‘Thank you’ people were saying, ‘You have to go in now’. I said, ‘I can’t. How can you cut her off’? The whole room was on its feet and they said, ‘You’ve got to do it now’. And then essentially it was just such a surreal moment and everything you can hear in your ear is about five people having an argument — and there’s one overriding voice saying, ‘James, you have to’.”

The tin lid on Cordon’s “hell” is when he reveales:

“I was so upset and can understand why Adele was. I didn’t even watch Blur, one of my favourite bands.”

Anorak was so upset that it watched Blur. But grief affects us in different ways. Adele pours her heart into siongs about her ex-lovers. James Corden misses Blur.

Other stars and celebs then vent their outrage on twitter, seeing in a typical Brit awards hash all manner of sin and devoid of humour:

Lily Allen : “I’d rather hear adeles acceptance speech. I can’t say I’m surprised. It was like the music industry’s attitude to women played out as a metaphor.”

Philip Schofield: “Thanks guys, love you, but can Adele come back and finish her speech now. Really!!! I’m sure tonight it could have been News at 5 past 10 #nevercutoffAdele”

Vernon Kay : “Poor Adele….. Her speech was a Blur.”

James Corden : “Thanks so much for your messages, It was a great night. Can’t believe i was told to cut off the amazing Adele at the end. #Livetvnightmare”

Gabby Logan: “The ITN news had better start with Adele’s speech.”

Take ’em away, Adeleeeeeeeeee….

Anorak

Posted: 23rd, February 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)

Multi-millionaire Surrey girl show off Adele swears at the ‘suits’

DID you see Adele stick her middle finger up after winning Best Album at the Brits? Adle explained that her sweary digit was for “the suits, not the fans”.

As she said:

“Can I just say sorry for swearing? I flung the middle finger at the suits, not the fans, I want people to know that. Sorry if I offended anyone, but the people in suits offended me. I wasn’t swearing at the fans, but I didn’t get to complete my thank you speech!”

Anorak

Posted: 22nd, February 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Adele’s dad Mark Evans tells all – Penny Adkins remains stoic

THE knives are out for Adele. While the Daily Star leads with news of that alleged sex tape – the Mail leads with news of her estranged dad. When she accepted her six Grammy Awards, Adele thanked her mother, Penny Adkins, who had her when a teenager and raised her on her own.

Meanwhile, Adele’s dad, Mark Evans was “watching television in the sitting room of his small home on a housing estate in Bridgend, South Wales“.

Juxtaposed to the glamour of American awards do, Mark Evans’s location seeks to establish him as the loser. He then speaks:

“When she sings, it’s so beautiful, but it brings back too many memories. It’s too painful. There’s so much regret on my part — regret that I wasn’t a better father to her. I let her down badly, and I wish I could turn the clock back and do things differently.”

Anorak

Posted: 18th, February 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)

Adele wins six at The Grammys – photos

THE BAFTAS and Grammys were on the same night. Anorak was double-booked, so we did as most of you did and watched the showbiz AGMS at home on the telly. The Baftas are over here. The Grammys are here. It was good night for Adele, who got to hide the frame that offends bitchy fashionistas behind six metal gramophone records. The 23-year-old from Tottenham belted out Rolling in the Deep, the family car trip sound of 2011 at the Staples Centre in Los Angeles.

Said Adele:

“Thank you so much. This is ridiculous. I want to say thank you to every radio programmer and broadcaster that has been playing Rolling in the Deep … because I know it’s not really a pop record.”

Isn’t it?

Anorak

Posted: 13th, February 2012 | In: Music | Comment (1)

Adele talks about the curtain in her throat

ADELE is, like it or not, the biggest popstar on the planet. And yes, we intentionally left the door wide open for you to make your own jokes about that statement.

Anyway, Adele’s had a problem and its her throat. Again, make your own jokes. She developed a polyp on her vocal cord which, according to the gazillion selling singer, felt like “someone put a curtain over my throat.” She continued: “I could feel it. It felt like something popped in my throat.”

