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Katie Price Hopes Andre ‘Rots In Hell’

katie-peter-weddingTHE Daily Mirror speaks for its readers when it looks at the Katie Price and Peter Andre divorce and screams:

“THANK GOD IT’S OVER”

But it’s not over. It goes on. There it is on the front page of the national press. And here’s Jordan telling Daily Star readers:

“I’LL WED MY ALEX AT XMAS…and it won’t be tacky like when I married Pete.”

The model plans to have a secret winter wedding and she is fast-tracking the nuptials because she is convinced Pete is hiding a secret girlfriend.

In other facts, Katie tells OK! readers that far from being shouted at by girls telling her how much they hated her, the truth is…:

“It’s like when I was in Ibiza, they said girls were shouting they hated me, when they were shouting: ‘We love you, we love your perfume.’”

“Oi, Jordan! We love your new range of equestrian daywear in a full range of pinks and mauves, and your curling tongs that operate at the bleeding-edge of technology, oh, and that book that has been so cruelly left off the Man Booker shortlist.”

And while we inhale those words, Jordan revisits Andre Pinto, her post-Peter andre homophonous former lover who told his story to the tabloids.

Andre: “There is nothing I can say but sorry!… I swore on my parents live that I wasn’t lying to you, I feel like Judas doing that to you…”

Katie: “You’re not stupid, you’re evil. Calling you Judas is a compliment. It makes me sick you even touched me. I hope you riot in hell.”

Which is why in a few moths time we will still be reading about Jordan in the tabloids and Sentimental Peter Andre will be on daytime telly, if he’s lucky…

Posted: 9th, September 2009 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comments (3)


Katie Price Auditions For A New Peter Andre On TV Show

katie-price10KATIE PRICE and Peter Andre Divorce – Andre Pinto tales of his secret sex with Jordan, Peter Andre gets another TV show, also secret, and Katie Price auditions for a new straight man…

IN “MY SECRET SEX WITH JORDAN”, Andre Pinto tells us more about his, er, “secret sex with Katie Price”.

This is “hunky” Andre, who looks a dead ringer for Robbie Williams’, if you  stretched the singer’s face on a rack and squirted lemon juice in his eyes.

This is Pinto the “model”, who Katie says she had sex with three times and his pal says “several times” in the course of a month.

This is Andre Pinto who replaced Peter ‘Half Pinto’ Andre in Jordan’s limbs. It’s Jordan’s homophonous relationship. If Petra Andre is looking in, she’d best prepare herself for a lesbian fling. And Prince Andrew, as you were.

While Katie interviews her new PA, the Star screams:

“JORDAN FURY AS PETE GETS TOPS TV JOB”

Only yesterday, Peter Landed a stingt aa shobiz reporter on ITV’s This Morning vegetables and valium show and already he’s scored a top TV job? What is it?

JEALOUS Jordan sank to a new low yesterday after hearing her estranged husband had clinched one of TV’s best showbiz jobs.

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Posted: 27th, August 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (7)


Katie Price’s Pregnancy Dilemma: Who’s The Daddy?

2392832KATIE PRICE – Peter Andre Divorce: who is the father of Katie’s child? Alex Reid? Andre Pinto? Peter Andre? Phil Turner and Gary Cockerill? We investigate..

In “JORDAN’S PREGNANCY DILEMMA”, OK! readers are offered that headline and beneath a picture of the fragrant Katie Price the teaser:

“I DON’T WHO THE FATHER COULD BE.”

Before we find out more, the Sun looks at possibly suspects, beginning with Brazilian Andre Pinto, 25.

Says Katie:

“I had sex three times with him. I was single.”

The Sun has more:

After exchanging kisses they embarked on a passionate relationship by sending each other hundreds of steamy text messages. Jordan, 31, admitted begging banker Pinto, 25, to send her X-rated pictures of his privates. And he sent her messages too dirty to repeat. Following a secret dinner at London’s trendy Nobu restaurant, the pair launched into a month-long fling.

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Posted: 26th, August 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (5)