10 Naked Amy Winehouse Facts

PSST! Wanna see Amy Winehouse naked? Wanna see Amy Winehouse naked an playing scrabble.

If you do rearrange the following letters in the manner of a Rachel Riley conundrum:

E, YES MY

10 Amy Winehouse Facts

Anorak

Posted: 1st, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment

Thieves Get Clean Away From Amy Winehouse’s House

AMY Winehouse’s house has been “ransacked”. Or did she leave it like that before she went to bed? It is unlikely that the villains will have gotten clean away. (Winehouse house house.)

Anorak

Posted: 30th, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Amy Winehouse Buries Her Nuts

AMY Winehouse is in St Lucia. Says a source:

“We keep catching her crawling past bars, or hiding behind chairs. She grabs guests’ drinks and runs off, like a squirrel with a nut.”

But whose?

Anorak

Posted: 14th, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Terrorists Target Jews Sugar, Winehouse and Ronson: Blair Outraged

ALAN Sugar is on a “Hit List” of prominent UK Jews to be offed by Islamists. So says the Sun, which leads with “TERROR TARGET SUGAR”.

Given Sugar’s beard, his “You’re fired” catchprase on The Apprentice and gruff demeanour, on reading the headline Anorak supposed Sugar was being less targeted than wooed by the new brown shirts to overhaul their recruitment policy.

Reading on, the Sun talks of “fears” that a list is being drawn up, and that the one who fears most is “British anti-terror expert Glen Jenvey”. He “is convinced online forum Ummah is being used to prepare a deadly backlash against UK Jews”.

On the Ummah site, “Saladin1970” asks for help compiling “a list of those who support Israel”.
“Abuislam” asks: “Have we got a list of top Jews we can target? Can someone post names and addresses?”

Names given include: Sugar, DJ Mark Ronson, Foreign Secretary David Miliband and Amy Winehouse. That’s a real kick in the teeth to the likes of Alan Yentob, the BBC bigwig who must have fancied himself to be a target.

Anorak

Posted: 8th, January 2009 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (24)

Amy Winehouse Gets Lad Off His Nut With Bowman

PICTURES of Amy Winehouse frotting with one Jason Bowman.

The Mirror says Bowman knows Danny Cirpriani, a rugby player who has knowledge of Kelly Brook. The Sun says he’s the star of new advert for Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Kelly’s brother once ate a Zinger burger. And thus is the celebrity circle complete.

But wait a mo! The Star departs from couplings in the celebrity Petri dish to bring news that Amy has turned life saver.

Anorak

Posted: 6th, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Lily Allen Watch, With Brad Pitt, Gary Lineker, P Diddy And Amy Winehouse

LILY Allen Watch: Anorak’s look at the day’s top/ most pointless celebrity news stories, with Gary Lineker, P Diddy, Brad Pitt and Amy Winehouse 

GARY LINEKER leads the way as a family man — completing his clan with a puppy.  The former England striker, 48, took the golden labrador on a Christmas stroll with fiancée DANIELLE BUX, 29 – Gordon Smart, The Sun

Anorak

Posted: 27th, December 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Cokey-Smokey-Choky: Amy Winehouse Blake Parties Inside

YOU join us as Mr Amy Winehouse, aka Blake Fielder Civil, fails a drugs test.

He is returned to prison where he may remain until 2010, having broken the terms of his early release.

Which means Blake will be in choky for Christmas. Chin up, Blaaaaaaak, make the most of it. Is that music?

Anorak

Posted: 3rd, December 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Keep It Civil: Amy Winehouse’s Star-Boxed Lover Leaves Her High And Dry

BLAKE Fielder Civil confesses that it was he who got England’s sickly-sweet-smelling Amy Winehouse into drugs. The couple are past their dancing days, and this is the end:

“I dragged Amy into it and without me there is no doubt that she would never have gone down that road. I ruined something beautiful. Now I have to let her go to save her life. I am not abandoning her. I am doing this out of love.”

He loves her enough to let her go. That’s love. It’s like a modern day Romeo and Juliet with dirtier fingernails. Get this from Blaaaaaake – oh, tempt not a desperate man:

Read the rest of this entry »

Anorak

Posted: 30th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (9)

Amy Winehouse Goes Looking For Blake

MORE news of Amy Winehouse’s latest release: Blake Fielder-Civil.