And so, she went off and “had laser surgery. [They] put lasers down your throat, cut off the polyp and kind of laser your hemorrhage back together and fix it.” Then, to mend herself, the really tricky part came – she had to shut the hell up for ages. As you know, Adele is a lass who likes to talks.

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 9th, February 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)

Karl Lagerfeld points out obvious by saying Adele is a bit ‘fat’

PEOPLE in the fashion industry are obsessed with image. That’s their job. So when Karl Lagerfeld, while guest editing for Metro Paris, took it upon himself to note that Adele is a bit fat, he probably knew that womenfolk would go mental at him for being so shallow.

Of course, a good number of those women spat feathers while doused in Chanel perfume and gazing at Chanel clobber in the various image-obsessed magazines they read… but still… DON’T CALL WOMEN FAT! EVEN IF THEY ARE A BIT FAT!

Karl was asked about Lana del Rey, because she’s exactly the kind of trout-gobbed gal that will be snapped up by a fashion house for a gig, later to be snatched by H&M for a ‘celebrity range’. He said:

“I prefer Adele and Florence Welch. But as a modern singer she is not bad. The thing at the moment is Adele. She is a little too fat, but she has a beautiful face and a divine voice. Lana del Rey is not bad at all. She looks very much like a modern-time singer. In her photos she is beautiful. Is she a construct with all her implants? She’s not alone with implants.”

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 7th, February 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comments (6)

Adele to lose weight to ‘Sex Up Imagine’ Or, ‘Becomes Less Real’

CURVY women are a very modern construct. They like to tell you that they’re ‘real women’. Not like those thinner women we’ve been imagining all along. Of course, ‘real women’ like to point at other ‘real women’ who are in the public eye and crow about how marvellously talented and real they are.

One such woman is Adele who, oddly, is obviously image-obsessed because she won’t stop talking about how she doesn’t care about image.

That is, until now. That’s because Adele has lost 25lbs in a bid to ‘sex up her image’. She even tweeted a picture of herself that showed a slimmer face and leaner torso. Does that mean she’s becoming less real and wandering ever closer to ‘imaginary’. Either way, there’ll be some quarters who will chide her for her decision, again underlining how grimly  hypocritical some of the ‘curves’ brigade are when they say that people shouldn’t care about the way someone else looks.

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 6th, January 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comments (6)

Adele’s 21 biggest selling album ever: online piracy to blame

WELL, OK, no, Adele’s 21 hasn’t been the biggest selling album of all time, no, but it has been the biggest selling album in one year for the UK.

Ever.

As is pointed out:

Despite all this “chronic” piracy going on, Adele’s album has sold more copies in a year than any album has ever sold. More than a Michael Jackson album managed in a year, even the good one. More than a Beatles album ever managed to whisk out the shops in twelve months. More, even, than the third Charlatans album sold in a year.

Tim Worstall

Posted: 5th, January 2012 | In: Money | Comment (1)

Park Jo Min is South Korea’s Adele

ADELE can’t sing. Adle is sick of throat. But  15-year-old Park Ji Mon can sing. Park Jo Min’s accent is spot on. It’s incredible. Can BT hire Park Jo Mon for their Indian call centres, or just move their call centres to South Korean. She’s no Adele but  Park Jo Mon  can make beautiful musak while you repeatedly smash your face into a desk.

Spotter: The Daily What

Anorak

Posted: 30th, December 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)

Puke, Sex And Boobs: Adele Is Opening Her Mouth Again

ADELE is so hot right now. No, that’s not because she’s under five blankets and covered in VapoRub because she’s got yet another illness which has forced her to cancel some shows! We mean ‘hot’ in the figurative sense. We mean ‘she happens to be very popular at the moment in time’.

Of course, there’s fans who have been duped by her use of ‘real instruments’ and the fact she doesn’t look like one of The Saturdays into believing she’s The Real Deal and will be around forever with her ‘timeless music’, but then again, you could’ve said the same about Alisha’s Attic and no bugger remembers them.

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 6th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment