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Posts Tagged ‘america’

Household tool uses gun to make Halloween pumpkin

COMMON household tool uses gun to make Halloweeen pumpkin. He puts the anus in Janus:

Posted: 24th, October 2012 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Assault victim Kristoffer Larsgard gets seven years jail for running over a woman’s toes in America

KRISTOFFER Larsgard, 33, is another victim of the lunatic American police force and judiciary. For hurting a woman’s toes in his rented car, the Norwegian holidaymaker is now serving a seven-and-a-half-year prison sentence for assaulting six Americans with a deadly weapon.

We go back in time. It is September 24, 2011. Larsgard is in a rented car with his mother Liv. They are driving in Winslow, Arizona, en route to Chicago. Larsgard makes a wrong turn. He is heading the wrong way up a one-way street. A music festival is in full cry. He cannot turn the vehicle. He is hemmed in. Upset by Larsgard’s actions, Michael Mendoza reaches into the car and punches Larsgard, breaking his nose.
 Larsgard wants to get away. He continues to drive. He drives over a woman’s toes. Another woman is grazed.

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Posted: 27th, April 2012 | In: Reviews | Comments (2)


Bruno Mars: Arrested with bag of cocaine but law doesn’t care

INSIPID, vapid pop-goon Bruno Mars has done very little for this planet apart from sell millions of awful records that have utterly polluted the air and damaged the brains of all those that have had the misfortune to hear them.

However, he must be made of magic because, for some reason, the American criminal system doesn’t seem to mind that he likes big bags of cocaine. Are America’s lawyers hoping he’ll have an overdose? Either way, as of tomorrow, he’ll have a spotless criminal record tomorrow despite being arrested with class A drugs in a Hard Rock toilet.

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Posted: 19th, January 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Dead Hiroyuki Joho sued by woman his body parts injured in train crash

HIROYUKI Joho’s biggest mistake was not dashing in front of a speeding Amtrak train in Chicago to catch his train. Hiroyuki Joho’s biggest mistake was not ensuring that parts of his dismembered body failed to hit bystanders.

As such, Hiroyuki Joho, 18, can be sued for injuries caused by his own body parts – even though he’s dead.

A part of Mr Joho’s body struck 58-year-old Gayane Zokhrabov. She suffered a broken leg and wrist fromt eh resulting fall.

Says her lawyer:

“If you do something as stupid as this guy did, you have to be responsible for what comes from it.”

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Posted: 30th, December 2011 | In: Strange But True | Comment


The Worst Way To Dispose Of A Dead Whale Is With Dynamite

IN 1970, over in Florence (in the mighty United States of America, not the other more famous one), they found a great big whale on their beach.

A dead whale. A dead, stinking, rotting whale.

So what’s the best way to get rid? Cut it up and feed it to the sea? Don’t be stupid. That would take far too long. And besides, that’s positively unAmerican.

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Posted: 19th, October 2011 | In: Flashback | Comment (1)


Charlie Sheen To Die Painful, Horrible Death Now That He’s Newly Single

TIGER BLOOD! That’s right, the meme-on-legs that is Charlie Sheen is of very little currency to us all now that he’s a crashing borebag. Months ago, when he was thrashing a knife around, punching furniture, tooting drugs and trying to have sex with everyone, he was fun (in a Watching Someone Nearly Die In A Formula One Crash Way).

Now, he’s tedious.

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Posted: 28th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Kim Kardashian Had An ‘Affair’ With Someone You Haven’t Heard Of: Launches Perfume

MYSTIFYINGLY famous Kim Kardashian (she’s the Kardashian sister who had a sex tape online if you can’t tell them apart) is getting married soon, which is obviously wonderful news for all of us adoring fans. She’ll be looking at her vast piles of money and wondering how she’s going to spend it on her special day – unlikely to be her last ‘special day’ in fairness.

She’s blissfully in love with some chap called Kris Humphries, who is some kind of American sports personality, thereby, completely unheard of outside of the United States of America.

What could possibly go wrong?

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Posted: 9th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Some Idiot Decides To Give Bristol Palin Her Own TV Show

PRANCING politician offspring, Bristol Palin, is to get her own reality television show in the United States of America. That’s right. That bizarre collection of country-sized states are seemingly hell-bent on making a star of the loinular-produce of one of the most spectacularly dim politicians to ever walk the Earth.

While Sarah Palin is staring at an Atlas and still not quite getting the whole ‘Africa is a continent’ thing and going out shooting elk through the face, despite having access to perfectly good food stores, the TV viewing public will be able to tune in to a show on US cable channel Bio, which will presumably feature Bristol staring into the middle distance and trying to remember to breathe in, and out, in, and out.

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Posted: 10th, May 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Blake Sheldon Totally Doesn’t Hate The Gays

COUNTRY superstar, Blake Sheldon, has been accused of being a stinkin’ homophobe. Of course, what with him being a country and western singer, roughly 99.7% won’t be at all surprised at the notion of a God fearing dust bowl balladeer not being too fond of the gays.

However, Blake Sheldon is a modern, groovy kinda Stetson wearer and everyone has got him all wrong.

See, Sheldon is still taking his spurred boots from his mouth after he reworked some of Shania Twain’s lyrics on twitter, leaving “The Voice” coach apologising so frequently that he’s begun to look insincere.

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Posted: 6th, May 2011 | In: Music | Comment


Only In America: Photos Of US Culture That Say So Much

WE’VE pulled together a gallery of photos of life in the USA. These are things that could only exist in America. Things like the children’s clothes store for XXXL kidz; the deep-fried garlic mashed potatoes on a stick shack; a sandwhich as big as an actual child; crosses that glow in the dark; sexy guns; and how to seduce Jesus – a cosmetic redemption kit…

things_in_america_06

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Posted: 12th, April 2011 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment (1)


Charlie Sheen Wants Mila Kunis Whether She Likes It Or Not (Photos)

CHARLIE Sheen, the stumbling, mumbling meme, should enjoy his brief renewal of fame – mainly because it is clearly going to end quickly and painfully. When he was on drugs, he was great fun. Like children round a dead dog, we thrilled as we poked him with a stick, dry-heaving at each deathly breath that came our way.

Then he went and spoiled it all by becoming self-aware. Tiger blood, it would seem, can convince a man that he’s actually of some importance to the world, when really, all we wanted was a tragic clown.

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Posted: 8th, April 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)


America Is Stealing Your Vote

READ Block The Vote. And the comic book: Steal Back Your Vote:

  • Republican Secretaries of State of swing-state Colorado have quietly purged one in six names from their voter rolls.
  • While Obama dreams of riding to the White House on a wave of new voters, more then 2.7 million have had their registrations REJECTED under new procedures signed into law by George Bush. Kennedy, a voting rights lawyer, charges this is a resurgence of ‘Jim Crow’ tactics to wrongly block Black and Hispanic voters.
  • A fired US prosecutor levels new charges – accusing leaders of his own party, Republicans, with criminal acts in an attempt to block legal voters as “fraudulent.”
  • Digging through government records, the Kennedy-Palast team discovered that, in 2004, a GOP scheme called “caging” ultimately took away the rights of 1.1 million voters. The Rolling Stone duo predict that, this November 4, it will be far worse.

Via

Posted: 19th, October 2008 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)


English In Amerika

THE English language what it is like spoken, like, in America…

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Posted: 8th, October 2008 | In: Photojournalism, Strange But True | Comments (5)