Blake is not with Amy right now, but the pair are enjoying a “screaming row” over the telephone. A pal tells the Sun that Amy wants to end it with her husband.

Anorak

Posted: 25th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (10)

Winehouse Saves Eoghan Quigg

AMY Winehouse watches the X Factor, the contest in which hopefuls see if they can pass a series of challenges and become popstars.

Challenges include:

• Making a crack pipe from an empty can of Vitamilk

• Photographer punching

• Playing the coke spoons

• Surviving on a family bag size of skittles for three whole weeks

• Making no reference to Simon Cowell’s height

Amy just loves it. She specifically loves the 16-year-old named Eoghan Quigg.

Anorak

Posted: 17th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (10)

Barack Obama: Blake Fielder Civil Rights In The Winehouse

BARACK Obama Watch. Looking past the blackness and the history:

“It’s welcome to the free world for me and Barack Obama” – Blake Fielder Civil, Mr Amy Winehouse on his release from the chains of hard labour

I have a dream, that black, brown, golden brown, white powder and red Smarties can live in harmony in the greater Winehouse body and that we as a nation…

Continues for as long as it gives Her Majesty pleasure…

Anorak

Posted: 6th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (7)

White House, Big House And Winehouse

NOW the long wait is over, the Sun and other tabloids can get down to the serious business of wondering when the first couple will die.

With the War for the White House won, the joyous news is that Blake Fielder Civil is released from prison.

For Republicans, this might be the good day to bury bad news. Amy Winehouse’s man is out and newspapers will once again be full of insight and speculation.

To the jail.

Anorak

Posted: 6th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)

Gordon Brown Is Not A Celebrity, But He Knows Winehouse Is

GORDON Brown is not a celebrity. No, really. But Gordon Brown knows all about celebrity. He knows Nelson Mandela, who doesn’t know Amy Winehouse.

Winehouse is the only celebrity who Mandela has not already met or is not waiting outside his office in a queue of celebs that stretches for some miles.

Says Gordon in the Sun of Nelson’s 90th birthday concert:

Read the rest of this entry »

Anorak

Posted: 23rd, October 2008 | In: Politicians | Comments (3)

Wayne Rooney Polishes Head For England

ANOTHER day, and yet another attempt to squeeze a cheap laugh out of the mighty Wayne Rooney.

Today Wayne is wearing a curly wig, an Amy Winehouse beehive and a Bobby Charlton comb over, the hairstyle Sir Bobby famously wore over his luxurious crop of auburn locks.

The reason for this?

Anorak

Posted: 22nd, October 2008 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comment

The Candy Woman Can: Amy Winehouse Rots Your Teeth

TO the celebrity fairground, where Amy Winehouse is working the candy floss mixer.

The blend of refined sugar and food dyes might be enough to get a toddler off his face, but adults need more oopmf to get on a decent buzz.

While juice is the alcopop starter beverage, candy floss was only ever a kindergarten E. Until now.

Anorak

Posted: 12th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (14)

Britney Spears In Paint Job Horror Ding

BREAKING Britney Spears news in the NOTW. Britney is shopping in a shop. Now read on…

The Womanizer star’s driver got caught up in a bumper bashing episode while the singer was shopping in West Hollywood. You can see the incident on our weekly round-up of the hottest news from Hollywood.

Other news:

Angelina Jolie housekeeper road tests new apron
Jennifer Aniston still not pregnant
Pickled Amy Winehouse sold by the jar
Lily Allen’s Tobacconist lights match…

Anorak

Posted: 12th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)

Amy Winehouse Sicko: You Can Hear Mitch Winehouse Shaking

WITH Blaaaake Fielder-Dreams in jail, Amy Wineshouse’s professional dad Mitch is the singer’s man at large.

Today the Sun brings news of a letter Mitch has received from Blake. It’s “Blake’s sicko threats to Mitch.” Says a source:

“I could hear Mitch physically shaking when he phoned to tell me about the letter. He couldn’t even bring himself to read it out loud as it was just too sickening.”

Maybe if he took his cab keys out of his pocket he’d make less noise?

Anorak

Posted: 6th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2)

Rod Liddle Subs Giles Coren

ROD Liddle and Giles Coren are two hacks who became the story: Liddle: affair. Coren: smug, over-exposed daddy’s boy. Liddle:

By and large our intellectuals live their lives entirely free of even the briefest consideration in the national press, which is far too busy with nonintellectuals such as Amy Winehouse, Jade Goody and Giles Coren.

And here they are illuminating a story about intellectuals. File under: celebrity journalism…

Anorak

Posted: 5th, October 2008 | In: Broadsheets | Comment (1)

Cheryl Cole and Amanda Holden Put BOAST On Hold

CALLS are coming in thick and fast to Anorak’s BOAST hotline. All orders are final, but Cheryl Cole and Amanda Holden are unsure…

Says Cheryl of her time before husband Ashley was accused of vomiting on their marriage vows:

“I was really broody. I’d see children and think that’s me. I’m ready” – Sun

The call to BOAST was made. But then cancelled. Sadly the children are sat in our storeroom awaiting despatch. No refunds but they can be exchanged…

Amanda Holden is on line 2:

Read the rest of this entry »

Anorak

Posted: 1st, October 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (6)

Amy Winehouse Is Sick On Harvey Nichols

HARVEY Nichols loaned Amy Winehouse £25,000-worth of clothes. And the store got it all back. As the Mirror notes:

“She ended up in the loos, where she was violently sick. She eventually couriered them back on Monday, but didn’t wrap them separately. So sick had gone on all the clothes.”

“Even worse, green, furry mould had developed on some gowns, making them unwearable. The store has now asked for its £25k back.”

Of course, this might be the start of a new fashion. Ashley Cole has been notified….

Anorak

Posted: 25th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (4)

Javine Hylton Summons The Celebrity Police Force

JAVINE HYLTON has been arrested by the Celebrity Police Force, reports the Sun.

Javine was arrested after, allegedly, “leaving a foul-mouthed voicemail for her ex-manager”.

Readers may believe that obscene phone calls are Javine’s new work, her singing career having hit the skids since the halcyon days of failing to get a place in Girls Aloud and flashing a nipple (hers) on Eurovision.

Anorak

Posted: 25th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (4)

Brave Jade Goody Is Sobbing

“I’M IN pain but I won’t tell my boys,” says Jade Goody in the news of the World.

Better, perhaps, Jade’s little pork balls read it themselves, or learn it from one of their classmates whose mum or dad reads the NOTW.

As ever celebrity cancer-victim Jade Goody has an epithet. Having been, “Crack” Jade Goody, “BRAVE Jade Goody,” and “WEEPING Jade Goody”, she now appears as “SOBBING Jade Goody”.

Jade has enjoyed a type of fame for some years now but still the papers resist calling her “TROUBLED Jade Goody”. How she has tried to attain the ultimate qualifier, but it stubbornly remains the preserve of for A-listed like Britney Spears and Amy Winehouse.

Anorak

Posted: 21st, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3)

Amy Winehouse Missing From Amy Winehouse Story

IT’S Amy Winehouse’s 25th birthday party and all the usual faces are at London’s Jazz After Dark club, save one: Amy Winehouse is at home.

What she up to, then? Says a “pal” in the Sun:

“Amy was standing in front of the mirror telling everyone how rough she looked …She kept saying she was ugly…”

Reports of Winehouse’s drug taking are the stuff of record, and Anorak invites its resident expert, Matt The Talc, to advise us against looking down at mirror’s as they can distort the concept of yourself.

Anorak

Posted: 15th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (13)

Cheryl Cole Calls The Celebrity Baby Ordering Service

THE People advertise the news that Cheryl Cole, of the Chelsea Coles says: “I want a baby with Ashley next year.

Well, what’s one more, alleged puking, diamond-pooing little darling? But before the world can welcome into its bosom anther Ashley Cole, Cheryl needs to call Anorak’s Celebrity Baby Ordering Service.

Says Cheryl: “I want to start working on that baby.”

Anorak

Posted: 14th, September 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (4)

Amy Winehouse Finds Demons In The Farmhouse

AMY Winehouse is going to “battle her demons” in a “secret country retreat”.

Of course, the countryside is where demons live and the real fear is that Londoner Farmhouse, story, Winehouse, will merely be exchanging her old demons for new ones called Seth.

To prevent Winehouse from making a terrible move, the Sun gives clues to the secret hideaway in the hope that someone will gazump our Amy.

Anorak

Posted: 11th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Money, Tabloids | Comments (3)